Budget May 8 - May 22

Our budget keeps being abysmal. I know I only have myself to blame (and my husband) as we are the primary users of the budget. 

I think the problem is nuanced. Of course I think the problem is nuanced because I don't want to just blame myself. Inflation is sky high and my husband isn't going to get a raise this year of any significance. I shop and make decisions on whims without checking the budget sometimes which is definitely not a good idea. We are doing a lot of dyslexia tutoring and we have high line items like piano lessons and karate. Groceries and gas are also expensive. 

We need to make some serious changes to our budget (and ourselves) because debt is not an option. Neither is running out of money after 4 days which is what happened this pay period. It always stresses me out not to have at least a little wiggle room in the budget! 

These are all choices we have to make. 

Here is what we spent for May 8-22nd with a budget of 2,400.

May 8-15th

• Barton Box 4 and 5 $700
• iCloud $10
• Homeschool books $45
• Krogers $400
• Health Nut $50
• Tithe
• Subset $31
• Amazon $374
• Poshmark $211
• Homeschool Evaluations $80

Above we spent 1,952 which left 448 for the next week. And we had our electric bill to pay so I had to pull our 250 that we saved last week which was a real bummer. Obviously I over spent at Amazon and I overspent at Poshmark. 

What did we buy on Amazon?

• These pants for Becky
• These shirts for Reuben 
• A Tie Dye kit. (can you guess what we are doing with the pants/shirts?)
• Dishcloths 
• Frog Hand Towels 
• Lavender Hand Towels
• A bra
• Toothbrush Holder
• Shoe Heel Protectors
• Film
• Beach Bag
• Four movies: Infinity Train, OTGW, Ponyo, E&C
• Marco Polo Picture Book
• Goggles 
• Copy Paper
• Cardstock 
• Wood burning kit

After looking over this list I obviously didn't need 3/4th of this stuff and it's super random. I need to stay off Amazon... 

I did need a new bra, I did need the heel protectors, and the school book for next year on Marco Polo...but I could have gotten the copy paper from Walmart and saved $1...actually the Amazon copy paper is terrible I will not be buying it again. Even the kids don't like it. The kids loved the Infinity Train movie but they hated E&C and didn't even finish it. I could have kept going thrifting to look for things to tie dye. We went 4 times and I only found stuff for me and Esther... so I decided to buy the older kids a few things since they wanted to do it too! 

The list above tells me I did a lot of not looking at my budget and just adding things to the Amazon cart on a whim and thinking "50-75$ here and there won't matter," but yeah it does matter if you do it 4-5 times! 

Step one to fixing our budget: stay off Amazon! And Poshmark! 

Here is what we spent the second week with a budget of $698.

May 15 -22

• YouTube Premium $23
• Electric Bill $234
• Yoga Membership $95
• Farmers Market $60
• Chick-Fil-A $25
• Ice Cream $11
• Gas $30
• Aldi $8
• Krogers $15
• HD $38

That was $539...

Next week we will start over again again and hopefully make better choices! I only can laugh. Yes, its super embarrassing to post this but I hope from here on out we can change and move on from the little bit of spurge buying we participated in this last fortnight...

Here is to next week. I'm going to make fried rice for lunch. 

Summer Break Week 1

The first week of summer break was very relaxing and full. 

I deep cleaned our bedroom, dining room and kitchen! I went through my clothes and made my 10 item spring wardrobe that I love. And we tried a new craft--wood burning. We also went and visited Our Fathers Farm for their farm day and Reuben had his first piano performance. 

We did a lot of resting.

I realized all our hand towels were missing (where did they go?) and I ordered new hand drying towels for the downstairs bathroom. Yes, this counts as a milestone. I'm almost forty.

The pool opens this weekend! 

I did the normal existential crisis of who am I when I'm not homeschooling? What am I going to do with myself? And I'll be happy to leave that part of summer break behind as we head into week two...I am an artist, a writer, someone who loves to knit and crochet but even I have bad days. I do not need to watch 75 tiny videos a day... no matter what my dopamine receptors say. Out with the screen time and mindless scrolling! We will have an ordered and beautiful summer outdoors and there will be delicious snacks, books and board games.

The kids did a lot of jewelry making while I cooked this week. I wanted to do some too but couldn't find the time! We also did two days of karate and went to Cecily's birthday party...that I posted about earlier.

It was such a beautiful week. I am so blessed, and God is so good. Thanking him for homeschooling breaks and for warm weather, for sun tea and lemonade and chocolate cake and good books.

And ice cream. It's 90 today and we just finished Barton lessons with grandma and I'm about to do an Amazon return and it's right next to the ice cream shop.

Some Motherhood Thoughts About Food

I'm so tired of the meal-eating problem we have in our house. No matter what meal it is, there is usually one child that doesn't like it and won't eat it. Well, I say won't but they usually do eventually because hunger is a great motivator. Today for breakfast I made bagels with butter because we are out of cream cheese. Two of us had guacamole bagels and two of us had just plain butter--I put kimchi on my guacamole bagel, it was delicious. Anyway, one of my children turned up his nose at the bagel. Yesterday it was a different child who didn't like pancakes, of all things.

I will say that the reactions we have around food are so much better then they were 3-4 years ago when there were tears and not just angst at the dinner table. So maybe I should be grateful and not frazzled. 

I'm trying to teach my children that we eat for our bodies, not for entertainment. It is a hard lesson even for me to learn. This morning everyone seems to have eaten their breakfast bagel...at least I don't see any sitting around. 

We have a rule in our house where you are allowed to say once "Mom (or dad) I really don't like _______ and I request it not be added to a weekly rotation." And that's it. I don't want to hear it's yucky, I don't want to hear how much you don't like it and how disappointed you are or how tired you are or how you wish you were eating _______. And definitely no crying over food. 

My rule is if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it, and that's the end of it. My children are welcome to skip meals if they wish, I simply don't want to hear a rant about how unhappy they are over broccoli or meat sauce or crispy apples for thirty minutes while I try to enjoy my food.

This rule is great but when people are tired or generally overstimulated they forget and suddenly I'm listening to a deluge of whines as if I didn't just cook and clean for the last 45 minutes. 

I also want to teach the idea that food and themselves are not at odds. It's not a battle. Eating is a choice and eating nourishes your body. One of my children was quite picky (see the previous last 3-4 years of my life) and just now has blossomed into a child who will eat almost everything as long as they aren't in a bad mood or emotionally distressed, for the most part. This was a very slow uphill revelation that I have prayed about for many years. I'm glad that all my children now can eat healthy food and I hope they grow up to teach their children how to nourish and love their bodies with broccoli and noodles and olive oil and  occasional ice cream. 

As for how this transformation took place it has been a slow alpine climb of introducing trigger foods and regulating my own stress so as not to negatively react (which causes said child to react with strong opposition) and it's half of just letting them be and also mirroring a healthy attachment to foods myself. I have hopefully shown all my children how to enjoy all the food groups. We have also read two health books together. One is How To Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor and the other is Journey Back to Health. We also in the first 18 months of this journey did allow this child to make a substitution for their meal if they really hated it. Then we slowly eased this out. We started gently encouraging them to eat what they liked out of the meal--for example, all the carrots in curry or all the potatoes from the soup. 

We did not do any punishments or incentives to get them to eat. In the beginning I did try this and it backfired drastically, making mommy or daddy the bad guy who wouldn't let a movie be watched or ice cream be had because a meal wasn't eaten. Everyone gets ice cream when we choose to have it no matter how much, or how little, has been consumed. 

so little....this was years ago!

Anyway, I am not sure how much I actually did that helped and how much has just been growth, but here we are with children that eat almost everything but still have ideas about what they would like to be eating. It's a struggle. 

As for me, I have been beside myself to find interesting breakfasts. I could literally eat the same thing for breakfast every day. A bagel with something (hummus? guacamole? avocado? eggs?) on top with either sauerkraut or kimchi. The kids are not interested in conveyer belt breakfast. I also really want to add veggies to our mornings but I can't figure out how. American breakfasts are often devoid of vegetables. I know in my head it's perfectly fine to eat salad or leftovers or whatever for any meal of the day but my habits recoil at lunch for a morning meal. It just feels weird.

I need to reinvent breakfast at my house and next week I plan to do just that. I'm thinking of adding in yogurt bowls with fruit (and maybe granola) and trying a rice bowl with beans for those who can have them and roasted veggies for all. Salsa and sour cream? I also want to try to create a quiche that everyone will eat. I feel like I really could "hide" veggies in that. 

What are some other easy/fun breakfasts? I need ideas. 

Yesterday was rough

Yesterday was rough, but it was totally my fault. Sort of. Half of it? I don't know.

Anyway, we had double piano lessons I thought, but the second one ended up being canceled because the teacher was sick. Which usually I would be ecstatic about but this time we had a birthday party invitation. And everything was linear and suddenly with the cancelation, it wasn't. The birthday parrty was near Altavista (47 minutes from my home) and so I didn't want to go home for thirty minutes and leave again... so we went to target and window shopped. If I went home I'd be driving 15 minutes away from the birthday party...seemed unproductive. Target it was!

We bought nothing. 

Window shopping made me tired and then we still had 30 minutes to drive. Which is fine, Esther slept the whole time. And the birthday party was wonderful. The weather was perfect, the birthday girl was glorious and all the party guests played together wonderfully and I got to chat with other moms which is my kind of party. The kids cups were filled and they didn't want to leave at 4:30 but we had karate at 5:30 and we were 47 minutes away and suddenly I felt a little skeptical about the long drive.

5 minutes into our drive Becky started crying she was itchy. Becky is allergic to grass. Why she chooses to roll around in it when she is allergic to it, I'll never understand. There was a lot of grass. And goats. I don't homestead at all but I can appreciate a good goat when I see one. 

I am also allergic to grass. No thank you to the rolling in my allergy. But I'm not eight and hanging out with my best friends... 

Well, when Becky started crying from The Itchy, then Esther started crying because she was thirsty and Reuben, trying to hand her the water bottle, mishandled it (he said I went over a bump. We were on back roads, of course I was going over bumps) and suddenly emptied it all over the car. 

So now I have 40 more minutes of driving with one itchy eight year old and a thirsty (wet?) hot toddler and also no air conditioning. Why I do this to myself I don't know. Oh, friends are great and I love them but driving long distances with crabby kids is zero fun. 

We skipped karate and drove home and threw everyone through showers and checked for ticks then I made bagels for dinner and put myself to bed like the potato I am. It was wonderful. And also irritating. 

I thought I wouldn't have to leave the house today but we do have to pick up our raw milk and Becky has a wonderful group piano class so here we go! Tomorrow I will be a potato and stay home all day. Or maybe we will go to the park.

Motherhood and parenting with toddlers and in-betweens really keeps me on my toes. I'm so glad we are done with school for this week! Oh the break and the weather has been wonderful. Esther's been watching Kiki's Delivery Service on repeat this week and we've been reading all sorts of books in family time and most of the chores are getting done and I cleaned and decluttered our bedroom and its just wonderful. If only no one would cry for extended periods of time while I'm driving, that would be great. 

It just goes to show you that we can't have it all, and that's okay. 

Ranting about how much things cost

On a whim about 3 weeks ago I signed up (my kids) for karate. They love it. I love that they love it! The studio said it was $99 a kid when I signed up--for 8 weeks--which was perfect! And then there was a $50 per kid karate uniform fee which was hard but we did it. 

Now to keep going it would be $225 a month. They do either family plans, or individual plans and don't have any other options. And there is some equipment they need which is $165 one-time fee per kid. For the last week I have been agonizing over it. The kids love it. They want to keep going.

But I'm pretty sure we can't afford it. 

I don't know what karate usually costs. Is this $225 a month normal? To me it seems exorbitant. If it was per 8 weeks, we could definitely do it. That would mean it was only a $25 price hike from the introduction fee...why is the introduction fee so low compared to the regular price? Am I being nit-picky or is this indeed a lot of money? $225 for 12 classes in 4 weeks, 45 minutes a class. When I say it that way it sounds okay, but when I say $225 a month it doesn't sound okay. 

Becky wants to sign up for ballet (only $85 per month) and it is her turn to pick the extracurricular this term--we rotate, last term was Reuben and he picked swimming. Then we didn't have anything because we had a baby, but we've done ballet before with Becky and Reuben back when they both wanted to do it, and Reuben had a year of football. Reuben is not interested in ballet anymore, or football...but Reuben really needs exercise in his life. I've noticed his stamina has increased in terms of running, leaping, playing and he's worn out less...he's sleeping better, and seems to be able to regulate himself better with this addition of consistent exercise.

I was thinking when I signed up, now that Esther is bigger we would be able to do both ballet and karate and while physically I am able, (which is a consideration due to my chronic illness), financially I'm trying to figure out how to afford it. 

I want to give these karate classes to my children! The exercise and camaraderie of the class has been a perfect fit for our homeschool. The class meets three times a week--Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.  It's in the evenings which I thought I would hate but actually I quite like it. The gym is close to our house and it hasn't been hard to make it on time. I make dinner before we go, and besides Esther sometimes getting tired, it's been awesome. 

None of this changes the fact that I don't know how we can afford it. Maybe if we quit doing piano, but the kids have been doing that for a long time. I have been running the numbers over and over and how can we add 225 gym membership? We have my hot yoga gym for $95 a month already and Brian has a YMCA membership (just him) for $55 a month. That would be $375 a month for all those gyms...

I was thinking of quitting saving money. The 250 we put into savings each pay period would work well to put towards karate but we do sometimes need that money and we really should start saving up for another vehicle as ours is very old and will likely die in 3 or 4 years...so taking from savings is not an option. Saving a little bit every month is necessary. HOWEVER when we hit our savings threshold that will be an option! Right now I have $500 saved and I want to save 6k. If we continue saving $500 a month then by next year we should be able to have that money for karate, which answers the question with just a "not now, later" solution. 

I thought about canceling my own gym membership, but I need my gym. It has helped my diabetes so much and helped me with weight loss and feeling good. So I can't cut that out. I love yoga. And that would only give me $95 a month towards karate anyway.

The only things I think we could cancel from our budget would be the trash pick up ($32 a month) and our Amazon Prime ($15 a month) I don't have prime, but my husband does and I have asked him every month to cancel it and every month he says he forgets...he told me this week he would finally cancel it. Oh, and we could also cancel our YouTube premium family membership that is $25 a month. I have that because most of the ads that play on Youtube are entirely inappropriate for my kids to see. For example I get bra ads because I'm a lady but I don't want my 10 year old son to see that, seriously.  

I don't think anything else in our budget is removable.

Maybe I am doing too much. Music lessons and karate AND ballet? What am I thinking? Am I trying to live a classy lifestyle here when I should be more astute about our financial limitations? 

Karate is more expensive than piano, but piano is once a week for 30 minutes and karate is 3 classes a week for 45 minutes. So of course it's going to cost more.

I feel like a ball of frustration. What should I do? Try to cram it in? Skip it and try it again next year? Sign Reuben up only ($175 a month) so he can do that and Becky does ballet? 

I'm running all the options, and praying about it. We have until the second week of June to make a decision.  

Why is everything so expensive nowadays? 

I think the answer to my question is that I need to make some serious life adjustments. The math is not mathing anymore with the current inflation and the fact that I have three growing children. I think that is what I am the most upset over. We already cut out so much. And I've given up things I never thought I'd compromise on (like organic food). We don't eat out anymore. We shop used 75 percent of the time and that needs to change to 100 percent. Can't find it? Live without it. That will be my new motto.

We need to seriously sit down and make some adjustments because the world is changing and we have to go right along with it. No one can stand against the flow of a mighty river, and inflation is a tsunami. I don't want to change though! I want to have enough to do what I think is best for my family, and in the year 2019 and 2020 we had that freedom and now we don't. In 2019 I spent around 400 a month on groceries. I had two toddlers. Every season I bought myself a few new clothes from places like Everlane and Pact Organic. 

Humans always think life is getting better, but in middle school I learned about entropy and now at 39 I am learning it applies to real life, too.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about karate.

But summer break is here and I'm drinking tea from my favorite mug and God is with me. He is the true water that quenches thirst, and I will trust in him. 

Esther Turns 3

I can't believe that my little girl is three. The last three years have been a whirlwind! She is wonderful. I love her smiles and cuddles every morning. I love her spunk and enthusiasm. Esther, you are amazing and I can't wait to spend another year being your mama. 

Esther's favorite book is anything by Boyton. Currently she loves Red Hat Green Hat. Her favorite movie is either Totoro or Ponyo and her hobbies include coloring, jumping on the trampoline and drawing lots of round, funny faces all over her notebooks. She loves grapes and yogurt and strawberries, and she hates having her hair brushed and wearing shoes.

Welcome to three, Esther Rose!

Also, it was so fun to make your birthday cake. Love you lots! Here is to many many more memories I hope to have with you before you move out and become a princess artist who also goes to space. 

Budget April 25 - May 8 2026

I'm sitting here trying to make the numbers work for this month and kicking myself for my poor planning. We usually plan so much better and have running line items but sometimes I get lazy and here we are starting all over again. By that I mean we didn't have any savings saved up for the large bills that were due this month and it's totally our fault. 

Our budget for these two weeks was $2,300. We also want to save 6k in a emergency fund--we need to fund back some of the money we have spent in the last few months that I have taken out of savings as well as I want an extra 2k buffer. But things are more expensive than ever. Being diligent in prayer and thinking before we spend is going to be a must going forward...

April 25th - May 2

• Karate Uniforms $100
• Walmart $95
• Trash Pick up $32
• Panda Express $54
• Water Bill $63
• Brian Supplements $45
• Transfer to Savings $250
• Home Depo $62
• Kroger $235
• Sourdough Bread (Farmers Market) $10
• Gas $82
• Farmers Market Chicken (thigh pack/ breast pack) $39
• Carolynn Supplements $45

That brings this week to $1,112, leaving 1,188 for next week. 

May 2 - May 8th

We got a credit from azure (they charged us twice last month) of $200. My dad also sent me a check for $100 and let me tell you these two things saved my budget from going negative. Our total for this week's budget with those added is 1,488.

• Becky's Triannual Piano payment $485
• Pandora $13
• Brian's Phone $35
• Internet $20
• YMCA $55
• Natural Hope Tea $29
• Azure $501
• Becky's fall dance sign up fee $15
• Tap Roots 23
• Vitamin $76
• Amazon $151
• Kroger $18

That brings our spending to $1,421 which leaves $67 in our bank account until we get paid this coming Friday. It was a close one. 

Prayer really works guys. I was praying this morning driving to the gym seeing how we were going to get by and that was the day the check from my dad showed up! God is good and he's working out little miracles all around us.

Savings Balance: $250

We Made It

We made it! One more week (and maybe a few days more for Eldest Child) of school left. I feel a relief of the ages. Summer is just a week away (if I can cram all Reuben's readings into five days) and I am so excited. 

I'm already making summer plans. Week one, wood burning. Week two, jewelry making. Week three, modeling clay. Week four, paper sloyd. Week five, book binding. Let's do all the things. I want to scrub my kitchen and read books and tie dye. Week six, tie dying? Maybe some gardening. I might just throw the gardening out the window and try again next year. I'm going to table that decision until school is over and see if my apathy is related to the load of education or if I generally don't care about growing vegetables this year.

I mean, my budget cares about growing vegetables but...do I?

We are reading Anne of Green Gables. I forgot how absolutely amazing this book is. Everyone loves it. Except for Esther who is now three and sometimes gets tired of mommy reading. She will tell me to stop because "I am giving her a tummy ache." She's being serious and I wonder if she understands why I can't stop laughing as she says this.

We just got to Anne going to Sunday school... I love how honest Anne is. I think I'd find her Sunday school boring too. 

I have been kinda lonely lately. Life comes in bursts and stages and with us having to leave our Monday co-op (we left in January) due to it being too far drive and also due to dyslexia therapy...it's been hard. Then our Thursday co-op, which only meets twice a month, is ending next year. Well, it isn't ending so much as changing--they are going to do one field trip a month and I just know we are not in the season to do a big trip every month. Also, I was thinking of not doing it anyway because we meet once in town and once about 30-40 minutes away and it's been too much--especially with no air conditioning in the car. SO we have only been going once a month anyway when it's close to us and I just feel out of the loop and continually behind. The leaders of the co-op choose to have very little structure, which is fine if that is what they want (they had another leader last year who has taken a break who was very structured and I loved it!) but it causes me anxiety when locations/plans get changed last minute. It's a totally me thing but it's also something I take into account when making decisions. 

Anyway, these changes mean suddenly we have no co-op and the kids only see their friends at church, which even for my introvert Becky is not enough. And for my extrovert self and Eldest Son...it is debilitating. We need to find a new friend group or some new friends for my kids. I am at a loss of what to do and praying about it. And no, the friends in our co-op do not come to my house and when I try to invite them places they do not come. Many of the ladies have teens and they either live too far away or are in different seasons. A few of them homestead too and no one has any time to make play dates a priority. A lot of them have family that lives locally and it looks like they have full, abundant lives. Brian is an only child (his brother died at as teenager) and thus my kids have no cousins, and we don't have large family parties or reunions to invite my kids too. It just is what it is and I'm not complaining but... I can't create family structure from nothing. 

I just feel like this season of homeschooling is one of isolation and despair, and I'm praying I can find someone, anyone, who wants to hang out more than once a month! My kids would love some friends. I would love a friend who has more availability than once a month 3 weeks from now!  

Case in point...I invited three families to come to Esther's birthday party. She wanted all her little friends from church to come...and none came. One didn't even bother to respond, another said they had been to three little hungry caterpillar birthdays before and wasn't interested, and another canceled at the last moment because she was too overwhelmed. I get that people have different priorities and things come up and life is hard but it is also tragic that no one was able to show up to celebrate Esther's birthday. It made me sad. It made Becky sad, she spent all morning decorating and setting the table and seeing both her and Reuben hang out by the front door waiting for guests to arrive hurt my poor little mama heart. 

Today one of the moms said at church that they just needed a day at home...so sorry they couldn't make it. 

Esther was fine, she's three, she had her favorite sister and brother there and she had a great time. After an hour and a half at home waiting for people to show up we just went to the park and let the kids play. We handed out the party favors (8 sets of butterfly wings) to little girls at the park (you know, so that...after eating all the hungry caterpillar food you too could be a beautiful butterfly) and seeing all the kids flitting around with wings was beautiful.

And I've decided not to be resentful at my friends who didn't show up. I never know what someone is going through unless they communicate. But I hope I can find some friends who will show up for me and my kids and will let me show up for them.

Oh, I have 600 more thoughts but the kids want to play a board game so...heading off downstairs to participate in Exploding Kittens, the board game. 

I Shut her Toes in the Door

Today ended with me shutting Esther's toes in the van sliding door. Ugh. Can we just take a moment for the reality of that? Esther is two--and this is her last week to be two--and she had to spend the first part of her birthday week sick with some respiratory virus and now she's going to spend the second part of it with broken toes, or so my panicked thoughts were telling me as I ran towards the door with my screaming child. 

It was terrible. I got her inside and gave her arnica 1M and aconite 200 and put on her favorite movie (Totoro) while Becky fetched ice and I tried not to cry because Esther was already crying and I can't believe I shut her toes in the door. Her toes are fine. None of them are black or blue and all are still attached and everything wiggles correctly, she walks normally and she seems herself now. I let her eat her dinner on the couch and even ice cream. Poor Esther. And poor mama, it's so hard to see my little one in pain and also know... I was the one who did that, however accidentally. 

I texted Brian to come home immediately and he also checked her out. She really is okay, only a little shaken up of course but who could blame her? And all her toes are okay. I keep checking them and her and giving her lots of hugs. 

Anyway I wanted to get on here and write about how my week has been (long, crazy, terrible, and full of sick) but all I could think about was Esther's Toes so here we are. 

Thank you Lord for not letting me squish/mangle/maim her poor little toes. Also, can we go back in time and make sliding van doors Not Exist, that would be great. 

So, the week. I'll start with last week. I was getting into a good groove when I accidentally ate a supplement I had in the back of my cabinet. I was cleaning it out and I found a bunch that I was thinking I should finish up. 

It was a colossal mistake. The supplement was IGG and it was made of cow's blood. I am allergic to cow. To be fair, I read the bottle and it just said "Immunoglobulin A" on it and it didn't say anything about that being dairy. Thursday I woke up having the worst almost anaphylactic reaction I have ever had to alpha gal. I was legit thinking I should go to the ER. I tried a bunch of homeopathy and grape seed extract pills, charcoal and slippery elm. Nothing was helping. I tried crying and giving up on life. Not much improvement there, losing one's moral is never good.  

Anyway, I was miserable, my nose was streaming, the top of my mouth and my throat were completely covered in hives and I was basically non-functional. I barely made it through the day. I think I should have gone to the doctor, and I don't know what I was thinking (hint: I wasn't) but I'm still here today so that's something to be grateful for. 

For those of you that have questions, yes I did have some Benadryl however the internet could not give me a direct answer if it was dairy and alpha-gal free. The best I could see was maybe...and I wasn't going to risk my life again for a maybe. I was already in so much pain I didn't want to take something that might make it worse. But I did keep the bottle next to my bed because if things got scary it would be a great last resort as we drove to the hospital.

I was bedridden almost all of Friday. For some reason I thought I had a fever too, but surely anaphylactic shock doesn't cause fevers? And my nose/sinuses were going crazy and my throat was awful. All of that will make sense later but, right now I thought I just had an alpha gal reaction. My homeopathic doctor friend (yes, she has a degree. I actually know two homeschooling moms with homeopathic degrees) told me to take Apis, Carb Acid and Urtica in a 10M, so I did and it worked amazingly. Instant better. But I still had a very bad stuffy nose and my throat hurt and now it did feel like I definitely had a fever... but I pushed through, or tried too, thanking God that at least my hives were going away and maybe the rest of my symptoms would disappear soon. It usually takes a week for me to return to normal after an alpha gal attack, so I was just trying to move on with life and keep going.  

Saturday Esther woke up with a respiratory infection. She was miserable. We still had to go grocery shopping so I tried to be quick and on the way home I noticed...hey, I feel pretty bad too. That's when I realized we were both sick. And that was why my anaphylactic response felt so bad--I had it with the onset of covid/flu or whatever. It certainly felt like covid. Anyway, after only a few hours of normal adulting, I was back in bed trying to remember how to breathe from the elephant sitting on my lungs. I gave myself two garlic enemas, took fire cider and a bunch of supplements and homeopathy and...we all missed church on Sunday because Daddy and Reuben decided to catch it too.

Becky seems to be catching it right now, while the rest of us are just about to be done. 

Poor Becky. She thought she had escaped.

All to say it has been a week. I've gotten a lot less done than I wanted, obviously, due to the sickness and the Life Events (poor toes!) but God is still so wonderful and good and I see his blessings and mercy over my life. He is wondrous and the Earth he has made is full of his goodness and even in the midst of alpha gal attacks and possibly-covid, I will sing praises to his name.

Here are some pictures of the parts of our week that were amazing:

Esther wants to do math whenever Becky does now, so I give her one of Becky's extra worksheets that we don't use and she absolutely loves it.

She's gotten so good with the scooter!

My comfy bloomed! Also, Esther has fallen in love with drawing. Becky did at this age too, if I am remembering correctly...

And this picture of Becky and Esther with their friends at the creek is the best. 

Yes, I know I have not a single picture of Reuben--who was climbing the mountain with Danny the entire time, or laid up in bed sick and definitely not wanting me to take a picture of him. Reuben stays sick longer due to his breathing and immune system issues that we are trying to work on...

I'm hoping we can all quickly get over this cold and finish up our last two weeks of school and launch into summer. Bring on the pool! And I have plans to tie dye and start some new crafts like wood burning with the kids... so excited. 

And Esther's third birthday party is just a few days away! 

Crochet Sunflower Sweater

I finished my crochet sunflower sweater. Yes, it was supposed to have arms but I got tired of making sunflowers and then I ran out of yellow yarn--this was stash busting project--so this is how it turned out! I love it. You can wear it with either side facing. 

Summer is so close. Three more weeks left and school will be mostly done for twoish months. We plan to do math over the summer and of course I want to keep up with free reads and devotions. But free time! I want to declutter all the things and scrub my cabinets. They sure need it. 

The kids have joined a karate class and they love it. It's awesome to see them thriving in something. Will we do it all summer? I am not sure. Right now it's just 8 weeks and after those weeks we will reevaluate. Today was their second lesson and it was fun to watch them participate in a class with other kids, laugh, play and be challenged. 

It's so nice to be able to go out and do things again and not need to lay down all the time or have headaches and chronic fatigue most of the day...and feel like I'm dying and wondering what is wrong with me...I'm still having problems here and there but for the most part I am living life again and thanking God every day. 

God is so good.

Another Great Week

I've had a lot to say this week and absolutely no time to write it all down and here we are on the weekend and I've forgotten most of it. It is what it is in our busy family/homeschooling life...and what another great week it was! 

The highlight was going down to the Blue Ridge Parkway with the family, husband included, and my friend Mandy came too with her kids and it was just beautiful. God's green earth is wondrous and if this is how amazing little old Virginia is, I cannot even begin to comprehend what the glories of heaven will hold.

We spent over two hours swimming, nature drawing, frolicking and chatting. Oh, and eating our packed lunches and enjoying the amazing weather. My husband took this picture of me nature journaling as he was sitting up there on that rock. 

There were some bees and no bathrooms but we all survived and had a wonderful time. 

We are mid-week in school. Last last week I didn't get a full week done so...instead of being even, we have three weeks, 2 days left until summer break. I'm beyond excited to attempt to get a tan, spend hours at the pool, and find the best vegan ice cream. Alpha Gal makes things interesting. 

I don't like things being uneven in the weeks. I like a week to be a week but everyone gets off course and I plan to catch up this coming Monday and do a bit of extra readings so that come next monday we will only have 2 weeks left. Ahhh!! Two weeks!! 

Last week we trialed a new ballet gym for Becky and she is over the moon excited to start ballet this fall if we manage to get a spot. Apparently the spots are competitive. Reuben wants to do some martial arts, so this Monday we will trial a martial arts class and see if he likes it. I hope I can make it to all these things. Esther is almost three--can we can do evenings outings now? When she was 1, we could not. When she was 2...no not really. 3? I am hopeful for. And regardless, it is time. I supposed I am about to find out just how much I can do...the kids really need some activity structure again. I really think it will do them, and maybe me, some good. 

Anyway, I feel like a caterpillar just about to turn into a butterfly after that long postpartum and my serious health issues...many of my health issues were resolved with removing alpha gal foods. I am starting to hope...can I have a life again? What can that look like? Can I do more things? It's exciting and also scary. Yesterday my husband looked at me and said...hey we should have another baby! And I thought he was crazy but today I was like, maybe. Maybe we could try.

Here are our groceries for the week. I made it in budget! So excited. Our weekly grocery budget is $250 and this cart was $244.95. I felt really proud of myself. As you can see, I bought a lot of ice cream but...there are only four ice creams in each box and so each box lasts one day. This is three days worth of ice cream and we won't have any left over next week. Yum.

I plan to make these meals for lunch and dinner this week: sourdough pizza, egg salad wraps, turkey sandwiches, salads with mac and cheese, spaghetti, tuna, soup, something with potatoes because I bought too many, and biscuits and gravy.  If you have an idea about the potatoes, please leave it below. I have two freezer meals to use up from my deep stash that I'm trying to get through and replace with alpha gal safe ones...so I will eat something different and/or leftovers that night. 

Breakfast ideas: pancakes, muffins, french toast, oatmeal, bagels, smoothies, and I really want to try to make these pop tarts if I am feeling adventurous. 

The Weekend was Great

It's so nice when weekends are relaxing. Sometimes they are stressful and I feel yards behind on Sunday right before the week begins again...but this weekend was great. We got a lot done and we rested a lot and the general mood of our house was calm and peaceful. It helped that my husband had this Friday off so we had a three day weekend and it was perfection. On Friday we did our grocery shopping and went out to ice cream. On Saturday we went to the local farmers market and the kids had Barton lesson and we all did a bunch of chores. I got all the laundry done! Sunday was church. 

I also got to tie dye some pieces I have been meaning to dye for a month or two. First I dyed a linen skirt and shirt a blue color. It turned out great. What was once a cream skirt and a light blue top that washed me out now are the perfect two piece set. I wore them to church today and felt fabulous. Becky even let me borrow her necklace which went perfectly with my outfit.

Then I mixed two dyes--a brown and a maroon--in an attempt to make a rust color. It didn't work, it made more of a purple (the pictures on my computer don't show the color correctly) but that's okay. I dyed two dresses, one cotton and one linen that I didn't like the original color of and now I have two amazing new outfits to wear next week, all for the price of a bottle of dye and some elbow grease. 

The kids each picked something to dye as well, even my husband joined in. We plan to tie dye more in the future it was so much fun. I'll take a picture of what the kids made soon and try to post it!

Another fun thing we did was, after decorating our new nature notebooks, we each drew our dream house. It was such a fun drawing activity and I loved to see what the kids put in their houses.

Here we have everyone's dream house. I totally googled a picture of a hobbit house to copy the layout of when I was drawing mine...

All in all it was such a good weekend and I'm ready for the full week of school we have planned and for all the hot weather. We have a day forecast for 87f next week...that's going to be crazy. And I have plants to plant. I may just give them to a friend...I don't know if I am up for a garden this year. 

I really need to make going outside a priority...but I keep getting caught up on alpha gal meal prep, house cleaning, homeschooling and being a potato while I drink tea that often the garden is the last thing on my mind!

Things That Happened Today

I don't know why today was so hard, but it was! I think it might be because I wanted to sleep in, but couldn't, because allergies. Or it could be that Becky cut her hand last night on a light bulb...a lamp fell over and broke in her room and instead of coming to get her parents she tried to clean it up herself and sliced her thumb! Poor kid. She's fine, it wasn't bad. I'm still a little stressed over it. I think she is too, perhaps we both need a dose of aconite. Last night, daddy cleaned her up while I double-checked her room, removed the lamp, swept, and changed Esther's sheets. Esther dumped her entire water on her bed while mommy and daddy were both distracted.

Oh, also we over-drafted our bank account today. Azure charged me twice! I had to call and they are issuing a refund for the second charge. I pulled money out of savings to fix the overdraft but I had a full list of things I wanted to do today and now no money to do them with. We needed bandaids desperately. You never realize you are out until someone gets hurt. We had two in our house when Becky sliced her finger. We now have one. I also need more fermented cod liver oil, new deodorant...and a lady at our local homeopathy store told me about this Alpha Gal remedy that can cure alpha gal in one month, taken twice a day. I am so excited to try it! Anyway, I just decided to use money from the savings account to do all these things and pay it back when the refund comes in...which azure says could take 5-7 business days. 

The older two kids loved Man in Black last night. I was watching it a little with them and was like, HEY it's the TWIN TOWERS! Wow. The kids did not understand. Also, that really made me understand how old this movie was. 

Esther watched Ponyo upstairs on my computer because Man in Black was too scary for her. I mean, she's two. Man in Black is not for toddlers, it has a rating of PG-13.

The girls are loving their tent fort. Reuben's tent broke. I mean, it is 10 years old. We might buy another one, I haven't decided yet. He will just have to share with his sisters unless we can fix the tension rod...the string broke in it. 

Anyway, I ran my errands and said a prayer and now am going to try to tackle all the chores and stay off the internet. I want to read a book to my kids in my peaceful house and enjoy the 70 degree weather together. God is good and I'm so grateful for the life I get to live with my kids...

My husband is going to do the budget this Friday! I'm excited and nervous! He hates budgeting and I love that he's showing interest. But I also don't know what kind of $$ he is going to allocate to groceries... but it's a good move for better communication and for our marriage. Here is to working together, being united, and saving money. 

I'm excited about our new nature journals that I ordered a few days ago (before all the financial issues) because I loveeee new notebooks and we have plans to nature draw all summer. Also, I got some that can be personalized with stickers. And I also love stickers. 

I defiantly love homeschooling more than my children do, sometimes. But someone has to have fun, right? 

Random Update Tuesday

I was sitting in bed last night wondering why I was so itchy...when it hit me like a thunderbolt that I was still using my tallow deodorant. I have been using my tallow deodorant this whole time. Now, I love my tallow deodorant, but that must be why I was itchy. I replaced my toothpaste and my soap right away when I suspected Alpha Gal but I didn't think of my deodorant? My head must be in the sand...

I will be shopping for a new vegan deodorant tomorrow. Today I was deodorant free and it went well. I was mostly with my kids all day and not one of them commented on any undue odors, so I think it was fine. High of 50-something today, so it wasn't sweltering. Alpha Gal sure is wild. The Alpha Gal Reddit page said that even some people are allergic to wool, due to the lanolin having alpha gal in it. Woe is me if that is true because my whole winter wardrobe is 100% wool. I will cry. 

What a day! We had an impromptu park visit after school with our lunches that was really fun. Then we went to piano. I was very nervous about taking my beautiful potty training toddler to the piano teachers house, but it went fine! She used the bathroom like a champ. Today, so far, is going well. 

I have pizza planned for dinner for the kids/hubby and bean-chicken leftover soup for me. The kids are going to watch Man in Black with pizza and I remember loving that movie when I was a kid. Excited to see what the older two think of it. I think Esther is probably too little and will be scared. 

Home-school wise today was easy. Becky used her day-off card and thus I only did school with Reuben. I give the kids 5 "day-off" cards a term, so every 12 weeks they renew. I love that they can choose when they need a break and it also gives me a break...and once they run out, they are out. They don't have to use them on sick days--for sick days we only do the Ambleside readings and depending on how sick they are they don't narrate, so we don't fall behind. 

I am reading a great book for my devotional this month. It's called You Are What You Worship by Michael Sharrett. I love it. Here is my favorite quote so far.

Sin exists because true worship does not. Sin at its core is always a failure to worship/honor/adore/obey/delight in/seek/yield to/ trust/enjoy or love the true God, while giving preference to something else.

Delightful and uplifting and encouraging. 

Right now we are having our hour of quiet time. I did some shopping on Poshmark, made an azure order, checked my bank account, ate a banana with peanut butter, and did my devotions. It was great. Esther spent the time falling asleep in the tent fort and Becky and Reuben took an hour to play video games. Actually, Becky may have listened to an audio book, either way they were quiet and it was rejuvenating. 

Also, I did not budget these past two weeks. I wanted a break. It ended up being a disaster but that was only my fault, I am the adult here. We will start over next week.

I'm making a rug with Becky. She took different yarns and chained them, and then I am taking the chained yarn and the biggest crochet hook I have, and making a circle. It's tons of fun and exciting to collaborate with one of my children on a project. Very woah moment. I love them so much.

On to tomorrow! I'm already tired and it's time to go make dinner...

Alpha Gal and Potty Training

The weather was perfect last week, but tomorrow is chillier day. It's only one day though--and I saw in the weather there is a day marked for 87f next week. What, early July? Bring it on.

Our week this week (spring break for most public school kids) is light and free and open, with Becky's piano canceled and no nature group. I have plans to scrub my cabinets. Being 40 is wild. (Okay I'm 39 but you get it...)

I was thinking (and laughing) the other day about how I threw out a pair of finger nail clippers that were not made right because middle age doesn't have time for that. I will buy a pair that work correctly and I won't give those that don't another thought. How dare they make such an inferior product.

Last night I had an alpha gal reaction. I don't know what I ate... After two weeks of not having any symptoms (because I'm mammal product and dairy free) I wonder what it was. I did try three or four new things last week and I bet it was one of those...I went out to eat at Cava. I used their vegan only menu but any dairy could have easily been cross contaminated. It wouldn't be Cava's fault--I choose to eat from a restaurant that serves dairy so...anyway, I also tried these waffle fries from Alexia and I'm thinking it might have been those? They say vegan friendly on them which the Alpha Gal Kitchen Facebook page says some people have had reactions too... I won't be having the fries again because they made my blood sugar way too high, but they were delicious. I also tried a new kind of peanut butter. 

I have been so careful with what I have been eating that to have a reaction--and it was a strong one--was not fun. 

Oh, it could also have been myself cross contaminating myself, because I still serve my kids dairy. I have regulated all beef cooking and beef consumption of products to the weekend (because I believe beef and mammal products are healthy for my kids/husband) but cheese, milk, yogurt is still the norm around here for snacks for my kids on the daily. I am super careful though...

My bet is on the Cava, which is a bummer. I love Cava.

I need to figure out how to heal myself. But that is for another day--with homeschool in full swing here and all the things I'm juggling, I haven't been able to make appointments or do any googling to see if a cure does exist. 

It's five weeks until summer break! I'm so excited.

The only other thing going on around here is aggressive potty training. Esther is in underwear during the day! She's doing so great with it.

I hate potty training. It is not my favorite toddler activity. Little toddlers can't take off their own clothes, wipe themselves or navigate a lot of toilet use...perhaps I make it harder on myself by not having the right kind of equipment for the bathroom--which is something I will look into on Amazon forthwith, but regardless--this isn't my first potty training experience (hopefully it's my last) and I still don't like it.

It has nothing to do with the child. Esther is bright, wonderful, engaging and she's taken to the potty with the gumption and zeal. She wants to be big like her big brother and sister and she wants to use the potty. Most of the time. When she isn't playing. Or distracted. 

She has had a few accidents but it hasn't been bad. I mean, she's two. What did I expect?

I just don't like the interim phase. She can use the potty, when she wants too, but I'm also cleaning up a lot of pee (even though we have potty training underwear) and she had two showers already today... you get the jive.

But yesterday she made it in the potty every time. My expectations for today were high.

My expectations were wrong. I need lower expectations. 

If I was to write a memoir at this point it my life it wouldn't be Great Expectations, it'd be...Minimal Expectations, and as a subtitle: buy lots of bananas. Toddlers love bananas. I love bananas. We need more bananas. 

In short, potty training is a lot of extra work for mamma. Remembering to potty her before we leave the house, and then taking her to the bathroom every 45 minutes to 1 hour after. Singing songs about the potty. Stickers to celebrate making it in the potty. And a lot of talking about going potty. 

I'm not complaining, I'm just being realistic. I don't like potty training, and it will be 3-5 days or uh, 3-5 months, and maybe she'll get it. 

If you've ever potty trained anyone, you understand. 

Should I just go back to diapers? No, I hate changing them and she has to get it someday and diapers are astronomically expensive. Also, she's ready. She really is. And has anyone else seen the price of diapers lately? It's like $40 a box. Insane. I should have cloth diapered.

But this isn't supposed to be a list about what I should have done in my children's past. Mostly because it would be extensive and honestly would serve no purpose. Mother's aren't perfect, but we do try.

Oh, and this is Esther's last month to be two. It's so sad! It's so wonderful! Oh, my heart. She is growing up so fast. She will turn 3 on May 1 and we want to get her a water table for her birthday. She wants a very hungry caterpillar birthday party and I think we may do just that.

My Brain the Past Week

Why is one of our books always missing? This morning it was This Country of Ours. Of course I never notice it's missing until I want to read it. But, after 2-3 minutes of hunting I found it behind the books in the bookcase. Obviously. 

Continually stopping to find homeschool material of course interrupts my homeschool flow. So do cute, amazing toddlers, bickering kids, requests for food, my own seasonal allergies, my spring apathy and phone notifications. 

At least one of those things can be silenced. I will let you guess which one.

Back to the book. For the first minute I couldn't find it anywhere. Utter frustration. What had I done with it? It's not like the kids will wander off with This County of Ours for a little light reading. The toddler, then, was suspect number one. She's always absconding with books to make book stacks, because, toddler.

Invariably, the kids wandered off while I was searching for the lost book, and started to play wrestling/loud game in their room which did NOT help. Why they not help to find book? I don't know. I don't have time to ask them for help. I am searching for book, because homeschool day depends upon book.

Finally, I found the book behind the books in the bookcase, and felt bad after blaming the toddler, even mentally. I hadn't even gotten to the point of questioning anyone...but, guilt was there nonetheless. It definitely hadn't been her. Or me, or any of the kids, but merely the fact that we have...to many books, and sometimes some of them get shoved in the back, and covered up by other books.

I need a library.

Well, a magic fairy godmother did not appear with a wand and gift me a library like she gifts teenagers dresses, so I dusted off the book, made sure my bookmarks were still in the right place, and looked around for the kids.

They were still playing a game, loudly, in their room. And, with those happy noises I realized...my homeschool day had been derailed. The groove has been disrupted, everyone needed to be re-assembled to school time and...thus I set down the book and went to get them.

They all huffed about me disrupting whatever game they started playing. Excuse me, this is school time. Even when I'm searching for lost educational material that the bookshelf decided to eat. 

Here, I wanted to skip over the part that once I got everyone assembled back into the living room, I couldn't remember where I had set down This Country of Ours. Yes, on the way back I temporarily lost the book again because I set it down in an obscure place (the top of the piano) as I was on the way back to their rooms...but lets not focus on my mom brain. Everyone came, and school was had. 

I need that meme about throwing off the Emperor's Groove...literally me.

There, perfection. 

We ended last week with Esther having a little cold. She even fell asleep on me which was so cute. She never sleeps on me anymore...I enjoyed cuddling her for an hour while she snoozed. 

Then we had daddy's birthday weekend, which was awesome. I did not get a picture with me, because I am the one who takes pictures. I have stopped feeling sad about it. I only feel resigned to obscurity at this point.

The boys went off to see that new space movie with the rock Pokemon and the spaceships and the weird sun eating space algae. 

I haven't read the book, can you tell?

So now, this week is here. I have been having a bad health week but pushing through. I hate bad health weeks. Everything takes so much more time and effort and I'm really quite exhausted. Though I am feeling better today! By better, I mean, I have energy again. I thought I was getting a UTI so I took a bunch of supplements Monday and Tuesday and maybe it helped--maybe I did have a kidney infection and/or UTI. I don't know. But yesterday, I decided to give up gluten and maybe that's why I feel better. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hope one day I will find out. Actually, that's not all the way true. I know some of what is wrong with me. I have alpha gal and I have type two diabetes and I have some kind of gut issue...but beyond that, God only knows. 

I also made bone broth today and I have no idea if that is why I look about 5 months pregnant with bloating. I thought bone broth was supposed to be good for you.

Yesterday the kids set up some tents as forts--they love doing this in the summer! This year we have a girls tent and a boys tent. So fun. They played in them all day yesterday after school. 

Today it hailed like crazy--I have never seen it like this in central Virginia before! It hailed for at least five minutes and we all stopped what we were doing to watch. Except for Esther, she took one look at what was happening and couldn't care less and went back to watching Zootopia 2. Being two is wild, ya'll. 

How was your week?