Saturday, January 19, 2019

2019 Update

December was awful. I don't even want to think about how awful it was. January, I hope, will be better. Or at least, I pray I will have a positive mood regardless!

After a stressful, horrible thing happened to a person in my extended family (that I am still praying about), mid December hit us like a freight train. Without fail, 24 hours after “the stressful family event” we all caught the stomach bug. The kids had it the first day, and 24 hours later Brian and I both succumbed. It was awful. Luckily my mother in law was amazing and came over and took care of the kids while Brian and I both puked our guts out. I don't know what we would have done without her, I could not move off the couch. I could barely nurse. Movement made my eyes swim. I had visions of what the first trimester of pregnancy was like and remember vehemently telling myself not to get pregnant again because constant nausea is horrible.

celebrating Christmas with family when we arrived home
Then Christmas happened, and we traveled. It went smoothly, but traveling brings out all my anxiety! We arrived home only to have me catch the worst eye infection I have ever had in my entire life. My whole left face was swollen and I was absolutely miserable. I went to the doctor three times and I never go to the doctor! It was exactly how my husband dreamed that our last week of 2018 would go, of course—he was off work and thus spent most of his vacation taking care of a sick wife and two small children. That last sentence is sarcasm.

Now January is here. I love January. It's my birthday month, and now my daughters birthday month too! As the new year dawned I was still recovering from conjunctivitis and scrambling to get back into my routine. My routine is the soft safety net that makes life bearable and places the chaos of managing my almost toddler and my almost child into a semblance of order. Being a mom of two wilds isn't easy, ya'll. I am an woebegone mess without my morning routine! I am a lost, dejected mess without my night routine.

It's January 8th now. My eye has just a smidgen of recovery to traverse. My routine is back in place and my wilds are doing their wild thing while I sit and contemplate 2019. 2019 with two babies. 2019 where I met my weight goals and feel great about my body. 2019 that I hope remains pregnancy free. 

My only “resolutions” this year are culinary in nature. Sure, I'd like to publish my book and have more of a personal life, but I don't think that is going to happen so I am not going to set myself up for disappointment. Instead, I would like to bake homemade bread and make nut milk at home to save us money and to reduce preservatives in our life. So far those goals have been going well! Reuben loves to bake with me and making nut milk is so easy I can't believe I have gone this long without trying it. It tastes 600x better than the stuff they sell at the store, too. 

this is the only pic I could find of me! new resolution: take pictures of self
I have a lot of fears to face in 2019. My daughter turns one and my son turns four. I approach mid30s. Homeschooling is right around the corner (in our state it starts at 5) and I still have a house and a marriage to manage. I have so many dreams and ideas and no time to do them. For example, I would love to make some YouTube videos for my main YouTube channel. I would also love to have a baby-free night with my husband. One of our kids goes to bed easily now, but the other does not, causing me to hold said kid from their bedtime until my bedtime! It's only a season, I know. But I am tired of this season and ready for the next!

I also want to start a mom club or mom meet up at my house! We just need to fence in our yard and I can do that. I need some society, and stressed out moms sound just like the kind of people that would love to let their kids run wild in my yard while I serve them tea.

I also want to spend more time writing here, or writing in general. And I would love to have a clean kitchen floor for more than 2 hours of the day.

So many goals. So little time. 2019 will fly by. All I can hope for is that I honor God through it and cover myself in prayer and grace.