Saturday, April 12, 2014

What does a stay at home wife DO?

I get this question a lot. I guess people are just curious, or maybe they simply want to understand what it is I do. Sometimes I don't know how to respond.

Therefore I decided to write a blog post about it. So, what does a stay at home wife do? To be honest, it's very hard to keep track of what I do, so I filmed the first half of a regular non-gym day at home. In my pajamas. Because, why not? I usually wake up at 7, but the first hour of the day is just me lethargically sitting on the couch listening to a sermon from GTY and drinking tea. No one wants to see that, because I'm basically a zombie.

Every stay at home wife's day will look different, of course, but this is how I sometimes spend the first half of my morning. Every other weekday I try and visit the gym as well. I do lots of different things, from knitting, blogging, outdoor work, photography, volunteering as much as possible, spending time with friends, cleaning, meal planning, romantic note writing...the list goes on and on. The second half of my morning (usually from 3-4pm onward) is usually spent cleaning up after the first half, making lunch, planning and making dinner, and getting ready for my husband to come home.

Another hard thing is trying to explain to others why I am stay at home wife in the first place. The main reason I am a stay at home wife is so that I can be home with my husband when he is home.  He works anywhere from 8 (on a good day) to 14 hours a day, coming home anywhere from 5:30 to 10pm. And he wants me to be there. I am part of his relaxation process after a hard day, and he wants to spend time with me. We are both willing to sacrifice the money I would be making at a job for the memories and quality alone time we spend together in the evenings and on the weekends. This is important to me and my husband, important enough for me to stay at home for. Luckily, my husbands job pays enough that this is financially feasible for us.

Now, this isn't how every marriage works, of course, and don't think I'm trying to say that at all. This is how our marriage works. And mutually, we both enjoy it. This allows my husband to work hard all day, and me to get the chores done so he can relax when he comes home. It allows him to have peace of mind that his laundry is going to be washed--he does not have to worry about dinner, or try to make time in his busy, stressful schedule to run to the grochery store that night to make sure he has something for breakfast before work the next morning. Likewise, I never worry about bills, or house payments or where the money for our next meal is coming from. We both support each other with our different chosen roles.

I'll be honest, my willingness to forgo out of home work has revolutionized our marriage. For starters, we've both defined our roles within our marriage. We both know what to expect from the other, at least in cases of household chores and salary. The house runs smoothy, almost as an afterthought by now, and I've ceased asking my husband about bills or purchases that are covered by our budget, and he never has to wonder if he should do the dishes. We both completely know our own roles and don't have to question the other on what we should be doing.

The second reason I enjoy being a stay at home wife is that I really wanted to start my own knitting business. I do this on the side, and it has been really fun, but I would still call it a hobby.

I hope this helps you understand what a stay at home wife does all day. The short answer is that I do it all, anything and everything I can to help my spouse--and I don't have to rush, because I literally have all day! I really, absolutely love what I do, and the time it allows me to spend with my friends, and above all the way I get to minister to my husband. I enjoy the freedom of being able to help my friends out at the drop of a hat whenever they need me.

What about you? Does your day look like mine or is it completely different?


Rachel G said...

As another happy stay-at-home wife, I'll add what it looks like for me! I've been a student for most of our marriage, never a full-time worker outside the home but full-time in school (with occasional part-time jobs) so we've always lived off of Angel's income. When I finished school in September, we decided not to have me get a job right then because we had travel planned in the winter, and as a new hire my vacation time wouldn't be as flexible as Angel', we soon found out that my family would be staying with us for a few months. Originally, the idea was that I'd get a job sometime after Christmas, but then with plans to move in late summer, we decided that didn't make any sense.

I enjoy that I'm as flexible as Angel's schedule, and we save money now that I'm able to cook everyday, so we don't go out to eat.
My day when Angel goes to work now that my family is gone looks like: Bible and devotions time, studying Chinese time, blog work/writing/networking time, any needed housework, cooking, writing in my other manuscripts/articles to send to magazines, researching for future trips, taking care of paperwork for our move. For fun I'll watch Netflix while working on a sewing project or some other craft. I'll pick up sticks in the yard, go for a bike ride if it's nice out, maybe also do some needed errands. I cut my grandpa's, aunts' and cousins' hair when they need it (someone always needs a haircut!). Angel works a lot of Sundays so those days I go to church by myself.

I've also gotten some negative comments about being a stay-at-home wife, but the days go by very quickly and enjoyably for me. Angel and I would have very different schedules if I worked in a salon, and i like our flexibility for now. PLUS! A very good benefit is that I'm unsually flexible enough to help others. I've been able to babysit my little cousins during the middle of weekdays when no one else is available to watch them when my aunt has a doctor's appointment. And, my aunt and uncle are going through a very hard and stressful season right now, so I've been able to volunteer to host both the family Easter dinner and their oldest daughter's high school graduation open house in a couple weeks (I think we're expecting about 100 guests?? exciting!) to help take some of the stress off of them. I don't believe my calling is to make as much money as I can in life, and we're blessed that Angel has the job he does, because I love having the freedom that we have because I don't have a job!

All that said, I know this is only a season--I'm going to have a job come August, and I'll do my best at that too. I'd like to stay home and homeschool when we have kids, but we'll see how life turns out. I figure I better just enjoy each season while it lasts!

DonaldDPotter said...

Originally, the idea was that I'd get a job sometime after Christmas, but then with plans to move in late summer, we decided that didn't make any sense.

Angela said...

Great post! Love it! It's awesome that y'all make it work, so you can be home and be a wife full time. Society has it all wrong, like money, possessions and jam packed schedules are how we value people's worth. But to be a woman who stays home to be a wife takes a servant’s hearts. So happy I found your blog sweet lady!

Angela said...

Also, a cool post for me would be your 10 ten favorite things you love about being home and your top 10 least favorite things? Just for us gals working to be able to stay home (:

Charlotte Wood said...

You said this so well! I think a lot of marriages would benefit from having a stay at home wife. And if people would change their standard of living (live in a smaller house/drive an older car), they would be able to afford it, too. You have done well. :)

Carolynn said...

going to totally use those ideas! awesome :P

Carolynn said...

wow, sounds like God is really blessing you in this season :) I hope you enjoy your job in August! :P Sometimes my husband also works on Sundays. I dislike going to church by myself but I still do. I just miss him!