It was Never About Doing It All

The last 6 months I've been killing it in school. The baby is finally 2.5 and I felt I could ramp it up. We have been getting it all done. For the most part. I have been crossing it all off my list!

And I ruined it for my children. 

The last few months they have said things like "I hate school." They have begun rolling their eyes when I pull out the next subject and tears have been the normal instead of the bright smiling eager faces I am used to seeing. 

And I haven't been able to figure out why until lately. 

I love school. And I love getting Everything Done. I feel successful when I get everything done. But my children need to not be harassed by a to-do list. They need fun moments at the park (that I've cut out recently so we could get through school) and playdates and a fun mom who isn't stressed about getting through her list of things. A mom who at the end of the 2 hours doesn't need a break. 

The screen time in our homeschool has been through the roof lately. I've been handing out screen time so I can de-stress potato style on the couch for an hour because of all the school we have been doing! 

I realized I was ruining my kids school experience and slowly sucking the life out of the educational feast I wanted to feed them. Ugh, I hate being the problem.

But since I am the problem, I can change. We can still do so much and thrive. I don't have to do it all. It's not a competition.

I know now that my family needs to address some educational challenges that we are having, too. That is why we are starting the Barton Reading Program! And Cognitive Brain Development!  There are some missing pieces of the puzzle that need to be slotted in so that they can thrive instead of struggle. This is part of the issue, it wasn't only me. (Thank goodness.) 

But school doesn't have to be rigorous. I can make it fun. I can pare back. We can do math 3 times a week, cramming 5 in there just so I can feel we are on track and fulfilled is dumb if it's frustrating and hindering my children. We can take a break from phonics, we can do 2-3 written narrations a week instead of 5. I can add in all the fun things I cut out like bike rides and hikes, even if it's cold outside. 

It's funny how trying to do the right thing for all the wrong reasons doesn't work... 

I'm so glad I serve an amazing God who is full of mercy and forgiveness and new starts. Monday will look very different around here!