Monday

There is nothing more beautiful than the happy noises of children playing outside, and no one can convince me otherwise. 

We have all been sick to varying degrees--Reuben the worst--and here we are on a Monday with the sun shining and everyone almost better. I'm not sure what we had--some type of sore throat/sinus problems but it also rained all weekend and with everyone sick it was a very cozy sort of hiatus.

God has been so good recently and I see him everywhere. Which also makes me feel like I'm going to die soon because how can I be this chronically ill but also full of so much peace? I'm not ready to go home to heaven yet, I want transformative healing to wash away all my inner complications... I want to see myself get better. I don't want this to be the end of my story.

Instead I keep getting worse and worse and wondering what I am doing wrong. It's been 14 years and I still have brain fog, chronic constipation, fatigue, bloating issues, stomach pain and gas, type two diabetes, blood clotting issues, 8 miscarriages, eye and teeth problems (and thats just a list of issues I had last week) and not only am I sicker than ever we are also broker than ever (thanks inflation) and busier than ever... home schooling with a toddler while I have anaphylactic alpha gal is not for the faint of heart. 

Yet I've let go of my anger, and of my expectations through the last 14 years. I can't go out at night, I can't have many friends, I can't do many things, at least not as many as I want too. Sometimes I put myself to bed at 11am and sometimes I have energy to wash the dinner dishes but not usually. I pray for healing and I try to do all I can: organic food, gluten free, holistic natural medicine. I exercise regularly. Right now I'm taking some probiotics to see if it will help...so far it has made everything worse! Ugh! 

I feel like I'm missing something but I can't see inside myself to see what I need. I don't know what to do! I have another doctor's appointment at the end of the month and I hope it can help. 

I don't know how I get through the day and I mostly try not to think about it and just do what I can and prioritize my family.

Anyway, today we had a reset day. Reuben had an orthodontist appointment and got his second set of Invisalign. He's halfway done! No one is more thrilled than he is. We did devotions and I made toast for breakfast. We read Magical Melons--which is the Caddie Woodlawn sequel--it isn't as good as the first one but we are enjoying it. I did a few chores and Reuben and Becky both had an herb bath, Becky upstairs in the girls bathroom and Reuben downstairs. I put lots of respiratory herbs in and I think it worked wonders (thank you Lord!) because they both are looking and acting much more normally except for the coughs...

We had a delicious lunch. I had salad with chicken and chickpeas and the kids had Mac and cheese, leftover pot roast, and peas. Esther in true toddler fashion ate only her cheesy noodles. 

After lunch we had rest time and everyone played Stardew Valley. I'm in fall of year 1 and Becky is in summer of year 1 and Reuben is in winter of year 1.

Becky doesn't plant anything and mostly mines to get money. Her commercial ideas certainly are interesting. 

It's dinner time now and I made fish and roasted veggies which is delicious. I'm going to eat and finish this blog post and then there is another round of cleaning and hopefully some knitting and crochet in my future. Also I finally got a picture of Esther in her new hat! I need to get a group photo. I wonder if I ever will?

We plan to homeschool tomorrow and finish out the week strong. That's always the plan and sometimes God has different ideas...and I just have to go with the flow. Like, for example when everyone was sick and I had an awful alpha gal attack and I don't even know what I ate! I told my husband we need to live in separate houses for my health. He laughed, but I wasn't joking. I wish I could figure out how to keep myself safe from the deadly alpha gal and also feed my family nutritious meals...instead one of us seems to suffer.