Tuesday Thoughts

I feel like in motherhood I'm either exhausted or my house is a mess and I haven't brushed the toddler's hair in who knows how long. Is there a middle ground? Sometimes I'm exhausted AND my house is a mess. It's probably because I have a chronic illness. And a two year old. 

We just got back from back to back piano lessons. My daughter (age 8, Year 2) is doing the Suzuki method and then we fly across town for my son's (age 10, Year 5) lessons. They both have such amazing piano teachers who suit their personalities and challenge them...but almost every Tuesday I wonder why I am doing this again. I do think music is important, but so is my sanity. 

Reuben has achieved a new high in the Equipping Mind Cognitive Brain Program. By this I mean he has quit sulking, pouting and complaining and seems to be enjoying it again, and I'm glad to see his spirits thriving. We are six weeks in now, and I am still not sure about it...

It's been a lot of work. And it is very expensive. I think it is helping Reuben but I am not sure this is the best program for Becky...I always feel as a mom I am making the wrong decision, and failing my children. This reaction in me is so irritating! Why can't I trust myself? Also, I'm human and allowed to make mistakes too. But when it comes to my children and their education I hate feeling helpless and seeing them stuck. I remember feeling that way as a child and wondering what was wrong with me and I never wanted them to go through that. 

I know I need to pray more and lean into God and his heavenly mercies. I do trust God. But what if I'm missing something? What if I needed to wait and things would be fine? Every week I ask myself if this is the right step for my children and every week we keep going. I told Reuben when he asked if he was better yet, that well, if it doesn't work that's okay, we will have found something that didn't work and that will bring us one more step closer to what should work. I just don't want to unnecessarily torture my children with burdensome curriculums...

We have started on the Einstein Reading Program by Jill M. Ham, from the Children's Dyslexia Center of Georgia. It's so great. Kristel Knaus is who we are using for cognitive brain therapy and she gave us six weeks of the Einstein Program, and I can't for the life of me figure out if there is more of it. Kristel says there is but she doesn't have it. So, I messaged Jill M. Ham last week and I am still waiting to hear back if I can purchase more of it...Jill responded right away when I texted her last week but she hasn't responded since even though I sent a follow up message. Going to give it a few days--maybe she's traveling or there is an illness in her family... I do love this program though. It makes spelling, writing and reading fluid and very streamlined AND the lessons are straightforward and easy to understand for me, which is a relief. I can't find anything about this program when I google it! I think this lady made it up on the fly and isn't even selling it anywhere! Egads! I must have it. When something works, and is made well... it's so frustrating when it is inaccessible! 

Anyway, after we got home from piano I ate an entire chocolate bar and Reuben is downstairs making brownies for his cooking lesson and I've already broken up three fights between the girls while typing this. We still have afternoon subjects--only one today, I'm supposed to do paper sloyd. I want to lay in bed and drink tea, but I think I will power through and THEN lay in bed and drink tea and read a novel with my kids. We are almost done with Winter Holiday and I love it. Will Nancy ever get better from the mumps? The kids and I are hooked. I'm reading that one aloud but we are also listening to Treasure Island on audio. Good books feed the soul. 

I need some adult book recommendations for myself. I have been reading Phineas Redux but I've gotten tired of it. What should I try next? I love Anthony Trollope but please if he has to talk about parliament for one more chapter I think I might fall asleep. I liked the one about the Eustace Diamonds better. She was a narcissist, wasn't she, but I wanted her to end up happy. I don't think she did. 

Apparently that character, Lizzie, is also in Phineas Redux but I cannot get over how angry I am about the last book, Phineas Finn, which had a character that I loved in it and they killed her off in the first chapter of Phineas Redux. And she was the sweetest! And most patient!! Ugh! I can't get over it. Why, Trollope, why, do you have no heart? Livid is an apt way to describe my mood after reading that! Perhaps that is why I can't get into Phineas Redux. I won't contextualize so I don't spoil the story too much, if you haven't read it... 

I need to go clean something to work off my ire over that book. Oh, I need to clean anyway because I have three kids and a type-A personality. 

And paper sloyd is calling...it's a wonderful thing to have leftover soup for dinner and a pre-teen who is making brownies for tea.