Tuesday, January 30, 2018

one week

My toddler is eating packaged items way more than I usually allow. He's getting away with things I would never let him do because I am exhausted. He's had a lot of electronic time. But he's also had a lot of one-on-one daddy time; going shopping and to the park! He's learning to love a sister and share his nursies (and his mommy) with another tiny human. He is doing wonderful and although I think he had the most adjustment and made the most sacrifices to his way of life with Rebekah's arrival, he is also the most relaxed and his happy attitude makes everything easier. I love seeing his smile as I take care of his sister and hearing him talk about Pokemon (his newest obsession). I love seeing him help me by bringing me water, blankets, wipes. And I love still making time for him, hard as it is right now.

How am I? Overwhelmed with love and tired. Swamped with feeling I am not enough. I am not enough for one child, how can I ever be enough for two? But oh so blessed. Reuben is such a wonderful big brother, and Rebekah is adorable and cuddly. My hormones are raging with her beauty. I am nursing a lot, eating my weight in keto food, and resting as much as I can with a house to run. My husband has cooked dinner every night since she was born. He's done the dishes, he's held our children. I am in awe of him--he's honestly come so far in caring for us! Reuben's birth was hard because I didn't know how to ask for help and he also didn't know I needed it. Now he is helping without even me needing to ask and holding both our kids so I can shower and I feel so loved and supported. I couldn't dream of better help through this postpartum period.

How is Rebekah? Well, her umbilical cord has fallen off, she's gained two oz and is growing. I look at her and just marvel at her tiny, dependent soul and can't believe she is mine, that she came out of me and that I get the privilege of raising her. I also know that my husband has to go back to work next week and somehow I have to make this parenting thing work with two kids and a house to clean. Pray for me guys, I don't know how I am going to do it all. I get stressed even thinking about it! Also, we need to figure out bedtime because it's all messed up. My toddler has been staying up late and refusing to sleep when he usually does because of all the excitement around Rebekah's arrival. Daddy has taken over his bedtime routine and there have been tears because a little boy misses his mommy. Pray he settles in to daddy putting him to bed soon, or we figure something else out!

My heart is full, and my days are even fuller. May God give me the strength and the determination to make it though the next year and the fortitude to take good care of my tiny family.