Monday, November 17, 2014


I've noticed a few interesting differences in the way my husband I view the world. I wanted to put them down here because I think they are important, but I don't exactly know why. I don't know if it's because my husband is male, or the way he and I were raised or...just a reflection of the way today's world works.

Last week my husband and I pulled into Walmart. It was dark, and we found a parking spot near the back and went in for our things. On the way out with our groceries in tow my husband leans into the front seat, the car door wide open, his body half in and half out, searching for his iPhone. He even runs to check the trunk in case whatever it is he's lost was misplaced there. And this makes me really nervous. 

When he finally gets in the car I tell him tersely that he needs to get in quickly and not sit there with the door open. It's dangerous, I say.

He does not understand.

I am confused. My mother taught me to be very careful in parking lots. You look around as you are walking. You get in the car quickly and close the door and lock them before you search for anything. And you don't ever exit the car to check the trunk. It's dangerous and stupid, doesn't he know that?

I tell all this to my husband, wondering why his mother never taught him this. But he is looking at me like I'm crazy. I realize then that Brian does not have a fear of dark parking lots. Not only that, he is confidant in his ability to either fend off an attacker if need be--but he mostly thinks no one would mess with him. I mean, my husband is 6ft 2inchs. And male. Statistically he is probably right.

For some reason I thought what my mother taught me was universal. Or understood by people.

It's weird to think that my husband Brian does not experience fear or even caution in a dark parking lots! I know what that feels like. My husband does not.

And that's the thought of the day.


Cody Doll said...

It's such the opposite for me and James. He is the paranoid one. I was never taught to fear a packing lot or anything really. It wasn't til James and I started dating that I learned to maybe fear the parking lot. BUT then again I live in a small town and hardly anything is opened past dark so yeah. Plus James is from Chicago so that's probably why he understands.

Rachel G said...

If I was 6'2", I wouldn't be nervous in parking lots either! :) But I'm never going to be a giant. I can't remember ever being taught anything much about safety other than try to always be with other people--safety in numbers. My parents would let us go just about anywhere, but always in a minimum group of 2. I used to run like a maniac to my parked car in the dark when I came out of my class late...or Angel would walk me to my car when we were friends at school. I believe in the safety in numbers philosophy--as long as I'm with Angel or my sisters or brother or mom or dad I feel perfectly safe. It's true that if you're a woman or physically small or worse, both, you are at a disadvantage for protecting yourself. It also depends on location. I biked alone all the time where we lived in Michigan, because there was nobody there. Angel, though, didn't want me biking alone because in that kind of sports-situation, you fall off your bike on some remote trail or get knocked out and no one knows where you are, that's a dangerous situation because there's no one around to make sure you get the help you need in a timely fashion.

Brita Long said...

If it's night, or I know I'll come back to my car at night, I always park under a light. When I get in my car, if I need to do something before I leave, I lock my door first.

We are taught differently because women are told how to avoid being raped. Men are not.