Monday, June 23, 2014

10 Things I miss about being Single

I've read a lot of blog posts about how great marriage is. I myself am married, and I enjoy it, I really do! But I think a lot of people don't realize that even while being happily married, there are a lot of things I miss from my single lifestyle.

Usually marriage is herald as the next step in life after college, and those who have somehow found themselves without a partner are to be pitied. Yay unrealistic social pressures? I think what many don't understand is that both of these lifestyles are choices, and as such both have pros and cons. Neither is better then the other, of course.

Yes, marriage is great. Yes, singleness is great! Yes, it can suck when you feel very strongly that you want one over the other but are stuck with no foreseeable way to accomplish this. I've also seen many of my friends who are perfectly happy with their choice be judged because they aren't fitting into the mold. It baffles some people that others can be content without a +1.

Being married almost two years, and happily so, I wouldn't trade my husband for the world. But that doesn't mean I don't yearn, sometimes, for the days of singleness. Here are a few things I've realized I miss, with funny interjections by my husband added. (He misses things too!) 
  • Being alone
I don't really have the leisure to be alone anymore. Sure, there are times when my husband is at work. But I always know he is coming home. And sometimes what I want more then anything is to come home and know that their won't be anyone wanting something from me or playing loud music or needing attention. I miss the days of heading back to my apartment and laying on the couch in my undies to binge watch Angel just by myself. I miss the days of heading home to my room (my room) to close my door and flop on my bed and just stare at the ceiling without someone thinking they need to come cuddle. (Husband adds: I miss the days of knowing where all my stuff is. Because someone else moves it. When I was single no one really moved my stuff. Or tried to clean my stuff. Or throw it away because it looks like trash but really is computer parts that I might use one day.)
  • Food
What I ate used to be up to me. Did I want to go out? Yeah! Takeout at home? Yeah! Leave the dishes for a few days even if they smell? Yeah! I'd cook what I wanted, when I wanted. Now there exists this other person who has ideas (can you believe it) about what I might want to cook for dinner. Maybe once this week I could make meatloaf? Braised in beer? And perhaps we could go to this restaurant, because I picked the last one? And don't get me started on the annoying factor of feelings and food. But I don't feel like that type of eatery! I feel like this. But you feel otherwise. Now what? (Husband adds: why do girls like hummus and not cheeseburgers?)
  • My time
I remember when I didn't have to ask anyone if I could hang out with a friend on the weekend. I'd just look at my work schedule and go from there. Now I have to make sure my husband does not have anything planned and also make sure I make time for him because he's, well, my husband and deserves to feel special and loved and included in my life. (Husband adds: No iPhone time for you. More cuddling needed. )
  • Sleep
Oh, dear. This is probably one of the biggest things I miss. A whole bed to myself. Nothing wiggling. Nothing wanting to touch me when I'm trying to slumber. Nothing in the middle of the night suddenly deciding it's time to think intimate thoughts. Nobody who needs to get up to use the loo and turn on a light. Or open a door.

I'm such a light sleeper. Really. I'm like the lightest sleeper ever. I'm so glad my husband does not roll around a lot because if he did I don't think I would ever sleep.

He also wakes up at 6am every day. So guess who else wakes up at 6am every day. Yeah. Me.

(Husband adds: You snore too. One day I filmed you remember on my iPhone and you got really annoyed with me but you said you didn't snore so I had to prove you wrong. Also you drool. Like a lot. I didn't know I was going to marry a waterfall.)
  • Trips
I used to be able to just pick up and travel. This year I really wanted to meet Rachel and Michelle, two of my favorite bloggers. I was just going to go on my own and my husband really didn't like that idea. Because he would miss me and worry about me. So I waited so we could go together.
  • Complaining
This node was interjected by Mr. Adventure. He says he misses driving without me freaking out. People against back seat drivers, unite?
  • Money
I think my husband and I both feel the same that managing money is one of the hardest parts of marriage and the one we both struggle with the most. I miss when the only person I had to consult before I purchased something was my bank account. Now we both try to include each other as we shop. (Husband: I miss the bathroom not being full of wigs.)
  • Family
When you get married you join a family. With all the drama. While I love my mother in law, sometimes we don't see eye to eye and it can cause a three-way misunderstanding that usually makes everyone have a bad day. Communicating with your spouse is hard, but communicating with their family is harder. I have a hard time forgiving his for not coming to our wedding. Being free and dealing with only my family is something I really miss. I never had to think if "such and such" would be acceptable or worry about offending someone.

I think my husband and I juggle all our differences well (for example sometimes we'll pick up take-out from two different places to suit both our appetites) but there are days, (for him also, I'm sure) that we both fondly remember being single. 

What about you? Do you miss anything?


Breenah said...

I miss only having to clean up after myself and having actual alone time. Part of the lack of that is due to a toddler too, but I kinda miss being able to do stuff without checking in with anybody or having to arrange a babysitter. But then Quinn will do something adorable or Jarrod will do something sweet or silly, so it's all worth it :)

Angela said...

Great list!! I dont like having to share the remote, it's give and take on whats on the TV, and whose turn it is to pick the movie we're going to watch. Also, once you get married it's double the laundry ... and my husband goes through alot of clothes, work clothes, work outside clothes, then comfy clothes - 3 outfits in a day alot of times! I love being married just like you, being single and married both have perks!

Belle Vierge said...

Several of the items on your list are why I don't mind too much when my husband travels two days for work! Of course, if I spend more than two nights alone, I really start to miss him. But on those short trips, I indulge in cheese, crackers, and sparkling wine for dinner. I watch the TV or movies he doesn't like. I stay up past midnight, and I sleep in until 8am (or even 8:30am! yay for working from home with flexible hours!).

I love his family too, but we occasionally still have to work on boundaries and advance notice. I usually need time to prepare mentally for spending a lot of time with people outside my inner circle (inner circle is husband and best friends, no one else, not even my immediate family). So when Beau says we're seeing a movie with his two brothers, and then it's actually a movie AND dinner with his two brothers, his SIL, and his parents, I get really stressed out.

Deanna Fike said...

i miss my alone time. sometimes i want to be selfish and not put peppy before me.

Rachel G said...

I don't think I miss anything about being single. Not at all. Of course, I didn't really get a chance to be a single adult (Angel snapped me right up!) so that doesn't really leave me with anything to "miss" about being single. I miss being a kid and having my parents pay for all household bills sometimes....but I don't think of myself as "single" when I was 17 and younger...because I was a kid.

I still tell my sister to appreciate things about being single right now. She's very close to her Bible study friends and hangs out with them a few times a week--I try to warn her that that's really the kind of thing you only get a chance to do when you're single, unless you and your husband happen to share all your friends (which Angel and I do, strangely) and even then, with differing work schedules, your priorities will most likely change and a night with your husband may be a much bigger priority than game night with friends.

Pretty much everything we eat IS my choice--because, 1) I'm the cook and 2) I'm the picky eater, Angel will eat anything, I won't. Money is pretty easy for have been the most difficult part of marriage for me.