Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Week 36

Well, we made it! Only two weeks left until 38 weeks and hopefully I will have this baby sometime that week.  That is what I am hoping. I think she will have a May birthday but I am totally fine with her surprising me with April if she wants. 

I feel like my life is a legit roller coster ride. I am disciplined mom one day and the next riddled with anxiety while feeding my kids toast for lunch. I don't know why life while pregnant is so hard. Perhaps it is that my husband has been working most weekends. Perhaps it is all the hormones and issues I have been dealing with in this pregnancy (gestational diabetes, low blood pressure, fear, stress, autoimmune issues, sickness...pica...) It is probably all of the above. I keep getting stuck in negative thoughts and the downward spiral catches me unprepared. 

This weekend my husband has off and he even took an extra day off just for our family since he has been working so much and he had the audacity to come home sick! Poor husband. He does all he can and now he is sick. Sometimes he wakes up fine the next day so I am hoping that happens tonight so that both of us can get some much needed rest. We need it. 

There has been too much disconnect in our family lately and we all need some family bonding time. Less screen time, more outside time. Less stress. Just to relax together. 

I still have a few things to get ready before baby comes but the main big ones are done. Crib set up, clothes filed away in our new dresser from Amazon. Hospital bag packed. Plans made, name (almost) picked out! Prayers said for my fears and anxieties that circle around me daily as I think about birth and postpartum. School has been set aside for now as we prepare for our family of four to become five. God is so good, and I do wish I had a better attitude throughout this pregnancy but I can't go back and change it now. 

Becky was born at 38 weeks (I can't remember exactly when in the 38th week but towards the end I think) and Reuben the day after his due date at 40 weeks 1 day. When will this little one decide to come into the world? I'm defiantly ready and praying for a day labor this time instead of an overnight adventure! Both my other ones have come (or through) the night and that just adds to the exhaustion. Thus I have asked God for two things--a short labor, if he is willing, and for a labor that starts around 5 am or later so I can start with a good nights rest. I don't know if he will answer my prayers with a yes, but asking can't hurt. I also want him to be tangibly present with me throughout this ordeal. I am praying he will make his glory known to me as I walk this pain with my husband. 

My next OB appointment is Thursday and will include my GBS test and a quick ultrasound to confirm she's head down! Excited to see her one last time before I get to hold her in my arms.

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