Monday, March 7, 2022

various subjects that have kept me up at night

Today I was reading Jonah. Lately when I read the Bible I am struck by how parallel it is to my own life; and today was no exception. I thought, wow; I am just like Jonah! How so you might ask? When I see others sinful misdeeds I wish them all the 'just desserts' and ponder how God will teach them all the hard lessons...but for myself I want mercy. I excuse my own bad behavior and pray God will spare me the lectures and trials. 

Of course, God has spared me many times when I did not deserve it. Also he has instructed me with the truth of the gospel and that sword of truth does not fall lightly. 

I don't know what I have been doing this year. It was been a crazy year, at least from my perspective. War in Ukraine, Covid, politics, little mouths to be fed and taught and I need to pull out my spring wardrobe because its getting warm out. And all of that happened today! So far this year I have been trying to deal with the stress I have been living under. The burdens I have carefully constructed and insist toting around must go; Jesus died for me. I want to abide in him. Yet still I get stressed as I try to figure out how to take my kids to violin lessons and switch the laundry. I get paralyzed sometimes, that I am not enough, that I am failing, that I can't do it. And that is not a fun place to exist as a mom! I keep trying to do it all on my own, but that will never work. It is only by the grace of God I can do anything, and I must submit and use his strength. God is so good. 

We have about 16 weeks of school left to fit into 12 weeks! I am trucking along. I am actually proud of myself. Homeschooling with a chronic illness isn't something I thought I could do, and yet here we are only four weeks behind!!! I have one of three choices...I could do a light summer program with the last four weeks, breaking up the readings. Second, I could add them to next year (year 2) schedule. Third, I could double up some weeks right now... I guess a forth choice is to move them over to free reads? But I don't really want to do that. I want to do it "right" (is there a right??? I need to let go of this idea that if I 'fail' and miss a week or two I have actually won, because of all the other weeks we did and the amazing feast of education he received...think about what he is getting, not what he isn't, right??)

I'm trying to do option three curently. I have decided to try and add a reading or two to our week and see if it works, maybe I will even try two weeks at once? But that all depends on if I can keep going; so far this year we have had strep throat, the stomach flu and I overdosed on Ivermectin and was sick for about three days from that (do you want that story time here?? let me know. its crazy and includes me bleeding out of my ear.) There was also the week I took off because I was so stressed about having breast cancer (still don't know for sure) and I had to work through some hard things there. 

But here I am. Still here, thriving, and watching my children be nourished by the truth beauty and goodness of this amazing world God made!

I made chicken for dinner with roasted veggies and...I get all that, and God. And a new sunset tonight. So what do I have to complain about? 

How are you all? I have more to talk about but I have run out of time...

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