Monday, December 23, 2019

Christmas Anxiety and Surprises

I have been a mess of anxiety and stress for about six months. I don't know exactly what the issue is-- is it my heart problems and ongoing doctor visits? (I have something called “early beats in the lower chambers”) The stress of my husband working late? Beginning to home-school and make plans for next year while juggling housework and friends, family and fitness? My decreased bible reading and alone time with God? My mother is sick and my step brother died in a car accident, my step father and step sister are grieving. My sister is going through a tough time with her four kids and single parenting. 

A week ago I decided enough was enough. I was going to take steps to reduce my stress and limit my anxiety. I started reading my bible every day. I am saying “no” to going out too often and inviting friends to visit me instead. I cut off access to the internet (a major source of my mental health woes) and, after about two days of “withdrawl” I feel amazing. I no longer have those incessant nagging voices in my head that tell me I need to check my facebook notifications or update my Instagram. I have been reading books again and spending my time crocheting, knitting, and baking. I've felt closer to my actual, real life friends because I text them when I am lonely instead of blabbing on Facebook groups.

I have shrunk my world again and I feel so great. There is so much going on in my actual life that the media on the fringes are no longer helpful boons but annoyances and pressure.

The internet is a great place, but apparently I suck at having healthy boundaries.

I know I have said this all before.

Today I found out we are expecting again! Markey baby number three is due in October. I've already started praying for my labor and delivery. And for a safe pregnancy. If you can join me in praying, I would be ever so grateful!

I wonder if it's a boy or a girl? My gut instinct in boy. I can't believe I get to be blessed with another baby!!!