Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Mr. Adventure Says

The continuing chronicle of all the absurd things my wonderful husband says... seriously, he's my own personal comedic. Never a dull moment...but many times a very misunderstood one!

At home one afternoon
Me: Hey, have you noticed that I haven't shaved my legs in a while?
B: No.
Me: Oh, yay! That means I don't have...
B: Ahh! I mean, yes! I change my mind! I have noticed!!
Me: O_o
B: *sees my face* I mean. I like it when you shave. I want you to keep shaving!
Me: Uh...
B: Did I just doom myself to a life without a shaven wife?
In a Bed, Bath and Beyond
We were separated for a bit. When I come back I find my husband using one of the BB&B mirrors to pop a zit on his nose.

Me: I don't know you.
B: Why?
Me: How embarrassing...
When discussing redefining our budget
B: I thought when I got married my wife wouldn't spend any money.
Me: Its just two ply toilet paper. I like two-ply toilet paper.
B: But its expensive!
Me: I need two ply toilet paper. This is a non-negotiable item.
B: Fine...
Mr Adventure and his new favorite accessory: a beard :D
At an wedding rehearsal of a friend, during a "down time" Brian's phone buzzes on silence.
Me: What was that? (It only buzzed once, too short to be a call or a text, so I was curious)
B: My phone on silent. 
Me: Retrieving his phone: Its a notification that says you need to feed the goats.
Person next to us: Oh, you live on a goat farm too? We raise Alpine goats!
Me: Uh...um....its an iphone game.
Person next to us: Oh. We raise actual goats.
Me: (to husband) we need a life.
Late at night:
Me: (playfully) Do you love me?
Brian: Of course I like moose meat.
The next morning:
B: Hey wife.
Me: Umrmmttt
B: I had a dream that you made me bacon.
Me: Thhzzzpppp???
B: Yes dear. Bacon. And it was good.
Me: We don't have any bacon.
B: Right in my ear. WHAT? NO BACON?
Me: @_O
B: THAT IS the most tragic thing I've ever heard.
Me: Uh, that was my ear. I'm trying to sleep here.
B: You had one job. one job!
Later I made pancakes...
B: I'm pretending these are bacon.
Me: -_-
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Want more of Mr. Adventure? There is a part one, two, three, four, and five all here just for you :)

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