Sunday, February 11, 2018

week three

Three weeks already? Three precious exhausting weeks with Rebekah, Brian and Reuben. I am tired beyond belief yet my heart is so full. I cry almost every day from either something beautiful or from something hard. I can't stop listening to my labor playlist.

I decided this week to stop keto because I was having cravings, and it just sounded so much easier to eat gluten free. And my diabetes is supposed to be gone with the exit of Rebekah's placenta, right? Wrong. Three days after trying that I have jumped right back on keto because it was horrible. I won't go into it, but my body seems to like being keto right now and I'm going to listen to my body even if it is more time consuming. And less fun. But also being a functioning human is important. So. Keto. For now. Also, husband is losing weight and feeling great too and does not want to quit. I want to support him and myself. But I also crave donuts and chips and fruit. I need time to think about this. Deciding anything on a whim isn't good. Why is everything hard.

Rebekah is perfect. I love her! She's a wonderful baby: you know, the kind that does not want to be put down? Also, for some reason she throws a fit every night right when I want to go to bed when she's been well-behaved all day. But she's perfect and I love her. We've been bedsharing, I've moved from sleeping with her in the recliner to sleeping with her in my arms in bed. I do plan on trying out the dockatot for night sleeping sometime...probably around 2-4 months? Reuben has quit napping because we quit nursing (more tears) but HAS BEEN GOING TO BED AT 7PM almost every night. This has been so restful for Brian and I--we get an hour or two to ourselves (well, while I nurse Rebekah, but that's not near as demanding as dividing my attention between Rebekah and a toddler). We've been watching this show called "Psych" and eating snacks. And holding hands. It's like we are newlyweds again. But sleep deprived newlyweds. Instead of doe-eyed ones.

Reuben is coping a lot better. We are still watching a bit much TV and I am still struggling with giving him a good amount of attention. But he is adjusting.

Also, I tried to go out to the park with them both this week for my first non-appointment related venture. It was SO HARD. Getting everything together, putting Rebekah down, (she cried) trying to find my toddlers shoes--my shoes--ugh. By the time we made it to the car I was a frustrated bundle of nerves. But the car ride was smooth--no one cried, and we made it one piece. I even (maybe) started to relax! However managing two kids at the park--even if one can't walk yet--was not for the faint of heart. We were at the park for 20 minutes and I nursed almost the whole time while Reuben took off his shoes and ran around in the muddy puddles. (I told him not to take his shoes off. He would not listen). And after that I was DONE with life, so we went to Panera (the drive through) and mama treated herself to a salad and the toddler to mac and cheese. Then we went home and watched TV. Again.

But we did survive our first outing with only mama with minimal yelling (the shoes, the shoes, leave your shoes on toddler!) and Panera, so I really shouldn't complain.

How are you guys doing? Next week is week four. I want my husband to stay home and make me lunch. I am tired. When do babies sleep more? If she's anything like my son--I have a few years to go.