Thursday, January 17, 2013

How to Use the Public Restroom

how to use the public restroom
From early on, my mom taught me a healthy fear of public restrooms. Now, with the flu going around, and all these teenage pregnancies that keep popping up, I'd thought I'd share a little bit of bathroom safety today. Presenting: How to Use the Public Restroom, with Notes on Making it Out Alive.
when entering the public restroom
How I feel when I enter a public restroom
Rule 1: Decontaminate If Possible 
If someone could have touched it, throw it away. I always tear off a good 12 inches of the toilet paper because it dangles from the receptacle and the person before me could have soiled it. Yes I just said soiled.
contains unknown bathroom particles! 
Rule 2: Don't Touch Anything
Seriously. Don't touch anything. are you supposed to do your business? I don't know. Just don't touch anything.
Also, you will need to incinerate your shoes after this
Can anyone else relate to how hard it is to balance on one leg and flush a toilet? Takes some mad skillz, that.
Rule 3: Always Wash your Hands
Ever been in the bathroom and see someone walk out without washing their hands? Most disgusting thing ever!
don't eat the soap.
Washing your hands after using a public restroom should be a law. Right after never allowing women with screaming babies into movie theaters.
Rule 4: Get out Alive
Procure a safety cover device and exist post haste.
I really hate using public restrooms. I hope these pointers will curb your fears and make you feel more responsible in your use of the Public Waste Disposal Site. Please come again.


Kindra said...

Oh my! I'm totally the same way. Always tearing off the toilet paper that dangles and flushing with my foot. I also sometimes tear off the paper to dry my hands with if it's dangling and throw it away before getting some to dry my hands with...and if I've got to touch something other than paper then I get it before I wash my hands.
I also really prefer the bathrooms to have the foot thing on the door to open it with. lol :)

deanna@delirious-rhapsody said...

i pull off toilet paper too! it really creeps me out when it's been crumbled up at the end where the last person broke it off. whenever i have to use a public restroom with one of the kids with me, i always go to the handicapped stall just because it's bigger. everyone in the bathroom can hear me yelling out, 'AH! don't touch ANYTHING!'

HLBurke said...

Haha, I knew I'd like this blog just from the name and this post is hilarious. Newest follower from the friendly Friday hop. Thanks for your post and the laughs,