Thursday, June 18, 2020

what is wrong with me

This started in 2012. Well, actually before that. I had issues. Autoimmune issues, although I didn't know that is what they were called and I didn't know that some of the things I was experiencing were not normal. 

In 2012 they escalated to the point where I was in pain almost all the time, had debilitating brain fog and other serious issues that I won't go into (but I did blog about them starting in 2013 so you can snoop if you are really bored and want to read my horrendously bad grammar) Okay, I still have bad grammer. But in 2013 it was a lot worse. 

a woman takes a selfie while pretending to sleep with her baby, who is asleep on her arm
we take naps now, and sometimes I take selfies

In the middle of 2019 I was doing great. I had the best gut health in years. I actually felt hope! I was able to enjoy life and we were even thinking about having another baby.

Now, in 2020, my health has spiraled out of control. It's the worst it has been since 2012-2013 which was an awful set of years. What started the downward trend? I had a round of antibiotics (my first in 8 years) for strep in November of 2019. Nothing has been the same since. All my years of work were reversed in one. week. ONE WEEK. Now after two miscarriages in 2020, my health has declined to the point of despair. 

Before I get into my current health issues, I want to tell you about how I eat. We started eating the Weston A Price diet mid 2019, after around 5 years of being paleo and 2 years of being keto (we did take breaks here and there). I was doing GREAT on it, before the aforementioned antibiotics. In desperation I have switched back to mostly paleo diet, but have not been on it long enough to see results yet.

I love diets. I do. I like not being in pain and being able to function as a human. But I am tired of diets. I want healing, not temporary relief from my symptoms until I eat a "bad" food. So, what "healed" me in 2019? The Nemechek protocol. But it quit working after the antibiotics in November of 2019 even though I was still (and am, even today) doing his protocol. Why did it stop working? I don't know. If I did, I would be writing a different blog post. 

There is nothing wrong with diets, but I don't want to stay on one forever. The paleo diet worked for me in 2013 and took away almost all of my symptoms, but as soon as I eat a "bad" food, I have symptoms again. Foods are not good or bad. (Well, unless its preservatives, food coloring, or sugar, but that is a different post for a different day...) It's my body that is bad with food, not the food that is bad for my body. Hey, it only took me 6 years to realize this, so yeah, not that major of a revelation... (sarcasm) 

In 2019 I was eating everything and I felt great. In 2020, the list of foods I can eat without pain, brain fog, constipation and malaise is shrinking and I am panicking about it. I don't want to go through this again. I can't do this again. Why is this happening again. 

What is wrong with me?

Every day I am so tired. Bone tired. I take a vitamin (5-mthfr, whole foods) and vit-D daily. I take juice plus. I eat grass fed beef and raw dairy. I eat organic vegetables. I've been eating this way for YEARS. I pay an arm and a leg for my food and I still feel like crap every day, have horrible brain fog, a huge amount of bloating, constipation, and want to sleep for hours lunch. After my nap I STILL WAKE UP TIRED.  

The only good thing is I don't have any pain like I did in 2013. I remember that pain. Horrible joint pain. Sometimes I couldn't get out of bed it would hurt so bad, up and down my arms (I found out it was from dairy and gluten) No pain now, thank goodness, but everything else is crushing me. I can't parent. I can't homeschool my children when I can't keep my eyes open.

I've been to the doctor before, back when this all started and my concerns were always dismissed. I am hesitant to try again, but I might. I'm desperate. I'm desperate enough that I ordered some crazy expensive tea with mushrooms in it and am praying it helps. I know I probably have a hormone issue, but I don't know what one. I have low sex drive (but doesn't everyone when nursing?) am irritable (but I have small children and there is a pandemic going on) and definitely deal with stress. I also know what a doctor is going to do, or at least I think I do. They are going to want to order a ton of blood work. I absolutely hate and despise and am terrified of blood work. This is keeping me from reaching out. Usually, I will just take my husband with me and I'll be fine...he will hold my hand. He will tell me I am being a big baby when I cry. But with Covid, I can't even do that, he won't be allowed to come with me. And I just don't think I can do it alone right now.

Anyway, send prayers. And I am okay with some internet diagnosis. If you have heard of something, please link it below and I will research it. 

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