Thursday, May 30, 2013

The 6 Month Funk

I'm going to talk about something I'd like to call "The 6 Month Funk". No, I'm not taking about the green growth in your shoes after you wear them consecutively for two semesters. I'm taking about marriage.
at our engagement photo-shoot
Before I start, I'd like to say that I'm sure non-married people could go though this as well, but as I am married, I don't want to talk about something I don't have experience with. Every relationship is different and every couple makes decisions based on what they want and their unique perspective--all I can do is tell you my thoughts on the subject.

So, you guys must know that I love being married. I am very dedicated to my husband, and we have a ton of fun together, goofing off and having adventures. However, around month six in our new life together I noticed that both he and I seemed...relatively unsure how to progress.

He would come home. I would look forward to his homecoming. But when he got here, I would suddenly be at loss of what to do. Eat dinner? We do that daily. Then the night turned into a staring contest where we both looked at each other in mild amusement, wondering what to do next. Usually the evening ended with both of us sitting next to each other, looking at our iPhones. Later I would  feel guilty that we didn't do something meaningful together.

After several weeks passed repeating the above scenario, Mr. Adventure and I both noticed our sudden apparent lack of spontaneity--but we really didn't know what to do about it. Was something wrong? The proverbial checklist was consulted. No, we never fight. We weren't mad at each other, and besides an occasional "why did you short the TP in the bathroom" conversations, everything was fine. Was this just real life starting? Had we already run out of things to do together?

It came down to two revelations. One, we both realized we may have been trying to spend to much time together. Every second of the evening should not be dedicated to entertaining ones spouse. It is okay for him to go and play a video game after work and for me to sew, or do the dishes. We don't have to do something together. In fact, doing things apart, while in the same house, can be comforting and fun! Many evenings we are in the same room, yet working hard at different tasks, enjoying a particular hobby individually. This is nothing to feel guilty about.

The second revelation has to do with placement. We were spending to much time at home. We both needed to get out and date! So, every week we try to get out of the house and have fun. Mini golf? Swimming? Yes! Park treks and even coffee dates help get us out of our comfort zone and into new surroundings together!

What about you? Have you experienced the "6 month funk" in your relationship? What did you do?


Paulina Dombrowski said...

The two of you are adorable. I wish I was in a relationship to write a better comment other than you two are adorable.

Emorie Kidder said...

Will and I are aren't married, but we do live together and have experienced this to some degree. I think I was just trying too hard. I had to realize that every day doesn't have to be super exciting and planned out. Most week days when Will gets home from work we do our own things, have dinner together and talk about our day, and wind down with books and internet things. The weekends are where we plan the fun stuff, or get real spontaneous!

Heidi said...

You could try the military method: every time we start to get bored of each other he gets sent out of state or out of the country. I was trying to remember if this happened in my marriage" and I realized that he went to Iraq about our six month anniversary. They say to the secret to a long marriage is separate vacations, I guess. The homecomings are usually awesome.

Michelle Bellamy said...

Totally normal, girl! Sometimes you just go through little spats of funks. But you're absolutely right, a little time apart doing your own thing is so healthy. James will go golfing after work while I go for a run and things like that, and it's so helpful. And there's also nothing wrong with just being with each other and not doing anything :)

Marcy Hanson said...

Absolutely normal!! Even after 12 years sometimes we still look at each other and say "huh, who are you and what do we do again?" ;0) It's healthy to have a little just you time. Sounds like you've got a good marriage going!

Rachel G said...

You do have to have your own activities to keep yourselves occupied. A main reason why I decided to go to beauty school was to have something to keep me a little busier so that I wasn't overwhelming Angel with plans to spend time with him. At the same time--I am an extremely high energy person while Angel isn't quite so much, so I've learned to just give him quiet evenings and not always plan some great adventure. We do go out exploring in one form or another fairly frequently, though.