I've officially lost my trust in camps.

Last year Becky loved her Ballet camp but this year she's come home crying every day! It's been a real struggle. The class is triple the size of last year, easily. And she seems shocked by what she sees there. She said yesterday they played a song that was all about how girls are better than boys and there are two boys in her class, and she felt so awkward about it. She didn't know the name of the song so I am not sure exactly what one it was--I think it might have been girls run the world? I was loathe to just start playing songs for the sake of seeing which one it was...

The last two days have been a blur. Tuesday had piano class and I picked up a locker for our house from a friend that she was giving away for free...I love it. We need more storage, but I'm just not sure where to put our trash can--that's where it used to be. I had some debilitating fatigue on Tuesday as well. I don't know why--I was beyond tired. Esther has been waking up a lot at night but I'm used to that. This was another level of tired with anxiety to boot. Maybe I drank too much coffee or maybe my blood sugar was high, I'll have to remember to check if it happens again...

I love the locker!!

Something crazy also happened at my husband's work. I think I briefly mentioned he was working from home because the air conditioner is broken at his office and it's been getting up to 140f inside so they won't let people in--but something else happened that leaves me wondering if there are going to be some lawsuits filed. Anyway, they were installing a new air conditioner via a crane--and the building was thankfully empty because of safety and the crane dropped/or malfunctioned and the air con fell through the roof and into the forth floor where they have a kitchen, which is just a short walk away from where my husbands cubical is. It's like something out of a sitcom. I am so sure that the CEO of this particular building is not happy. I bet the company delivering the air conditioner is also not happy. I wonder if whoever was operating that crane still has a job.

It's been a melodrama. Anyway, both the air con and the hole in the ceiling have to be fixed before my husband and maybe 300 other people (?) [I have no idea actually how many people work at this office] can go back to work. And while he can work from home for the most part, the company he works for is losing thousands of dollars a day because most of the equipment and people he and others need to work with cannot be met with or moved. I'm sure many others got surprise holidays since you can't really do much HR work or Janitorial work from home, or work in the cafeteria that feeds the employees if there are no employees. 

the crane at my husband's work

It's just crazy. I keep asking him for updates but he doesn't have any. 

And I love him being home. It's a blessing to have him there for lunch and the kids love running out once a day to get hugs. I wish he could work from home all the time! But alas, it is not to be.

I haven't even gotten to Wednesday yet. Well, Wednesday Becky went to camp and I cleaned stuff and read more of Elizabeth and her German Garden, and boy do I have questions. I don't think Elizabeth and I would be friends. I also think she and her husband need some marriage counseling, but I think if I suggested it to her she would laugh in my face. The man of wrath, indeed. 

She says that it's indecent for women to garden!! I'm glad I didn't live 100 years ago. I love gardening. I guess woman of fortune did not usually dig in the dirt.

I wonder why Elizabeth loves gardens. The book doesn't really say. I think it's because she's avoiding all the stuff in her life she should be dealing with, like husbands and servants and her three daughters...

Anyway, I'm almost done with the book and it's not my favorite. It's well written but I find Elizabeth to be full of herself and a bit of a cynic. Maybe that's expected. 

Has anyone else read it?

Becky came home and I made sausage and roasted veggies and muffins for lunch. The kids watched a movie and I played yarn chicken and lost, so I'll have to figure that out...and then we went to piano group class where Becky started developing a sore throat and fast forward to dinner, where I took leftovers from the fridge and stir-fried them in buttter--Esther is getting sick too! It's a gnarly sore throat so I dosed with four different types of homeopathic remedies and gave Becky cough drops and tea (Esther is too little for cough drops yet) and well, that was the evening. We are in the cusp of a new illness and either it will get better tomorrow or it won't, and I'm glad I have frozen soup in the deep freezer. Sometimes I don't, and then we really don't know what to do.

Brian has tomorrow off for the holiday that I still don't quite understand what it stands for--he tells me and I keep forgetting, so I am so glad we might have two adults to care for the sick babies. Unless one of us gets it overnight. Then one adult (if one is well) will have an extra person to care for, which is never fun.

Being sick with small kids is on my list of top 10 least favorite life things. I think it's at number 2. It would be right under chronic pain, and right above car wrecks, childbirth, and green beans, in that order.

I really don't like green beans. 

Wish me luck and send prayers for a well household. And pray Becky will drink her tea, she is notoriously fickle at accepting sickbed care. I have one kid who does everything I say with religious regularity when it comes to medicine administration and strangely enough this kid always stays sick longer. And then I have Becky who fights me on everything but usually gets better in 24 hours. I don't understand it either. 

(Okay I do understand it; Reuben has chronic health issues and Becky doesn't....but still, poor Reuben who always follows all the doctors instructions and has to be sick for a week, and Becky who gets well and still eats ice cream...sometimes the world isn't fair, at least that's what Reuben says....we are working on healing him. God is good)

Oh, there's also Esther, who just wants to be held when she's sick. That definitely isn't helpful either.

I think I feel a tickle in my throat. I'm going to bed.

Sunflower Granny Square

This tutorial is for an easy sunflower granny square! It's a simple square I plan to turn into a cardigan when I make enough of them.

Written Pattern (made in rounds) I am using DK weight yarn and a 4.0mm crochet hook. 

R1: Using magic loop, ch 2. Do 11 Dc into the loop. Counts as 12 sts. Sl st and ch 1, break yarn.

R2: In between each DC, do 3DCtog (like a bobble st) ch 1. sl st and break yarn.

R3: In each ch 1, do 4 Dc.  sl st to first DC, do not break yarn

R4: 4 FPDC TOG, ch 4 in each petal around, sl st and ch1, break yarn

R5: working in the ch 4 spaces (3dc, ch 2, 3dc) (3hdc) (3hdc) around. end on a hdc, sl st to the nearest ch2 space

R6: (3dc, ch3, 3dc) (3dc) (3dc) (3dc) around. sl st, ch 1, break yarn. 

Hope you enjoy this tutorial!

Maybe they will eat it tomorrow

Sometimes as a mom I don't know who I am trying to be. It's like I'm just someone who makes meals or does laundry or watches 20-second reels and not a living breathing person. So much of motherhood is being a machine, because things need to be done...but obviously no human is a machine. Perhaps this is part of why we are all tired and depressed. Or maybe it's the reels. 20/30/40 second videos should be illegal. I can watch 10 of them and not remember anything I just saw. Seriously nothing good, or bad, is gained from a 30 second video. I don't know why I watch them. I try not too, but sometimes when I am particularly tired and bored suddenly I've watched 324 and my kids are melting down. 

Remembering to honor and cherish and care for the person inside myself is what I am trying to do, and that can't be done with Youtube or television or a motherhood podcast. Rest is so important. The mysterious soul that enlivens the body, the woman the mother was before she became that all-encompassing persona, needs to live. And living does include washing dishes, but also includes enjoying the grass and watching a sunset. 

Being a mother is amazing. But I'll be something after my kids grow up too. 

Anyway, I started reading Elizabeth and Her German Garden today but I only got three pages in because there was a lot going on. Just as I put my knitting down and picked up the book somehow Esther got kicked in the face by Becky and (she's fine) there was boo-boos to take care of and stress to calm down from and I never returned to my book. 

Today was crazy. I didn't know if I could do it all. We had bagels for breakfast and one kid just left theirs on a plate in the kitchen for hours...I finally threw it away around 3pm. Reuben had a dental appointment and he gets his arch expander out in October, which is a long way away but at least we have a date. Becky went to a little day camp for ballet but she said she missed me and doesn't want to do it next year...that's okay. There were a lot of kids there when I dropped her off. Last year there was about 1/3 as many and she had a blast! I think they overbooked this camp a bit and it made it too chaotic for my budding introvert who was expecting something different. Also, the camp was called Squish-mallow Ballet Camp and...Daddy and her designed a cape for her pineapple squish-mallow that she wanted to bring with her, which was so adorable. She spent all evening working on it with Daddy's help yesterday and was so excited to bring it to camp on Monday. 

If you've met Becky, you know she loves crafts. She's happiest painting or drawing or designing something and she loves to embroider too! So, the cape--she embodied "PINE" the back and I am just in awe of her! Anyway she said at camp she was made to dance 'hip-hop' and she wasn't allowed to bring her squishy mallow in to the dance room, which made her sad. Who has a camp named squish mallow ballet camp and doesn't let the squish mallow come? 

In unrelated news, I hate the word(s?) squish mallow. Why? Call it what it is, a pillow. Or a stuffed animal without arms/legs because that makes it easier, and definitely cheaper, to sew. 

Anyway, we wanted to go swimming today but it was overcast in the mid-70s, so I told the kids no at lunch. We had pbjs for lunch with grapes, leftover meatballs from yesterday, and pickles and hard boiled eggs. It was kind of a what's in the fridge lunch...the kids were bummed but they understood. I texted the three friends who had said they might be able to meet up but as I texted the last one she said she was still going, so I was like, why not? We'll still go. Maybe the pool will be empty and we'll have a blast even in the cold.

So we went. As I pulled up, a busload of children from a local summer camp was unloading. So much for the pool by ourselves, I thought. It's me, my friend, and 30 six year olds...but I mean, I can't be mad. It's a public pool and I don't own it. But I just had to laugh at myself and my very unrealistic expectations. 

It was cold, but we acclimated....and the kids had so much fun. I did too! We stayed for an hour and a half but I wanted to get home for Esther's nap, which she didn't end up taking...but I tried. Maybe she is done with naps. I can't tell. 

Since she wasn't asleep I let her watch bluey for awhile so I could knit and make dinner. The older two were playing Minecraft. 

I made chicken, rice and roasted veggies and... if you guessed that one of my children didn't eat my delicious healthily prepared food again, you'd be right. It was a different child from the one who abandoned breakfast. 

I saved it though. Maybe they will eat it tomorrow. Or I will. Food is too expensive to waste.

Then we had the adventure of Esther being kicked in the face that I mentioned above and the crazy roulette wheel of bedtime...I won't say bedtime routine. What we have is not a routine. We are all too tired for routines by 8pm. But now everyone is in bed and I think everyone, for now, is asleep but for me. I'm up realizing that I did not take a single picture on my phone today, so I don't have a picture for today's post unless I find one from a previous day...

Here's one from yesterday of everyone getting ready for bed and being happy, which generally we are unless someones hungry, too close to someone else, touching another persons toy, or suddenly realizing they have an hour and nothing to do with it. 

I'm being funny, but really. Motherhood is amazing, I am blessed, and I need more chocolate. 

Tonight I'll settle for this rose and mushroom tea. I know, it doesn't sound like it goes together, but it does. Trust me.

And that was summer break day 2, Week 6.