Thoughts on the Changes

What has everyone been doing the past three weeks? I've lost track of the days. Has it been three weeks or is this the forth? When I'm able to see people again, will I remember how to socialize?

So many things have changed.

I get stressed when my kids "waste" food. I used to be mildly irked, but now I notice my anxiety rising as their cereal coalesces in their bowels.

I have started using tea bags twice. I used to do this sometimes before, but now I do it every time. I have night asthma and I use something called Bronchial Wellness Tea in the evenings to help me breathe. It's sold out EVERYWHERE. I depend upon this tea to help me actually breathe, so to think I may not be able to get it when it runs out is panic-inducing. I just opened the last box of 20 and I am hopeful that it will last at least 40-50 days. I think a lot of people who don't need it have bought it because the virus that is going around affects the lungs and they think maybe it will help? But I use this tea and need it--and now I can't find it. I need it more in allergy season (spring) and now it's impossible to find!

Our mornings look a lot different. No packing a lunch for daddy, who is working from home now. He eats breakfast at the table with us, and he makes his own coffee.

This seclusion has been so healing and wonderful to our family. I was a bit worried we would fight, and while we have both been stressed and afraid at times, I am glad to have found I still like my husband when I'm around him for days on end. He has faithfully supported our family and even prayed with me every night. He has mowed the lawn. Done bedtime. Seen my anxiety and tried to help. I'm happy to report our relationship growing in ways it never could when he worked outside the home for 9-10 to 11 hours a day. Now he comes down for lunch and plays with the kids for an hour, and he is able to walk downstairs instead of spending all the time driving to and from the office. He is still working "late" most days but able end work by 6:30, and with no commute this has been absolutely healing to the atmosphere of our family. Both kids have soaked up daddy time. I've soaked up husband time.

This week I have implemented a loose schedule. 8am breakfast and mom break (where we are now as I write this), Start school at 8:45/ 9. Daddy has a big meeting at 9 every day with his work and "school" helps us be quiet. 10:30 is that Lynchburg library online stream. The kids love it. 11, walk or play outside, 12-1 eat lunch and play with daddy. 1-2:30 Becky naps and my son plays on the switch. After nap we play outside from around 2:30-4 or inside if it is raining. 4pm I ignore kids who make big messes and make something for dinner. After dinner we go on a walk and then do bath and tick checks. Hopefully after that daddy is off, if not, TV time while mama relaxes and finishes up the chores.

This weekend will be our first time trying to get groceries in all this madness! I am hopeful we can get two loaves of bread, since one person is gluten free. We did a grocery pick up order. I'll update you guys on how it goes!

Anyway, here are the next three vlogs (day 4, 5, 6) from our first week of self-isolation. Watching them was hard, mostly because I thought it would only be two weeks, and the numbers for our state were under 100. Now its over 1200. I am praying or those with the virus every day, and I am praying for the protection of my children and my house.

What have you guys been doing? Any changes? I love you and am praying for you--especially Michelle as she is due any day! What a time to have a baby.

How is everyone?

Finding Normal

As we approach week three of self isolation, I am just now editing our vlogs from week one. What a week that was--relearning routines, being gentle with ourselves because chaos and shock--and discovering God's holy provisions even in the face of fear.

I have been praying for Italy and New York a lot, watching the news (and not watching the news) and talking with my church members. I miss playdates, park adventures, random coffee runs. Reuben's preschool camp was canceled. I had not even told him he was going yet (it was a two hour program for one day) but I was excited for him. My friends are losing their jobs left and right and some of them can't find specific foods at the store. A close friend of mine was only allowed to buy one loaf of bread for her family of 12. Three weeks ago I was moaning about how cold it was and feeling sorry for myself as I did dishes and made beds and wiped bottoms. Now I thank God for our health and pray for a country that is changing right before my very eyes.

we are out of flour now, but I baked a lot the last two weeks!

Here in Lynchburg, VA, the virus is new. When self quarantine started two weeks ago, we had around 12 cases in the state, and zero anywhere near me. Now, two weeks later (as of 3/27) there are 600 cases and 4 around me (only one in Lynchburg as of yesterday). We are staying home. I have autoimmune diseases, my husband always has lung issues and gets everything in his lungs, I have Becky who is normal and Reuben who is always sick and has a lot of allergies. We have gone out a few times and taken the trash out, and done some car-side-to-go orders, but the next week we will be trying to leave our house as little as possible to flatten the curve as much as we can. I am grateful that my husband can work from home during this time and glad we have groceries until next Saturday.

If you are interested in seeing what our first three days were like, I will leave those vlogs below. Follow me on my vlogging channel if you want more. Hint, its mostly shots of my cute kids. Because it helps me take my mind off things...and, cute kids.

How are you guys doing? What has changed in your lives? I am praying for you.

No One Really Has A Surprise Pregnancy

One of the things God has taught me as I have traversed infertility (twice now) is that no one really has a surprise pregnancy.

I have heard (and said myself) about how amazing it must be to just have sex and get pregnant. No complications, no tears, just BAM. I have envied other women who seem to get pregnant with ease. I have thought they were lucky. I have wished to be them.

But you know what? To God, all babies are planned. There are no surprise pregnancies to him. He plants babies in mamas to further his will and his glory. He gives gifts of children as he sees fit. While I worked really hard to have my Reuben, struggling for three years with miscarriages and infertility, God already knew that he was coming. God formed him and knew him. Reuben is mine to raise for this short time on Earth, even as I know he belongs fully to God; and he wasn't a surprise to God.

The same goes for my friends who seem to "get pregnant easily". God knew and gave those women babies too. I should not envy what God has given another, I should not let anger simmer in my heart over what I do not have.

my two sillies

Babies may certainly be news to us here on earth when they come, but now I can glory in the fact that God knew all and loved all, and planned for all.

This simple revelation helped me release my feelings of sorrow over infertility, and accept God's will for me and his gifts of Reuben and Rebekah. I would have more children, if I could choose: but I can't. I must be thankful what God has given and rest in his plan for my life. His plan is good, and I desire to be a good steward of the time he has given me.

So, I thank him for the tiny moments I had with my babies who passed and rest in the joy that God gives to those who search after him. God knows the story of my life and the story of my babies lives already, he is the one I want writing on the pages of my life, a life he gave to my mother.

My life belongs to him, always and forever. And I thank him for my two babies and my five miscarriages, and for my dreams. God is good.