Friday, October 13, 2017

Gloves

I made myself a new pair of fall gloves. I love knitting gloves, if you've followed my knitting adventures for awhile, I used to exclusively knit gloves. After gloves, I went on this boot cuff crochet splurge. Now I seem to want to knit sweaters. At least that is how I feel! But it was nice to knit something simple for once and "return to my roots".


The yarn I used to make these gloves is hand spun by Wool and Wheel. I used my own free basic gloves pattern, only adding a slight twist to the front. I love them! They are very snug and warm.


What are you making lately?

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

I don't know who I am anymore.

I was reading some old blog posts of mine from 2014 and 2015 and trying to remember who I was back then. I mean, some of the old posts are... funny (I love my 38 week prego post from when I was gestating Reuben). I reread that one and giggled through the whole thing. I also miss the times when I wrote thought provoking posts, like this post where I discuss my thoughts on becoming a new mom and my first foray into mom guilt land. 

I am wondering where that person is. The girl who wrote those posts feels as far from me as if I was reading someone else's blog. I just don't feel like her anymore. Ever since Reuben was born I feel like I've lost myself. I don't mean like Reuben took away all my time or anything like that, I mean like when I birthed him I also morphed into a new person that I no longer know or recognize.

Okay, yes. I do have less time. I have less time for introspection, thought and research. I have less time for myself. I am very busy taking care of a tiny person and my brain is very occupied with hundreds of different things that were not on my radar before a child emerged from my vagina. My time and priorities have changed.


But I have also changed. I've noticed it, slowly, even through it happened all at once. I think I've had to catch up with the changes, maybe that is what has made it all the more shocking. Not only did things change, they did so without my permission and without my notice, dragging me along with them rather I liked it or not.

I mean there are so many things that are different about my life now versus before I had a baby. My relationship with my husband is different. Actually, now that I think about it, my relationship with every person is different. It's like birth changed me and also changed the dynamics of all my friendships and family too. But before, I only noticed the outward differences. Yet inwardly I have changed too. Morally. Emotionally. And I'm having to learn all over again how to articulate my inner voice and how to express myself.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy in the life. There is joy, there is quiet. There is peace. I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore--but maybe I don't need to know. I don't know. Ahhugh. Anyway, I noticed that my blog content changed after birth too. I lost a lot of readers and for the longest time I wondered why. I mean, people come and go. I get that. But I still wondered why. I now think it's because I changed, my content changed, my voice changed.

But into what have I changed...that is the question. Maybe one day I'll have sufficient rest and energy to answer it.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Week 104


The week where I bought organic bedding. The week we decided my husband could name the baby. These two things might be related...also, this marks TWO YEARS VLOGGING! Wow, huh? That's amazing. Next week I will mark one year ago, and two years ago!! Crazy, huh? I love documenting our life as I am able and I don't see myself stopping any time soon. I love that I can look back on the (badly filmed) videos of Reuben's first year of life, and now his second! I hope I have grown in my editing efforts, and I know I have a lot more growing to do... but I love this. I love thinking my kids can look back when they are adults, or I can when I am old...or my great, great grandchildren. I love capturing the amazing moments so I will never forget.

One Year Ago is here.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Rainbow Cowl

I love color. I'm kinda obsessed. I received this bulky yarn in my Knit Picks mystery box, and decided to make a cowl out of it! I love how it turned out, too! It's warm, and fun, and colorful and everything I usually look for in accessories.


I liked the pattern, it was free on Ravelry (Blue Streak). The only modification I made was to use a 16 inch circular needle as it did not fit on the 26 circular needle the pattern called for. The rest was an easy knitting project with a simple, memorable pattern and an awesome rainbow outcome.


I've also started on my first sweater for my little two-year-old niece. I decided not to make the lace sweater after much deliberation. I kept feeling stressed and anxious when thinking of knitting that complicated pattern, so I've opted for something simpler and although it won't be as visually stunning, I am still excited to make matching pink sweaters for my two wonderful nieces.
 

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

24 Weeks

Time has flown by! I had my 20 week ultrasound (didn't find out the gender) but baby is doing well, besides measuring 3-4 weeks ahead. Looks like I am growing another 10 + pound baby. Please pray for my vagina. No matter the size of the baby it's going to hurt, but big babies I assume are a little tougher. Who knows. Not me, because the last baby I had was 10 pounds 6.1 oz so I can't compare it to a "normal" birth weight baby.


I'm just starting to feel huge. Last week my center of gravity shifted and I have been bumping into this and that and knocking things over. I'm definitely in maternity clothes at this point. I am having a lot of  joint pain really early this time around (with Reuben this didn't happen until around the last 2 months) and I think it's because I still have my abdominal split issue. Pregnancy is making it worse again, and I will have to start all over with physical therapy to close it up after birth. Not looking forward to that, but what can you do?


Here are some pictures of around 24 weeks with Reuben--I think I am definitely bigger this time.

Pregnancy woes? I am having some serious gut issues that are driving me crazy. I can't wait to get this baby out of me in the hopes that my gut will calm down. I was symptom free for six months before getting pregnant with this new squish, so I have no idea what is wrong or how to fix it. Ugh.


Also, nesting. Nesting like crazy. This baby is going to have a nursery before he or she is born. At least that is my goal! If you want to see how that is going follow my daily vlogging account.

I am excited about this new baby. I am hoping for a girl. But I am trying to be happy with whatever God has blessed us with.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Week 103

The week of the solar eclipse. We wanted to travel to totality but couldn't find a place to stay because EVERYTHING was booked. So we just stayed home and watched the partial eclipse from our house. I didn't care much anyway for the moon eclipsing the sun, but husband was bummed we didn't get to see the full thing.


One year ago is here.

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