Here we are again, at the tail end of a long homeschooling week, where I cooked every meal...okay, I didn't make every meal actually I think my husband made one last weekend and Reuben made fries one night...but besides that I did, in fact, cook every meal and clean every floor.
I feel tired but happy. Sometimes I get down about all the work there is to do. It literally never ends. There is always one more wall I could wipe down (those dirty fingerprints!) or chair to clean, one more corner to dust or thing to put away...but I know now, after 39 years of existing, that this life I have built is a privilege.
It is a privilege to care for my family, to educate them, to nurture them well and to hopefully rear them to love and honor the Lord. I feel deeply grateful that this week despite my ongoing chronic issues and my own emotional ups and downs...and my spiritual struggles, I was able to take it moment by moment and here I am listening to my happy children jump on the trampoline in the 50 degree weather, a new spring here at our doorstep and...dinner still to plan tonight. Granted, many moments were chaotic and crazy and I remain certainly humbled in my motherhood.
There was a toddler tantrum today when we had to leave the pool. And one of my kids walloped another kid in the face and there were many tears shed and arnica administered. I would have given said child pulsatilla if I'd had it...but I didn't. And there was a rush to make lunch because everyone was hungry after swimming...but we made it through afternoon school today and all is well in the dawn of a new spring and the excitement of a empty afternoon of playtime.
It was a good day and I won't let the things I didn't get done ruin it. We had beauty, we made memories and we read books. Perfection couldn't dream any bigger.
But the week did feel very long. Day after day, the same rotation of to-do. Breakfast, devotions, dishes, homeschooling. Piano, laundry, pleasure reading (Treasure Island!) and playtime, if it isn't raining, hopefully outside. It rained a lot this week.
Tomorrow promises even more beauty! It is forecast to be 66 degrees where we live and that sounds heavenly. I need to start planning a garden. Dare we do it? Dare we try to grow something with a toddler and chronic fatigue? Maybe this year I will dare. My 10 year old can probably do a lot of it on his own and he wants to, too. And life is never perfect. Perhaps the lesson my children and I need to learn this year is how to live amidst very real and very challenging imperfections... well, we have those every year but I'm not getting any younger and my health, even as I devote more and more time to it...seems to be on a slow but definitely downward trend.
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| The kids with their Paper Sloyd creations <3 |
Some months I have a week of good health. Some years I have a month of good health. I want to learn to thank the Lord that here I am, still, serving him, even with severe IBS, fatigue, pain, heart trouble, vision problems, diabetes and vein issues. Last week I had an amazing day of health and energy...! It was wonderful. I had energy into the afternoon! I felt human and it was nice to not have to exert so much energy just to exist.
The good days that are peppered into all the bad keep me going, keep me hoping for another one... the Lord is my strength and I believe he sends me those rainbow days a bright gifts, a drop of alabaster in the wreckage that is my life. I don't know what God is doing, and I don't know why I suffer like this, but I will continue to praise him.
Now I need to go and figure out what's for dinner...I'm thinking salmon, rice, and some type of veggie...
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