Chronic Fatigue Is Awful

Well, we weaned Esther (it's been a little over two weeks...maybe she nursed once?) and last week I started having chronic fatigue symptoms again. It has been terrible. It's making me miserable and irritable and depressed. I'm trying to stay positive and find things to Thank God for and keep my eyes on the cross but when I can't do basic tasks in my home and making dinner takes all my focus and energy and leaves me feeling like I ran five miles carrying a load of bricks...it's so hard. I am exhausted. It's beyond exhaustion because sleep doesn't help. I get frustrated with my body and with the amount I can do...

I know God is good. He is so good! Even when I die, even 100 years from now when I am all but forgotten. He is so so so good, and I love him. And chronic fatigue is hard, and living with it right now is a struggle.

I am hoping it will go away as my hormones adjust from nursing. I think I remember last time it took two or three months and I had hot flashes and night sweats when I was weaning for a week or two... But I don't remember having chronic fatigue. 

Even more than the chronic fatigue I think something is wrong with my heart. It hurts more, and the top of it feels sore. Sometimes when I am so tired I check my O2 levels and heart rate and its 95 O2 and my heart rate is like 58. I usually have a heart rate in the 70s. So maybe I need to go back to the heart doctor? I don't know. I'm just tired. 

We had an absolute beautiful week though. Reuben got his arch expander off and is able to breathe a bit through his nose. It's not perfect but it's better. We celebrated Becky's best friend's birthday--it was lovely. The girls made rag dolls and had a tea party. It was birthday perfection. I had chronic fatigue on the way there and broke down crying twice but the kids didn't notice, thank goodness. I almost turned around but I made it. And I made it home after and took a two hour nap. I felt so useless. 

the girls with their rag dolls.

We had a lovely potluck with our church family too, a beautiful time of fellowship. God is so good. The kids had a blast and even though my chronic fatigue was there, I tried to keep it together. 

We have a busy week next week so hopefully I can get through this somehow, figure it out. I'm going to try a big mason jar of nettle tea tomorrow with some oatstraw and red raspberry leaf and other herbs. 

I don't know what I need or how to battle this, and I just want to sleep all the time but I have three kids and one is two and needs her mama. They all need their mama. I hope I can be around for them a lot longer then my body feels like it can...

nature group was freezing!

We did not get much homeschooling done this week too, between all the chronic fatigue and busyness. I had two doctor's appointments this week and we had that birthday party I mentioned and nature group. I also had to go to two different stores which we never do...it was a crazy week. I am hopeful that the next one will be more relaxed. 

The weekend is almost over and I need 12 more.