It was Never About Doing It All

The last 6 months I've been killing it in school. The baby is finally 2.5 and I felt I could ramp it up. We have been getting it all done. For the most part. I have been crossing it all off my list!

And I ruined it for my children. 

The last few months they have said things like "I hate school." They have begun rolling their eyes when I pull out the next subject and tears have been the normal instead of the bright smiling eager faces I am used to seeing. 

And I haven't been able to figure out why until lately. 

I love school. And I love getting Everything Done. I feel successful when I get everything done. But my children need to not be harassed by a to-do list. They need fun moments at the park (that I've cut out recently so we could get through school) and playdates and a fun mom who isn't stressed about getting through her list of things. A mom who at the end of the 2 hours doesn't need a break. 

The screen time in our homeschool has been through the roof lately. I've been handing out screen time so I can de-stress potato style on the couch for an hour because of all the school we have been doing! 

I realized I was ruining my kids school experience and slowly sucking the life out of the educational feast I wanted to feed them. Ugh, I hate being the problem.

But since I am the problem, I can change. We can still do so much and thrive. I don't have to do it all. It's not a competition.

I know now that my family needs to address some educational challenges that we are having, too. That is why we are starting the Barton Reading Program! And Cognitive Brain Development!  There are some missing pieces of the puzzle that need to be slotted in so that they can thrive instead of struggle. This is part of the issue, it wasn't only me. (Thank goodness.) 

But school doesn't have to be rigorous. I can make it fun. I can pare back. We can do math 3 times a week, cramming 5 in there just so I can feel we are on track and fulfilled is dumb if it's frustrating and hindering my children. We can take a break from phonics, we can do 2-3 written narrations a week instead of 5. I can add in all the fun things I cut out like bike rides and hikes, even if it's cold outside. 

It's funny how trying to do the right thing for all the wrong reasons doesn't work... 

I'm so glad I serve an amazing God who is full of mercy and forgiveness and new starts. Monday will look very different around here! 

A Humble Thanksgiving

This is the first Thanksgiving in a long time that I haven't felt stressed and anxious. It was oh so wonderful! Yes, we were sick. That part wasn't fun. We started getting sick last week as a family and it ran through all of us, starting with Esther last Monday, then Reuben, then Becky. I was like good, we will get the illness over this week and have a smooth vacation next week. By the weekend I thought it might be over but, lo and behold, I started to fall ill Wednesday morning (the 26th) cumulating with Husband today, Thanksgiving. Poor husband! It is a sore-throat sinus-fever thing, about 2-3 days duration. For me the first day was the worst. 

Yesterday I rested and threw everything I could at it. Lots of homeopathy, fire cider, garlic and tea.

Today I felt well enough to cook but not well enough for guests. Especially with Brian on day 1, and basically in bed. 

But we made it through and now everyone has had the cold and turkey was also enjoyed.

Early in the week Brian and I went Christmas shopping. We got almost all the gifts and I am so excited. The kids are going to be thrilled. I'm very excited about Christmas. 

Tomorrow I have no plans. I really don't leave my home on Black Friday. I mean, I did once or twice and was underwhelmed. I don't like crowds, I don't like stress and I don't like fake discounts. Really, I checked amazon with some things I had saved and the prices went UP when they announced the sale over there. I think it's a scam. Maybe some things lower in price but everyone is trying to get as much money as possible while making you think you are getting a deal. 

Esther had the best time after Thanksgiving lunch by letting me crochet for an hour while I watched her cute nap on the couch. Doesn't she look so much like Becky here? 

Everyone is still recovering. Becky is the only completely well one. Esther has a cough, Daddy is in the throes of it, I have low energy and a little stuffy nose and I had a cough this morning, I wonder if it will come back tonight. Reuben also has some bronchial stuff going on. Hopefully we can nip this in the bud over the weekend because we have some packed weeks ahead until Christmas! 

God is so good. I felt so much peace and love this Thanksgiving. 

Because we were sick, none of our relatives could visit. My mom and my step dad actually dropped off the food they planned to leave for us on the porch so we got to enjoy their chocolate cake, handmade rolls and cranberry they prepared. It was so good!  I missed them though. They hope to come over this weekend  if they don't catch the sickness from us (we saw them earlier this week before we were sick). 

What a crazy daisy wonderful Thanksgiving. 

I ordered the Barton Reading Program. It was expensive but I think it is what I will try next to address the learning issues we are seeing in our homeschool. I hope it works. I"m excited to try it. I hope it will help Reuben learn spelling and Becky learn to read and spell, and me...me too. I am also dyslexic. Maybe I too can learn how to spell things correctly and read better. I mean, I can read, but sounding out unfamiliar words I do guess, which is a dyslexic trait.

We also decided to do cognitive brain development and are on the waiting list with a local tutor, with a potential start date of May. So much going on! So many good things. 

Seasonal Changes

Well, the United States Government is open again, after the longest shutdown ever...but the bill that was passed only funds through January so we will see what happens next...this is going to be interesting. 

Does anyone else think Trump is acting really really weird? First he didn't release the Epstein files after that was one of the things he promised transparency on...second, he straight up dissed Americans saying we need H1B visas because we just don't have talent here...uhhhh what? I quite agreed with Brett Cooper's podcast thoughts about this. 

Is Trump being blackmailed? Because he sure is acting weird. And NO we do NOT NEED 50 year mortgages. Thats another terrible idea, Trump. Please put Dave Ramsey in charge of the budget. Seriously. 

I will be honest, as a fully homeschooling, cooking from scratch mama of three with a full time job, I mean, chronic illness (hah) I rarely have time to pay attention to politics with the two brain cells I have left at an end of the long day, but sometimes things seep through. I wish I had more time because as I age I find I care and also my BS meter waaayy shorter. I went from "pulling a republican lever" in my 20s to begrudgingly voting republican while internally angry about how corrupt democrats and republicans are. Where are all the good men? Oh, they are working hard for their families, aren't they, not manipulating budgets and dabbling in power plays. I know there are some good guys out there in politics but it seems like for every two there are thirty dirty players. 

Who has time for politics when I can watch my baby sleep? Cuteness over stress, definitely recommend. 

I was not impacted from the shutdown. 

My sister lost her food stamps for two weeks.

My mom brought her food.

Anyway, we did school today and made it a lite day because it's Friday and mama is tired. Reuben starts 5th grade next week! How crazy. He's growing up so fast. Becky is on Year 2, Term 2 starting next week and Esther is alternating between crying and playing with play dough and getting into All The Things while I read. 

I made homemade donuts and have been cleaning and organizing all morning. I am decluttering because Christmas. Actually, when am I not decluttering? I really need to get rid of way more stuff.

Life is good. If only I wasn't chronically ill. 

Life can be good with a chronic illness, God is good...I know, but this is hard. I have had times where my chronic illness was in remission for a little bit, even long stretches and it's so much nicer. Maybe one day I will get there again.

Anyway, two weeks ago when I was getting colonics, I found out one of the names for whatever it is I deal with. I already know I struggle with type two diabetes, but now I know I have IBS-C. Apparently something called a low fodmap diet helps. I don't know if I can do another diet. We will see. I also have dyslexia and that isn't a chronic illness, it does make daily life interesting sometimes! 

I'm a walking conundrum. My other issues are I get heart palpitations and I have blood clots sometimes. I also feel tired all the time but that can be from the IBS-C I have read. 

There is no cure for IBS. It's a good thing I was made by a God is works miracles. 

How are you all?