Sunday, August 1, 2021

on the Eve of the Monumentous Day

This is it. We have arrived.

Tomorrow we start homeschooling. Everything is ready. I've cleaned the house, made our curriculum, set my alarm for 6 am and steeled myself for discipline and education.  It's our first year of official homeschooling; after my last year of sickness and spurts and splutters. (We tried a lot of different things and found what works! But I was sick a lot. We took whole weeks off. I always thought of Kindergarten as a learning year. But I guess, maybe, they are all learning years)

Last year I discovered a lot about my teaching style and about Reuben, and now have a vague idea of the educational roadblocks we might encounter... (my own irritability at doing the same thing over and over again...both of our rebellious hearts...not enough hours in the day) I could go on a tangent on all my fears and desires and head canon you to death, but I will spare you the melodrama and specifics. 

I'm excited. I'm nervous with dread. And tired, but that's lyme and motherhood. 

I wonder how it will go. Do I really have what it takes? How much grace and mercy am I going to need on a hourly basis? I mean, our school "time" isn't long, but it has to fit into every day and be consistent. 

I know I am making more to this than I need--its just school. All kids go to school. But it is more. It will be a foundation for how he views the world. And, I want him to love learning and love the Lord. Any methods that can reach that, at the end, will leave me satisfied. I also have an acute understanding that I will make mistakes, I will mess up. I also have the awareness to know this journey isn't about my own satisfaction. In my more sane moments, I wonder; why did I choose this path? Am I indeed, crazy? But no, this is going to be fun, and what other greater purpose could my time have, if not to be given over to my son? 

I want to homeschool pain free, but this week my lyme pain has been through the roof so I am also going to have to battle that. 

I'm ready to make homeschool a priority. To give it a space it deserves. I have a plan, and a God who loves me and a husband who supports me and nods through all my wacky craft ideas. We are going to have a good year. I am going to see my children grow and to be able to watch that is the best gift any mother can hope for.

Here is to tomorrow, and the rest of our lives. Here is to first grade through high school. The beginning of my little boy growing up. The end of his little years, preschool. A milestone will be embarked upon tomorrow, and I will rise to meet the day with a prayer and a determined heart.

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