New Years

Today was our first full day back at school and it went so well.  I did math with Reuben, and we did all our scheduled Ambleside readings. I did not get to math with Becky because my mom came by to do the Barton Reading Program with her and we only do math on non-Barton days to keep it simple. She's doing so well with the Barton Reading Program even though I know it's such hard work. Dyslexia makes reading hard. I should know, I am also dyslexic. 

I bought these pompom sheets for Esther and she's loving them. Keeping Esther entertained during our school day is half the work! She's a busy toddler with tons of energy. We have play dough, these pom pom sheets, a "school only" play basket and various other distractions to throw at her during the day--it's a lot harder in winter because I can't just send her outside. I mean, I can, but even she doesn't last long (even in layers of clothes) in 32f temps without her fun big brother and sister to play with. 

Well, we made it through school and I made chocolate chip cookies for New Year's and they are so delicious! I can't believe the year is done and flown again and here we are staring 2026 in the face. I wonder what next year will bring? I really wanted to have a baby this year and I've been through all the emotions deciding that it wasn't going to happen, because it didn't happen. And realizing that my chronic illness is too severe to keep trying. I am placing that sadness in the hands of God and moving on with my three amazing blessings and new dreams will come, I am sure of it. 

While I did math with Reuben the girls made a "escape boat" and rescued all the stuffies. They played together nicely with a few interruptions but that's life. It's hard though when Reuben is in the middle of a timed math sheet and Becky rushes in with news of their impending doom on the high seas! I just had to smile through the shhhushing. 

The doll bonnet on Esther seals the deal. 

I make sandwiches on Wednesdays for lunch--and the kids got to pick from toasted cheese or PBJ. And I also made a side salad and hard boiled eggs. Esther ate like one bite of sandwich and one chocolate chip cookie but apparently that was enough for her all afternoon. Anyway, she took her hardboiled egg and made it into her baby, whom she named Mr. Eggy. Becky drew the face. Mr. Eggy had a short life of two hours before he was dropped and summarily consumed after three seconds of remorse. Being two is wild. 

We are doing well with the no-screen time until 6 or 7pm. I'm really proud of ourselves. I still want to work on reducing it. Screen time right before bed is not supposed to be healthy. We read more of Winter Holiday and did a lot of crochet. Reuben's glove is coming along amazingly. He made the entire glove by himself except I helped with the thumb gusset. 

It is amazing to see him grow and take off in ways that don't involve his mother. He can put away his own laundry, clean the bathroom, unload the dishwasher, and make simple meals all by himself (usually baking) and he does all his piano lessons by himself. He is always into something new and I'm glad he still wants to tell his mother about it. Reuben is such a gem, all my kids are. But as the eldest I get to see him grow up first!

I'm plinking away at two sweaters, both over half finished--and trying to doodle and get into watercolor painting, and keep up on reading all the books. I'm working through Harry Potter again with the new full cast audible recordings. They are so good! Highly recommend. Sometimes the volume in a few voices is irritating when they try to make people sound far away, but other than that I'm loving it. I just listened to Harry's first quidditch match and they had crowds of yelling and the sports announcer was just a whole vibe. It was very exciting, like listening to a real match!  

Tomorrow we have the day off school and I'm planning on resting, cleaning, and getting ready for Friday. Happy New Years! 

I'm down to nursing Esther only once a day, when she wakes up from her nap. We are so close to weaning. I'm so ready and she seems to be as well (there is no fussing when she asks to nurse and I say no. She happily accepts a glass of milk with a big pink straw in it or whatever juice or kombucha we have on hand!) but I am also sad because...she's probably my last baby and I worked so hard to nurse her after she was born with low tone and was unable to nurse for three months. I remember all those nights of pumping and feeding her with a syringe. What a journey! And a little bit of PTSD over how much weight she lost in the first 2 days before I figured out she wasn't nursing...oh, my mama heart! I'm so glad she's okay and I'm so glad I got to nurse her. God is good, even to this exhausted tired mama! 

January brings...me turning 39. Becky turning 8. Maybe some snow. Cognitive brain development for Reuben. Barton for Becky. Salads and chicken and a big azure order. A new governor for Virginia--democrat now instead of republican--and so many changes. I hope to meet them with my arms wide open and my eyes on heaven. God is good and he's made me for such a time as this.

A perfect day

Every so often God hands us a perfect day. It is always totally unexpected. Fragile like a newly crafted snowflake, it drifts down from the sky of motherhood to bless us with an icy kiss once in a blue moon.

Anyway, I was not expecting any perfect days today. The day we return to "normal" after a vacation is always hard. Daddy went back to work and I knew we would all be missing him while we picked up our routines. 

For example: this is what I was expecting. (Because this was similar to how the return to school from thanksgiving went.) 

So, yesterday I wisely decided not to start school on Monday, but to instead have a reset day. A screen-free reset day, because the amount of screen time we have on vacation is always obscene. Everyone spends 3-6 hours a day playing video games, watching movies, or staring at tiny reels on their phone with kids smooshed around them...it's bad. 

Yes, I realize we have a screen problem in our home, but it's only on vacation. And when we are sick. And sometimes weekends. I'm working on it. 

But regardless, I was expecting bad attitudes and chaos instead everyone has been playing nicely together! And it was in the 50s this morning and everyone went outside! And played together! After we got out our new game Throw Throw Burrito (I lost each time because I had to throw my burrito while holding a nursing Esther...) and we played Color Code and I read two chapters of our free read, Winter Holiday and we painted after lunch...a lunch that everyone happily ate. Reuben made some of his Christmas gift legos and Becky had a tiny tea party in her room with her new tea pot (I broke her old one. Yes, me. Accidentally. She cried. I felt terrible.) and Esther...well, Esther got into the doll stuff and destroyed a dolly book, but she's two and I should have known what was going on because of how quiet she was. 

Even perfect days have their bumps. We saved all the pages to staple back together. 

But, the great thing was that instead of Becky losing it and crying or yelling at Esther, she gently told Esther how it made her feel and helped me gather up all the pieces to assemble later. Such a big moment for my sensitive seven year old--and what kid likes their stuff destroyed? Little sisters should come with warning labels. I guess moms should too--poor teapot.

After Esther's nap the kids made a huge tent and played in it together as well. I read my bible and did my devotions and sat in happy contentment thanking God for such an amazing day. 

We've also done two loads of dishes and two of laundry and picked up the living room twice. I'm making tacos for dinner dreaming of some crochet after, if I can find a task to entertain the toddler. I just got my yarn in to finish up the granny square sweater that has been literally calling my name for months while I waited for funds to get the yarn I needed...since I was using stash yarn and making it up on the fly...anyway, I have new yellow yarn and the excitement is at peak capacity. I want to finish this thing so I can wear it! 

God is so good to me even when I don't deserve it. Thank you Lord for the good and the bad days! May I learn to roll with the imperfections, interruptions and my snarky inner dialogue...

I wonder what tomorrow will be like? 

I don't know what I'm doing half the time

Today was supposed to be great. I set my alarm so I could have time to clean the kitchen and get organized before the kids woke up but they woke up first and everything went wrong from there.

So I only have to laugh at myself. Life is not orderly. I can try as much as I can but one human against three with appliances that break, grocery lists that get forgotten and the amount of brain fog I have on a daily basis...why do I even get out of bed?

It's because I love this. Most of the time. 

I think sometimes my priorities are wrong.

Like today, at breakfast. I've been having a really hard time doing Esther's hair lately. She's been screaming and throwing tantrums any time I try. So, I've been doing her hair while she watches Bluey most of the time. 

Today it did not work. Full on tantrum over hair. This is after her hair cut her hair is shorter and less tangly so it takes less than one minute to brush it out. And I use a spray bottle with detangler in it. 

Anyway, she's crying, I'm holding and singing to her (after the hair brushing is done) and she is literally fighting me, but when I put her down she just runs and clings to my leg. I'm at the end of my rope. My other two kids are trying to eat breakfast while this is happening and husband is making coffee. I'm trying to communicate with my 2 year old and asking her to tell me what's wrong, but she's just screaming and fighting me and having inconsolable tears over her 45 seconds of hair brushing. I'm ready to cry myself and lock myself in my room and skip church and why is this happening? I don't understand. Does she understand? Hair needs to be brushed. I don't want to take her to church looking like a neglected urchin. I want to take her to church looking like a cute cherub. 

I'm telling her, while rocking her, that hair needs to be brushed and mama will try to be gentle and I'm trying to remain calm all while she's flailing around and screaming bloody murder...

Becky comes over. Becky tells me that Esther is crying because she just wants to do her hair by herself. I'm thinking Becky is crazy and this is not helpful. Becky gives Esther her 3-D printed egg to hold and suddenly Esther is fine. She goes to the table and starts brushing her own hair. She's happy. She says, mommy, I want to do it myself! 

So Becky was right and I do not understand my own child. And I'm sad because doing Esther's hair is one of my favorite things! But she wants to do it herself.

She currently has all the bows in her hair that we own.

All of this happened before 9am. 

Being two is hard.

Being 38 is hard too.

I'm eating chocolate before church and packing my favorite journaling pens, and praying that Esther won't run all the way up to the pulpit this Sunday. 

Christmas Craziness

We had a wonderful Christmas. 

Actually, it's been a crazy December--I did a parasite cleanse. I'm not sure if I had any parasites but I feel a lot better so...thats good? Health wise I have been feeling low energy but I just came off the cleanse the day before Christmas so maybe it takes awhile to bounce back.

What a year 2025 has been. I almost typed 2024. What is wrong with me.

Recently I made the kids yearbooks and looking back at all the memories was so fun. Becky turned 8, we had a terrible beach vacation, and we homeschooled a lot and I made a lot of sourdough. I cut my hair, had a car wreck (it wasn't my fault) and we survived having the stomach bug like 3 times. It was terrible. But not as terrible as Christmas of 2023 when Brian had covid for like 3 months... and thats just the big highlights I remember! There is 500 more things...like swimming all summer and Mountain Run Jam. Such good memories. 

Reuben is 10 this year and Esther 2. Such good ages. Brian turned 40 and I 38 but I say I'm 40 because I'm getting used to the idea...slowly. And 38 is basically 40 anyway. 

In January I turn 39! One more year of my 30s, and I'll start the 4th decade of my life in 2027 if I'm lucky and live that long. I expect too...but no one is promised tomorrow, so I won't count my chickens before they hatch.

I went and read my resolutions from last year and one was to find Reuben a good dentist. We did and he's loving it. I hope I have stretched his mouth enough and he can get his arch expander off in February...and then we move to Invisalign! 

But this post is about Christmas. It was great--it was just us this year. And we needed it. My Aunt was supposed to come but she had health troubles and car troubles and she wasn't able too and we all missed her so much! Becky especially. But it was a wonderful week even with the downside of missing some of our favorite people. My mother in law decided on the spur of the moment to go visit her sister in California and I think it was the best Christmas present she has ever given me.

We saw my mom and her husband the weekend after Christmas and got to see my niece as well and that was fun. My step dad made ribs and shrimp and homemade delicious bread...my kids and husband were thrilled. They ate so much they didn't even need a lunch! I made a lunch for myself as I was the only one hungry after! It was great to see them and catch up (even though I was having a bad health day that day and had no energy) and we got to play a card game and exchange gifts. Good memories with good people. Oh, and I made rice crispy treats to bring, and everyone loved those too. 

My mom being retired has really been such a special experience this year...she's been coming over, she's helping me so much and just being able to text her and knowing she's not stressed at school but that she has time to respond and have a relationship with me and the kids is awesome. Both Reuben and Becky have fallen in love with her and ask when she is coming over all the time! It feels good, like the beginning of something! I hope I can help her the way she helps me! And learn to respect her boundaries. Mom, you are a great person and I am so grateful you got to be my momma. I love you! 

Esther even loves grandma, in her own way. Being two is wild, does she even know what day it is? Hah. She's a tiny ball of energy until nap time hits and then it's...well, she's tired but her executive motor functions aren't working properly, so she's also cranky and hungry and she needs her mama. Mama knows how to put her to sleep and make everything all right. Mother's always do.

Becky made me these earrings all
by herself as a surprise!!

I am getting way off topic. Christmas! Stick to Christmas!!

On Christmas I made greek salad and homemade pretzels and they were so good and just what I wanted. 

All in all it was a great day. Becky got an American girl doll as her big present. She's been asking for one for two years. I was able to get it used on a Facebook group. I got Esther a used My Life doll so she could play with Becky with a similar sized doll since we couldn't afford two used American Girl dolls. The AG doll was $50, and the ML doll was $20 at a local consignment shop called Once Upon a Child. The girls are thrilled and I also got Becky a doll pattern and some fabric to sew her a dress! And I think this will help teach basic pattern rules to her too as we sew. 

I haven't done a budget update in a while. We are making it. We are barely making it. With Reuben's new piano classes (he's loving it!) and his upcoming Cognitive Brain Therapy (12 week course) its going to be tight. I'm making a large azure order this January and planning on skipping February and maybe March. We will make it to summer. I'm going to make it by God's grace, and if it looks tight I'll sell some of my linen clothing on postmark! I have enough, God is good, and I'm meeting my children's needs. Blessings upon blessings.

Becky named her doll Lina, and Esther named her doll Dolly. Brian has been calling her Dolly Parton but really, Esther is just two and, Dolly it is. We haven't even gotten to Dolly the cloned sheep yet, but those are the only Dolly's I know. 

Also, Esther got a hair cut. It's a kinda scary story but I'm laughing now. We were at the candlelight service on Christmas Eve and she leaned over the candle and her hair caught on fire! I blew it out immediately, but it melted a big chunk of it so when we went home I chopped it off. She was actually excited, she wanted short hair (she hates having her hair brushed, I don't know why I haven't thought of this before). I cut more off (she asked me too) today and now it looks like this! Anyway, she's reminding me of Becky who had a similar haircut around 4. 

As to why everyone wants ice-cream when it's 34 degrees outside, I will never understand. But they were happy campers--this was what, when asked, they wanted to do on our last day of vacation. 

Sweet memories. I'm cherishing all these things up in my heart and thanking God for my beautiful family.

This is also the second year I have been chatting (texting) with my biological Dad, Nathan, and that has been healing as well. He sent me a Christmas gift and gifts are my love language so it made me feel really special. I need to send him a thank you card or a new years card...I'm so busy...need to add it to my to-do list. It just makes me feel good to know my dad is happy and safe and doing well and enjoying life with his wife Linda and that we can chat now that he (and I) are more mature people. Thanks Dad, if you are reading this. It's nice to get to know you all over again.

Here is to next year. I'm ready, and excited, and...we need more bookshelves. 

What will I do with all the books when we are done with homeschooling? I could cry just thinking about it.

(Also, I have started posting on substack. I am posting the same posts as here, but if you would rather follow me over there, here is the link) 

Changes

Thanksgiving break, although full of sickness, was good.

Here is a picture of Becky playing hospital with Esther. Esther and the babies are sick and Becky was caring for them. It was so cute!

At the end of Thanksgiving break we went out to ice cream. It was freezing outside, but we did it. 

Reuben also had his first piano lesson this week! He's been asking for a while for lessons and we just haven't been able to add it in. Here we go! This is a pre-lesson photo.

At his lesson they have a nursery and the girls LOVED playing in the little playroom. Bonus points!

We have some big changes coming up. Besides reducing school a bit with the kids, we are quitting our Monday co-op. For the past few months we have been going to a Belle Ame co-op and it's been so fun. The co-op is expanding to an all day thing and I am just not up for that. The kids agreed, and we are happy to stop. It's good be on track as a family on at least one thing!

Reuben will be doing Cognitive Therapy starting next year. I am hoping it can help with his dyslexia and visual processing issues. Becky will be starting the Barton reading program for her dyslexia and will do cognitive therapy this coming May. It's a 12 week program and I am hopeful Reuben can get his done in 12 weeks and then we can start Becky who definitely needs it too--I just couldn't do both kids at once. The program is intense and I wanted to be able to focus on each one's needs individually instead of being pulled two ways at once... 

When will I sleep? I don't know. But I do think these things will help my kids. 

The Barton Reading specialist will come to our house. 

We are also seeing a homeopath for Becky. Here is to growth, healing and abiding in Christ in 2025.