Wednesday, February 24, 2021

7 months

Last May I was bedridden with either lyme or chronic EBV. After stumbling around in the dark (and getting worse) and around $500 later, I did a round of buhner herbs followed by the gaps diet and pronounced myself cured. Slowly I have been working on my digestion which was wrecked by the caustic lyme herbs. Today, I am happy to say my digestion is at a great place!! I can eat things I have not been able to eat in years and not be in pain... its great.

But four weeks ago my lyme started to come back. At first I didn't realize; it was slow. I thought I needed more sleep or more exercise; but one morning two weeks later, I realized these were the same symptoms I had presented with all those months ago. It was lyme (or EBV, really I can't tell). 

Here are my symptoms: 

1) Extreme fatigue. I wake up like I didn't sleep at all. I feel more tired in the morning than I was the night before when I went to bed. Mornings are rough. I am exhausted. Everything is hard. 

2) Pain in the back of my head, down my spine, sometime radiates to my shoulders or all over (joint/inflammation pain)

3) Low grade fever basically all the time

I decided to try if I could wait it out. I mean, I have some of the herbs but didn't want to shell out another 200-300$ for the ones I would have to replace if I didn't need too. I tried sleeping more and started a few supplements. I tried the gaps diet, again. Nothing worked--my symptoms remained. So yesterday I started on some Buhner herbs again, through I know the herbs make my heart palpitations worse and also lower my blood pressure and cause gut irritation. I have to make a choice--and the choice is I need the herbs because I have to function.

I thought I was done treating this. I didn't realize it would come back. Seven months of normalacy made me forget about how serious lyme is. It steals all your joy, all your energy. I was sleeping all the time again and irritable from the pain. I was (and still am) discouraged. But you know what? God knows that I was/am going to deal with lyme and EBV. He gives us suffering to bring glory to himself-- just read the book of Job to learn all about suffering and redemption! God is so good. I won't collapse in despair or give  up. 

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong...Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

I am not like Job, but I want to be. I am weak. I complain when I have piles of laundry sometimes! Even when I am in pain, and my body fails me, I will endeavor to be more like Job who did not sin and was wise to understand that following God is not all sunshine and rainbows. We are going to suffer. And yes, it is disappointing and yes it is hard but I am going to try to lean on God and not turn towards him and not to self-pity or self-loathing. God is good and he is here. I am not alone.

I would love some prayers as I gear up to fight lyme again. I'm feeling the same feelings of last summer--I had so many plans that we didn't get to do in 2020 because of covid and because of my chronic illness. I had planned them all for this year, and now am having trouble walking to the bathroom and back, so...we will see what this year holds. I will have to change my expectations once again. 

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