Thursday, September 2, 2021

I had a three day migrane

I don't remember much from the three days. Wednesday, the third, was the worst day. I do remember every day thinking "It can't get much worse" but, it did. I was just a tad surprised to wake up Thursday morning in one piece.

me with crazy hair but on a good day

Today as my pain transitioned from a 8 to a 2-3 (out of 10) I have had a lot of thoughts about our school. We started the first week of August with the plan of doing 4 day a week with Friday-Sunday off. The first week we were all sick, we did school 2 out of the four days. The second week my sister was in the hospital with a kidney stone, I watched her kids two times, and because of the emergency we schooled 3 out of the 4 days...and over that week my grandfather, Papaw Daily, passed away. The next week I was in recovery from the previous two weeks and also grieving my Papaw who was an amazing person and is already missed so much. We did school 3 out of the 4 days. The fourth week I took on too much babysitting and burned myself out going too many places and also we had some other family drama with Brian's side...we did school 2, maybe 3 out of the four days.

In a whole month, I did not complete one week of school all the way through. So, I was DETERMINED this week to finally be. the. week. that we did our routine and things would fall into place. Only, I had a three day migraine and can't remember very much from the last three days, much less how much school
we did (2.5 out of 4 days according to my notes...) Is anything ever going to go right? And what am I doing wrong??!

Waking up from my pain coma caused me to deeply root around in my life and realize I need to make some changes. A lot of changes.

I said I was going to make school a priority in past posts (I said it was something I learned last year...) but I keep scheduling things during our "school time" and just thinking I will move school. And thus I don't get school done because....I'm too tired. Obviously I have not learned my lesson. Morning school needs to get done before we go out, have friends come over, do co-ops... because of my illness it needs to be the main goal of my day, with perhaps the secondary goal being "feed my family". If anything else wears me out, I suddenly cannot do school, and guessed it, I cannot feed my family. I have a serious illness and I need to stop acting like I have the appropriate energy of a 34 year old and begin living like the 80 year old invalid I really am. 

My plan is still to start Ambleside online in January if I can figure it out (lyme brain is the worst) but maybe I will just end up giving up and doing something else. Life after a 3 day migraine really puts things into perspective. 

Also, someone send me a card, please. It should read "congratulations on surviving your migraine." Make sure it includes confetti. I want confetti.  

Instead of a nice card, I woke up to mountains of laundry, kids who ate whatever their father gave them the last three days, and a lot of guilt. 

Anyway, going back to my thoughts on homeschool. Four-day-a-week schooling isn't working for us. Starting now, we will be changing to five-day-a-week school with the hopes it helps me actually get four days done. Goals. Another thing I am going to do is quit babysitting. I have been babysitting this adorable little boy (and sometimes his baby sister) but I need to pare down as low as I can. I will have to quit. It was so awesome before I had Lyme disease and migraines, but it isn't working out now that I am dealing with all this. Reuben will cry, this little boy is his best friend and also brings a lot of joy to our home! 

After this, I took a huge look at our schedule. We have Monday where I only have school scheduled. Tuesday is violin day, we go out to the violin studio for our lessons, and this is (besides school) the only thing I schedule for Tuesdays. Wednesday is our co-op every other week and also our bible study at church, and Thursdays is Trail Talks, and Friday is our playgroup. 

We can't do all this. It is sad, but we can't. I have decided to keep violin, not go to our church bible study anymore, keep our Wednesday co-op that is every other week (twice a month) and try to keep our playgroup on Fridays because Reuben's other best friend Zeb goes... and cut out trail talks, sadly. Even if I want to. Guys, I want to do all these things and more!! But this body of mine needs to bloom where it was planted and I am sprouting up chronic pain, migraines, brain fog and anxiety attacks. Also my husband works late and his idea of cooking comes in a box. He's an amazing husband, but I can't eat anything out of a box. 

He can only do so much, too. And while I want to spread a living feast of ideas for my kids, I also want to feed them food that nourishes their growing bodies (and my special diet keeps me functional lets be honest.) 

This is a season (at least this is my prayer...) Sadly, with the level of sick I am, it might be my last! I mean, no one is promised tomorrow but three day migraines really make you think.

The only thing keeping me here is my kids, my husband, and God. God is so good. 

I want to homeschool successfully, with kindness and integrity and I want my home atmosphere to be one of truth, beauty, and goodness. I also have a chronic illness, and somehow have to make all this happen while also battling the illness under my skin. Please remember me and our family in your prayers if you can.

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