an embarrassing miscalulation

Remember Reuben's dentist? We had found him a holistic dentist about an hour away from our home, to help him with his breathing issues. The short story is he can't breathe through his nose! He is a mouth breather, and there are all sorts of health issues associated with mouth breathing...and thus we found a dentist who claims he can help.

The dentist was closed for covid at our last appointment, a turn of events that I blogged about here. This time...it was still an hilarious and awkward adventure, but we DID make it to the appointment. Anyway, as I said the dentist is an hour away, but their main branch is 3.5 hours away near Washington DC. You only visit the main branch for the first appointment for scans, and this is how I drove over 7 hours in one day for a thirty minute appointment, getting stuck in rush hour traffic and enjoying tasty Indian food. 

Anyway. Our dentist is called Bronson Family Dentist. They are a perfect mesh of holistic dentist with mainstream. I love how they are a family dentistry (a father and his daughter and son run the practice together) and I like how they address the whole person. 

So, our dentist appointment is at 4:30 in Mclean, VA, about 7 miles from Washington DC. Three and a half hours from our home without traffic issues. The day of I left around 10am and drove an hour and a half to Charlottesville. We stopped at our favorite Indian restaurant and had delicious authentic Indian food which Reuben and I both love, along with mango drinks. YUM. Two hours left. We used the bathroom, I started an audiobook and we drove. I wanted to get there early to visit Tysons Mall and take Reuben to the lego store--and I am so glad we left early because it took an extra hour to get to Tysons due to traffic. I do not envy anyone their DC commute.

We visited the lego store (its amazing) got bubble tea and cinnamon pretzel bites, and then headed to the appointment. I am completely glossing over the fact that I lost my wallet in this store and was wondering how I was going to illegally drive home with no license or pay for his appointment for about 15 minutes before I realized I left my wallet in the car. Facepalm.

I am glad I left early for the appointment because I could not find the office. It turns out the office is in the bottom of a set of high rise apartments. It looks like apartments, not offices. Just the offices are on the ground floor (there were a ton of little offices of many businesses. I had to ask where to find Bronson Family Dentist squeezed in the corner on the left) But, small town me was confused. This type of set up does not exist where I live. Anyway, to find them I had to call them, but I was put on hold. So while I waited I frantically texted my friend Emily who also goes to this dentist and she helped me out! I got there 10 minutes early.

I thought it would be the office building on the right, but its
the apartments on the left!

I was immediately handed a bunch of paperwork. Now, I must mention that they sent all the files and everything they wanted to do for Reuben via an encrypted email. I could not open the email and told them this. They tried to resend the email and I still could not open it. This email included the pricing and all the information on the procedure for Reuben. I asked the receptionist the price and she informed me that the base price for scans, impressions and consultation was around $800, and that they expected a downpayment for the device as well that day. She didn't say how much the downpayment would be, but since I assumed it would be some type of payment plan I didn't think it would be much. Before I left I had checked with my husband and told him I assumed it wouldn't be more than 1k, but since I wasn't totally sure I budged 2k just to be safe and give myself wiggle room.

You can laugh with me later.

Anyway, I was the last patient of the day. The receptionist was kind but seemed tired (I would be too after a long day of work) and I am Chatty McChatterson so...I am sure I didn't help. Reuben and I were hot and tired from being in the car forever and I bemoaned our long 4ish hour drive only to have her tell me that people travel from all over the world to visit this dentist and that she and the three dentists who work in the office personally drive from DC to Charlottesville at least once a week. I then responded well, they probably don't have small children with them. To which she said actually Mrs Bronson and Mr. Bronson (brother and sister) both have kids. Mr. Bronson has three year old twins at home. And Mrs. Bronson regularly brings her 4 month old to the office since she is still breastfeeding.

I can't win, people. All I was looking for was some sympathy. Seriously! 

I didn't know what to say to all that, but luckily it was our turn so we went back, was told about The Plan to widen the top of Reuben's mouth. It sounds good! They told me it should take around two years and my heart was full of dreams of Reuben's breathing and snoring issues resolving and some other behavior issues that I think are linked to mouth breathing... I was so excited! We had a scan (you can see one of the many screens below) and the doctor pointed out that Reuben has one side of his nose almost completely full, and his adenoids and tonsils are huge. He recommended Reuben be put on a no sugar, gluten and dairy free diet. I don't know what to think about that yet--I am tabling that in the back of my mind to pick apart later. Reuben had impressions of his teeth taken for them to build the device with, and then we left to go check out. 

The wonderful receptionist (who previously had zero sympathy to give to our four hour drive) was on the phone as we waited to check out. I played three games of "can you stand on one food longer then mommy" and "how many times can you jump up and down" as quietly as possible while we waited to check out. Then we went to the bathroom because I didn't want to forget THAT step since we had a 3.5 hour drive back (hah it took almost 5 hours DC traffic is awful) and when we walked back I saw she had the number $4,285 on the little payment screen. I looked at it in confusion. That was the last persons payment, obviously. I sat there wondering what that person had done to their teeth to pay such an exorbitant amount as I waited for the receptionist to be finished with her phone call.

It was our payment.

At first I thought it was a joke. Then while I was trying not to have a panic attack I was trying to figure out how to pay. It turns out that the device for Reuben is around 6k. The 4,285 constituted a downpayment. I had no idea how much money we actually had in our HSA account, I had only asked my husband if it had at least 2k. How could I have said yes to a device that costs 6k without knowing it? Why was this not explained to me? What was I going to do? Also, by this point it was 5:20, twenty minutes after the dentist was supposed to close and there I was standing there in utter shock staring at the screen.

I stammered something crazy as she explained that the rest of the payment would be due at our next appointment when the device is installed. She must have seen my deer in the headlights look because she went though the prices step by step while I tried to breathe.

I handed her the HSA card and thankfully we DID have enough to cover that payment but I have never been more nervous in my life! WHAT a miscommunication! I should have asked how much the device was or she should have told me! I guess since this dentist does this sort of thing all the time they must think people know?! Or maybe in DC dropping 4k on dentistry is normal??! She knew I had missed all the emails! 

I left trying not to cry and wondering how we are going to pay the reminder of the payment in six weeks at our next appointment. I had planned to use the leftover money if it was less then 2k to get myself new glasses since it has been 2 years since my last eye appointment. Well, that wasn't going to happen. I didn't even know if we had enough money in the HSA account for me to go to the chiropractor. 

Well. I loaded Reuben into the car and had to call my husband and tell him I just spent $4,285. I thought he would be mad, but he actually handled it far better than I did. He reminded me that if this works and Reuben can breathe it will be so worth it, and he's right! I was just having a lot of sticker shock and anxiety. What a crazy surprise. 

Then we drove home. I will spare you that rendition.

Luckily, we put the max amount allowed in our HSA account so we should have enough to cover the last payment at the next appointment. I checked this morning as soon as I woke up. And we have enough to go to the chiropractor at least one more time.

I have learned my lesson to ask more detailed questions.

I cannot believe it was that expensive. 

I think I am still in shock. 

And now it is Tuesday and somehow I am supposed to resume normalcy! 

Oh, they said if Reuben breaks his device it is around 2k to get him a new one.

He's seven. And he inherited his mothers clumsiness. 

Also there is absolutely no way we can afford any replacements.

Pray! I know I will be.

What a crazy day.

the post I shouldn't write about my mother in law

I've been in some kind of funk lately. There is a lot going on; my husband is working long hours (he's doing four 10s, so he gets Friday off which is awesome but I'm doing bedtime all by myself four days a week). I did not receive a series of texts from my mother inviting me to lunch causing her and I much confusion. I have to start homeschooling again and I don't know how I am going to fit it in. How did I fit that in? 

I have felt lonely. Probably everyone struggles with loneliness at some point in their life, we are ghosts in a shell to steal that term, and humans are fickle and selfish. Loneliness can be selfish too. All my friends are busy moms! I'm a busy mom! It's HARD. I am alone most of the day, alone with my children which can be a special kind of endurance exercise. Just as there are amazing moments of reading books, seeing them wonder and explore nature, there are also days full of tantrums (I have my own kind of tantrum lets be honest here I am not solely blaming the toddler) and sickness, days with stress and over-the-top feelings and just days where I am done by 8am but its raining so we are all stuck inside. I wouldn't trade this for the world, but that doesn't mean I love it 24/7. I mean, I chose this! I chose to be a stay at home mom. My husband and I chose these roles for ourselves and it is good. But is is also hard, like I said above.

I have talked about my mother in law here a lot on my blog early in my marriage. I didn't understand her. I tried to please her in every way I could. I still don't understand her! I have tried to be courteous but also stand up for myself. I have tried to be firm on my boundaries but also be a person she could be human around. After 7 or so years of trying to please her, I decided to quit. I stopped letting her come over. I stopped letting her come between me and my children and between me and my husband. I wish I had prayed more (I did pray some) and I do have regrets, but I honestly tried as hard as I could to be someone who she could love. 

But I have always felt guilty over shutting her out. I didn't know what to do; it was a last resort decision my husband and I made. What else could we do? We do see her at church since she attends the same church as us. I see her more than I do my own mother (who works) even with cutting her out of our lives due to...a list of things I could make! She has disrespected ourselves and our children and always tried to undermine our parenting and our pasts. She and her husband did not attend our wedding and even after marriage asked my husband to divorce me. She became only interested in my children when I birthed them, and always seeks to make herself the center of attention. She lies, and slanders my name to her family, and is always giving me unsolicited advice. She contradicts my parenting in front of my children. It is baffling. 

Since those times, almost three years have passed. I have had a lot of time to think. And ponder and try to understand. I do understand a lot better now. I hope I can take what I have learned and be a good mother in law if my children ever marry, due to what I have seen and learned. I don't feel guilty for cutting off mother in law visitation anymore. I now realize she is a bitter, sad person who has chosen this path. I can't change her, but I can choose who I allow and don't allow around my children.

I think Ruth says it best in Ruth Hall "your grandmother is an unhappy, miserable old woman. She has punished herself worse than anybody else could punish her. She is more miserable than ever now...she might have made us all love her and help to make her old age cheerful but now unless she repents, she will live miserably and die forsaken for nobody can love her with such a temper."

For a long time I struggled to forgive my mother in law for all the pain and contention she brought to my marriage, instead of joy, love, honor and trust. I forgive her. She chose not to have dinner with us. She has chosen not to watch my children so my husband and I can have a date. She chose bitterness, strife, envy, anger and resentment as bridal gifts for me, and I will only return them with love and peace.

The thing I have been laughing about the most is something she said recently in bible study. She said her own mother (who is 94 and still alive) stayed with her for 6 weeks when she had her first child (who is now my husband) and she cried when her mother left because she didn't know how she was going to do it on her own.

It stuck deep. I would have given anything to have her there to help me when I was struggling so much during the first 6 weeks of postpartum when I had Reuben. My own mother was working, and my younger sister had just had a baby as well, and my mother was busy helping my sister when she could between work (my sister is a single mom). My husband had only one week off when I gave birth. I had no idea what I was doing and I really needed help. 

I don't think my mother in law even brought us a meal. She came over once and was so upset that I was breastfeeding, she said it was too sexual and gross. I cried when she left. All I was trying to do was feed my baby in the privacy of my own home, exhausted and sore from birth. I'm sure she didn't know what her words meant, but maybe she did. Maybe it was bitter words from her heart because she was not able to breastfeed, even though I have never shamed her. 

She never asks how I am doing. I have asked her out to coffee several times, desiring to get to know her better, and she has declined each time. 

The circumstances don't matter. I want freedom from this.

Every six months or so she makes me feel sorry for her so I try to do something...and it always backfires. Never again. I am free. And so is she.

What I Read (June 2022)

I read a lot this month! Every evening I would climb into bed and read until I was too tired. It was great, refreshing and wonderful (and yes I stayed up too late...) I also read in the afternoons some, but my kids would bother me often. Enjoy these spoiler free reviews!

Tree by Leaf (6/10 stars)

This was as book I picked up in our local book shop just by reading the blurb on the back and looking at the amazing cover art. It is an historical fiction, written after the First World War, and follows Clothide's coming of age. The writing style is amazing and the narration is fluid. What did I like? The setting, the nature scenes and the real issues that pre-world-war-two peoples might have dealt with. I liked the story, it is well done and kept me turning pages as fast as I could! I enjoyed the nuances; the fact that people were not always as Clothide thought they were. She grew, she learned. 

What did I not like? The voice, for one. I won't give spoilers, but it ruined a perfectly good novel for me. It was wholly unnecessary! The mother. I couldn't get a firm understanding or grasp on Clothide's mother. Perhaps I wasn't meant too, but her mother didn't behave rationally and it bothered me. She was one way in one situation and a few moments later, another way! I felt the continuity of her character was maligned. 

But it was a good book. I want to check out more by this author.

The Way of Kings (8/10 stars)

Yes, I finally read it. I honestly don't know what to think. Sometimes I love the book, other times I am annoyed at how many characters and how much depth there is to this novel. SO MUCH DEPTH. This book, rather than "events" is more characterized by people. Take Shallan, for example.  I think about Shallan a lot, especially with how this first novel ended! Also, I don't like her. Maybe I will later, but she just seems part manipulative and part snooty, part naive and part helpless and ALL annoying. If I have to hear her internal dialogue one more time about why she will/or won't steal a certain fabrial I will roll my eyes. Shallan, you are unimaginative and dull, but I'll keep reading. I like Jasnah better...

On to Kaladin. The classic wounded boy. I rooted for him (because who can't root for an underdog!) and I hope more of his story is revealed, and the mysteries about who he is and what he can do is answered. I want to know!! I like him, and I like how he helps others. I like how he cares. But he wasn't my favorite character, even though I did like him a lot more than Shallown. 

My favorite character is Dalinar. He's strong, but also sensitive (and what is up with Shshsh??!) he has amazing sons, is clever and most of all, he's moral. I like a good moral backbone in a character and Dalinar doesn't disappoint. Also I am 35 so I relate more to an over-the-hill man than teenage Shallan and her angsty inner sqabbles over theft and falsehoods, or Kaladin's Job-like experience. (maybe Kaladin is more like Joseph than Job, but you get what I mean) 

SO. Book, good. I have already ordered the next two books from thrift books and we shall see how long it takes me to read it. By the end of Way of Kings I couldn't put it down and for 12 or so hours my family was ignored and meals were something prepackaged. Oh well. We all survived and I read the book. 

Also, what/who is Whit? I am intrigued. 

I can't wait to read more. Hope Brandon Sanderson publishes another book before I get done with all four...

The Story of Doctor Dolittle (5/10)

This is something I read to the kids, as it is on Reuben's Year 2 free read list for Ambleside Online. It was weird. And nothing like the movie I saw in the 90s? The kids seemed to like it okay, and it was MUCH BETTER than Mary Poppins. My kids have never seen the movie, so they had no idea. I love how he was an actual doctor who decided to become an animal doctor because he loved animals too much. I liked his little laminations about money. The animals themselves were annoying and too varied and the situations not realistic. Reuben says he loved it, so this is just my review...he's asleep right now. Maybe I will ask him what he really thought tomorrow and write up that. Hmmm. All I really remember is one time we were all sitting for a tea party and Becky and Reuben had a whole discussion about how the Pushme-Pullu uses the bathroom. LOL. Because he doesn't have a bottom. How does the Pushme-Pullu potty? Becky said probably out of his nose, which sounds messy and uncomfortable. 

Fortress of Ice (3/10 stars)

(Includes minor spoilers for Fortress in the Eye of Time) 

I have read Fortress in the Eye of Time at least three times in my life, but I have never read the sequels. Last month (May) I re-read FitEOT and the three sequels. (I give those books at least a 7/10 stars!) I love Tristan and Cefwyn. They remind me of David and Jonathan. BFFs. That whole series was spellbinding, and I had high hopes for this last installment that is set 16 years after Fortress of Dragons. It was okay...(think "meh") and I feel like it was start of a new arc, one that Cherryh subsequently abandoned for some reason. There must be more!! We never learn what happens to the shadows in the Quinaltine! We never learn what happens to the witches!! We never see the boys grow up. And Tristan, ever amazing Tristan, is flat and one dimensional in this novel. I feel like the author didn't know what to do with him, and should have left him largely out of the book! It was a good book though. Was it the end of the arc? No, it raised more questions than it answered! Why does Nervis and Cefwyn have only two children after sixteen years together?  I would think they would have more, or the book would address why they do not. Miscarriages? Something is missing from their story and it is left completely unexplained. Anyway, I finished the book slightly annoyed there were no more left to read and with a lot of questions I thought would be answered...

The Wheel on the School (9/10 stars)

Another DeJong book! I love him! Such prose, such understanding of children, such simplicity yet so much emotion. I absolutely have loved every DeJong I have read so far. This was my second but we also read Good Luck Duck this month. I just didn't include that one here because it's basically a picture book where this is a chapter book (And I read Good Luck Duck to the kids but this one I read just for myself, though I will add it to the read pile for the kiddos!) This guy is a master storyteller and his tales are timeless and vibrant. (the first book I read of his was called Along Came the Dog and I gave it 10/10 stars. EVERYONE loved it. Me, the kids, everyone. I now want a little red hen.)

What are you guys reading? Today marks the beginning of July and a new month of books. And a vacation weekend to start me off strong! Happy 4th of JULY friends!