Thursday, January 17, 2013

How to Use the Public Restroom

how to use the public restroom
From early on, my mom taught me a healthy fear of public restrooms. Now, with the flu going around, and all these teenage pregnancies that keep popping up, I'd thought I'd share a little bit of bathroom safety today. Presenting: How to Use the Public Restroom, with Notes on Making it Out Alive.
when entering the public restroom
How I feel when I enter a public restroom
Rule 1: Decontaminate If Possible 
If someone could have touched it, throw it away. I always tear off a good 12 inches of the toilet paper because it dangles from the receptacle and the person before me could have soiled it. Yes I just said soiled.
contains unknown bathroom particles! 
Rule 2: Don't Touch Anything
Seriously. Don't touch anything. But...how are you supposed to do your business? I don't know. Just don't touch anything.
Also, you will need to incinerate your shoes after this
Can anyone else relate to how hard it is to balance on one leg and flush a toilet? Takes some mad skillz, that.
OMG I TOUCHED THE WALL GET IT OFF
GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!
Rule 3: Always Wash your Hands
Ever been in the bathroom and see someone walk out without washing their hands? Most disgusting thing ever!
don't eat the soap.
Washing your hands after using a public restroom should be a law. Right after never allowing women with screaming babies into movie theaters.
Rule 4: Get out Alive
Procure a safety cover device and exist post haste.
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I really hate using public restrooms. I hope these pointers will curb your fears and make you feel more responsible in your use of the Public Waste Disposal Site. Please come again.
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