Monday, August 21, 2023

Musing over Hard Things

My husband has been working crazy hours at his job, which has been really stressful with deadlines, clients, programming issues...just to name a few things. He has been required to work some weekends straight though and as you can imagine this has not helped my marriage or home life situation or my husbands personal all. It is getting to the point where I have asked him several times to please find a new job, which he does not want to do because he dislikes change (and he says this is just how engineering jobs go)...

I have typed so much about my husband working late, I probably don't need to talk about it anymore. And since he is salary he doesn't make any extra money when he works overtime (though a few times they have provided dinner for the crew). I finally set down and told him that I loved him, but nothing was getting done at home and I need my husband just as much as his job does. Actually I need him more but that is besides the point. He can't give everything to his job to the point he has nothing left over for me. At least this can't be a continual way of existing. 

Navigating home verses work life is difficult. Obviously I am super grateful for my husbands job that he usually enjoys when it isn't imploding with programming errors that he and his coworkers have to fix by very abrupt deadlines... 

What I REALLY don't like, however, is when his work begins to infringe on what I consider my claim on my husband. That time belongs to me and I don't want to share, thank you very much! He works so we can have a life together and if we aren't having that life together what is even the point?!

I am still very much exhausted and postpartum. I need my husband to hold this baby. None of us are doing very well with this.

We are trying tho. I am attempting to cook easy foods and be okay with fact my house is falling apart. I endeavor to prioritize time with Rueben and Becky over cleaning, but I also have to find balance. And I need time with my husband and we all need each other.

Sigh. I hope this ends soon. We still have all the wasps (though they are dead) and bats and house things to  clean and I have no idea when my husband will be able to get to them and I am certainly not able too.

I am however, eating a lot of chocolate. 

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