Friday, June 29, 2018

just thoughts

Do you ever struggle with making decisions? I'm sure everyone does. But lately I feel like life is moving so fast I don't even have time to contemplate the decisions I am making. The kids are growing up quickly. I am in survival mode most of the time and running on instinct. There isn't a lot of time to sit and think and ponder myself and my surroundings and I miss that. Sometimes I wish things would slow down so I could just be at peace within myself for a moment.

But being in this rush-rush of early motherhood does make my foundation and my joy spring forth from Jesus. There isn't anywhere else for me to get energy from--the coffee has been reheated twice and is now again cold, my close friends are all worn toddler moms too; and the little places I used to go for joy (reading books in coffee shops, buying myself a new dress, long conversations with my husband) are unattainable in this season of motherhood. A new dress would not look as I would want on my distended postpartum body. Sitting idle in a coffee shop would be a colossal waste of time that I could better spending knitting; and also tiny humans don't let me sit and theorize over caffeine and baked goods--they like to spill things and climb on chairs. And cause scenes.

I am too tired to even talk to my husband much at night after everyone finally goes to sleep. I just want to sleep at that time. So I do. Usually.

But oh, the joys of motherhood are rich! I know I complain a lot on this blog. When I have time to write, or when time is made for me--it's usually all I can think about. But I am happy. And I just wanted you guys to know that. I am happily being worn out, and I think if wearing out is to be had, this is one of the best ways to do it.

This month will be a full one. Reuben turns three. We are throwing him his first birthday party with his little friends! I'm excited. Also, it will be hot. Very hot.

Becky also turns six months. She gets to try food soon, and learn to sit up--and before you know it I'll be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen again.

At least, those are the thoughts I am thinking tonight.