Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Am I good enough?

I've always struggled with thinking I'm good enough. Rather it's over my worth in regards to my husband or knitting--I'm consistently second guessing myself. Last week a blogger I love and obsessively read contacted me about some boot cuffs. I was excited. But a few minutes later after sending the confirmation e-mail--I felt myself start to panic. Clearly my knitting wasn't good enough. She would hate what I sent her, for sure. What did I think I was doing?

I have similar feelings when someone purchases from me on etsy. I get really scared they will laugh at my item and demand a refund.

But you know what? Not one person who has bought from me has asked for their money back. Usually they gush over what I've made and tell me all the compliments they've received. This surprises me every time.

Sure, when I started my Etsy shop way back in 2010 I clearly had no idea what I was doing. But I've grown. And learned from my mistakes

Making mistakes is okay. I've learned not to list something until I'm 120% satisfied with both the product and the pictures. And I've stopped trying to do it all. I only sell knitting in my shop now, no longer any sewn items. This way I'm not trying to focus on more then what I can handle at one time on top of the blog and my YouTube channel. I still love sewing, but I've decided that my needle and thread adventures are for me and not for sale! This took a lot of stress off my shoulders, let me tell you!

I'm happy with my product. I try to have faith in it and not second guess myself anymore. Everyone tells me what I've created is amazing. So why can't I see it that way?

I don't want to be overly critical of my own work anymore. Sure, I want to do the best that I can while verifying what I'm selling works. But I no longer want to be terrified of the mistakes I know I'll make. I want to realize that I'm human, and stop expecting perfection to slide off my crochet hook.

I don't want to panic when someone decides to spend their hard earned money to buy something from me! I desire to see it the way they do: buying a treasure to adorn their person while supporting a local artist. And I'm an local artist, a knitter of over 4 years now who knows a little bit about what she's doing.

I should start acting like it as well! I mean, I know I'm not alone. Do you ever feel not good enough? It's hard when there are thousands of people creating on the internet right along with you. But everyone is different. Everyone creates and experiences the world in different ways. And everyone has a story to tell. My knitting may be one among thousands--but it's the only knitting created by me, and I'm proud of it.

Thank you for being a part of my story.


Jessica said...

I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough when it comes to certain things. I think it's normal for us to doubt ourselves sometimes but I think it's important to remember to be positive and have more faith in ourselves and in what we do! Cute outfit btw, very colorful!


Kelly del Valle said...

First - your outfit is too cool for school.

Second, I know exactly what you mean. I have wanted to be an artist my entire life. But I have the hardest time actually calling myself one. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I've barely made any money, and I'm not published. And then, I compare myself to my sister who is a nurse, and my husband who is an engineering student plus has a successful job... and I think that maybe I should focus on my career because I don't want to be the less successful one. Which, of course, makes it incredibly difficult to actually get anything done, because my creative output dwindles to nothing when I'm sitting around hating myself and feeling guilty.

Ah, the life of the tortured artist.

Rachel G said...

I think we always judge ourselves and then we tend to feel very nervous when we put out what we've created to be judged. When I submit articles to magazines, I definitely fear rejection...which is a rather reasonable fear because more articles get rejected than accepted by far!
But I think, and I'm sure you agree, that it would be a far worst fate to never create anything, than to create and always deal with the fear of people saying that what you created sucks!

Carolynn said...

hehe, if you only knew how many times I browse your etsy shop and wish I could sew like you! I've never noticed anything being "off". But with my own work I'm always like O_O. Your so right, we are hardest on ourselves.

Hey, I picked up harry potter book 1 and 2 and am going to start on them soon. (I know, on Harry's birthday no less haha) I'm excited! I went to a church and private school that told me they were evil so it took awhile for me to push past the stigma. The fact that you read them really helped.

Carolynn said...

totally feel that way! But it's a work in progress--some things take more time to build up then others. I love your photography and I know you will go far with it!! Really, you are amazing!! I drool over a lot of your shots :P