Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Grumply Satisfied

So, I feel I should warn you: if you are dealing with miscarriage or infertility, this post isn't for you. I am going to complain about pregnancy, and if you are struggling with either of the former or latter issues, I suspect you will have little sympathy for me.

I will be honest: besides Michelle's post, all the women I've heard talk about pregnancy gave glowing reviews to the process. I mean, some talked about a little morning sickness, but from the way they went on it never sounded that bad. I guess it does not help to point out I've been looking forward to having babies ever since my mom told me about it. It sounded both wonderful and amazing and most of all fun. I never really thought it could be any different.

Not at all like what I am experiencing. Around the clock nausea. The inability to do, well, anything. I have not been able to knit or crochet. Last week I realized it had been an entire 6 days since I last showered. My armpit hair was out of control. I've been eating take out my husband has picked up because I can't cook.

This was taken yesterday. That is my little bean!
In short, I really don't like being pregnant. I would use stronger words. Every day has been a struggle.

And yes, before you go "but you've been trying for two years" I'll let you know that I am grateful. I do want to have children. I am excited. I just had no idea it was this hard. I mean, I try to think "well I still have legs and I'm alive, so buck up". But then I heat myself a bowl of mac and cheese because I realize I should be hungry but of course with all this nausea I can never tell when I'm hungry or not and when it's done the smell of it makes me even more nauseous and I cry because I don't want to eat it but I know I should because I'm sure I need food.

They say this only lasts 12 weeks. I'm at week 8.5 according to my doctor. Maybe it will be better soon. Maybe it won't. But that's okay. It is worth it, and I can't wait to meet my little boy or girl in July (she said my due date is the 16th). But I just wish it was easier and that I didn't feel so weird and spacy and sick and tired and upset all the time. I wouldn't change it for the world, through. I pray every day for my baby and safety.

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