Summer Break Week 3

Apparently I had a lot of anxiety going into this week and it all came to head on Sunday when I had the worst stress-anxiety attack I have had in a long time. I realized I have been ignoring my health and it's been bad for awhile. I have IBS-C, type two diabetes, chronic fatigue, brain fog...anyway I made myself a doctors appointment this week and it's tomorrow and I'm nervous. I am also grieving because I had a whole month--a whole month--where I had zero IBS-C symptoms. This has never happened to me before. I thought I was cured. I have been devastated that my chronic illness is back and I don't understand what my body is trying to tell me. What am I doing wrong? I must be doing something wrong. What was I doing right last month?? I haven't changed anything!! Why is this happening and how do I get back to three weeks ago when it wasn't happening? Literal tears.

Anyway back to Sunday. Sunday I was trying to deal with normal life (and failing) and I went to church and I volunteered in the snack shack at the pool and I should have just stayed home in bed. 

I decided to stop volunteering at church. I think I need a break. I have been in and out of the nursery and when I have a bad health week, I just can't do it anymore. I can't tell when I am going to have a bad health week so... I decided to simply stop volunteering all around. And that's okay. I messaged the nursery coordinators that I was not going to be volunteering anymore and I haven't even heard back from them which is making me nervous but maybe they don't check their emails often.

I did make it to bed after dinner and I stayed there until Monday came around and washed me with the cleansing waters of a new day and I felt better. This is our vacation week! I shouldn't be moping or mourning. Brian is off, and he made waffles for the kids while I went to hot yoga. After hot yoga we went to visit Cecily (Becky's friend) and it was fun to hang out with another family even if she lives 45 minutes away. I couldn't have gone all the way there without Brian, who drove. Thank you Brian. 

I promptly came home and took a nap until 3pm. It was glorious. After the nap the sun came out so we all ran to the pool for an hour and a half and it was perfection. Brian and I didn't swim but we sat near the kiddy pool and watched Esther splash and watched the big kids dive off the diving board and everyone had a wonderful relaxing time. It was a perfect break between two big storms! We rushed home right before the next one hit at 5.

I had a hard time sleeping that night--either from the coffee I had or because of my long nap, but I woke up at 2am having a alpha gal reaction which I also am not quite sure where it came from. It might be the cupcakes I made. I used a Simple Mill mix that, even though all the ingredients are vegan, says it was processed in a facility that also processes dairy...or it could be because my husband is home and butter is being used around the kitchen by the kids/him... ugh.

I still did yoga Tuesday morning and I am so glad I did. It was so refreshing and wonderful. We did chores in the morning, with piano practice and also math. I am determined to do math at least 5 times this week! Then for fun we went to the mall and had pretzels and bubble tea and let Becky and Esther play at the littles play place and I invited a friend and her husband and it was just, once again, so relaxing. I got to enjoy good chats with friends and watching the kids play.

We came home and everyone is getting ready for karate and I have no idea what's for dinner...

It's Wednesday now, and I made fried rice for dinner last night. Two of my children started getting sick after dinner. Esther woke up every two hours through the night! I need 6 cups of coffee. I only had one...but, still. Poor Esther and Reuben are sick. I have given them some homeopathy last night and this morning and an herb bath each. They have some type of sinus sickness with a mild sore throat, no fever. And today is my doctor's appointment in one hour! I am so thankful for husband who let me sleep in since I was up with the baby (he got up with her twice too...) and he made bagels for breakfast and I emerged from my bed cocoon at 8, did math with Becky and made bone broth for soup for dinner. 

For lunch we had salmon and sweet potatoes and oranges. The plan is after my appointment to take Becky swimming for 1-2 hours, make soup for dinner and an apple crisp for dessert. Oh, and I need to pick up my milk. Hope I can remember all the things---will update after appointment...with hopefully Good Health News, or at least a Plan...

It's 8pm on Wednesday now and I really enjoyed my health consultation. I'm going back for a scan on Friday and I hope it can give me more answers! She also gave me some probiotics that might help repopulate my gut and reduce IBS symptoms.

Esther is still sick and so is poor Reuben...Becky and I had a nice two hours at the pool and then we came home and ate soup. I made two soups--tomato and bean soup and everyone picked their favorite...or the one they were not allergic to, since both the boys are allergic to beans. Poor Reuben and Brian. But bean soup is Becky's favorite and thus bean soup she (and I) had and the boys had their favorite tomato soup. Brian made cheese toasty for everyone but me since I have alpha gal...I didn't get hardly any cleaning done today and everything feels a mess but it was a sick day and we all did great. 

Thursday was another chore day. Brian mowed the lawn and I deep cleaned both bathrooms which was on my bucket list. Everyone was feeling better so we all went swimming for two hours. Becky's pool friend had just arrived when we had to leave and she cried all the way home and promptly started to catch the cold the other two had yesterday...poor Becky. We missed karate but that's okay.

We found a leatherleaf plant at the pool and I want to draw it in my nature notebook. 

I keep messaging friends this week to meet at the pool and everyone is busy. Oh well, maybe I will make a pool friend too.

I'm not ready for my husband to go back to work. This vacation has so far, been a joy which is so awesome. Does this mean I'm a grown up now, that we can get along and have a good time on vacation? Hah! Who knows.

Planning for pool days Saturday and Sunday if everyone is well enough! Next week looms, and I'm not ready.

I took next to no pictures this week...literally have 4 very blurry pool pictures, a picture of a pile of books from when a shelf broke and I had to take them all off, and one picture of a very sick Esther and Reuben on the couch. None of which are shareable... will try better next week! The pick above of cute napping Esther is from summer break week 2. 

I'm going to go draw the leatherleaf plant in my nature notebook. 

Summer Break Week 2

Summer break week two started off great. Monday we had our homeschool evaluations where I was mentally judging myself each time my child said "ummmm" or "I don't remember". But the kids still performed excellently and we received our reviews to send in to the state for another year of homeschooling, which is what I expected but it's always stressful! 

After a lovely time having lunch at the park (the kids found turtles) we traipsed home and did the three hour round of Barton Reading and Spelling Program. 

The day ended with our air conditioner breaking and its suddenly it was 80f in our house. 

Tuesday I woke up grateful for air conditioning. It's working! Brian was able to fix it after he got home from work Monday. He worked on it for two hours or more! So thankful for my hardworking husband who hustles for us. Here is to praying it continues to work all summer.

Tuesday we started math again. No one likes math and that's all I'll say about that.

I'm still in a breakfast slump. What should I make for breakfast? Everyone has a different idea and I have no motivation. I need to figure this out.

We had chicken fried rice for lunch followed by back to back piano lessons. It was 94f and both the older kids were sweltering in the car! (our car has no air con) We got ice cream after the second piano lesson and then headed home for an hour of slip-in-slide in the yard before karate. What did I do while the kids were outside? Googled instant pot recipes, cleaned the house, and prepped dinner, questioned my life choices, had a pity party and ate some banana on toast with peanut butter. You know, normal things.

I just have to mention that earlier, I had tried the dairy free ice cream, and immediately broke out in hives. I need to stay away from trying anything when dairy is served right next to it...sigh.

Then we went to karate and I put myself to bed when we got home. 

Wednesday I declared a rest day. Rest day to me means chores. We did a bunch and I made Mac and cheese, chicken and broccoli for lunch. My brain is soup and I am a potato.  So like a potato I went and read a book on the back porch and it was awesome, and very hot.

It's forecast to rain for the next 5 days, right through the pool opening. I hope the weather is wrong.

Thursday we went to the park again. It was lovely. I was determined to have a day with no screen time and we made it. I knew with the rain coming we would be doing video games and movies in the afternoon most likely... we played Labyrinth and colored and did nature drawings. It was such a great day.

Reuben lost his karate pants for some reason. I helped him look and he couldn't find them anywhere. Obviously they were at karate when we got there--he had dropped them in the parking lot and someone had turned them in. What a day!

When I got home I found this note that Becky had written. She had told me she had made some notes to hand out at karate.

The notes say "will you be my friend" on the top and "I want to be friends with you because I don't have any friends I want you to be my friend" on the bottom.

Anyway, for the past year or two I have been praying hard for some friends for my kids. Their best friends the Kans moved 35 minutes away and they really don't do stuff with us, even when I ask. Different priorities. Becky's other little friend Cecily Canning lives even father away--45 minutes. Everyone else that I know as a friend/acquaintance maybe wants to hang out once a month. People are so busy or maybe everyone just already has friends that they priotitize. One thing I don't really talk about much is just how lonely homeschooling is. I'm trying to find a way to fix that but I can't make people come over, and all I can do is invite them and I have been inviting people! 75% of the time anyone I invite says no. And those who do say yes cancel half the time the morning of my invitation! It's crazy. 

I remember how devastated Becky was when no one came to Esther's birthday party... I know that still has to hurt her somewhere as she still talks about it. I also know it has been a real struggle for me with my chronic illness to make it out to our friends the Kans and the Cannings who live so far away and as they don't come to me (they both homestead) I know Becky has been feeling particularly lonely. But I didn't realize just how lonely. I felt devastated when I read her note. She said she didn't hand any of them out because she felt too shy, which I also felt relieved about. 

Anyway, I encouraged her to talk to the girls in her karate class and try to make friends just by hanging out, and I gave her special hugs when I tucked her in at night. Then cried for about 45 minutes while I cleaned the kitchen. Motherhood is hard, and I want good friends for my kids. Oh her note just hit me to the core! 

It's Friday now and honestly I feel really drained. I started my cycle and it's just been a long week. But it has been a good one even with its challenges. We had a toilet break (the back stopped filling up with water) yesterday and so sharing one bathroom when we are used to having two has been very interesting. I added it to Brian's list of things to fix this week on his vacation...It's been raining on and off since 5pm last night and we had a lovely tea party breakfast today followed by video games for Reuben and a movie for Becky and Esther (they watched Shrek) 

Oh, and I bought a waffle maker and I hope it helps the kids enjoy breakfast a little more.

We went grocery shopping and spent way too much money. I felt sad that Kroger changed all their pricing to dynamic pricing. I stood in the isle and watched some prices actually go up in one section--and just wanted to leave. I don't recognize the world I live in any more. Electronic shelf labels are wrong. Food is already so expensive why do you need the option to change the price every five minutes? Is nothing sacred?! 

The world is changing so fast. Is this what it's like to get old? Seriously, what is happening to our economy. Inflation is insane. 

I'd rather live with Anne of Green Gables and play with Diana at the The Lake of Shining Waters than live another moment in our reality with AI and digital price updates, angry democrats and republicans, and corrupt politicians. As Anne would say, everything in this world just has no scope for the imagination.

The pool opens tomorrow and the high is 60f and it's supposed to rain all day. I just have to laugh. 

Summer is coming! We will make it to the pool. Just not tomorrow. And probably not next week. 

But we will have happy beautiful warm days sometime and the sun will come out eventually. God is good. It's everyone else here that isn't (including my own sinful self) and I need to learn like Anne (and Pollyanna) to widen my imagination and find beauty in the pain and play the glad game. 

Here is to next week, which will be our week of Daddy's vacation. The one that we planned to spend all day at the pool at...God had other plans because the weather is rain every day and temperatures barely in the mid 70s! 

Budget May 8 - May 22

Our budget keeps being abysmal. I know I only have myself to blame (and my husband) as we are the primary users of the budget. 

I think the problem is nuanced. Of course I think the problem is nuanced because I don't want to just blame myself. Inflation is sky high and my husband isn't going to get a raise this year of any significance. I shop and make decisions on whims without checking the budget sometimes which is definitely not a good idea. We are doing a lot of dyslexia tutoring and we have high line items like piano lessons and karate. Groceries and gas are also expensive. 

We need to make some serious changes to our budget (and ourselves) because debt is not an option. Neither is running out of money after 4 days which is what happened this pay period. It always stresses me out not to have at least a little wiggle room in the budget! 

These are all choices we have to make. 

Here is what we spent for May 8-22nd with a budget of 2,400.

May 8-15th

• Barton Box 4 and 5 $700
• iCloud $10
• Homeschool books $45
• Krogers $400
• Health Nut $50
• Tithe
• Subset $31
• Amazon $374
• Poshmark $211
• Homeschool Evaluations $80

Above we spent 1,952 which left 448 for the next week. And we had our electric bill to pay so I had to pull our 250 that we saved last week which was a real bummer. Obviously I over spent at Amazon and I overspent at Poshmark. 

What did we buy on Amazon?

• These pants for Becky
• These shirts for Reuben 
• A Tie Dye kit. (can you guess what we are doing with the pants/shirts?)
• Dishcloths 
• Frog Hand Towels 
• Lavender Hand Towels
• A bra
• Toothbrush Holder
• Shoe Heel Protectors
• Film
• Beach Bag
• Four movies: Infinity Train, OTGW, Ponyo, E&C
• Marco Polo Picture Book
• Goggles 
• Copy Paper
• Cardstock 
• Wood burning kit

After looking over this list I obviously didn't need 3/4th of this stuff and it's super random. I need to stay off Amazon... 

I did need a new bra, I did need the heel protectors, and the school book for next year on Marco Polo...but I could have gotten the copy paper from Walmart and saved $1...actually the Amazon copy paper is terrible I will not be buying it again. Even the kids don't like it. The kids loved the Infinity Train movie but they hated E&C and didn't even finish it. I could have kept going thrifting to look for things to tie dye. We went 4 times and I only found stuff for me and Esther... so I decided to buy the older kids a few things since they wanted to do it too! 

The list above tells me I did a lot of not looking at my budget and just adding things to the Amazon cart on a whim and thinking "50-75$ here and there won't matter," but yeah it does matter if you do it 4-5 times! 

Step one to fixing our budget: stay off Amazon! And Poshmark! 

Here is what we spent the second week with a budget of $698.

May 15 -22

• YouTube Premium $23
• Electric Bill $234
• Yoga Membership $95
• Farmers Market $60
• Chick-Fil-A $25
• Ice Cream $11
• Gas $30
• Aldi $8
• Krogers $15
• HD $38

That was $539...

Next week we will start over again again and hopefully make better choices! I only can laugh. Yes, its super embarrassing to post this but I hope from here on out we can change and move on from the little bit of spurge buying we participated in this last fortnight...

Here is to next week. I'm going to make fried rice for lunch.