Monday, October 10, 2022

Everything is Hard

Today I am nine weeks pregnant! This is more pregnant than 5 of my miscarriages, and I am feeling more confident that this is a baby I will get to meet and hold in my arms. Which is great!

But this is also my forth week of debilitating nausea. I know I am lucky. I am not throwing up, I am able to eat food. But wow, did I forget a whole lot about pregnancy. Also, I hate feeling nauseous all the time. It is hampering my life. I can't do anything. None of my pants fit and I have to eat every 2 hours or the nausea really overwhelms me. 

The kids are great, at 7 and 4 they can do a lot themselves. I am bothered by how much I cannot do.

I have been waking up and making breakfast and lunch first thing in the morning. That way if I am really bad off at 11, everyone has food. Dinner is touch and go. Sometimes I cook, sometimes my husband cooks. Sometimes it's toast with jam that Reuben makes. 

Homeschooling has derailed and I am frantically canceling all our plans. But I am trying to see the hope at the end of the tunnel; my nausea will end. Whether it is at 10 or at 23 weeks remains to be seen, but it does have an end and I cling to that. I remember (vaguely) that with Reuben my nausea lasted 6-8 weeks and with Becky it was about the whole time I was pregnant with a brief hiatus in the third trimester. I did blog through all this and I'll probably go back and read it all just to refresh myself. Certainly my pregnancy with Becky was much harder, as I had a very active 2.5 year old to watch and no fenced in backyard. But this one is hard too.

Anyway, our first doctors appointment is November 11th. I'm shocked that I couldn't get in earlier, but they are super booked. I hope that waiting this long will mean I am less nauseous but I am not holding my breath. 

I am also feeling a lot older. I am 35 now and I feel too old to be doing this with my body! I know people have babies much older, but I just feel so out of it and like my body is confused most of the time. I already had to go on the keto diet and I am doing well (I have gestational diabetes) with it. I am sticking to full GAPS for the most part but keeping it low carb, under 70g carbs a day.

My only food aversion is bread. How weird is that? Can't stand it, don't want to make it, the thought of hot bread out of the oven slathered with butter was one of my favorite things and now it makes me want to run gagging out of the room. Oh well. I can easily live without bread, I can't even have it on the keto diet so its great that I don't want it? 

But really guys, this is really hard.

I'm trying to share my meals over on my instagram if you want to follow along. And care about that kind of thing? 

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