Day ONE of school!

Today was the first good day in a long time. Reuben had a one day illness and Esther is on the mend. But she broke out in spots! Remember in January when I had a spotty Esther? Esther is spotty now but they are pitted and more itchy. Poor Esther. Hopefully she will be better soon. These spots are on the backs of her legs, arms, and much less on her face than before. Why? I can only guess. At least she is feeling better, although a bit itchy. Whatever it is, I hope it isn't contagious and I hope she heals soon. I suspect HFM, but I'm not an expert.

I don't think its chicken pox given that Reuben and Becky are spot free and have never had chickenpox. Reuben had one day of a fever and feeling ill but he's back to himself today.

My 5th grader and 2nd grader!

Anyway, we started school. Today we did just the "together" subjects, or what I call morning time. We did devotions and prayers, poetry, hymns, bible verses, picture study, phonics, paper sloyd and painting. Then I did some math with Becky. Tomorrow we will start to add in the other various subjects and get the ball rolling! I'm so excited. 

My health is really not good these days. Hoping it improves soon. I like to give 100 percent to my family and when I have a stomachache, no energy, high blood sugar, and/or an allergy attack I can't do that. And sometimes I have all those things at once, and even more...little problems that drive me crazy, like eyesight issues, pain that comes and goes...breathing issues...sigh. I don't like thinking about this. 

I need to learn to rest, and be happy with the body God has given me, but I do wish my body could do more, like go out in the evenings and have time for friends. Sometimes I feel so stuck and at those times I have to remind myself of what I do have: a lovely family, a beautiful house, an amazing hardworking husband and an atmosphere of peace and joy that I can cultivate and grow. God really is good. 

Last week was really hard as it was also the due date for the baby I lost in October. I kept thinking "I should be holding my newborn now. I should be introducing the new baby to Esther and she'd be a big sister" and then I'd start crying and it just wasn't a good week.  Miscarriage is never easy and I am so tired of having them. Another reason my body sucks and I wish I was healthier. I'm not getting any younger, and while I am so blessed to have three beautiful children who are amazing and spoil me every day--I always wanted a big family--and as time goes on that dream becomes less and less of a reality. Some day soon I will hit menopause, probably in the next 5 to 8 years, and then it won't be a maybe or a if but a dream in the past that can never come true. And that is hard to face. When I had my first miscarriage I was in my 20s. My last one I was 37. I am now 38, and wondering what is next. I've had seven miscarriages and I miss each baby. 

I didn't want to end on such a sad note, but Esther is throwing a fit because her kombucha cup is empty and my full cup sitting here next to me isn't at all the vogue she was dreaming of.