I have not felt this good since 2019

Yeah, the title says it all. If you know me (or have been reading my blog for awhile) 2019 was the best year ever!!! I was able to eat gluten again, felt great and healthy and had energy. While I am not currently eating gluten or really much of anything (going through gaps stages again, I am on stage 3) I am feeling good, and that means a lot to me. It means my energy isn't all going to survival, it means I am able to hang out with friends, laugh, relax, and live a little! 

Unfortunately, maintaining this kind of strict diet isn't feasible long term, but maybe it will heal me more and I will be better when I hit full Gaps again in a week or two. 

Life and all its seasons are perplexing, are they not? Today was the rush rush of getting out the door for church and then relax at home after cleaning the kitchen from lunch. Then we got a call from a friend about wood from a tree that had fallen into her yard, so Brian went and collect the wood for our stove! I took an epson salt bath and now I feel sleepy. But brownies (for everyone but me) are in the oven and I have a cup of tea, so life is good. The school day looms tomorrow with all its business but today, at least for the next few hours, I will rest. 

God is good, and as I meditate on his goodness and sip my tea, I can't wait to be part of this incredible journey of life that He has given me. Yes, I have problems and yes, I have things I could complain about, but today I am going to choose not to and just to contemplate the lovely world around me and enjoy some of Gods many wonders. 

Happy Sunday friends!

I finally finished this crazy green shawl and have been wearing it everywhere. This one is called "Campside" if you want to google it; it is by Alicia Plummer. Did you know I am working on two more shawls? What is wrong with me??! Oh well, next winter will be cold too. And I am not a minimalist on knitwear, lets be honest! My kids each own at least three hats, all of them made by me! 

I made it to Full GAPS and other tales of calamity

I flew through stages five and six and now I am on the full gaps diet. I went a little crazy with some almond flour and had to back off a bit and remember to eat simply. And this last week I couldn't find any bones for broth, so my stomach is in mild pain from missing the healing benefits of bone broth and meat stock. 

We buy enough bones at the farmers market each weekend for the following week; it is simply crazy that no vendors had bones!! Our freezer is tiny so this is just what works for us. Anyway I asked all of the venders to bring some next week and I will most likely end up with a large amount of bones, and an overflowing freezer. 

It was nice to have a break from the every other day broth-making that is the GAPS life, but I can't keep skipping it. My healing is going on a downward trend after only one week without broth! 

I have been praying for our country and for my husbands job. But our lives are so rich, so wonderful here at home with our piles of books and home cooked meals, that I have not had much time to feel scared or worried. (There was one day...but God reminded me of his continuing presence and now I'm okay) I feel such joy every day that this is my life! I never knew I would enjoy homeschooling this much, I never knew that reading with my children daily and watching them grow could be so amazing. God has blessed me so much and, while there are hard moments; it is going so fast I don't have time to complain. There are dishes to do and small little girls to tuck into bed. There is a little boy who is desiring to read the next chapter of Little House in the Big Woods and there is yoga to do and wool to knit. And homesteading to try and learn more of; because it always helps to be prepared and knowledgeable.

What else is happening? I could wax eloquent on Hunt, Gather, Parent. My husband and I are now reading it together on audiobook and I love how it has calmed our family. It makes so much sense. Go and read it, you won't be disappointed. It's a literary gem just shining with advice on family raising. Our kids, and ourselves, are much happier for partaking. I am aiming to dig deeper with this second read; it is going to take multiple re-reads to change this westernized girl. 

We are taking it one day at a time and digging into the richness that is Gods wonderful plan for our lives. 

I hope we don't end up in a concentration camp for the unvaccinated, but that's just a conspiracy theory, just like the vaccine being mandated was a year ago. God is good, and those who don't want the vaccine are not germ-ridden untouchables. We are people with the right to refuse medical service that we don't want, be it either for religious, philosophical or moral reasons. 

I don't know what to expect, but we were not promised tomorrow; but I was born for such a time as this. At least that is what I tell myself. The world is not the same place it was in 2019, but I have hope it will be again, and I can live out my time on this earth by a quiet fire, knitting and reading to my grandkids. Let it be so. I certainly didn't want my mid-thirties disrupted by communism and authoritarian measures. I am no girl on fire like Katniss Everdeen. I'm a mom who can pray though, and that can be enough. Pray, because things can change in a blink of an eye, and some of the news I read really does drive me to my knees.

I don't want to end on such a note, so, let me tell you about another amazing author I found. Her name is Charlotte Mary Yonge and so far I have read one of her books (Countess Kate) and have another one tabled to read soon. She is an amazing writer born in 1823 and wrote over 100 books. I love the simple tales of truth and goodness she pens, they are a must-read for growing boys and girls and adults alike. Enduring, well written, and full of biblical sincerity. 

I couldn't find any at our local library; she really is a forgotten author, at least where I am. 

Reuben is slated to read The Little Duke next year in year two, and I can't wait to enjoy that with him.

Homeschooling, like I said above, is going well. I am not laying the feast of Charlotte Mason perfectly by any means. Today I realized that Reuben's copywork needs more of my attention; especially in the forming of his letters. I am making the mistake of not training him to do good work; his handwriting is sloppy and ill-formed. Usually I give him his handwriting and walk away to do another task--he isn't writing letters "correctly" (as in the strokes) and I think I need to go back to just drawing the lines and forming the letters. I feel disappointed in myself. This will probably be a reoccurring problem--I am not perfect and this new method of teaching is very foreign! 

Charlotte Mason is a living curriculum, but it is unlike anything I have ever experienced before and, while it is simple, we humans tend to over-complicate things unnecessary.  I can only hope to try my best and keep learning and growing alongside my two small humans, and that God will grant me mercy for my mistakes. 

The problem with Stage Four (and other life updates)

FIRST of all, we have a working washing machine!!! I am currently doing ALL the laundry in our house and I don't have to worry a speck about the weather, the temperature, or if someone is mowing outside. I can clean every garment in my home at any time. I feel SO blessed. Also, we bought chocolate. I ate too much.

This week I started stage four of gaps. The juice kicked me out of ketosis and I am starving all the time!!! I am going to progress quickly though stage four and get to stage five and six so I can have fruit and get a little carb help...

So far I am doing very well. I am excited to make it. Last time I quit on stage four after 8 weeks due to the crash of being kicked out of ketosis and the resulting hunger. This time I knew it was coming and I decided to just press on to stage five if it gets too hard to manage. 

waiting in the hot car for daddy

Weight loss? I have lost 10 pounds on gaps in these four weeks, going from 155 to 145. I will probably gain it all back, so I am not buying new clothes. Or trying to think too much about it; worrying about my weight is not a problem I want to add to my plate.

How else are we? Homeschooling is going really well. We are starting week five of Ambleside Online tomorrow and Reuben is just soaking it up as am I. 

I also ordered books. Too many books. I went on a book shopping spree at www.thriftbooks.com and bought books I have been wanting forever and books I am excited about Reuben reading as he progresses in his reading level (we are up to three letter words guys!! This is so exciting!!) and a few books for myself that I have been eyeing for months. Its a fall cozy fireside book haul, maybe I will make a video when all the books come in. I can't wait. Books are amazing and we read so much as a family. I can't wait until Reuben reads too. He really wants to join me on the couch and leaf through pages.

I'm about halfway though Hunt, Gather, Parent and it is legit blowing up my westernized parenting bad habits. We have implanted two of the suggestions and I am shocked at how much it has changed our household. I can't wait to read the rest of the book. We bought it on audiobook to listen together; my husband does not read unless it is for work.

The first thing we did is--we now do chores together. Almost all of them. My three year old can wash all the dishes (if I put a chair at the sink for her). I had NO idea she could do so much with such happiness. And she is glowing, she is more joy-filled and seems to understand better her role and purpose in our family. We are spending time together doing these chores and I find I like it too! I was worried it would be more work or messy; but honesty it is helping me out so much. Reuben is able to do way more than I expected as well, from making whole meals by himself (with supervision right now) to washing dinner dishes and hanging up laundry. We are not to the "they do chores themselves without asking" part but I can see how we will get there. The main thing we are trying to do is exist as a family and not as individual parts (parents and children) but as a unit that all molds together. We are team members with the same goal in mind, not lone boatmen. Thinking of our family as being on the same team is realigning my own conceptions of parenting. I don't need to send the kids away to make dinner; they can help. They eat too. I don't need to "entertain" them while I clean, they can clean too, they live here. This is good for us.

The second part of the book is about anger, and wow, let me tell you it was like being slapped upside the head with a barrel of wet fish. I am gobsmacked. 

Basically, we shouldn't get angry at kids as parents!! I am working on my anger--not just managing it, but having less of it. I now expect my kids to make messes, be emotionally unstable--they are children. Just like I am teaching Reuben math in school, I also need to teach him to be neat, tidy, and control himself. I realized after reading this chapter that a lot of the tears my kids shed, and a lot of my frustrations are from me expecting my children to be emotionally competent forty year olds. They are three and six, we are not there yet. I must be patient and teach by example. Yelling and anger are not only unacceptable, they don't help the situation in any way. Anger is the wrong reaction to something my child does. They are trying to learn how to exist in the world; not fight me. Once again, I viewed them as "not on my team" and "other". Once I started to see that we were all supposed to be working together, something clicked. I am working on being an example my kids can see daily. 

I've only scratched the surface of this book. I will read it again, I will dig deeper. And I'm only halfway though and I need to return it in ten days to the library so I need to read!!

Anyway, the concepts in the book are revolutionizing our family! My thoughts? Go out and read Hunt, Gather, Parent. You will not regret it, I promise you. It is amazing. I have been telling EVERYONE about it. It's the only parenting book you need. 

We are on week two of no television!! It is going good. We are still playing Nintendo switch in the evenings and I plan on cutting that out, eventually. Soon. We aren't playing on the television but on the actual switch device, in case you were confused. The television is in the closet. 

How are you?

Gaps Week 8

This week we tried adding the kids to the gaps diet! Both husband and I started at stage one with the kids. We quickly realized that reducing the kids diet that much made both of them miserable and all meal times were full of tears and sobbing. So we put the kids on the full gaps diet and Brian and I continued with stage one. It has worked out really well!! We do soup as a family once a day, with raw cheese in it for the kids as an incentive. The below picture shows the kids with plates of chicken and sugar free ketchup and bowls of soup.

Reuben loves soup. He has thrived on our new diet after the transistion that the one or two days of change brought. He has been abnormally hungry (the gaps diet is lower carb being grain free) so I've been feeding him extra raw yogurt and fruit and gaps friendly snacks. 

Becky hates everything about it and most of the time won't eat anything. We are working on it.

I made them these fun charts, and got them some gifts they were allowed to have after eating their soup. This week we did tape, markers, and play dough as incentive gifts. I know changing up our whole way of eating is crazy, but I have seen a reduction of gastrointestinal issues with both of my kids. I am not sure if I will keep them on Gaps with me--I don't want them to have any negative issues around food or to think of food as bad. But as they are growing up with a mother who has a severe chronic illness, it's got to leave some sort of impression on them. I do try to say "mommy does this because the food hurts her body. the food isn't bad" but I still worry a bit!

I am doing better this time, starting over. I know what to expect and that I can't have any dairy. I am hopeful that this time we are work through all the stages and finally get to the full gaps diet!!! Let's go, let's do this thing. I started on stage 1 and ended the week on stage 2. This coming week will bring stage 3 and avocado. 

I hope this will be the last diet I ever have to do.

Gaps Diet [Week 6-7]

 I've started juicing! 

This week was weird. I had three good days followed by four really bad days. I ate some jerky when we traveled and also some keto gluten free bread, so maybe that is why? We are back home now from Thanksgiving break, and I am coping. 

I am just tired of soup and tired of this diet. But I am better, I am healing. It is just going to take time. I'm on phase four of the intro diet! I'm moving forward! I'm improving!!! The end (getting to the full gaps diet) is in sight! I'm over halfway!! 

Lets celebrate the fact I was able to stay on my soup diet over thanksgiving. Lets acknowledge that I sometimes eat ice cream on hard days. I'm trying my best. 

The kids are tired of soup, I'm tired of soup, but next week I don't have to eat any more soup!! I can drink my broth in a cup and have roasted meats and veggies!! Next week is stage 5, and I am excited. 

So, let's talk cheating on the gaps diet. You are not supposed to cheat. I have found that as long as my cheat is once every 3-4 days and is a paleo cheat (or full gaps approved) it does not wreck me and halt the healing. But sometimes cheating spirals and leads to more consumption of unapproved foods. I'm learning to listen to my body but also maintain my health. It is a delicate balance. 

My worst symptom is bloating. I hate it when my belly/stomach gets so bloated I look literally six months pregnant! 

Do you guys want a post about all the supplements I am currently taking with my Gaps diet? Or are you guys tired of hearing about my chronic illness adventures?

I'm healing. I'm improving. I just need to hold fast and cling tight to my focus.

Gaps diet [Week 5]

I'm being super honest in these posts about my body and Gaps, SO if you don't want to hear about constipation, enemas, food cravings and general complaints about my life, don't read this post.

It's week five! I took a two day break on week five. I was dealing with a lot of stress, so I had some bread (sourdough) and also some fruits. It wasn't that bad. I had a return of my autoimmune symptoms of course, with some stomach pain, but was able to go right back to stage three the next day. And I really needed the break and am not going to guilt myself over a few slices of homemade bread and an orange.

I have cautiously added back in some dairy nearing the end of week five. A few spoonfuls of yogurt, some sour cream and even some homemade kefir cheese!

This week I was tired a lot. Tired of this diet. Tired of soup. Looking forward to eating a normal diet. I'm trying to remain positive and optimistic, but I just feel worn out and I never want to see a bowl of soup again.

Also, beet kvass tastes like beets soaked in water for 8 days. I plug my nose when I drink it.

I know I am being negative Nancy here but everyone else can eat whatever they want, and I'm jealous. Next week is thanksgiving and I think that will be a hard day for me for sure.

Anyway. Enemas are nothing to be scared of. They are not fun, but also not that bad. That is all I will say on the subject. 

So, how am I feeling? It seems like a double edged sword. Either I can eat healthy and emotionally feel like crap but feel physically well, or I can eat what I want and emotionally be positive but my body is a wreck of a chronic illness. I am trying to think of Gaps as a one-day at a time thing instead of the big two-year picture, but it's hard not to get overwhelmed. There is so much to remember. Soup to make, stock to prep, veggies to cut, things to ferment. It's a lot! I'm struggling, and that's okay too. I think if I make it to the full gaps diet I might be okay for awhile. The full gaps diet reminds me of a paleo diet, and I did that for four years! Surly I can survive on a full gaps diet. I just have to get there, which means I have to buckle down and stop cheating and go the course so I CAN get there.

The goal is a physically and emotionally healthy me, and hopefully she exists somewhere down the line.

Gaps Diet [Week Four]

I finally got the ball rolling on this Gaps machine. I feel like I know what I am doing. I can plan and prep meals and make stock with my eyes closed, I can dream of food but not give in and I am learning more about my body and health every day.

I tried avocado and was fine!!! 

So I am on stage 3 gaps now. I am having some constipation issues because of the low fiber and am hopeful to zoom through these phases so I can fix myself. The Gaps book recommends enemas for constipation and I will give myself one next week. Does anyone want to hear how it goes? I have never had an enema before, but I have struggled with chronic constipation since I was eight. With how low fiber I am magnesium isn't even helping!! Apparently this is common with the beginning of the Gaps diet. Also, apparently enemas are super healing and helpful and amazing (I've been told this by my gaps coach, the gaps book, and my naturalistic doctor.) So, I will apparently be doing more of these enemas in my future. I'm not thrilled, but cautiously optimistic. 

I also took my first detox bath this week and experienced some herx symptoms. I had anxiety, bloating, runny nose, and ear issues. It was a very intense experience and I don't want to do a detox bath ever again.

I also decided (because of my constipation) to completely cut out dairy. Well, I did for three days and now am having some wey (1 tbsp in a cup of water). I hope to add in kefir in a week or two. I miss my sour cream and homemade creme fraiche and yogurt. 

My beet kvass will be done tomorrow! Apparently beets help constipation too! Yay, I should be pooping soon. Sorry. I mean, not sorry. This is my life. 

I filmed two "what I eat in a day" videos for Gaps stage 3, so look out for those on my YouTube sometime. 

Gaps diet [Week 3]

I'm now about 1/3rd the way though reading the book Gut and Psychology Syndrome. It is mind blowing. Also, this week I tried raw salmon (pictured below) and it was delicious. I will totally be eating raw fish again! 

I went back to a modified stage one this week, cutting out kefir and yogurt and adding in sour cream and creme fraiche, and cutting out eggs again. I made my creme fraiche by adding 1/4 cup yogurt to a quart of raw cream (after heating the cream to 100f) and letting it culture for 24 hours. But, my favorite thing is the naturally soured cream. It's quite delicious.

I added in cultured butter this week and am doing quite well on it. I plan on trying avocado for stage three at the end of next week but am anticipating I will need to do an extended stage two (moving through stages but not eating fruits or nightshades or nuts.) We will see how it goes.

My purchase of a gaps coach is going really well too. She offered invaluable tips and has been corresponding with me 2-3 times a week and answering all my pesky newbie questions. She is helping me stay the course and not give up when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I feel like I have someone on my side against all the food cravings, hunger issues and detox symptoms I am experiencing. A friend. Even if I pay her. It has been a great resource. 

Next week I will be adding in eggs again and continuing on through stage two so that I can try avocado at the end of the week. 

I am back to feeling good. No more cheat cookies or snacks. I want to get better, don't I?

The only thing I feel quite bad about is I have not been able to keep cooking keto foods for my husband on top of food for the kids. We have all been having soup for one meal a day, with bread as sides for the kids or roasted potatoes--the soups on gaps stage two are all quite keto. However, I just don't have the energy or mental fortitude to make keto meals and gaps meals and feed the kids a well balanced diet. He's been cooking for himself which means he is eating blocks of cheese because my husband doesn't cook. It is what it is. I feed the kids and myself and right now he is doing his own thing. I just feel a lot of guilt about it.

Gaps Diet [Week 2]

 

Week two, or the week where I have to start over.

The week started out great! On day 8 I woke up dreaming about food I couldn't eat. It was weird. I laughed it off and told my husband, but by day 9 the cravings were crazy. I decided to have some chocolate which spiraled into me having some muffins (see previous post). The muffins caused all my autoimmune symptoms to return and made me feel guilty and bloated. 

Oh, well. The next day I started over and I have not cheated since. You can't cheat on the gaps diet--you actually have to stick to the recommend foods if you want to heal your gut. It is what it is. I will try not to make the same mistake again! I need to make sure I have prepped food so if I am hungry I have something to eat. I need to meal plan and think about healing instead of what kinds of food I may be missing. 

We made some changes. The kids are going to eat soup for dinner with me so I don't have to cook them something different. I'll give them a side of toast and it will be an excellent meal. As for my keto husband, I might not be able to make food for him. He might have to fend for himself. I'm going to put feeding myself first. It feels weird but he is an adult and he can feed himself.

I am still on stage two. With the extent of my damage, I plan to stay on stage two of the gaps intro diet for at least another week, probably the rest of the month and maybe longer. In one week I will try avocado and may do an extended stage two depending on how I do with it.

I booked a call with a gaps coach to get some help. I am excited to see if she has any tips. She sent me this hugeeeeeeeee 7 pages of paperwork to fill out and it was a little much with my anxiety and also a little annoying. She asked questions about my makeup use and what kind of filter we have in our water supply, things that baffled me since it isn't about the gaps diet, but oh well. I filled it out. I know the big picture matters but I am already 99% clean in all areas of my life, and honestly just want help with the gaps diet! 

My GAPS book came in the mail. I skimmed it. It's heavy reading and I'm an exhausted mom. I will try to form my brain around it, but no promises. 

Stage two foods I have found that I can't tolerate: onions (unless cooked in broth and removed) garlic and tomatoes. These are nightshades. I love tomatoes, so hopefully I can try them again in six weeks and digest them better. 

My anxiety was quite bad this week. I am hopeful it gets better next week when I stick to the diet and throw out half the things in my house.

GAPS diet [week one]

Yes, it seems to be that time again: the time that I will try a crazy diet to see if it helps my crazy autoimmune issues. If you have read my blog before, you will know I have tried the paleo diet for around three years and I was keto for eighteen months (these time frames are guesses) and now...I am trying the GAPS diet. 

I have read about the GAPS diet a long time ago but thought it way too difficult. But now (a few years later) I watched a video by Bumblebee Apothecary and...decided to give it a try. I saw her on YouTube and I literally decided to go on the diet THAT SECOND as I watched one of her 3 minute videos. I ordered her 30 day GAPS intro meal plan and have been GAPS for one week without even reading the book yet! (It is on the way to me in the mail).

Here are the symptoms I am trying to heal with GAPS: anxiety, bloating, digestive issues, memory issues, skin/hair issues (like dandruff and eczema) and chronic constipation. Mostly I would just like to be able to eat something without being in pain and looking six months pregnant. 

Here are my thoughts so far.

[stage 1 intro diet]

Day one: WOAH. this is amazing, and easy. I love not having to think about what I am making for meals. Soup is so easy. This is fun! The kids eat all the soup too.

Day two: I LOVE THIS DIET. (also I am super bloated I wonder if this is normal) Kids say no more soup mom please I hate soup.

Day three: hungry, super bloated. a bit tired of soup. (also anxiety) Making kids separate foods because soup.

[stage 2 intro diet]

Day four: probably in ketosis (soup is low carb). a bit less bloated but still very bloated. I GET TO EAT EGG YOLKS NOW OMG.

Day five-six: best days ever. I feel great. no bloating at all. my stomach is flatter then it has ever been in like eight years since these autoimmune problems started flaring. Also I realized I actually love soup, and yogurt and sauerkraut and keifer....and while I do want some chocolate this diet is amazing

Day seven: a small amount of bloating returns. I added onions to my soup. I wonder if it is the onions? Am I over thinking this? Should keep a food diary? (also anxiety on this day too)

I am hopeful this diet can heal my gut. I'm going to read the book and do the intro diet to the full gaps diet! I will keep you guys updated. So far, I feel really hopeful...

Also, you notice I didn't mention diabetes or insulin resistance...that's because my blood sugar has been PERFECT since I did a (horrible) candida cleanse. WHOO! Like literally I can eat bowls of rice and my blood sugar is normal. Its crazy.