Wednesday, December 17, 2014

My Dreams for the Future

Brita tagged me in the very inspiring blogger award! Whee, thank you Brita! (I also noticed we have a lot in common. I also hate coffee, love tea and I met my husband on Ok Cupid just like you!)

For this award you are supposed to tell 7 facts about yourself, but I decided to just say 7 things I want to accomplish in the future.

the day I dressed like a pineapple. dream come true!
  • The one thing I really want to do in the next 10 years is to start making money from knitting and crochet. Either from selling patterns, making YouTube videos or simply through creating hats and scarfs--I just want to start a business!
  • I want to learn to spell and use grammar better. If you've read my blog for an amount of time, you may notice that I struggle in this area. I'm learning ways around my dyslexia and trying to memorize grammar rules. I feel like I've come a long way. And I have--if you'd seen my writing a few years ago, you might have thought my case hopeless.
  • I want to reach my goal weight. It's 150 pounds for me. Right before I got pregnant again, I lost 17 pounds and I was weighing 158. I can't worry about my weight right now because I'm growing a baby--but I'm still dreaming!
  • Read the Harry Potter books, and the entire Robert Jordan series as well.
  • Join a foster kid program and foster a kid in need. This has been on my heart for awhile. So many kids are hurting!
  • Convince my husband to sell his motorcycle. Probably never going to happen, but I worry for him. Motorcycles are very unsafe mostly because other cars don't see them.
  • Buy a heat pump. We heat our house with a wood stove. It's messy, takes a lot of work, and in the winter everything perpetually smells like burning. Including myself. I want a heat pump. 
So yeah, those are some of the dreams I have. What about you?

Thursday, December 11, 2014

I'm an alien.

Yes. I'm finally realized what's wrong with me. I'm an alien. Well, that's the way I feel. And the symptoms I'm experiencing do seem to suggest an otherworldly cause. Screw pregnancy, I've been infested with some body snatcher from mars. Don't believe me? Well, read my symptoms and then you will understand.

1) My proximity to humans compromises my internal stability. In other words, being kissed by my husband causes me to gag. Because he smells like skin. This never bothered me before. Also, I smell like skin. Why did I never notice this before? I can't put anything close to my face.

2) Goodbye every food I ever loved. The thought of eating humus makes me want to run and die somewhere. Just the thought of it, people. AND I LOVE HUMUS. I would cry on all my humus, but since I can't put it close to my face I'll have to morn from afar. How can I both miss humus but be completely disgusted by the thought of eating it? I even tried to google a picture of humus for this post, but had to stop. Even pictures betray me.

3) All sense of organization in my life is gone. I don't know where organized Carolynn is, with her two videos a week and ability to wear something that is not pajamas, but she's gone. Today I finally felt well enough to sweep the bathroom floor. And boy did it need it; my husband cut his hair in there about two weeks ago and there was little pieces of hair everywhere. I still need to actually clean the bathroom, by the way. Maybe if I leave a trail of bacon to the cleaning closet my husband will magically get the memo.

4) I realize that other people have grown humans inside of them, but can I just say that I'm growing a human inside of me? WHAT??!?! Clearly, aliens.

5) I am no longer interested in leaving my house bubble place of cuddly warmth. Any attempt to tear me away and I'll start sobbing uncontrollably on my body pillow. Maybe it's because cars make me gag, even if I'm driving them. Or its probably the fact that I'd have to but a bra on, and I haven't worn one in like three weeks because not only are my boobs two sizes bigger, but they also feel like I've suddenly set them on fire if I attempt to restrain them in any conventional device. Yesterday I went to Taco Bell with my husband without a bra on. It was like people of Walmart but with tacos instead of cheep lawn chairs and hot sauce in place of isles of Christmas cards. I swear I'm trying to eat healthy, but yesterday was one of those "I have to eat SOMETHING" moments.

So. Yes. Aliens. If you excuse me I'm going to go make myself a salad with bacon and green olives on it before attempting to clean the other half of the bathroom.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Grumply Satisfied

So, I feel I should warn you: if you are dealing with miscarriage or infertility, this post isn't for you. I am going to complain about pregnancy, and if you are struggling with either of the former or latter issues, I suspect you will have little sympathy for me.

I will be honest: besides Michelle's post, all the women I've heard talk about pregnancy gave glowing reviews to the process. I mean, some talked about a little morning sickness, but from the way they went on it never sounded that bad. I guess it does not help to point out I've been looking forward to having babies ever since my mom told me about it. It sounded both wonderful and amazing and most of all fun. I never really thought it could be any different.

Not at all like what I am experiencing. Around the clock nausea. The inability to do, well, anything. I have not been able to knit or crochet. Last week I realized it had been an entire 6 days since I last showered. My armpit hair was out of control. I've been eating take out my husband has picked up because I can't cook.

This was taken yesterday. That is my little bean!
In short, I really don't like being pregnant. I would use stronger words. Every day has been a struggle.

And yes, before you go "but you've been trying for two years" I'll let you know that I am grateful. I do want to have children. I am excited. I just had no idea it was this hard. I mean, I try to think "well I still have legs and I'm alive, so buck up". But then I heat myself a bowl of mac and cheese because I realize I should be hungry but of course with all this nausea I can never tell when I'm hungry or not and when it's done the smell of it makes me even more nauseous and I cry because I don't want to eat it but I know I should because I'm sure I need food.

They say this only lasts 12 weeks. I'm at week 8.5 according to my doctor. Maybe it will be better soon. Maybe it won't. But that's okay. It is worth it, and I can't wait to meet my little boy or girl in July (she said my due date is the 16th). But I just wish it was easier and that I didn't feel so weird and spacy and sick and tired and upset all the time. I wouldn't change it for the world, through. I pray every day for my baby and safety.