I woke up this morning and I did not want to start school with the kids. But I did it anyway. Which is good, because habits and discipline are important but it sucks that doing the right thing didn't help my inner attitude in the least! I was a grumpy homeschool mom on the inside while on the outside I was throwing together carrot cake muffins for breakfast.
Perhaps I should have given myself a better pep talk while muffining (but the toddler was serenading me and it was hard to concentrate) or added a bunch of chocolate to my grocery list. (You know, the list that is right now in my head and not written down, because I clearly have too many things going on...)
Well, instead of school I deeply desired to go lay in bed, crochet a hat and eat chocolate for an hour and then deep clean my kitchen while listening to my favorite playlist while my kids entertained themselves outdoors or whatever...but I did tell the government I would handle the education of my children... So, we started with handwriting, did typing, math, and piano. By that point the carrot cake muffins were done and I was so excited because I sprouted them and they looked amazing, even if made without eggs (Becky is allergic to eggs poor Becky) and also I had figured out what was for breakfast before 8am and thought that the hardest part of my day was now over...feeding our family with our severe and strange allergies is no easy feat.
Everyone hated the carrot cake muffins. Except for maybe Esther she ate 3/4ths of one and you never can tell if a toddler is just in grazing mode or didn't like it. I couldn't eat them because I'm gluten free and I put butter in them so they were full of Alpha gal and so I couldn't even try one to see if they were actually gross or if my kids were just being entitled? After breakfast we did Math, Bible, Poetry, Devotions, Singing, Bible Verses, Literature, Sex Ed and History.
One of my kids had some severe attitudes which did not help our transitions go as smoothly (think crying and panicking over the fact it was Monday). Also, me too, me too but I didn't show it and was On Top of that Parenting...Anyway, after the meltdowns were done and I had finished taking the toddler potty for the 5th time, I let Becky go because she was done and we moved on to just Reuben's subjects which today included Dictation, Latin, Grammar, Spelling, Bible, more History and Literature.
We just finished about 85% of our schedule and took a break for lunch (loaded nachos) where I decided to try this delicious new vegan cheese sauce I bought on a spurge...It's so good. I've gotten it before but ate it all myself and this time told the kids I'd share with them, since we were also out of sour cream. The kids were excited to try it though Reuben did ask me to check if it had beans in it. He is allergic to beans. I did make beans for the nachos but left them on the side...because everyone else loves beans. Seriously, feeding my family is crazy. I told him I would check but lost track and sat down and served everyone and he tried some as I was picking up the jar to read it. I immediately freaked out as the Primal Kitchen "No Dairy" Queso dip did not have beans but did have avocado oil in it. My son is anaphylactic allergic to avocado! Cue panic, we give him a totally new plate and he's very upset with me. I usually check everything I buy to see if it has avocado oil in it a unlike avocado flesh that is green you can't see if something has avocado oil in it.
He had only one small bite and the dip only had a very tiny amount of avocado oil in it--it was an ingredient in an ingredient and...boy did I feel dumb. But we always knew this could happen and were prepared. He said his throat felt itchy (but I think it was just stress) but I gave him his medicine (Apis, Carb acid, Urtica all in a 10M) and he seems fine now. It's been an hour and we are watching him.
I've also read that a lot of things that say they have avocado oil in it when tested do not actually have avocado oil in it and I've never prayed so hard in my life that this would be true for Primal Kitchen's Queso dip. Oh, what a crazy day!
I guess I can't have that dip anymore. Which is fine. And I'm glad Reuben is okay!
My nerves are fried from forcing myself through school with whiny, underfed kids (because the muffins were a bust) and then maybe almost murdering my son. Ugh. And it's not even 2 o'clock!
While all this was happening I got an email that our raw milk is going up $2 a gallon. I almost cried. Our budget has been so awful lately and we haven't been making it and everything is going up except my husband's salary. I know I should be grateful that I can offer this nutritious food to my children and I know it's a privilege but this will make it $21 a week for 1.5 gallons of milk. There is also a delivery fee of $2.50 a week. And everything is going up. It makes sense but I wonder how long we can keep making it and how many more of things that I consider "needs" we will have to cut out. We have cut out all our wants in the past three years...I know everyone is feeling this way...I want to offer so much to our family and do so many things and we didn't even get to go on vacation this year. The kids wanted to go to the beach and we told them we would try for next year. The beach is definitely a want and not a need.
And so many little things like we didn't buy any ice cream for the past 2 weeks (the kids tried making some) as our budget ran out of grocery money and ice cream is a want and not a need.
But I am trying to remain happy that we have food and clothing and a home to come home to, great books and wonderful family time. It can always be worse! Everything is unnecessary when it comes down to it and even on our budget we still do things like karate and ballet which many would say would be wants but for us are needs. Due to my chronic illness I need the kids to be in some type of P.E. class that I don't have to manage. But I digress and probably sound entitled. It's just hard to have our circumstances change and not to be able to buy or do the things I feel like we should (and used too) afford! I'm having trouble coping, obviously. If it would just even out I think I'll be okay...
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