Wednesday, July 1, 2015

38 Weeks

The last week has been really rough. I won't lie, I am so so so tired of being pregnant. I've also become an introvert. Yes. I don't want to leave my house. Ever. Please don't make me. Last week my husband and I went grochery shopping (the only time besides church I believe I went anywhere) and I seriously considered just letting him go by himself (that has NEVER happened before, by the way). He's usually the one who hates grochery shopping. I'm usually very excited about it. What can I say, I love meal planning and buying food.

Only this week I didn't meal plan (whats the fun when everything gives me heartburn? Also, no energy. None.) My husband did the meal plan this week. (we had curry Monday, chili yesterday, and today is going to be some kind of baked chicken layered dish thing). Easy meals. I am very grateful. So, I went to the grochery store and let me tell you walking around 9 months pregnant is interesting. One lady on the way in stopped, looked at me, and said "you are really pregnant!!" in a kind, understanding tone. I almost cried on her.

I also saw one of my friends inside-- it was nice to see her! That was worth the whole trip. The husband and I then ran into one of his coworkers who promptly asked if I was having twins. I internally seethed as husband made polite conversation. No I am not having twins. Thank you. Please die in a fire.

Oh, but we bought mint chocolate chip ice-cream, so yay. (I crave peppermint. Is this a sign of labor? Please tell me it is). Also ice-cream soothes my burning esophagus. At least, that is my excuse.

Everyone (and my doctor) keeps reminding me that first babies usually come later. I never know what to say to that.

Person A: Well, first babies usually take a little while longer, dear.
Me: It is okay if I hyperventilate and have a mental breakdown on you?

I am ready to have this baby! I do have some signs of labor, but baby is not engaged in my pelvis yet. I have a lot of cervical pressure, some new vaginal leakage and a desire to rearrange the furniture and throw out everything in sight. 

Oh, I'm also in a lot of pain in the morning and at night, like muscle, ligament stuff. Rolling over in bed hurts. Why does my husband still want to have sex with me?

I am still walking around the neighborhood in the evenings when it gets cool. I have no idea what they (the neighbors) think of this, but it does make me feel better. I only do two laps. Turtle laps. I'm slow. Takes 20 minutes around the cul de sac. I used to do 2 laps in the morning and 2 in the evening...

Anyway, as I was writing this I was like, I should take some pictures for this post. Then I realized that would include putting on some type of pants, and messing around with my tripod and actually going outside. I decided not to. Comfy chair in my over sized tee shirt (basically what I've been wearing the past few days) is enough for me. So, yeah.

I only have two more weeks until my due date! I know I might have longer for this baby. I am trying to relax, but I feel like a whale. Moving is difficult. Also, I have, in the last week, suddenly sprouted stretchmarks. A lot of them. And spider veins. I would cry about my vanity, but after everything else that has happened to my body I'm really not that shocked anymore.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on the last few days. Third trimester is still my favorite, but I think this last month is not a part of the third trimester. I'm going to give it a new name. Like please get this baby out of me whale month. That's what it's called. Now I feel better.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Parenting Fears

I don't know if I worried or even thought about parenting before I suddenly sprouted a human. I honestly didn't even think much about kids before marriage. Well, my general thought was more along the lines of "why do kids smell? why are they so loud? why would anyone want to do that?" and definitely not centered around thoughts of my own munchkins, much less parenting fears.

Feel free to soothe my fears. Or relate to them. Or laugh at them. I mean, I am 38 weeks pregnant, so I have no idea if these are even legitimate things to be worried about. Also, they are in no particular order. Just stream of consciousness.
  1. Talking to my kids about sex. Listen, my mom talked to me about sex. She did a few different times, at different ages. I never got the idea from her that sex was bad, or dirty, and I felt totally comfortable asking her questions. I've since talked to my mom about the many times she talked to me and she said she wasn't nervous at all! I'm so nervous. I don't even know why. I do know, of course, that I have to talk to my kids about sex and of course I will. (not talking to my kid about sex would border on child neglect I think!) I hope I can do so in a way that is both scientific, loving, and biblical like my mom. I also hope that my kid does not go around asking people if they have a penis like another little boy I know did after he figured out the difference between him and his sister. That was a very awkward Target trip. (but we handled it well, no shaming or badgering the kid for innocent questions.) Or another kid I know who proudly reported to everyone for a week that he, indeed, had a penis. Why are there so many stories like this? How can I make sure my kid isn't one of them?
  2. On a less serious note, I also fear dealing with non-breastfed poop. Why can't babies use toilets? Breastfed poop does not usually smell and is water soluble, so easy to clean. When your baby starts eating solids it's a whole other ball game. I am not ready. Perhaps it won't be as bad as I think it is? 
  3. Communicating to my future daughters and sons that they are beautiful but also being sure to help them understand that who they are is so much more than what they look like. AKA having good self esteem, and accepting who they are. I want them to feel beautiful but also know that it should not matter. Does this make sense at all? I don't know how to do this. I do know that not complaining about my own body is a good place to start!
  4. I have a parenting fear of ever having one of my own children accidentally hear/see me and my husband having sex. I would die of utter embarrassment. And awkwardness. I'm sure I would traumatize them forever.
  5. Child services. Okay, this one might be hard to explain but I read and hear so many accounts of parents whose kids are taken away from them for what child services thinks is abuse but isn't actually abuse. It freaks me out a little. I love my baby so much. Misunderstandings and people insinuating things scare me! I know child services exist for a reason, and I am sure they help many kids! But I know of a few people who have been badgered by them and didn't deserve it. 
  6. Dealing with my kid throwing up. I can't even deal with myself throwing up. Ugh. 
  7. Letting my child on the internet. So, I grew up with the internet. Or rather, the internet grew up with me. I know I need to teach my kids how to use a computer, but I don't think I would want them having unsupervised access to it as children. I want them to learn to be safe---the internet is a tool, a very good one, but there is a lot out there I don't think children should have access too, at least not right away. Figuring out the "give more freedom a little bit at a time" thing is going to be hard.
That is about all the fears I have right now. I know I am going to make mistakes, but I pray that my children can see my imperfections in a positive, growth kind of way and not as a downside. I am really excited about being a mom!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Mr. Adventure Says: Pregnancy Edition

(during the first trimester, when I was sick 24/7) 
Me: Why did you do this to me?!?!?
B: For science.

(In bed, one night)
B: I can't wait until you give birth and we can throw that pregnancy pillow away. It takes up so much space.
Me: I'll probably still use it after birth.
B: *looks sad*
Me: What?
B: You used to snuggle with me at night.
Me: This has better breast support.
B: I can do breast support...

(during the second trimester)
Me: Why did you do this to me?
B: because you asked me to. 
Me: That's no excuse! 

(on an early Saturday morning)
B: Want to make another baby? *winky winky*
Me: That is the most unsexy thing I've ever heard you say. (I was 24 weeks pregnant at this point)
B: aw *pouts*
Me: Seriously, that makes me want to call and schedule you a vasectomy.
B: I was hoping for a more positive, outpatient kind of reaction. Like kisses.
Me: Then you should do the dishes. *goes back to reading book*

(during the third trimester)
Me: Why did you do this to me...
B: Minions!!

(one day when I was feeling particularly horrible)
Me: You made me pregnant, now make me unpregnant. (humor helps me cope)
B: Alas, I do not have that power.
Me: *cries through her laughter* (it was a really bad day...)
B: But I can take you out to dinner!
Me: Yay!

Me: *waddling behind Brian in the grocery store* Hey, you are leaving your mammoth behind.
B: Did you just call yourself a mammoth? You're not a mammoth.
Me: Elephant, then. Walk slower for the elephant. 
B: O_o

(Many times, during gestation of all months)
B: You're eating again?!?
Me: *Stares at him while eating*
B: I mean, you sure look nice today. 
Me: Good save. 

(At Target)
Me: I need to pee.
B: But we just got here. 
Me: Yeah.
B: And didn't you pee right before we left?
Me: Yeah.
B: Woah. 

 (Last night)
Me: I am hungry
B: didn't you just eat dinner?
Me: that was like 2 hours ago.
B: okay. want some chips?
Me: no. I want ice-cream.
B: We don't have any ice-cream
Me: I must have ice-cream!!!!
B: okay....
*takes me out to fro yo*
Me: This is the most amazing thing I have ever eaten.
B: You said that yesterday.

(At small group)
B: Do you want to go camping?
Me: *gives him a look*
B: What? does that mean no?
Me: I am 7 months pregnant I am not sleeping on the ground.
B: awww....