Monday, June 29, 2015

Parenting Fears

I don't know if I worried or even thought about parenting before I suddenly sprouted a human. I honestly didn't even think much about kids before marriage. Well, my general thought was more along the lines of "why do kids smell? why are they so loud? why would anyone want to do that?" and definitely not centered around thoughts of my own munchkins, much less parenting fears.

Feel free to soothe my fears. Or relate to them. Or laugh at them. I mean, I am 38 weeks pregnant, so I have no idea if these are even legitimate things to be worried about. Also, they are in no particular order. Just stream of consciousness.
  1. Talking to my kids about sex. Listen, my mom talked to me about sex. She did a few different times, at different ages. I never got the idea from her that sex was bad, or dirty, and I felt totally comfortable asking her questions. I've since talked to my mom about the many times she talked to me and she said she wasn't nervous at all! I'm so nervous. I don't even know why. I do know, of course, that I have to talk to my kids about sex and of course I will. (not talking to my kid about sex would border on child neglect I think!) I hope I can do so in a way that is both scientific, loving, and biblical like my mom. I also hope that my kid does not go around asking people if they have a penis like another little boy I know did after he figured out the difference between him and his sister. That was a very awkward Target trip. (but we handled it well, no shaming or badgering the kid for innocent questions.) Or another kid I know who proudly reported to everyone for a week that he, indeed, had a penis. Why are there so many stories like this? How can I make sure my kid isn't one of them?
  2. On a less serious note, I also fear dealing with non-breastfed poop. Why can't babies use toilets? Breastfed poop does not usually smell and is water soluble, so easy to clean. When your baby starts eating solids it's a whole other ball game. I am not ready. Perhaps it won't be as bad as I think it is? 
  3. Communicating to my future daughters and sons that they are beautiful but also being sure to help them understand that who they are is so much more than what they look like. AKA having good self esteem, and accepting who they are. I want them to feel beautiful but also know that it should not matter. Does this make sense at all? I don't know how to do this. I do know that not complaining about my own body is a good place to start!
  4. I have a parenting fear of ever having one of my own children accidentally hear/see me and my husband having sex. I would die of utter embarrassment. And awkwardness. I'm sure I would traumatize them forever.
  5. Child services. Okay, this one might be hard to explain but I read and hear so many accounts of parents whose kids are taken away from them for what child services thinks is abuse but isn't actually abuse. It freaks me out a little. I love my baby so much. Misunderstandings and people insinuating things scare me! I know child services exist for a reason, and I am sure they help many kids! But I know of a few people who have been badgered by them and didn't deserve it. 
  6. Dealing with my kid throwing up. I can't even deal with myself throwing up. Ugh. 
  7. Letting my child on the internet. So, I grew up with the internet. Or rather, the internet grew up with me. I know I need to teach my kids how to use a computer, but I don't think I would want them having unsupervised access to it as children. I want them to learn to be safe---the internet is a tool, a very good one, but there is a lot out there I don't think children should have access too, at least not right away. Figuring out the "give more freedom a little bit at a time" thing is going to be hard.
That is about all the fears I have right now. I know I am going to make mistakes, but I pray that my children can see my imperfections in a positive, growth kind of way and not as a downside. I am really excited about being a mom!


Rachel G said...

I will probably suck at handling anything gross. I distinctly remember one time in my teens when a little sister threw up all over the floor, which immediately sent me running to one bathroom to throw up and mom running to the backyard to throw up (since the bathroom and the kitchen floor were already used. My brother cleaned up little sis's mess since he was the only one around not vomiting. haha! I'm seriously counting on Angel to handle most grossness because that nurse has an iron stomach--nothing will phase him. We took a parenting class about 2 years ago, and we've always talked about what we want to do with our kids when we have them--I'm way more interested in parenting than pregnancy, when it comes to studying or reading or conversation or anything, really.

Carolynn said...

wow, you win the prize for the longest comment!! I've been thinking about what you've said the past few days! I love the first part about my kid being "that kid". I am humbled by your words and totally see where you are coming from! I am sure my kid will make mistakes and not even know it and it's up to me to teach him without judgement! It's nice to be reminded that THAT is what matters, not whatever my kid happened to do that might have embarrassed me. Thank you. And thank you for everything else you said. It did help to have a different perspective and a viewpoint from someone who is "ahead" of me in the parenting game :P

Carolynn said...

haha, being married to a nurse sure has its perks!!! :)