The Last Week

My mental health has been on a steadily downward trend this week. I mean, it's just life. But I know I've been struggling more than usual. And I want to give my kids the best parts of me, not the leftover bits! God is so good and I feel like a piece of mud an elephant stepped on. Which is not true, I am a beautiful creation of the Lord who deserves love, rest, and peace. 

We enjoyed our last week of vacation even with mommy's mental health issues. We went to the park--Esther got a splinter but I got it out when we got home. And I enjoyed a play date with my friend Mya and her little girl who is Esther's best friend. Her name is Thea and she's two! They are two peas in a pod.

I think my current issues are...recovering from my miscarriage. Not spending enough time outside or in my Bible. Being addicted to my phone and not having good boundaries with media. Not taking care of myself and instead living in an anxious stressed place where I just repeatedly clean my house and cry. 

In short, I need a break. I need a break from media and a few weeks without the internet. That, and going outside and sticking my toes in the dirt and reading my Bible will help. I need nourishment, not only of food (I want to make my delicious cabbage soup) but of the mind.

I've taken breaks before and they have been awesome! I'm going to take one now and I'll be back eventually, but I don't know how long I will need. I know this is the right choice! This summer was so hard and some detox from the internet should renew me. 

The kids made little clay creations this week and I did not take the best pictures. They were happy and their clay creatures were so cute! I need better camera skills.

One amazing thing that happen this week is I feel like we finally got Becky and Esther's new room organized in a way that makes sense. I love it and they are loving it too! Each of them has a desk, and each of them have little play areas and they each have their own closet. It's perfect and giving them the biggest room in the house has been a dream. I even love having the small room. It feels less chaotic and I love being close to Reuben. 

Becky's desk is under a window and since there are two windows in this room, Esther's little desk (which used to belong to Brian) is under the other.

Their room is so sweet and they are enjoying the space. I am hopeful Esther will spend an hour or two up here on her own during homeschooling. I've created a playlist for her that includes both Baby Shark and Jesus Loves Me. What more could she want? 

There are two more weeks until Charlotte starts school. She is still here 10 hours a day and we have really grown to love her. Esther asked today where she was. It's Saturday, silly, she's with her dad, and we will see her Monday. 

God is good and I'll make it through tomorrow--church always wears me out.

Here is to a few weeks of focusing on lifting my eyes to what really matters and maybe eating a lot of soup. 

Homeschooling Brain Dump: Becky

Becky is starting third grade this August. She loves crafts. Her least favorite subject is math. She will be doing felt creations for her hobby! 

I also have Becky taking over her breakfasts during most of the school week. Her favorite thing to make is sausage and eggs or eggy toast. She also loves yogurt and plain toast with butter.

I have gone back and forth about modifying Year 3 for Becky since she is doing 3-4 hours a week of the Barton Reading Program on top of all that is scheduled for Ambleside. I know Barton takes so much of her mental energy I don't want to overwhelm or unnecessarily burden her but I am not sure what to cut out. Every book is so amazing and good and I get excited about reading it and I don't want to regulate it to a free read or put it back on the shelf. I am thinking of cutting as we go--if a week is too overwhelming I'll simply add the readings to next week or take more time. We will see where we end up in January and I'll reassess if we need more weeks for Year 3, I'm fine with adding in another month or two of school if needed. 

My goal for Becky is to have her reading at the end of Year 3. That is her goal too--she loves reading and writing even though she struggles with it, she really wants to read and write stories. She tries to write everything and she asks me how to spell it! Other than reading I just hope we have a good time and I can get everyone fed and arrive on time. Becky will also be doing ballet this term for her extracurricular as well as piano. We will be busy busy! 

Becky is amazing at narrating. She's a natural narrator and she also loves to be read to. I'll be reading her all of Year 3, and I'm excited to revisit the books. I got some good maps for Marco Polo this year and I also ordered a book of Leonardo's pictures--with Reuben I would Google them but now we have the book to flip through. 

Becky is an introvert so finding time throughout the day to give her space and let her nest in her room is a must. She thrives when she has quiet to contemplate and alone time is a much needed respite for her solitary soul. She also loves crafts and keeping her supplied with felt, glue, stickers, yarn, tape and scissors is her love language. 

Becky, I hope you have a great year 3 and I can't wait to see you grow a little bit more this fall. 

Homeschooling Brain Dump: Reuben

Alright I don't even know where to start...

Reuben just turned 11. He's on week 21 of Year 5 of Ambleside Online. We school him January to January, so he will start year 6 sometime in the next 3 months. He is brilliant in math. He really struggles with writing and spelling. He started the Barton reading program last year and started in box three to help with spelling. He's currently in box four. He's amazing at memorizing and he loves science and facts.

Here is his writing (it's a dictation) at the beginning of Year 5. I make him write three words he spelled wrong 3x each so the first line of writing below his dictation is my handwriting.

This is after Barton reading program box 4 and also 3 months of Equipping Minds: 

He still needs help with writing and spelling. He's doing so well with reading, math and memorization. He's amazing! 

Going back into homeschooling: I plan to finish out Term 2 of Year 5--we cut out Plutarch and Shakespeare due to all the Barton work. I want to add back in Plutarch and Shakespeare when we start Term 3 of Year 5. I want to finish Year 5 in November, but that will only happen if there are minimal sick days. 

Ambleside Online is going well. I read all of Year 4 to him--in the last term of Year 4 I started having him do his Bible reading on his own, once a week. In Year 5 we have worked up to him doing one reading on his own per day--usually Bible, but he has read Lewis and Clark (Of Courage Undaunted) and Abraham Lincolns World on his own, as well as a few others. I want to get him doing two readings a day by himself and that would leave me reading him 3 scheduled readings (We usually try to do 5 a day) by the time he starts Year 6.

I also want to add in map drills. We did a few of these and have not started back up in quite awhile. We do look at maps and I pull them out at least once a day, but I have not done dedicated map drills in many months. 

Reuben will be doing karate for his exercise and hopefully getting plenty of play by being outside, running, jumping on the trampoline and playing with his sisters. We struggle with getting enough outside time between my chronic issues and our busy lives.

I can't believe that he's almost halfway through all his school.

I set up this second cooking area in our home so the kids can use butter and dairy (which I am currently allergic too, thanks Alpha Gal) and they have been making their own breakfasts this week. I hope to continue having them making breakfast Monday-Thursday and that will let me focus on school prep in the morning. 

Reuben is doing origami for his handicraft next term!

My Brain the Past Week

Why is one of our books always missing? This morning it was This Country of Ours. Of course I never notice it's missing until I want to read it. But, after 2-3 minutes of hunting I found it behind the books in the bookcase. Obviously. 

Continually stopping to find homeschool material of course interrupts my homeschool flow. So do cute, amazing toddlers, bickering kids, requests for food, my own seasonal allergies, my spring apathy and phone notifications. 

At least one of those things can be silenced. I will let you guess which one.

Back to the book. For the first minute I couldn't find it anywhere. Utter frustration. What had I done with it? It's not like the kids will wander off with This County of Ours for a little light reading. The toddler, then, was suspect number one. She's always absconding with books to make book stacks, because, toddler.

Invariably, the kids wandered off while I was searching for the lost book, and started to play wrestling/loud game in their room which did NOT help. Why they not help to find book? I don't know. I don't have time to ask them for help. I am searching for book, because homeschool day depends upon book.

Finally, I found the book behind the books in the bookcase, and felt bad after blaming the toddler, even mentally. I hadn't even gotten to the point of questioning anyone...but, guilt was there nonetheless. It definitely hadn't been her. Or me, or any of the kids, but merely the fact that we have...to many books, and sometimes some of them get shoved in the back, and covered up by other books.

I need a library.

Well, a magic fairy godmother did not appear with a wand and gift me a library like she gifts teenagers dresses, so I dusted off the book, made sure my bookmarks were still in the right place, and looked around for the kids.

They were still playing a game, loudly, in their room. And, with those happy noises I realized...my homeschool day had been derailed. The groove has been disrupted, everyone needed to be re-assembled to school time and...thus I set down the book and went to get them.

They all huffed about me disrupting whatever game they started playing. Excuse me, this is school time. Even when I'm searching for lost educational material that the bookshelf decided to eat. 

Here, I wanted to skip over the part that once I got everyone assembled back into the living room, I couldn't remember where I had set down This Country of Ours. Yes, on the way back I temporarily lost the book again because I set it down in an obscure place (the top of the piano) as I was on the way back to their rooms...but lets not focus on my mom brain. Everyone came, and school was had. 

I need that meme about throwing off the Emperor's Groove...literally me.

There, perfection. 

We ended last week with Esther having a little cold. She even fell asleep on me which was so cute. She never sleeps on me anymore...I enjoyed cuddling her for an hour while she snoozed. 

Then we had daddy's birthday weekend, which was awesome. I did not get a picture with me, because I am the one who takes pictures. I have stopped feeling sad about it. I only feel resigned to obscurity at this point.

The boys went off to see that new space movie with the rock Pokemon and the spaceships and the weird sun eating space algae. 

I haven't read the book, can you tell?

So now, this week is here. I have been having a bad health week but pushing through. I hate bad health weeks. Everything takes so much more time and effort and I'm really quite exhausted. Though I am feeling better today! By better, I mean, I have energy again. I thought I was getting a UTI so I took a bunch of supplements Monday and Tuesday and maybe it helped--maybe I did have a kidney infection and/or UTI. I don't know. But yesterday, I decided to give up gluten and maybe that's why I feel better. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hope one day I will find out. Actually, that's not all the way true. I know some of what is wrong with me. I have alpha gal and I have type two diabetes and I have some kind of gut issue...but beyond that, God only knows. 

I also made bone broth today and I have no idea if that is why I look about 5 months pregnant with bloating. I thought bone broth was supposed to be good for you.

Yesterday the kids set up some tents as forts--they love doing this in the summer! This year we have a girls tent and a boys tent. So fun. They played in them all day yesterday after school. 

Today it hailed like crazy--I have never seen it like this in central Virginia before! It hailed for at least five minutes and we all stopped what we were doing to watch. Except for Esther, she took one look at what was happening and couldn't care less and went back to watching Zootopia 2. Being two is wild, ya'll. 

How was your week?

Thoughts

My days are so full now, I really don't know how I fit everything in. Also, I had hives on the top of my mouth basically the entire day. I don't know what is causing it but the top of my mouth and ears are quite itchy and it's very annoying. If I knew what I was eating...I mean, the first thing I had this morning was an electrolyte drink and...instant hives. They went away right before breakfast where I had a English muffin with egg and beef bacon on it. More hives, and these ones did not go away. It's been 12 hours since I had breakfast and I'm still itchy and annoyed. 

By the way, I have that electrolyte drink almost every day and am fine. Sometimes it gives me hives though. 

I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe I have alpha gal? Maybe it's mast cell disease? Whatever it is, my body hates me. 

Anyway. We got through all of our school today except for math, which I plan to do tomorrow with Becky. Reuben will start back in math March 23 and we will probably do it all summer. But that's okay. He has had a 13 week break from math due to cognitive brain development and it was much needed. 

Oh, he has grown so much! His reading and writing have drastically improved! I am thrilled. I can't wait to see how it helps Becky and of course, to add the equipping minds program to our home-school days. It's been a blessing for me too. 

Becky read me a book that her and grandma wrote today. It was a dream come true to hear her read her book to me! She's come so far. Before we started the Barton Reading Program with her she struggled with recognizing letters and couldn't read at all. Now she can recognize all her letters, say sounds, and read some 3 and 4 letter words! She's thrilled and she should be, she's working so hard. Becky is on Barton box 3.

This week is packed full of all the homeschooling things. Tomorrow is piano, and we want to go swimming on Friday, and I need to figure out if we will join back into our co-op now that cognitive brain therapy is done...Today I took Esther to the park while Becky worked with grandma. It was interesting being out with only a toddler! We got some special time together... its sweet to spend time just with her. As a mom of three, I'm usually so busy it's all a blur and she gets lost in the mayhem. I need more moments like this with each of my kids.  

 The flu is still going around, I am praying hard I don't get it. 

Today we finished Treasure Island. And I have started reading Phineas Redux again by Anthony Trollope. It's been a good day I hope the Lord brings another one tomorrow. 

My heart is hurting over the news of war in Iran. I don't have anything political to say, only that war--necessary or not--always hurts innocent people. And that is what makes me sad. 

It has been A Week.

Like the title says! We started the week with temperatures in the low to mid 40s and now we are in the mid 70s! The high was 76f today and it was beautiful. Absolutely lovely. I have plans this weekend to clean out the herb garden (it used to be a sandbox!) and maybe the vegetable garden. Spring has sprung, at least for the foreseeable forecast. Planting might happens...soon!

We have gone to the park twice this week. It's been so beautiful. The kids have been loving the weather too.

Reuben is almost done with cognitive brain development. His writing is better, and his spelling a little bit too! His cognitive skills have improved. He has memorized over 30 presidents! And played a lot of games. We loved the Equipping Minds program and now that I have done it with a tutor for Reuben, I think I can do it at home with Becky and forgo paying for tutoring which will save us a bunch of money. My husband had a long talk with me yesterday about this and we decided I will do the program with her. 

I had reached out to Jill of the Einstein Reading Program and she finally got back to me and said her program is $3,800 for 40 lessons--one lesson each week. Well, I was excited about continuing her program since I only got 6 weeks of it from Kristal, our Equipping Minds teacher, but for that price point we just can't right now. I feel peace about it. I think I will try to save up this year and see if Reuben or Becky needs it next year, if Barton doesn't work out for them. Reuben will start the barton reading and spelling program since I already own it and have been doing it with Becky. Well, my mom is doing it with her. But you get what I mean.  

my cutie.

We also had a very crazy bit of news that went into my choice to stop doing the Equipping Minds program that maybe one day I will share, but not right now. I'm still wounded over it and need time to adjust. I don't know what to think and am gathering my thoughts. It does not involve our family so rest assured, we are all well and love each other quite amiably. 

God is so good. I am so glad I live where there is spring. I know soon it will be 700 degrees and I'll be wilting inside with ice cubes and ceiling fans but I'll take perfection when I can. 

I want to make time to paint today. 

The kids have requested mini-hamburgers and mac and cheese for dinner today! Since we have biscuits and gravy for breakfast and...bagels for lunch, I think a nice well rounded meal will be great for dinner. What is a mini-hamburger? I think most places call them sliders. But when we only have 1 pound of ground beef, tiny hamburgers are perfection. 

Esther is taking the greatest nap after our park day. She was so tired on the way home! I had Becky and Reuben chatting her up on the drive. She ate a bowl of cereal as a snack and started falling asleep at the table so I scooped her up and she's currently curled in Becky's papasan chair snoozing away.

 Bring on the ice cream and the fun, silly summer. I'm ready.

The Weeks Feel So Long

Here we are again, at the tail end of a long homeschooling week, where I cooked every meal...okay, I didn't make every meal actually I think my husband made one last weekend and Reuben made fries one night...but besides that I did, in fact, cook every meal and clean every floor. 

I feel tired but happy. Sometimes I get down about all the work there is to do. It literally never ends. There is always one more wall I could wipe down (those dirty fingerprints!) or chair to clean, one more corner to dust or thing to put away...but I know now, after 39 years of existing, that this life I have built is a privilege. 

It is a privilege to care for my family, to educate them, to nurture them well and to hopefully rear them to love and honor the Lord. I feel deeply grateful that this week despite my ongoing chronic issues and my own emotional ups and downs...and my spiritual struggles, I was able to take it moment by moment and here I am listening to my happy children jump on the trampoline in the 50 degree weather, a new spring here at our doorstep and...dinner still to plan tonight. Granted, many moments were chaotic and crazy and I remain certainly humbled in my motherhood. 

There was a toddler tantrum today when we had to leave the pool. And one of my kids walloped another kid in the face and there were many tears shed and arnica administered. I would have given said child pulsatilla if I'd had it...but I didn't. And there was a rush to make lunch because everyone was hungry after swimming...but we made it through afternoon school today and all is well in the dawn of a new spring and the excitement of a empty afternoon of playtime. 

It was a good day and I won't let the things I didn't get done ruin it. We had beauty, we made memories and we read books. Perfection couldn't dream any bigger.

But the week did feel very long. Day after day, the same rotation of to-do. Breakfast, devotions, dishes, homeschooling. Piano, laundry, pleasure reading (Treasure Island!) and playtime, if it isn't raining, hopefully outside. It rained a lot this week. 

Tomorrow promises even more beauty! It is forecast to be 66 degrees where we live and that sounds heavenly. I need to start planning a garden. Dare we do it? Dare we try to grow something with a toddler and chronic fatigue? Maybe this year I will dare. My 10 year old can probably do a lot of it on his own and he wants to, too. And life is never perfect. Perhaps the lesson my children and I need to learn this year is how to live amidst very real and very challenging imperfections... well, we have those every year but I'm not getting any younger and my health, even as I devote more and more time to it...seems to be on a slow but definitely downward trend. 

The kids with their Paper Sloyd creations <3

Some months I have a week of good health. Some years I have a month of good health. I want to learn to thank the Lord that here I am, still, serving him, even with severe IBS, fatigue, pain, heart trouble, vision problems, diabetes and vein issues. Last week I had an amazing day of health and energy...! It was wonderful. I had energy into the afternoon! I felt human and it was nice to not have to exert so much energy just to exist. 

The good days that are peppered into all the bad keep me going, keep me hoping for another one... the Lord is my strength and I believe he sends me these rainbow days as bright gifts, drops of alabaster in the wreckage that is my life. I don't know what God is doing, and I don't know why I suffer like this, but I will continue to praise him. 

Now I need to go and figure out what's for dinner...I'm thinking salmon, rice, and some type of veggie...

Tuesday Thoughts

I feel like in motherhood I'm either exhausted or my house is a mess and I haven't brushed the toddler's hair in who knows how long. Is there a middle ground? Sometimes I'm exhausted AND my house is a mess. It's probably because I have a chronic illness. And a two year old. 

We just got back from back to back piano lessons. My daughter (age 8, Year 2) is doing the Suzuki method and then we fly across town for my son's (age 10, Year 5) lessons. They both have such amazing piano teachers who suit their personalities and challenge them...but almost every Tuesday I wonder why I am doing this again. I do think music is important, but so is my sanity. 

Reuben has achieved a new high in the Equipping Mind Cognitive Brain Program. By this I mean he has quit sulking, pouting and complaining and seems to be enjoying it again, and I'm glad to see his spirits thriving. We are six weeks in now, and I am still not sure about it...

It's been a lot of work. And it is very expensive. I think it is helping Reuben but I am not sure this is the best program for Becky...I always feel as a mom I am making the wrong decision, and failing my children. This reaction in me is so irritating! Why can't I trust myself? Also, I'm human and allowed to make mistakes too. But when it comes to my children and their education I hate feeling helpless and seeing them stuck. I remember feeling that way as a child and wondering what was wrong with me and I never wanted them to go through that. 

I know I need to pray more and lean into God and his heavenly mercies. I do trust God. But what if I'm missing something? What if I needed to wait and things would be fine? Every week I ask myself if this is the right step for my children and every week we keep going. I told Reuben when he asked if he was better yet, that well, if it doesn't work that's okay, we will have found something that didn't work and that will bring us one more step closer to what should work. I just don't want to unnecessarily torture my children with burdensome curriculums...

We have started on the Einstein Reading Program by Jill M. Ham, from the Children's Dyslexia Center of Georgia. It's so great. Kristel Knaus is who we are using for cognitive brain therapy and she gave us six weeks of the Einstein Program, and I can't for the life of me figure out if there is more of it. Kristel says there is but she doesn't have it. So, I messaged Jill M. Ham last week and I am still waiting to hear back if I can purchase more of it...Jill responded right away when I texted her last week but she hasn't responded since even though I sent a follow up message. Going to give it a few days--maybe she's traveling or there is an illness in her family... I do love this program though. It makes spelling, writing and reading fluid and very streamlined AND the lessons are straightforward and easy to understand for me, which is a relief. I can't find anything about this program when I google it! I think this lady made it up on the fly and isn't even selling it anywhere! Egads! I must have it. When something works, and is made well... it's so frustrating when it is inaccessible! 

Anyway, after we got home from piano I ate an entire chocolate bar and Reuben is downstairs making brownies for his cooking lesson and I've already broken up three fights between the girls while typing this. We still have afternoon subjects--only one today, I'm supposed to do paper sloyd. I want to lay in bed and drink tea, but I think I will power through and THEN lay in bed and drink tea and read a novel with my kids. We are almost done with Winter Holiday and I love it. Will Nancy ever get better from the mumps? The kids and I are hooked. I'm reading that one aloud but we are also listening to Treasure Island on audio. Good books feed the soul. 

I need some adult book recommendations for myself. I have been reading Phineas Redux but I've gotten tired of it. What should I try next? I love Anthony Trollope but please if he has to talk about parliament for one more chapter I think I might fall asleep. I liked the one about the Eustace Diamonds better. She was a narcissist, wasn't she, but I wanted her to end up happy. I don't think she did. 

Apparently that character, Lizzie, is also in Phineas Redux but I cannot get over how angry I am about the last book, Phineas Finn, which had a character that I loved in it and they killed her off in the first chapter of Phineas Redux. And she was the sweetest! And most patient!! Ugh! I can't get over it. Why, Trollope, why, do you have no heart? Livid is an apt way to describe my mood after reading that! Perhaps that is why I can't get into Phineas Redux. I won't contextualize so I don't spoil the story too much, if you haven't read it... 

I need to go clean something to work off my ire over that book. Oh, I need to clean anyway because I have three kids and a type-A personality. 

And paper sloyd is calling...it's a wonderful thing to have leftover soup for dinner and a pre-teen who is making brownies for tea. 

Today was a hard day

Today was Reuben's first home day of cognitive brain development! Yesterday we went to see the brain coach and it was interesting. She made him write his name and the lowercase alphabet from a-z. She said he is really tense when writing and also his eye tracking is all over the place! I never noticed that! Reuben did well with the coach. She had him do some finger and hand exercises, then they played a number-color-shape game back and forth. Then they did a tick-tack-toe worksheet that corresponds to color--that he is supposed to memorize, followed by two worksheets that utilized the same color-number sequence. It was very interesting. I wished my mom, a retired public school teacher, had been there to tell me what it all meant and how this will help my son. She ended by playing the spot-it game. 

This morning we did his equipping minds brain reflex exercises, followed by the sequence of cognitive development games the teacher did on Monday. Reuben did so well. I found the number-color-shape game very challenging. Reuben corrected me several times when I would say the shape instead of the number or the color instead of the shape. I am severely dyslexic, what a trial as a mother! 

I found the tick-tack-toe game fascinating. We played for around 7 minutes trying to memorize the color-number sequence and I found two "trick" ways of winning games by scrutinizing the board. Reuben won one game and the cat got the rest. 

I know I'm giving my thoughts on it all. I asked Reuben for his and he said...he doesn't like it. That was all. Brief and to the point. But he will do it he said, and I reminded him it's only 12 more weeks. We can do this! I'm so proud of him. He's a genius. 

After completing our brain games I did half of Becky's school, then we did two piano lessons--Becky's and Reubens. Poor Becky had an anxiety attack at piano and I felt so bad for her. I need to deep dive into anxiety soon so I can get some tools to help her. She doesn't like feeling stuck and she doesn't like it when she hits a challenging song! Anxiety is no fun...I am thinking Becky is a perfectionist and I am hopeful I can teach her that everyone makes mistakes and learns from them and it's okay, especially when related to a musical instrument. She is a beautiful piano player and I know she loves the piano so much. Its hard to see her so frustrated and stuck in a cycle of stress and anxiety at the tender age of 7 years old...

I was exhausted after Reuben's piano (that I don't even do anything for, I sit in the playroom with the girls while he has his lesson) and then we went home and did math and chores and read Winter Tales and went on a walk. Followed by a lot of resting. 

On the walk, 2/3 of the way home, Esther decided she wanted to be carried. The problem was she had a bike, so I could not carry both her and the bike. Anyway, I tried to carry her bike and get her to walk and she had a full on tantrum in the middle of the road and I may have internally contemplated my life choices as I tried to get her to come home. Becky finally had to run her own scooter home and come back for the bike and I carried Esther who promptly asked for Bluey when we got home and seemed surprised that she couldn't have her favorite TV show after throwing a tantrum in the middle of the road. 

Being two is wild.

Then I had chocolate and tea. And worked on my cardigan which has one arm done now!! SO excited. It's going to be gorgeous.

After all that I did NOT want to make dinner. But no one was going to save me, I am the adult in this relationship and so I made pizza and everyone was happy and I was glad I freeze sourdough pizza crusts like a responsible mom with three kids who does too much and needs a nap.

I do not know how much homeschooling I will get done with Reuben while he does cognitive brain development. Pray for me as I figure it out.

Oh and I had a medium headache today. It was bad enough to be irritating but not bad enough to make me lay down and turn off all the lights.

God is good and I love him. I'm glad he made me.

I'm also out of chocolate which...since I bought three bars on Saturday, is entirely my fault and I have only myself to blame. 

I wonder what Wednesday will bring? I have no idea what to make for breakfast tomorrow, I put the baby to sleep with Bluey, and I need to buy more art supplies and one of these for my bedroom. I'm making myself an art nook now that I have a nook again. 

Small blessings and tomorrow's hope. My birthday is in 10 days!

Before Cognitive Brain Development

We are about to start a 13 week program called Cognitive Brain Development with both our kids. Reuben is taking the first 13 weeks, and Becky will be doing it the second 13 weeks. Both our kids have some learning issues we are trying to address that are getting in the way of school. Reuben starts Monday, January 5th, and goes twice a week for 13 weeks. 

I wanted to do before and after posts to show his progress, but I felt a little hesitant talking so candidly about my children's learning issues. 

SO, I wanted to issue a disclaimer. IF you are my child, and are reading this post later as an adult or teen I want you to know you are so so so smart! You are amazing! Cognitive brain development is a tool we used because I, as a parent, was struggling to meet your educational needs. There is nothing you did wrong--everyone's brain learns and progresses in different ways and I needed help learning how to teach you. 

Seriously, Reuben is so smart. He blows me away in math. He is better at me in math. I'm not kidding. Sometimes I am still working through a problem and he already has an answer when we do math together. Reuben is brilliant at puzzles, and fixing things. If something breaks in the house, he's my go-too when Daddy is at work!

Reuben is 10 years old and in 5th grade. He started reading at the end of 3rd grade after many struggles in learning how to read. The reason I wanted Reuben to do cognitive brain development is for spelling and writing issues, as well as some visual processing issues. We started with the Gibson Test, and I was blown away by my child's scores.

Here is a screenshot of his scores. This test shows Reuben is a genius. I was blown away. But it also highlighted exactly where he was having trouble and needs help. I was so thankful to have answers! 

Here is Reuben's dictation before starting cognitive brain development. Getting Reuben to write and read is very hard. He resists and does not enjoy writing or reading. I want him to love reading, and to enjoy writing! Reuben has done copywork since kindergarden. 

this is a written narration we did in year 4, term 3

this is a dictation we did in year 5, term 1

I am hopeful for improvement in reading, writing and in visual processing issues after his 13-weeks of cognitive brain development. Reuben has visual sequencing issues and motor issues (clumsy). He also wants to work on these things and is excited for the program. In May, when he finishes, I will post a review and new samples of his handwriting.

Reuben, I am so proud to be your mother, and I love you. Thanks for being an amazing son. I hope you can look back on these 13 weeks and see how it helps you grow and learn and become who God designed you to be!

Christmas Craziness

We had a wonderful Christmas. 

Actually, it's been a crazy December--I did a parasite cleanse. I'm not sure if I had any parasites but I feel a lot better so...thats good? Health wise I have been feeling low energy but I just came off the cleanse the day before Christmas so maybe it takes awhile to bounce back.

What a year 2025 has been. I almost typed 2024. What is wrong with me.

Recently I made the kids yearbooks and looking back at all the memories was so fun. Becky turned 8, we had a terrible beach vacation, and we homeschooled a lot and I made a lot of sourdough. I cut my hair, had a car wreck (it wasn't my fault) and we survived having the stomach bug like 3 times. It was terrible. But not as terrible as Christmas of 2023 when Brian had covid for like 3 months... and thats just the big highlights I remember! There is 500 more things...like swimming all summer and Mountain Run Jam. Such good memories. 

Reuben is 10 this year and Esther 2. Such good ages. Brian turned 40 and I 38 but I say I'm 40 because I'm getting used to the idea...slowly. And 38 is basically 40 anyway. 

In January I turn 39! One more year of my 30s, and I'll start the 4th decade of my life in 2027 if I'm lucky and live that long. I expect too...but no one is promised tomorrow, so I won't count my chickens before they hatch.

I went and read my resolutions from last year and one was to find Reuben a good dentist. We did and he's loving it. I hope I have stretched his mouth enough and he can get his arch expander off in February...and then we move to Invisalign! 

But this post is about Christmas. It was great--it was just us this year. And we needed it. My Aunt was supposed to come but she had health troubles and car troubles and she wasn't able too and we all missed her so much! Becky especially. But it was a wonderful week even with the downside of missing some of our favorite people. My mother in law decided on the spur of the moment to go visit her sister in California and I think it was the best Christmas present she has ever given me.

We saw my mom and her husband the weekend after Christmas and got to see my niece as well and that was fun. My step dad made ribs and shrimp and homemade delicious bread...my kids and husband were thrilled. They ate so much they didn't even need a lunch! I made a lunch for myself as I was the only one hungry after! It was great to see them and catch up (even though I was having a bad health day that day and had no energy) and we got to play a card game and exchange gifts. Good memories with good people. Oh, and I made rice crispy treats to bring, and everyone loved those too. 

My mom being retired has really been such a special experience this year...she's been coming over, she's helping me so much and just being able to text her and knowing she's not stressed at school but that she has time to respond and have a relationship with me and the kids is awesome. Both Reuben and Becky have fallen in love with her and ask when she is coming over all the time! It feels good, like the beginning of something! I hope I can help her the way she helps me! And learn to respect her boundaries. Mom, you are a great person and I am so grateful you got to be my momma. I love you! 

Esther even loves grandma, in her own way. Being two is wild, does she even know what day it is? Hah. She's a tiny ball of energy until nap time hits and then it's...well, she's tired but her executive motor functions aren't working properly, so she's also cranky and hungry and she needs her mama. Mama knows how to put her to sleep and make everything all right. Mother's always do.

Becky made me these earrings all
by herself as a surprise!!

I am getting way off topic. Christmas! Stick to Christmas!!

On Christmas I made greek salad and homemade pretzels and they were so good and just what I wanted. 

All in all it was a great day. Becky got an American girl doll as her big present. She's been asking for one for two years. I was able to get it used on a Facebook group. I got Esther a used My Life doll so she could play with Becky with a similar sized doll since we couldn't afford two used American Girl dolls. The AG doll was $50, and the ML doll was $20 at a local consignment shop called Once Upon a Child. The girls are thrilled and I also got Becky a doll pattern and some fabric to sew her a dress! And I think this will help teach basic pattern rules to her too as we sew. 

I haven't done a budget update in a while. We are making it. We are barely making it. With Reuben's new piano classes (he's loving it!) and his upcoming Cognitive Brain Therapy (12 week course) its going to be tight. I'm making a large azure order this January and planning on skipping February and maybe March. We will make it to summer. I'm going to make it by God's grace, and if it looks tight I'll sell some of my linen clothing on postmark! I have enough, God is good, and I'm meeting my children's needs. Blessings upon blessings.

Becky named her doll Lina, and Esther named her doll Dolly. Brian has been calling her Dolly Parton but really, Esther is just two and, Dolly it is. We haven't even gotten to Dolly the cloned sheep yet, but those are the only Dolly's I know. 

Also, Esther got a hair cut. It's a kinda scary story but I'm laughing now. We were at the candlelight service on Christmas Eve and she leaned over the candle and her hair caught on fire! I blew it out immediately, but it melted a big chunk of it so when we went home I chopped it off. She was actually excited, she wanted short hair (she hates having her hair brushed, I don't know why I haven't thought of this before). I cut more off (she asked me too) today and now it looks like this! Anyway, she's reminding me of Becky who had a similar haircut around 4. 

As to why everyone wants ice-cream when it's 34 degrees outside, I will never understand. But they were happy campers--this was what, when asked, they wanted to do on our last day of vacation. 

Sweet memories. I'm cherishing all these things up in my heart and thanking God for my beautiful family.

This is also the second year I have been chatting (texting) with my biological Dad, Nathan, and that has been healing as well. He sent me a Christmas gift and gifts are my love language so it made me feel really special. I need to send him a thank you card or a new years card...I'm so busy...need to add it to my to-do list. It just makes me feel good to know my dad is happy and safe and doing well and enjoying life with his wife Linda and that we can chat now that he (and I) are more mature people. Thanks Dad, if you are reading this. It's nice to get to know you all over again.

Here is to next year. I'm ready, and excited, and...we need more bookshelves. 

What will I do with all the books when we are done with homeschooling? I could cry just thinking about it.

(Also, I have started posting on substack. I am posting the same posts as here, but if you would rather follow me over there, here is the link) 

Changes

Thanksgiving break, although full of sickness, was good.

Here is a picture of Becky playing hospital with Esther. Esther and the babies are sick and Becky was caring for them. It was so cute!

At the end of Thanksgiving break we went out to ice cream. It was freezing outside, but we did it. 

Reuben also had his first piano lesson this week! He's been asking for a while for lessons and we just haven't been able to add it in. Here we go! This is a pre-lesson photo.

At his lesson they have a nursery and the girls LOVED playing in the little playroom. Bonus points!

We have some big changes coming up. Besides reducing school a bit with the kids, we are quitting our Monday co-op. For the past few months we have been going to a Belle Ame co-op and it's been so fun. The co-op is expanding to an all day thing and I am just not up for that. The kids agreed, and we are happy to stop. It's good be on track as a family on at least one thing!

Reuben will be doing Cognitive Therapy starting next year. I am hoping it can help with his dyslexia and visual processing issues. Becky will be starting the Barton reading program for her dyslexia and will do cognitive therapy this coming May. It's a 12 week program and I am hopeful Reuben can get his done in 12 weeks and then we can start Becky who definitely needs it too--I just couldn't do both kids at once. The program is intense and I wanted to be able to focus on each one's needs individually instead of being pulled two ways at once... 

When will I sleep? I don't know. But I do think these things will help my kids. 

The Barton Reading specialist will come to our house. 

We are also seeing a homeopath for Becky. Here is to growth, healing and abiding in Christ in 2025. 

It was Never About Doing It All

The last 6 months I've been killing it in school. The baby is finally 2.5 and I felt I could ramp it up. We have been getting it all done. For the most part. I have been crossing it all off my list!

And I ruined it for my children. 

The last few months they have said things like "I hate school." They have begun rolling their eyes when I pull out the next subject and tears have been the normal instead of the bright smiling eager faces I am used to seeing. 

And I haven't been able to figure out why until lately. 

I love school. And I love getting Everything Done. I feel successful when I get everything done. But my children need to not be harassed by a to-do list. They need fun moments at the park (that I've cut out recently so we could get through school) and playdates and a fun mom who isn't stressed about getting through her list of things. A mom who at the end of the 2 hours doesn't need a break. 

The screen time in our homeschool has been through the roof lately. I've been handing out screen time so I can de-stress potato style on the couch for an hour because of all the school we have been doing! 

I realized I was ruining my kids school experience and slowly sucking the life out of the educational feast I wanted to feed them. Ugh, I hate being the problem.

But since I am the problem, I can change. We can still do so much and thrive. I don't have to do it all. It's not a competition.

I know now that my family needs to address some educational challenges that we are having, too. That is why we are starting the Barton Reading Program! And Cognitive Brain Development!  There are some missing pieces of the puzzle that need to be slotted in so that they can thrive instead of struggle. This is part of the issue, it wasn't only me. (Thank goodness.) 

But school doesn't have to be rigorous. I can make it fun. I can pare back. We can do math 3 times a week, cramming 5 in there just so I can feel we are on track and fulfilled is dumb if it's frustrating and hindering my children. We can take a break from phonics, we can do 2-3 written narrations a week instead of 5. I can add in all the fun things I cut out like bike rides and hikes, even if it's cold outside. 

It's funny how trying to do the right thing for all the wrong reasons doesn't work... 

I'm so glad I serve an amazing God who is full of mercy and forgiveness and new starts. Monday will look very different around here! 

Year 4 and Year 1 Nature Notebooks

Our homeschool nature journals! This was Reuben's Year 4 and Becky's Year 1. What a wonderful year it was. We all grew so much and I can't wait to see what we draw, sketch and paint next year!  

We got outside so much more than last year (when we had a 1 year old baby) and Esther has loved the nature walks and activities almost as much as the older two. Although lagging behind with a baby was hard on her mama who did not get to chat as much with adults. Oh, well, nature group is about the kids but community sure is fun all around. 

Here is to next year and more nature!

Paper Modelling: Chair, High Backed Chair, Settle

Three more paper modeling tutorials. Enjoy!

Paper Sloyd: Key Tag, Stamp Book, Triangular Catch All

Three more paper modelling lessons! These videos cover the key tag, stamp book and triangular catch all. Hope these videos help you as you homeschool your little ones through sloyd. Good luck! 

Paper Modelling: Barn, Rabbit Hutch, Trough

Here are three more paper modeling tutorials for those taking their kids through Paper Modelling by M. Swannell. Enjoy! Do you do paper sloyd at home in your homeschool? We love it here-- though it is very hard and frustrating at times. Good luck! 

Enjoy the Barn, Rabbit Hutch and Trough from year one. 

Ambleside Year 4, Year 1 Thoughts

I am about to finish my first year homeschooling two children with a toddler! We have three weeks left, but I am going to squish it into two. I deserve a reward. Like a large bar of dark chocolate! Hahah! And so do the kids! We really all have worked so hard. 

Well, what a whirlwind. I was reading my blog about my thoughts when I did year 1 last time and wow do I feel (mostly) differently! My favorite book to read with Becky was the animal stories from James Herriot's Treasury for Children. My least favorite book this time around was the Burgess Bird Book. If I have to read about Peter Rabbit going lippity lippity around the woods and taking to birds one more time I might go insane. 

Becky said her favorite book was Aesop's Fables. 

Year one went smoothly. Becky is a natural narrator who can give very good narrations when she pays attention. Her attention is the key thing! She started school with gusto and was loving every day, until something switched and she lost interest. I started giving her Fridays off and doing her work just Monday-Thursday and that seemed to help. Her favorite subject is drawing and she's still doing piano. She's just amazing. She has a little bit of dysgraphia and a whole lot of gumption and one fiery attitude. She's perfect. And I hope after the summer break she will head into year two with a smile. 

She's reading simple words. After hunting around for a good curriculum (the one I used with Reuben was not working with her dysgraphia) we are on lesson 38 of Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I told her we will have to do some of that through the summer so she doesn't forget everything. She understood but wasn't thrilled. 

Unlike Reuben's first year where I gave up and we ended school with 5 or 6 weeks of Ambleside left (I had planned to do a few readings in the summer but never did) we finished the entire curriculum with Becky. It feels great to know what I am doing and what to expect going forward. Homeschooling has grown with me, and I've grown into it. First children are trial children, right? I'm laughing, are you laughing?

Reuben is doing January to January school term right now, so he just finished Terms 1 and 2 of Year 4 and will finish up year 4 in August and start year 5 right after. My favorite book hands down with him has been Abigail Adams. I think I will adore that book for the rest of my life. It's perfect and I never knew how amazing Abigail and John Adams really were, and how much a part of history. Reuben loved Robinson Crusoe--though the readings were long and at first it was quite a slog. He also loves Minn of the Mississippi. Really, all the year four books are so good, I've only heard him complain about Plutarch's Lives. And I complain about Plutarch too. What is he? Why is he? I don't know, but we are doing it. Perhaps it will make sense later.

We started written narrations in the second term of year 4 and he's doing great. He can do a bible reading here and there by himself and he's reading great, but not able to do his readings by himself yet which suits me just fine. I need this education just as much as him and it is nice to read it together. I love the new subjects too. We read A Midsummer's Night's Dream in the first term and he picked Romeo and Juliet for the second term. I enjoy latin immensely and grammar has been hard (because of my dyslexia) but fun. He enjoys it all. 

Next year we are dropping Spanish for sign language. I also rarely make it to music study. It is what it is. Life is going and so is school and it's all intermixed and interesting. 

How are you all? How was your year? 

I'm already adding a year five book to my amazon orders here and there...getting excited about new books and new stories! 

Paper Modelling (Box and Lid, The Basket, Coal Scuttle)

Some more delightful handicraft videos for your homeschool! These are from the book "Paper Modelling" by M. Swannell. Enjoy these Year One tutorials--I will post them three at a time to the blog. 

I am about to do these over again with Becky this summer and I am also teaching a paper sloyd class to kids at a local camp this fall. Beyond excited! 

 

Life with Three

Life with three, homeschooling and cooking mostly from scratch is wild. And I love it. And I get overwhelmed every day. I have no time for friends. I tried a garden this year but quickly abandoned it and have decided I will not garden until my youngest is 4. It is impossible. 

The older two did take over the gardening and we have been getting things out; tomatoes and squash and jalapeños and strawberries and snap peas...but they do it all. 

I quit the internet for a long time. It was good for me. I desperately needed to reduce the amount of things in my life. We also quit ballet. The last year and a half of ballet for my older two was so much fun, but the studio closed (the owner is moving) and we need a break. I also quit taking violin lessons. I need a break. I love the violin still but lessons, like gardening, will have to wait until all my kids are over 4.

I am busy every day. I have Reuben finishing up Ambleside Year 3 right now, we are on term 3. Becky just started Year 1 and Esther...Esther is either throwing a fit and asking for milk right in the middle of reading or climbing on something she shouldn't be on. It is a crazy time. There are dishes and hungry tummies and after school I made a pot of tea, shoo the children outside (or to their rooms) snuggle up the baby and try to read my bible. 

I turn 40 in two years. I have started practicing saying I am almost 40 to everyone who asks my age. It is strange to hear those words from my lips. My husband turns 40 next March. 

My chronic illness, that was in remission before my pregnancy with Esther is turbulent and excessively irritating. A few times I literally thought I was in my last week of life. I prayed and prayed--I want to see my children grow up. I want to be there when my babies have babies. I want to enjoy my golden years with my husband. 

Managing my health and continuing to homeschool has made a box out of my life. Most everything, from going places to grocery shopping, I need to say no too. But there is so much joy and happiness as I read to my kids and try to feed them good wholesome food-- and I have been trying to go to the natural path as often as we can afford it. I am on a ton of supplements. They are keeping me functional. I am on the keto diet again per my natural path's recommendations. I am trying to do all I can. I pray for healing and for God's strength through these lingering trial. 

Reuben is 9 now. He's begun the start of correcting his parents. We just laugh and let it go. He is very smart and has such a kind heart. He loves Minecraft, nature, climbing, origami and ice cream. Becky is 6 and she was so nervous to start school. She is a natural narrator and loves anything art; drawing and painting and perler beads. 

Esther is 1 and the gem of the family. She loves throwing her food on the floor and biting me while nursing. We all love her to pieces and I can't wait for her to sleep though the night and in her own bed! She is wonderful with her beautiful head of curls and intelligent eyes. 

That is really what life is like right now. Managing kids, homeschooling, knitting and crochet in the gaps if there are any. Dishes and laundry and trying to brush my hair and help Becky with hers. A crazy wonderful beautiful life, and I thank God for every minute of it. 

(Also, I did get my book back up and need to edit it...but its up now!)