Monday

There is nothing more beautiful than the happy noises of children playing outside, and no one can convince me otherwise. 

We have all been sick to varying degrees--Reuben the worst--and here we are on a Monday with the sun shining and everyone almost better. I'm not sure what we had--some type of sore throat/sinus problems but it also rained all weekend and with everyone sick it was a very cozy sort of hiatus.

God has been so good recently and I see him everywhere. Which also makes me feel like I'm going to die soon because how can I be this chronically ill but also full of so much peace? I'm not ready to go home to heaven yet, I want transformative healing to wash away all my inner complications... I want to see myself get better. I don't want this to be the end of my story.

Instead I keep getting worse and worse and wondering what I am doing wrong. It's been 14 years and I still have brain fog, chronic constipation, fatigue, bloating issues, stomach pain and gas, type two diabetes, blood clotting issues, 8 miscarriages, eye and teeth problems (and thats just a list of issues I had last week) and not only am I sicker than ever we are also broker than ever (thanks inflation) and busier than ever... home schooling with a toddler while I have anaphylactic alpha gal is not for the faint of heart. 

Yet I've let go of my anger, and of my expectations through the last 14 years. I can't go out at night, I can't have many friends, I can't do many things, at least not as many as I want too. Sometimes I put myself to bed at 11am and sometimes I have energy to wash the dinner dishes but not usually. I pray for healing and I try to do all I can: organic food, gluten free, holistic natural medicine. I exercise regularly. Right now I'm taking some probiotics to see if it will help...so far it has made everything worse! Ugh! 

I feel like I'm missing something but I can't see inside myself to see what I need. I don't know what to do! I have another doctor's appointment at the end of the month and I hope it can help. 

I don't know how I get through the day and I mostly try not to think about it and just do what I can and prioritize my family.

Anyway, today we had a reset day. Reuben had an orthodontist appointment and got his second set of Invisalign. He's halfway done! No one is more thrilled than he is. We did devotions and I made toast for breakfast. We read Magical Melons--which is the Caddie Woodlawn sequel--it isn't as good as the first one but we are enjoying it. I did a few chores and Reuben and Becky both had an herb bath, Becky upstairs in the girls bathroom and Reuben downstairs. I put lots of respiratory herbs in and I think it worked wonders (thank you Lord!) because they both are looking and acting much more normally except for the coughs...

We had a delicious lunch. I had salad with chicken and chickpeas and the kids had Mac and cheese, leftover pot roast, and peas. Esther in true toddler fashion ate only her cheesy noodles. 

After lunch we had rest time and everyone played Stardew Valley. I'm in fall of year 1 and Becky is in summer of year 1 and Reuben is in winter of year 1.

Becky doesn't plant anything and mostly mines to get money. Her commercial ideas certainly are interesting. 

It's dinner time now and I made fish and roasted veggies which is delicious. I'm going to eat and finish this blog post and then there is another round of cleaning and hopefully some knitting and crochet in my future. Also I finally got a picture of Esther in her new hat! I need to get a group photo. I wonder if I ever will?

We plan to homeschool tomorrow and finish out the week strong. That's always the plan and sometimes God has different ideas...and I just have to go with the flow. Like, for example when everyone was sick and I had an awful alpha gal attack and I don't even know what I ate! I told my husband we need to live in separate houses for my health. He laughed, but I wasn't joking. I wish I could figure out how to keep myself safe from the deadly alpha gal and also feed my family nutritious meals...instead one of us seems to suffer. 

Off tangents into my genealogy...

Sunday Brian taught our three year old how to drive. She is obsessed. It took her 15 minutes to not automatically crash but now she can do loops around the yard like a champ. She spent about 90 minutes yesterday doing it and again today and even though I know she will eventually get tired of it, I'm soaking it up! Yesterday I used that time to do a lot of school with the older kids and I was pleased when she wanted to drive today! We got a lot done that previously had been interrupted with pleas for water, bathroom help, snacks, coloring sheets, clothing changes, books to read...even when I try to help her not interrupt, three is just a hard age. Driving the car will help!

Esther does crash once about every 5-10 minutes and Becky, Reuben and I take turns helping her. Sometimes all we have to do is remind her to put it in reverse. 

After Becky was done with her school her and Esther played "taxi" outside with the car while I did a few subjects with Reuben before karate. 

Seeing her drive the little car brought back so many memories. It's been a long summer since Becky and Reuben could both fit in the car. Now Reuben can't fit at all and Becky has to fold herself up and half of herself is sticking out to fit! 

summer 2023

When Becky was five or six she had these amazing pink barefoot shoes and I had given them to a friend for her daughter to wear. The shoes have laces and I am convinced laces are the bane of every parent. It was at that time I decided never to buy my kids shoes with laces again! I do have two dyslexic children and I was over tying (and re-tying) shoes...of course both the older kids can now do it, but at the time I was angry and thus gave the shoes away thinking it would be forever and a day before Esther was 5 or 6 and could wear them and even if she could, would I want to put myself through the horror of tying toddler shoes 6 times a hour? My friend's daughter, Cozy, just outgrew them at 6 and a half years old. At church on Sunday she gave them back to me and they fit my three year old perfectly much to my complete and utter shock.

Esther is wearing clothing size 5 but still, this is ridiculous. Esther turned three in May. Becky wore these shoes when she was 5 or 6!! Becky (8) right now is a solid size 3 in shoe and Esther is wearing a size 10...that's what these little pink shoes are! Reuben (11) is wearing a woman's 8. 

Actually, Reuben needed new shoes and I just gave him two pairs of mine since I am an 8 and we didn't really have the budget for new shoes. He is thrilled.

I'm making chicken for dinner and just got done trying to research dyslexic math curriculum. Becky really struggles with math and I'm wondering if a different curriculum would help. She gets really anxious and stuck in a fear cycle when it comes to math and sometimes she will just cry! She does really well at math, we take it slow and she can do it. I know it takes a lot of concentration for her. She flips numbers and struggles to keep everything in line. 37 can be read at 72 and she still struggles with the teens. 17, 18...these numbers we read the second number first then the teen, and those are the only numbers that do that in English. For example, 28 you read the 2 first but 13 you read the 3 first. She will forget to borrow when it's 23 minus 17 she will do the 7 minus the 3. She tries to put two numbers in the ones place and flips a lot of numbers when she writes. Her brain is trying so hard and I think a different curriculum,  maybe one made for dyslexics, would help. If only I could find one... 

With Reuben today we read about Abraham Lincoln's assassination. My mom was always told she was directly related to John Wilkes Booth and I need to ask her about it next time she visits. I tried to look it up on Ancestry and I couldn't find it without paying, and I can't afford to pay right now but I'm fascinated and I might try to pay for it sometime in December...as a Christmas present to me!

As far as I can tell on my mothers side, I am related to William Arthur Meredith who married Olive Lafayette Chitwood (Parents John M Chitwood, 1848 and Lauren "Narley" Jane Reagan). They had three boys, Robert Allen Meredith, Cecil Meredith (my great great grandfather) and Frank Raney Meredith.

Cecil Meredith, born in 1904 and died in 1968, had one girl and two boys with his first wife, Thelma O Chesher (Parents of Thelma: Walter Anderson Chesher and Pearl Bowles). He had Cecil Jane (girl) Joe Martyn Meredith (my grandfather) and James Michael Meredith who was in the mob. 

Thelma with Jane

Cecil Meredith also married a second wife named Marguerite Sinz (1906-1999) and they had one child as far as I could tell named Beverly Clair Meredith.

Joe Meredith (my grandfather) his sister Cecil Jane (the baby in the above photo)
and James

So, Joe Martyn Meredith married Carolynn (who I am named after) Joe was my grandfather and he had my mom, Julie, who was the 5th and last child in his family. He had three other girls and one boy before my mom was born. She married Nathan Bullard and had two girls, me, Carolynn Ruth and my sister.

My grandmother, Carolynn Meredith, her parents were named Vivian Violet Klingenburg and Virgil Leroy Bevers. Vivian and Virgil had three daughters, Ruth who married my Uncle Fred. He was a Jew who escaped the holocaust and also spent time being in captivity in China (?) and eventually moved to California where he met Ruth. They had at least one daughter named Susan? Then Vivian and Virgil had my grandmother, Carolynn, and then Gail and Dianne. Dianne had Kelly, Michelle, Rebecca, Lori and maybe Leanne--two of whom were twins. I was contacted on 23 and me by someone named Jessica who was looking for information about her father (not related to me) but on her mother's side she was descended from Dianne. 

Back row, Left, Cecil Jane, unknown woman, unknown woman, Grandpa Joe and his little brother James
all of Grandpa Joes kids in the front, my mom is the littlest one in the middle. 

Genealogy is very confusing. Oh, and my mom did tell me who those two ladies were in the back but I have forgotten. Ooops. 

Anyway, there is also the fact that Brian's grandfather was adopted and I'd love to look into that too...

Is my life a joke?

Well here I am staring another week in the face and feeling tired and unprepared. I guess this is just my life now! At least I am used to it? 

It's not like I was lazy: I have two lunches prepped for myself, and lunch to send with Brian to work, and a vague plan in my head for the kids for at least one meal...we have fish thawed...maybe we will do turkey sandwiches for the other meal. I do not currently have turkey but I can run to the store during Reuben's piano lesson. 

The kitchen is not a mess but it's not perfect either. 

I think part of it is how chaotic school was last week. Someone was always having a meltdown and we didn't finish everything. Which is so normal but it feels like I'm still holding onto all the loose ends! How do I tie them up into neat bows when I wasn't able to check them off my list? Perhaps I'll feel better after tomorrow. 

I've had kinda a light headache all day too which has not helped my irritation. Since I felt bad, I laid down a lot, and the kids (and husband) went bananas without me to remind them about all the chores. Which did NOT make me feel rested, loved, or respected when I got up an hour later to find dishes covering the table and cookie mess strewn everywhere... and Esther had dumped out a board game... So, we all stopped what we were doing and cleaned up and then I had a minor lecture moment where I reminded everyone that just because I am resting does not mean they can shirk their responsibilities.

Sometimes I feel like the only parent in this household! 

I'm sure my husband feels that way too at times.

Anyway, I was able to crochet about 3 rows of a new hat and it's soft, pinky/purple and I'm excited to wear it. I'm also making dark yellowy/ fall vibe boot cuff warmers and hoping I get them done in time for winter! I also finished this hat and I love it. 

I also had a very bad health week. Fatigue and two alpha gal reactions...no fun. I'm so tired of having alpha gal. I need to call and schedule acupuncture but I keep overthinking it. If it doesn't work, this is my last option. There are no other options. I've tried two rounds of homeopathy and it hasn't done anything that I've noticed (the second round does seem to help me manage my alpha gal reactions, but does not cure the allergy) and all that is left is to try acupuncture. I hate needles, I don't want to try it, it's expensive but I guess I should. I have a feeling it won't work, so why waste money? Maybe God will surprise me. Maybe I shouldn't be telling myself it's hopeless when God is a God of the miraculous. 

Anyway, I am going to try it. Eventually. 

I do trust God, and I love him and I know he loves me. Alpha gal, chronic illness, homeschooling, cooking with our allergies and navigating the crazy inflation...while also trying to make time for myself and my marriage.....this is crazy! 

One step at a time...even if its a step backwards? 

Hoping for better energy and focus from all members of my family next week. And for days to be fun as we all glorify God together in this crazy world. 

I wore my new sweater to church and to the farmers market and I couldn't be happier with it! 

I think what I need in my life is less seriousness and less rigid conformity to my checklist. Chronic illness can't be managed with spreadsheets and timelines and neither can toddlers. Expect the unexpected and learn to enjoy the interruptions should be my new motto going forward.

At dinner today Brian told a story about how when he was 8, his dad lost his job and they had to move from Arizona to Pennsylvania and how his mom, dad and him and his little brother (7) all moved in with his Grandpa and Grandma for a year while his Dad job searched. It was his dad's parents they all lived with and when Brian turned 9, everyone moved from PA for VA where we now live, and 32 years later Brian is working at the very same company his dad got his new job at. 

It just reminded me that God sees the big picture even when we are stuck on the long, slow route to wherever he is taking us. God knows where we are going, and he knew that little boy who was moving across the country from Arizona to Pennsylvania to Virginia would one day meet a girl who had lived here practically all her life and start a family of their very own. 

I also laughed a lot because Brian's Dad was 40 when that all happened and here is Brian at 41 with a three year old and Ford Wind Star, and I think his dad if he were still around would laugh. According to Brian he did not think Ford cars were that reliable. 

But here we all are still in Virginia and enjoying being a family together and glorifying the Lord in our small ways.