Saturday, April 14, 2018

I don't know how to make time for myself

One of the hardest things about being a mother is being a creative mother. And not being able to be creative. I miss knitting. I miss writing. I miss coffee shops by myself with a good book. I miss wasting time. Hah.

I know it's a season. But these little people keep me on my toes 24/7. If I take time for myself right now it is usually to the detriment of another part of my life. Took time to knit? Probably didn't make dinner. Or clean. Took time to shower? Well, that time that Rebekah was asleep (for like 20 minutes) could have been spent playing with the toddler. Now she's awake and I have to hold her and play with a toddler. Yay.

There isn't even time to take to cry.

I know you may not believe me. 

Rebekah does not sleep. She just doesn't. Unless I am holding her. It's so hard guys. Maybe she will learn to nap later? I have no clue. She spent the first two weeks of her life sleeping and I was amazed, because Reuben also didn't sleep ever. I was like, I DID IT. I created a baby that sleeps!!

Until she quit. It's been almost three weeks without any daytime naps. She wakes up 3 times a night--and I know that's great. Reuben wakes up twice a night. So guess how many times I wake up a night?

At least we got Reuben's bedtime fixed. We snuggle him to sleep and it usually takes 20-30 minutes, but that beats the 2-3 hours it was taking. We learned we have to wait until it's dark, for one, and also do NO TALKING. So no stimulation. It's been a week of blessed toddler bedtime routine and I for one am thanking God.

I remember that things were easier with Reuben when he turned one. I wonder if it will be the same. Right now I feel like I live in a constant state of stress and unhappiness. I am trying to be joyful and rest in God, but all I want is a mimosa and a vacation from my priorities. This is hard. God is still good, but dang this is hard. I am working every moment of every day and still not getting everything done that needs to be done! It's crazy!

So glad we are not homeschooling yet. Two more years and I'll be adding that to my plate! Yes, I'm excited. But also, where in the world will I fit it in?! And we will honestly probably have 1-2 more kids by that point. Who knows. It's up to God.