Tuesday, July 2, 2024

So Mad at Myself

Reuben, who turns 9 in 16 days--wanted to read the book I wrote and self-published when he was 1 years old. Except I couldn't find it. Anywhere. No worries, I'll get on KDP and order an author copy. Expect I deleted my amazon account and that deleted my KDP account. My book is gone and has been for years. I didn't even know. 

Anyway, I am in the process of making an amazon account again and re-uploading so I can buy a copy for Reuben at least!

Ugh. 

Life is busy. I have no time to write or do much creative things. I try not to be depressed about it and just be happy my family is healthy and the sun is shining. 


Saturday, March 30, 2024

Esther Rose Birth Story

I finally got around to editing Esther's birth video yesterday! She's amazing and adorable and I love her...this is how she came into the world...what I remember and what I experienced. We have loved having her as a part of our life for the past year and I can't wait to see her grow and change as the years come... love you so much my little Esther Rose. 

Friday, March 15, 2024

Random Thoughts on Books and Life



Spring is peeping around the corner. Yesterday it was 75f and boy, did we all love it. We were outdoors and in the stream (and pond) and the kids tried out their new waders that I bought them for Christmas.

We just finished reading the Plum Creek book by Laura Ingles Wilder, and I Have Thoughts. One, these books are a totally different experience as an adult. I just--my heart! The grasshoppers and the fire and the drought and the heat...every thing in that book makes me thank God for what I have and puts a lot of good perspective on my own life. I am not surviving off fish, turnips and potatoes. Those Ingles were made of sterner stuff. I am in awe. 

It also reminds me of A Lantern in Her Hand and that amazing prairie story. I hope I never have to go through anything like that, but also when I scrutinize my life: how soft and plush and excessive it all is. Also. Reading Laura Ingles greatly makes me want to write something similar about growing up in the 90s and eating orange push pops in July while coloring in my Lisa Frank notebook. Maybe one day I will. There is so much nostalgia and beauty in my childhood that I would love to capture it into words for my children, too. 

Laura is a gem. Pa and Ma were gems. I wish I could meet them. Instead I try to pull things out of a book that doesn't give me all the answers. Like, how did they use the bathroom during the 3 day storm? I bet going to the outhouse wasn't an option. Bed pans? And why do I care? But I do. I want to know. I'm glad they are not alive anymore--we people would bombard their serenity with all these stupid questions. They would have no peace!

I wish she had written a sequel to Farmer's Boy. 

I want to try one of Almanzo's mother's donuts. Did you know her name was Angelina? I am sad too--that Ma and Pa's line did not continue. I have three kids and I would be sad if I did not have any grandkids. Ma and Pa had only one granddaughter, Rose, and her baby boy died. God knows. He does, and he is enough--but still, it is sad. I know Pa's brothers and sisters had kids who had kids who had kids and their lines go on today. It has to be enough. I wish Laura's line had gone on though. It is so sad that Ma lost her little boy and then Laura lost hers and had to see Rose loose hers. How tragic and...crazy! 

These are just things I am thinking of today. Daddy is holding little Esther so I can write. I am supposed to go down. I just finished some brownies and they were delicious and I am looking forward to a relaxing evening before bed. Goodnight all, and Happy Weekend. It is strange to find time to write when usually I have none!

Esther turns 1 soon!!! So excited to celebrate her first birthday in May.

Saturday, March 9, 2024

An Update

Well, it has been awhile. How is it March?! Where has the time gone? Brian was sick most of January with pneumonia but he is all the way better now. We are all doing well. I am an exhausted mom. 

Life has been so busy. Reuben is in third grade, Becky has piano and I have violin lessons. Both kids do ballet. We pick up raw milk and try to make it to our nature co-op. And see friends each week for play dates. Sitting down at the computer has not happened! Even home-school is hit or miss with a baby. We will be taking the month of May off for our summer vacation this year and spending it gardening! I hope to have a big garden this spring and summer. But June and July will be spent finishing up third grade. Becky starts Ambleside year one this fall and Reuben year four!

I did finally record Esther's birth story but I have not edited it yet. Hopefully I can some time before she turns one, and post it to my YouTube channel.

Here is a little re-cap of the last three months. 

The kids at UVA

In January we went to UVA to look at Reuben's nose and get some more scans. On the X-ray they were able to see that he has really large adenoids. We are looking into some natural healing for shrinking those. Praying for healing for Reuben! I went by myself to UVA with three kids and stayed in an hotel for two nights and it was crazy fun. We walked everywhere! The reason I ended up staying two nights is it snowed when we got there! We all had a fun mini vacation and I'm glad to have some answers for poor Reuben's lifelong condition of not being able to breathe through his nose. I got food poisoning the last night which was not fun. Brian was home sick still with pneumonia. 

In February Brian finally started getting better when our car died for a week. My husband had to push my car though an intersection. It was scary (very busy intersection) but I felt so loved that he was there for me. After he pushed, by himself I might add--our car--he had an asthma attack and I used some natural remedies to help him. And we both thanked God for, one, him being right behind me when my car died (he was following me home) and two, him being okay after pushing my car as he was still recovering form pneumonia. The car if patched up and we are saving for a van!

cute
Esther at Becky's Piano lessons 

Now it is March, and we are resting, enjoying the last little bit of the postpartum season as Esther's first year comes to an end in two months. Esther is having swallowing issues and we have an appointment to see if she needs physical therapy. She probably just needs more time. She's breastfeeding like a champ and  growing so much! I can't believe she is 10 months. I almost have a toddler, you guys! AND I'm almost forty. This is crazy. 

In other news, Reuben decided to quit playing the violin. I am bummed, but what mother hasn't had unrealistic dreams for their children? He is his own person, and after 4 years of violin he can pick it up when he's older if he wants. I am still playing. It has always been my dream. 

Life goes on and I keep creating pockets of stillness for our family in the madness. We have a wonderful family and a wonderful life and I am grateful every day. God is good. I think this will be a slow year for blogging...and a slow year for many things in general. Love you all!

Monday, January 1, 2024

A New Year

This blog has come a long way since 2010 when I was twenty-something and desperately trying to get into art. The years have gone by since then, and they have been very kind to me. After art, I have blogged through a really hard break up in 2012, meeting my husband, and our marriage. Our struggles with infertility, my foray into YouTube and knitting and crochet consuming my life... the birth of Reuben in 2015 and Becky in 2018. Covid. Homeschooling. Chronic Illness and depression, anxiety and healing (emotionally and physically) and Motherhood, Christianity and dealing with lifelong chronic illness...and now, surprise babies named Esther who are amazing. 

This year I turn 37. I will be 40 in three years! It doesn't seem that crazy anymore. 

Do I have any new year resolutions? Well, I would like to deal with my stress and enjoy this year. Even with a baby, a 6 year old and a 9 year old.  It's possible, right? Who right now are 8 months, 5 years and 8 years but all have birthdays next year. Big milestone birthdays! Esther will be ONE! Crazy to think, this time last year I was four-ish months pregnant and miserable with morning sickness--the idea of having a new baby a dim uncertain cloud hovering in my future. Now she is here, adorable and crawling everywhere (a day before Christmas she started that) and next May she will turn 1. God is good. And Becky will be six in just 23 days. A first grader this August. Reuben will be 9 in July and his last year as a single digit! They are all amazing and I am grateful to be their mamma. 

I have gained a lot of weight. I need to move my body and stop sitting around all the time...it is hard in the winter. I am okay. Just fat. LOL.  It's true! But I try not to worry about it and just snuggle and baby, nurse, and enjoy life. I can lose the 30 pounds I gained later...maybe next year. Maybe not. 

I want to have a better quiet time with the Lord and enjoy my family. Those are my resolutions, because I really do have the best family. And I am grateful for each and every one of them... I am glad I got to spend 11 years of my life with Brian, 8 so far with Reuben, 5 with Becky, and an amazing 8 months with Esther Rose. 

Here is to 2024 and God's plans, not mine. Love you all.