Thursday, January 29, 2015

Things that Are Annoying Me Lately

A general list of mild problems I have encountered in the past few months that I need to get of my chest. Yes, this is a list of me complaining. I offer no apologies.

  1. One of my husband's relatives told EVERYONE that we were expecting. Before I got a chance to tell them. I was kinda upset about this. We wanted to be the ones to call everyone and announce our big news!
  2. My husband is being amazing lately. He did the dishes this weekend, and yesterday he brought me breakfast in bed and today he started the dishwasher and he didn't even complain once. Thus I don't have anything to whine about in my marriage and it's driving me crazy. Husband, stop being so perfect.
  3. Michelle had a much more catastrophic pregnancy experience than I did and every time I feel sorry for myself I feel like an ungrateful, spoiled princess. Thanks, Michelle.
  4. I have no idea if I used the correct form of "then" in the above sentence. Is it than? Or then? I give up.
  5. I can't stop eating pickles. 
  6. We are currently out of pickles because I ate them all and I have .99 cents in my personal bank account so I can't go buy more until tomorrow. Also, we paid almost $500 in doctor bills today because our insurance is really crappy. One of the bills we couldn't even pay in full, but will be making payments on for the next few months. My husband did pick the BEST insurance his company offers. It's very expensive as well, but it's still crappy. The insurance we had before all the Obamacare laws went into effect was cheaper and better. Such is life.
  7. Was I supposed to use affect in the last sentence of #6? I don't know why I even try anymore.
  8. I have to squeeze a small living creature out of my vagina in six months. If that wasn't bad enough, I then have to take care of said small creature for an indefinite period of time.
Thank you for attending my super privileged pity party. Please come again. If you feel sufficiently sorry for me, please leave an encouraging comment. If you would like to put me in my place and remind me that I am currently not a starving kid living in Africa, please mail me some pickles.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

I think I'm a Food Snob

Last week my husband looked up at me, an easy smile on his face.

"Lets go out to eat." He said. "I'm hungry."

I frowned. "Where?" I asked.

He looked thoughtful. "I feel like Taco Bell. Or Jersey Mikes."

My frown deepened. "Yuck! You know I hate fast food and I also want to avoid processed meat. Remember, I'm pregnant?" I pointed to the aforementioned bean in my belly like my avoidance in eating out of a drive through window had everything to do with my delicate condition.

We both knew it didn't.

"You never want to eat where I want to eat." my husband whined said diplomatically.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I ate at McDonald's last month with you." I remind him, turning back to whatever I was doing on Instagram.

He sighed. "That was because I asked you to as part of my Christmas present."

That is true. He knows I hate eating junk food. It had been about 8 months since I'd last eaten any and even then he'd had to force me. When we go to fast food places, I sit with him and mostly read the food labels passive aggressively at him. Recently he started leaving me at home for these exertions, much to my utter relief.

"Can't we go to Panera?" I ask, "or Zoe's Kitchen?'

"Uhhhhhggggggggggh" My husband said. That isn't even a word, I thought to myself while Instagaming a picture of my budding belly against the sofa. "I hate their small portions and they never give you enough meat. Also, they are expensive."

And so the argument goes. It usually ends with my husband ordering a pizza on his phone from Papa Johns. On this particular day, while he did that I heated up a bowl of organic chicken noodle soup for myself, glaring at him over the stainless steal spoon and the kitchen lights. How could he eat that? I certainly wasn't going to, and he knew it. I stopped eating pizza two months ago.

When he went to pick up the pizza is when I finally realized it. I'm a food snob. I mean, I don't even like going out to eat! Who wants to trust another person with their food? AND it's not even organic! Recently I'd even noticed that most places put to much sugar in their food. It drives me nuts. You try giving up processed sugar for a year and then tell me how a prepackaged muffin tastes! It tastes like sugar. That's what. I like my muffin to taste like muffin, thank you very much, and not like diabetes.
I wonder if something is wrong with me as I eat my soup. Am I to extreme? No, no--of course not--I tell myself as I scroll through Pinterest's "Paleo" section. I still eat brown rice. And black organic beans. After all, I do care about what I put in my body. I do want to grow a healthy human. Therefore it must be my husband who is insane! I mean, just yesterday he bought Doritos. I told him I would make turnip chips in the oven again, and can you believe it he stuck his tongue out at me and bought another bag! The nerve!

By the time my husband came home with the pizza I knew I might need some help. And thus, yesterday I ate some birthday cake that my husband bought me from Fresh Market. And it wasn't even organic. I may have cried a little on the inside.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Knitting Block by Block Review

So, I got this book from Blogging for Books almost three months ago. Oops. Well, I do have a good excuse bun in the oven but yeah. It's about time I got around to reviewing this.

When I saw Knitting Block by Block, I was excited! Another knitting book! And I loved Knockout Knits, the first book I received for review.

This book is hardback, and the pictures inside are in gloriously vivid (I mean vivid) color. However, the book seems to be a collection of blocks. As in, squares. The squares are really pretty and amazing, but they kinda serve no function. There is a tiny section in the back that very loosely explains how to use these squares to make something, but there isn't any patterns.

I was disappointed. I don't like squares, and I'm not going to knit them and then try to assemble them into something. This book just isn't for me. That does not mean it isn't a good book. If you like knitting squares and you like patterns that leave a lot for you to figure out on your own, you will like this book. All the squares are written and charted, and a lot of them do look really fun. But, I don't make blankets and I don't hang pretty squares on my wall. Just not my type of knitting!

Saturday, January 17, 2015

An Open Letter To My Boobs.

Dear mammary glands. Yes, I know. I'm pregnant. Yes, I realize the amount of hormones currently coursing through my bloodstream might cause a small moose to go insane. While I am glad I'm not a moose, I am a human and thus my problems are mainly of esthetic value. And placement. And also wardrobe functionality.

Because I would like to fit into my shirts. I mean, I knew my belly was going to get big. And I kinda knew my boobs might grow a little. But my belly still fits into all my clothes. The aforementioned bosomy culprits, however, are not so obliging.

Once upon a merry time when there was considerably less bun in the oven and my life was not spent wondering how much time I had before the nausea bus looped back around to run me over again, I took it for granted that my ladies would just fit in anything. I mean, I wasn't even that well endowed in terms of boobage. Okay, so I was a C cup. Was. I was happy with that C cup, that was sometimes a B cup when I wasn't about to have my period. Oh, period boobs. I used to think you were huge and tender. But no, you are nothing like pregnancy boobs. Comparing period boobs to pregnancy boobs is like comparing a waterfall to a tsunami or a dainty salvation baptism to the oncoming apocalypse.

I mean, not only are my boobs two (yes two) cup sizes bigger--they also, at certain times feel like they are on fire. Why this is a necessary sensation for procreation, I do not know. It is, however, decidedly NOT a pleasant one. And I'm only 14 weeks "gone". I'm not even in my third trimester. For all I know, these things are going to keep growing and then I'm going to need to wear one of those truck beepers whenever I walk around just to give people a warning to get out of the way. 

Yesterday I realized I could use my boobs as a shelf. Yes, a shelf. While my husband thought this was utterly hilarious, I was less amused.

Well. I'd be lying if I didn't mention the positives. For one, I have this thing called "cleavage" now. I'm not really familiar with such a phenomenon yet, but I know it makes my husband very happy for some odd reason. Not that he wasn't happy with me before, he is just enjoying the strange and unexplainable changes my body is going through with the satisfied grin of someone whose body does not currently feel like a science experiment. He only gets to watch. I guess he likes what he sees.

Another positive is the shopping, of course. I love shopping. I've already invested in several new, larger-chest-accommodating clothing items. My husband, however, is slightly less joyful about this predicament as you can imagine. Oh well. I can't hear him over the sound of my frenzied search for cute, fashionable maternity clothes that don't scream "I'M A MOM NOW AND I BELONG IN A VERY MODEST OFFICE". I'm convinced they don't exist.

And that, my dears, was my day today. If you need me I'll be trying to shove my tender female organs into my pajamas. Oh, who am I kidding. I'm wearing my husband's sweatpants and Virgina Tech printed tee tonight. Again.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Birthday Cowl

My birthday is this weekend and I had time to make myself a scrunchy cowl in honor of my new age. I'm so excited to wear this at my upcoming party this Tuesday!

I used knit picks cotton yarn, called "Billow". It's a bulky thick-thin yarn and I love love love how soft it is! It is one of my favorite yarns, that I also used to create a bunch of hats with last year for my infertility and miscarriage group.

These colors begged to be a cowl. So I made one. For myself! And the pattern is my own. Although, stripes are easy and don't require much forethought or ingenuity.

Other then that I have been mostly hiding from the cold. Also, my husband is getting over the flu. I hope I don't catch it. At least until after my birthday!!

Monday, January 12, 2015


The second trimester has been good to me. I can walk around without feeling like the room is spinning and I don't worry as much about losing my breakfast. I even have moments when I forget I'm pregnant. Brief moments, but moments that did not exist three weeks ago when I was living on my couch. It's nice. I'm happy.

I realize all I've been talking about here lately is baby. Other things just aren't happening in my life right now. I'm experiencing one of those weird blogging moments where I'm actually living and not theorizing as much about my thoughts/ feelings/ experiences. I'm one of those hindsight people--life happens and then I sit down and think about it. A lot. However, baby keeps happening and does not give me much time to think. Hence, many things are going on but at such a rate I can't keep up and process them all into coherent sentences. Pregnancy so far has been a roller coaster.

I realize I'm changing. I realize my husband and I just went though one of the hardest things in our marriage. A time when I was basically incapable of taking care of myself and he handled almost everything on top of work. And I cried on him a lot. I won't lie, I was miserable. And let's not even talk about the sex. Actually, there wasn't any--so there isn't much to talk about. But I know it took a toll on our marriage. I mean, in the first trimester it's not that I didn't desire my husband. Sex just hurt! And that has never happened to me before in my entire life. I don't know what changed down there but something did. Luckily, the second trimester seems to have straightened things out more or less. We are still progressing. We are still moving forward.

Yesterday I had nausea again for half the day that made me so worried the whole last three weeks were a dream and I was going to be sick for another 6 weeks. But it was just for a few hours. Why? I don't know. Oh well.

How are you guys doing? I don't want you to think my life is all bad. I've been crocheting. I've been dreaming of buying baby things (and there are A LOT to choose from, ohmygoodness) and I've been thinking of names. I'm happy. But I'm learning and growing and changing so fast! I just want it to slow down so I can write it all out and process it. I'm a processor. That is one reason blogging helps so much. And I love the advice and feedback you all give me. I really, really do.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Not My Baby

I grew up with a single mom. My mom made all the decisions for my sister and I. Even when she remarried when I was 15 she still made all the decisions for my sister and I: my stepfather did not play a parental role.

Now I'm having a baby and I have a husband. I'm not a single mother. But all I've seen in parenting styles is single style parenting because I grew up that way. While I experienced a closeness with my mom that I'll value forever and I loved growing up with her, I will admit that I am used to seeing one parental figure make all the decisions with little input from a spouse or partner. I have been blessed by this in many ways--but of course like all styles of parenting there are things I need to learn. And things I might not realize I need to learn, but that I still, regardless of my particular feelings on the matter, need to learn.

I was a bit confused when, after my second baby appointment my husband expressed interest in attending the next prenatal exam with me. I thought he was just being nice. I mean, I've never heard a man discuss pregnancy in any sort of positive light before. And I've never ever heard of men attending their wives doctor visits. I couldn't imagine why he would want to go with me. Wouldn't he be bored?What could he possibly do? Later he expressed that he'd like to go to my doula appointments as well. I got a bit upset with him at this point. Couldn't he trust me? Didn't he think I could make good decisions for our baby? Why was he trying to intrude on what I vehemently thought of as my time? Plus, I said, the baby is in my belly. It is mostly my baby right now. It didn't occur to me that he could make any positive contributions at the moment. Everything I was learning related to me and my body, to birth and prenatal health: things my husband by nature of his otherness to myself could not affect. I felt like he was encroaching on what I thought of a "my" time with the baby, my bubble of learning and growing, a special time that was not related to men in any sort of fashion.

When I told him this (in a slightly more upset manner, because hormones) he, as you might imagine, was confused and agitated. He just wanted to be a part of it all, he said. He just wanted to learn and grown and experience things with me! And he wanted to be there to ask questions that I may not think of. He didn't want to step on my toes--but he did want to raise this baby together and make decisions together. Yes, the baby is in me right now. But it's partly his baby too. Somehow I'd forgotten that. (How could I forget that??)

I don't know if other women feel this way, but to me the baby feels like my baby. I don't quite understand it. It's inside me. It relies totally on me right now. It just feels like mine, and the fact that my husband wanted to "help make decisions" ruffled my feathers for some unknown reason.  Once I realized how I was feeling and that my feelings didn't make any sense, I was able to talk more openly with my husband without getting mad. I don't know if I felt this way because I had a single mother or because I've never heard of a man being interested in appointments and birth or just because of my selfish-I-can-do-it-alone nature, but I had to realize that I was happily married and my husband and I did make this baby together. And thus, even if it still seems rather foreign to me, it is not weird that he wants to be a part of this life with me. It just feels weird to me even through I don't know why.

I'm still mulling over it in my head. Why do I feel this way? What is it that makes me feel this way?

Friday, January 2, 2015

Beggar Magic Book Review

H. L. Burke sent me a copy of Beggar Magic to review! As I loved her Dragon's Curse series (by the way the first book is free on amazon right now!) I knew I had to read her next creation. To be honest, I'll probably read everything she writes. I'm hooked.

Beggar Magic is a standalone novel about two girls and, well, beggar magic. My favorite character is Zebedy, a teenage Highborn who can hear all sorts of voices in the Strains. I imagine she looks somewhat like this, although probably not as pregnant as me. Or as almost-30.

You know, I never realized how intricate a steam-puck outfit really is. I'm not really into that genre so it took a bit of rummaging through my mostly hippie and kawaii wardrobe to find something I thought fit. And I crochet myself a little steampunk hat! As I took these cosplay photos, I thought about what it would be like to be always surrounded by music as the magic in the book is auditory. All the time. Just some type of music, or voices jabbering on. I think I honestly would go a bit mad.

Pick up a copy of Beggar Magic if steampunk fantasy novels of the young adult persuasion are your cup of tea. You won't be disappointed! It's a good read.