If I could sum up my 30s (besides kids) it would include the term "learning more". Learning more about the way the world works, the way my body works, the way society works. Seeing behind the veil.
In my 20s I took things at face value and was so busy with school and life I didn't have time (or maybe the eyes) to see how the world worked behind the scenes.
Well, I'm reading Charlotte Mason's first book about education (ITS AMAZING) and I was floored by something she said. She talked about how people spend their lives trying to get their own way. That "trying to get ones own way" is all life has boiled down to for some. She then continued talking about child raising, but I've been stuck on her first two sentences for days now.
I've never thought about it that way. My mind feels exploded. She just arbitrarily summed up what, for so long, seems so wrong about the world. Everyone is running around struggling to get their own way. Life has become this struggle among the sea of other lives to get ones own way. The American Dream has just become the Dream to Have Ones Own Way.
When I think about this in my own life, I see this play out. Why do I fight with my husband? Because I want my own way. Why do I (usually) have hard time with my toddler? Because he wants his own way. I don't want my life to be just a constant struggle to have my own way anymore. I want my life to be about God having His way.
Seeing life in these simple terms has really helped me with my internet addiction and with my spending splurging. I used to look at something and see how it would help my life and make me happy and that would justify me buying it. But now I look at it and think about how hard my husband worked for the money. I think about how I can use money for other things--not just things "I want" or even that I need. I think about how the money isn't really mine, but God's gift. It's put a whole new spin on something I have struggled with my whole life. I feel liberated!
You may think reading this that it is comment sense. Maybe I am dense but Charlotte Mason's books (that I bought off Amazon) are not only answering some parenting and homeschooling questions, but also fundamental life questions I didn't even know I had. It wasn't common sense for me.
I've always known that life is about so much more than myself, but I have not exactly lived that way in every aspect of my life. And I've never taken a microscope to my own intentions before. But I plan to now. I don't want to struggle through the rest of my existence trying to get my own way above everyone else. I want to live for Christ.