8 Years Married Adventure (LAST 2020 vlog)

In the middle of the pandemic we had an anniversary! 8 years married. A milestone! Since cases were very low in Virginia at the time (except at the coast) we decided to take a little weekend adventure. I didn't film much, but here is the little I captured. We didn't leave our state and only traveled an hour to a large city near us. It was so much fun and so needed!

Also, I started using Final Cut Pro to edit videos from this point forward and I feel like a baby who is all thumbs, so I am sorry...I will get better. I don't know where to find anything and editing a video take 4x longer than it should. But Final Cut Pro is what I have now since I got an apple mini for Christmas, so it is what I am trying to use. 

How are you all? 

This is it. The last vlog, and it was ONE year ago. Should I make a "where are we now" video?? Hmm...I have not vloged in ONE YEAR. Wow. So much has happened.

2021 Changes

It's 2021! Another new year. All I can think about currently are my hopes and dreams for 2020, none of which I attained. Life is funny like that sometimes. I wanted a baby in 2020, and I had two miscarriages. I made a list of books I wanted to read, and things I wanted to knit, and I finished about half of them. I wasn't expecting covid, riots, civil unrest, politcal stress, or the entire nation to start wearing face masks. I started the year excited to start homeschooling Reuben for kindergarten in August, ready to grow my family and have a lot of summer adventures.

Instead, we had quarantines, churches were closed, and I battled some serious anxiety and chronic illness issues. My summer was spent recovering from my second miscarriage and sleeping off chronic fatigue (well, you can't sleep that off, but you get my drift). 

I learned that even when nothing goes the way you plan, God will still meet needs. I am lucky to have food, a wonderful family, and a house over my head. My health is "fair" at this point, and I am able to function now. I am grateful. I never thought to be thankful for an ability to get out of bed, cook, clean, and stand up: but now I am. I totally am. 

This year my "word" of the year (a practice I have scoffed at in the past) is abide. My goals are to learn to play the violin and read more of my bible, and abide in Christ. I want my hope, my faith, my foundation to be in Him. So, unlike last year I'm not going to make lofty lists or monthly progress posts. 

I've slowed down a lot. We have a morning and an evening routine, and I am not a routine person but I love the structure it brings to our family. We stay home a lot. I love staying home. Homeschooling and chores and cooking and cleaning, knitting and writing and relaxing are all done at home. Going out a lot just isn't possible for me in this season of life and I'm getting used to it. Structure has made me feel like I'm not all over the place all the time playing catch up or two steps behind. It isn't fun living in flight or fight--that is what I will call the newborn phase, or whatever the first year of life after having a baby is.

I've also begun treating motherhood like a job. Maybe I should make a whole post about this, but honestly I came to the realization that motherhood is like five full time jobs where you also live (and sleep) at work and your coworkers don't understand personal space or emotional boundaries. So, I thought: why not treat it like a job? I mean, obviously I'm a mother, and it's more than a job: but what if I gave myself the things you get in a job? Like a lunch break and an ending time. So I did just that. I end my "job" at 6pm and rest before bed. I sit down and knit and I don't get up unless someone is bleeding. I also give myself a lunch break where no one is allowed to bother me or ask for snacks. It has greatly increased my mental and emotional health and it only took a few days to make it part of our rythem. Try it, if you can!

What else has changed? We switched math curriculums. I was using Singapore math, kindergarten level. Both Reuben and I grew to hate it. It is heavily parent-lead, and Reuben found it too easy and complained of boredom a lot.  We have switched to Masterbooks, Year 1, and suddenly math is fun for both of us again! I love the master books approach of teaching math through storytelling. Reuben talks about the characters in our math book like they are real and I see him applying his "lessons" in real life. This isn't me saying Masterbooks is the best math for homeschooling. This is me saying Masterbooks is the best math for Reuben. Every kid, and every mother is different. We did not like Singapore math but we LOVE Masterbooks. Finding a good fit for Reuben has made a night and day difference in our homeschooling!

Here are the other things we do daily: read books, do memory verses, and teach Reuben to read. We also work on habits, art, crafts, music, poetry and nature weekly. This week we did puzzles and made paper airplanes! Becky comes along for all of it and enjoys most. 

We have a great Wild and Free co-op that meets weekly for socialization and have a lot of play dates. I can't believe our kindergarten year is half over, and I am planning our Year One from Ambleside Online. 

Do I have any hopes and dreams for 2021? I think I am just going to accept what the Lord chooses to give me and be thankful, and pray. 

How are you all? Are you working through the drama (and trauma) of last year? What a year. 

Covid 19 Vlogs (week 18)

The week of Reuben's birthday! He's FIVE. A week of chronic fatigue struggles for me. A hard week, emotionally and physically, but Reuben had a wonderful birthday!!

I don't even know what is happening in the world in terms of politically, or virus-wise because I am just trying to survive. 

covid-19 vlogs (Week 16)

The Governor of Va has stated he plans to keep VA perpetually in phase 3 until September?! I have no words. Or any time to think about it because I have chronic fatigue and I need health to function. This week begins my search in earnest to heal my chronic fatigue. After trying a few things and a doctor visit, its time to pull out the...lyme herbs? Yes, I'm starting there. I explain more in the videos.

Also, we ended week 16 of safer-at-home with a nice, safe, sparkler celebration for the forth of July. Because All Countries Matter. 

See you next week!

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 15)

I didn't actually talk about Covid in the two vlogs that I managed to film this week--but we are still in phase two in Virginia. Yet instead of emotional turmoil, I feel hopeful, and a lot less scared. It looks like phase three is just a week away per the governor, and schools are making their opening announcements. Also, we are able to go back to our local kid's museum (Amazement Square)! It's been a long 15 weeks but slowly, slowly things are going back to normal in my state. The numbers are not high here and are continuing on a downward trend. My chronic fatigue is better this week and I was able to do a lot of fun things with the kids (we went to the river twice, amazement square, and other things!) 

This was one of the best weeks since my miscarriage in May.

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 13)

This week I will call "adventures in chronic fatigue". It was bad. I was sleepy almost all of the time. I pushed through. I did a lot of resting and also alpine-climb style parented. I stayed off Facebook and Instagram for my mental health, and I tried to remain active in my community. God is still good even when the world feels divisive and crazy.

This week my hot yoga gym opened back up! Huzzah! I am excited to sweat again. We also went to Goodwill for the first time since Covid!!

Covid-19 Vlog (Week 12)

Becky practically would wear nothing else but what you see in the above picture this whole week! By the way, its not even clothes. Well I guess sort of it is--its an old nightgown I had when I was 18 months. Becky is two, it doesn't fit her very well, and it wasn't in her closet. It was in the doll clothes that go with her dolls. But she won't. Take. It. Off. Oh well! She's cute, and only two once, right? 
Three things happened this week of note: one, Virginia's cases are low enough to enter phase two of reopening!! This is great! We are on our way to returning back to work, and things becoming more "normal". I am pleased. Two, we had a lot of wonderful peaceful protests against racism (and a few scary acts of violence, but nothing major). I am praying for our country, and for my state.
I also had some freaky health issues this week (an migraine, some eye issues) and I will be having a check up next week due to this. Definitely an added stresses to our week. 
I love you all and will see you next week with more vlogs. Praise God for blessings and for his salvation!!

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 11)

I feel like the whole world has changed this week. From our state requiring masks to be worn inside businesses, to the race issues where a black man was murdered by police (and riots in several cities). Yet my babies are cute, we eat good food, God is good, even in the midst of turmoil, sin, strife and murder. 

And, is it week 11 already? I feel the Covid situation has stretched itself into infinity. What I thought would only last a week or two has lasted eleven! I will keep going. We will keep trying to be safe as a family, though I have a extreme dislike of the media lately. I didn't trust them before this, but I trust them even less now. I pray the media starts reporting the truth. 

Around week 8, things started reopening here and I felt really positive. Now, at week 11, things have changed and I don't feel hopeful. But I am still praying, and God is still good.

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 10)

This week was a hard week for me, once again. I tried to help a friend but ended up just confusing a bunch of people and making the situation worse (sigh) and I also argued a lot with my husband. It's okay now--but that is what made me not vlog a lot.  Life has ups and downs and I will cling to Christ. Love you all! 

       

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 9)

I didn't really vlog this week. This was the week of my miscarriage. It was rough. I picked up the camera only when I really wanted to capture something cute. And I did a heart-to-heart talk at the end of this viedo about my miscarriage. 

This is really the last covid-19 vlog because as we are starting week 10 now, our state is reopening with what they are calling "Phase One". This includes restaurants allowing outside seating at half capacity and churches can gather with social distancing guidelines in place. I feel so much hope as we go into our first week  Phase One with Virginia. I can't wait for gyms and children's areas to open. My kids miss the YMCA and our kids museum, but I am glad for our safety and I hope we continue to be safe.

Love you guys. Thanks for all the kind words and prayers. 

 

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 8)

Week eight was really nice and relaxed. I felt awesome and loved and we had all sorts of fun! I even made cheese (the highlight of the week for me) and we were outside a lot. Week eight will always hold a special place in my heart.

still thinking about a facebook argument I had weeks ago

On Tuesday (May 26th) Virginia's Governor announced that masks must be worn inside all public places and where people are gathering indoors (not in private homes). I have several feelings about this audacious proclamation that I will attempt to calmly address below.

 I got this mask from here)

First off, this is three months later. THREE MONTHS after VA shut down due to coronavirus. People don’t even wear masks here!! About half of the people I see in the store wear one, and even the employees working don’t wear them. This is how it’s been for weeks, and Lynchburg is fine.

But now, masks are needed? This is Virginia's second week in a "soft opening" (called phase 1) where some non essential business can reopen (under strict guidelines) and things have been going great! We Virginians have been walking around for three months with only mask-wearing being suggested, and we are doing fine. There was absolutely no reason to make masks mandatory. Many people do not even have access to masks because you can't find them anywhere! Also, children under 10 are exempt, so if wearing a mask actually protects me/you but my kids are walking around with me, you will catch it from them if our family has it because my kids/me breathe the same air and live in the same house. My children are too small to wear masks, Reuben is 4 and Rebekah is 2. I do sometimes have to bring them places (we spent the first 5 weeks staying home absolutely because we didn't know how hard our area would be hit but I need to get things we have run out now, and my husband works a ton) Anyway, me wearing a mask while they don't doesn't do anything. Nothing. At all. Read the studies. This one is particularly interesting. 

"One randomized controlled clinical trial of cloth masks, published in BMJ Open in 2015, compared their effectiveness with that of medical masks worn by hospital healthcare workers. (2) The study, involving the industry partner 3M (which makes medical masks), reported that healthcare workers 'should not use cloth masks as protection against respiratory infection. Cloth masks resulted in significantly higher rates of infection than medical masks, and also performed worse than the control arm.'"

To make matters worse, I got into a facebook argument with someone who posted that "those who don't wear masks should think of their children dying." Here is exactly what the post said that I was angry about.

Wait. 

What?

Excuse me? I should think of children dying if I go out without a mask?! Or my mother? Also this low-key calls people who don't wear masks uneducated. 

WTF. 

Needless to say I tried to explain why this is rude and awful, but I just got yelled at. Because, masks. And fear. Here are some of the things I said. 

I didn't get everything because I started getting upset/anxious reading all of this again. You can see the actual post here (its open to everyone right now) and participate in the argument if you wish. Even if you believe different. Just be kind.

But, first of all, I have worn masks. I did for a long time. It makes me super claustrophobic to wear a mask. I just can't anymore. Yesterday we were in Walmart and I had to leave and go sit in the car to wait for my husband because I was having a panic attack from wearing my mask. I do want to follow the rules, but please, don't act like you are special or a better/ more caring person because you wear a mask. I hate the elitist attitude of mask-wears who put themselves on a pedestal for wrapping a piece of cloth around their face. Like, wear a mask if you want to. I fully support you. But don't vilify or verbally assault those who don't. And definitely don't tell someone who doesn't wear a mask for whatever reason that they don't love others or that they should imagine their loved ones dying. It isn't kind or nice.

ANYWAY. This is an angst-ridden head canon brought to you by me. Please resume your normal isolation activities and yes, I need to stay off of Facebook. I actually have only been on once since Tuesday. My anxiety can't take this. My kids need a mom who isn't upset about drama. And I definitely couldn't function if I had to imagine them, or any of my loved ones, dead. LIKE WHAT THE FUDGE?!

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 7)

Week seven was another hard week. I didn't film much and I struggled with my mental health. But God is good and I am doing okay! We went to more parks and just took it easy. I found myself getting increasingly frustrated with the political side of all the covid debates. It's so hard to read hate when I just want everyone to love everyone! Hahaha. I wish we could all talk about our different ideas without anger, name calling, and all the vitriol. 

God is good and he is working out his will in the world and we are here to worship him and glorify his name. I keep trying to remind myself of that as I pray and play with my happy children all day.

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 6)

Week six was a sweet spot! I started a sourdough starter, read a lot, we saw friends and even ventured out to the park to play!! I went to the store without a mask for the first time. I began to calm down about the news, pray more, and refocus my attention on God and my tiny family. Our area is not hit hard, and I am continuing to pray for those who are.

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 5)

Week five. Week five was when I slowed down, stopped trying to do EVERYTHING. We drastically reduced school, did some easy meals for mama, and tried to reconfigure our expectations. I decided I needed to hang out with people. Starting next week (6) I hung out with two other families who also had been staying home for five weeks to limit our exposure. It was so needed. Not only was I lonely, I had begun to experience some depression. Opening up my circle safely helped boost my spirits!! And looking forward to those planned play dates also helped me clean my house.

This is also the week I began to suspect I was pregnant again, which seriously stressed me out due to my infertility and miscarriage issues. I'm so happy to say my little one is still around! (or was when I scheduled this post)

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 4)

Week Four! Week four was really hard for me, but I don't think it comes across in the vlogs. We still had a great week--it's just the isolation and stress was taking it's toll, as well as me not taking time for resting. I learned my lesson, folks! God comes first.

How are you all?

well, I miscarried

This isn't a post I wanted to write.

Mother's day was hard. 

Also, I had to go to the ER during a virus outbreak. When I started to miscarry, we dropped the kids off with a neighbor (who they knew) and Brian took me to our local ER. I thought he would be able to come with me. I was counting on it, but because of Covid he wasn't allowed and I had to go in alone. The ER was empty. I'm talking, rows upon rows of empty beds and shut of lights and very reduced staff. I saw one patient waiting when I came in (he had a broken leg) and another elderly lady came in after me. When I left 4 hours later-ish (was it 3? I don't remember) I saw the guy and the elderly lady on their way out too, and only one man going in. It was eerie.

I was masked upon arrival and wore it the whole time, even when I sneezed on myself. I don't recommend sneezing on yourself.

I hate blood work, but I had to do it alone. I lived. But I sure missed my husband, and he missed me. He always holds my hand and tells me I am being a big baby and it helps.  

Anyway, I was eight weeks. But my hCG levels were around 2300 (usually 6 weeks). They couldn't see anything on the ultrasound. 

Miscarriage.

What is wrong with my body? I asked the doctor, but he didn't answer me. Why does this keep happening? Six times now.

It is sad, but I am also okay. And done trying for awhile. I think forever, but I'll say awhile because time changes people. I just wish I knew what was broken inside of me, what is making my body have so many miscarriages. The only blood work that came back "high" or "abnormal" was my bilirubin levels, and I don't know what that means. Doctor said it could be normal for some, but it felt like a red flag to me. He did not seem concerned. 

I'm exhausted. 

I trust God. I do. And I love him, and I know he loves me, but I did really want this baby, even if I was not exactly thrilled about giving birth again. I need a hug and I need friends but since I went to the ER, we need to stay home for at least a week to make sure I didn't pick up covid-19. 

Leave me a comment that cheers me up. I need it.

still no nausea

I have had only one day (and in that day, only two hours) of actual pregnancy nausea. But I did finally take a test today and it turned positive immediately, so I am growing a human. I have had tiny bouts of nausea here and there, always very low on the nausea scale (like, doesn't affect my talking, eating, or speaking, I would rate it a 1/10) but now even that has gone. I thought, well, the nausea will come. It usually comes by week six for me; I am incapacitated with 7 to 8 out of 10 basically ALL DAY. With Becky, I had crippling nausea for 30 weeks. I threw up a lot. It was HORRIBLE. I can't remember what it was with Reuben but it was bad. I was miserable.

However this is week seven-ish since my last period (it was March 16th, maybe??) and I am often forgetting I am pregnant. I am often cooking, cleaning, smelling food and feeling normal. This is bliss. I can do this. I don't have any nausea. AT ALL.

I was even able to go to the park with my husband and everyone rode bikes. This is Reuben's first time doing the bike by himself. He did very well.

I was slightly stressed about my lack of symptoms since it can be a early sign of miscarriage but since I am not bleeding or exhibiting signs of a miscarriage, I am just going with it. I'll head to the doctor at 12 weeks, but for now I am just going to enjoy this amazing blessing from God.

I have no idea what I have done right. Is there a cure for nausea or am I going to find out I have some type of serious complication when I have my first ultrasound? The only thing I have been doing differently is the Nemechek Protocol for about 8 months now, and also I have been eating fermented wheat products. I don't know if either of these can cure pregnancy nausea or its just a super amazing blessing from God, but I am thrilled. 

Not only am I excited about having a baby, I get to actually enjoy it while having fun with my kids. I get to play dress up with Becky (she dressed herself above) and do puzzles with Reuben without swallowing my own puke and feeling miserable. My pregnancy isn't getting in the way of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, nor is it making me dizzy, sick, or cranky. Sign me up to be impregnated again, please! Alas, I know that is not possible, but really. This is awesome!! I never imagined I would have a pregnancy without nausea. THIS IS AMAZING.

I am very thankful, today, even through I colossally burnt dinner and my husband had cereal instead. Meh.

Covid-19 Vlogs (Week 3)

Week three of the corona virus lockdown! Self-quarantine. This week I was the homeschool queen! We did school every day. I may have over done it (I can laugh about this now but at the time was very stressful). We had a good week, I just forgot to take time to rest. Always take time to rest.

What is Happening

Somewhere around last week I realized I had not had my period since March.

I immediately panicked.

I just had a miscarriage in January! And now I'm pregnant again? Or maybe pregnant? I religiously track my period but after my miscarriage its been ALL OVER THE PLACE so I...quit. That probably wasn't the best idea, but oh well. Life happens. I am not very fertile--after each miscarriage (I've had five) it has taken me at least eight months to become pregnant again. Well, except this time. This time it took three months.

I am now experiencing nursing aversions and mild nausea. So, I am going to just call myself pregnant but I have not tested yet. I will in May. 

My main fear is I'll have another miscarriage. My next fear is that I will have something go wrong with my pregnancy. I've had mildly complicated pregnancies. I had marginal placenta previa with Reuben and severe gestational diabetes with Rebekah. What new medical horror awaits me this time? I've been praying about it a lot. That I will have an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth. That God will give me the strength to be okay with another loss or with whatever hurdles this pregnancy brings.

Also, everything in our state (Virginia) is still locked down. My thrive market deliveries are two weeks behind. We can't find some things in stores, and everyone is wearing masks. I'm wearing one too. Basically my life has been mildly impacted in a first world way, and I will not complain, because I know people out there are suffering a lot more! I will thank myself that I can afford thrive market deliveries and am able to stay home with a nice big yard to play in. I am thankful that our air conditioning works, we have toilet paper, and electricity to run our Nintendo switch games. God is good. I am praying for our country and for protection from this virus. I am praying a lot.

This week, and last week (week 5 and 6) we have started getting some take out food! Ice cream, and our favorite Thai restaurant both are doing to-go orders. It's awesome to support small businesses and also...eat food. 

We are bored of our yard and of walks around the neighborhood. Time for some social distancing park adventures.

How are you guys doing? Should I name my baby Corona?