I have come to realize that Brian and I have completely different desires for the weekend. I, worn out from my long lonely sojourn mothering small children, am completely touched out and crave time alone. He, after being closeted with coworkers from 8-6, wants to spend time with his wife and family.
The ignorance of this revelation has previously been the foundation of countless misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I, thinking my husband must need time alone would try to watch both kids and give him a free hour or two. He finally told me, after months and months, that this makes him feel isolated and bored and lonely. Isolated and bored?! Lonely?! I would give anything for some time alone! I thought he needed it because I needed it; that after a solid work week around other people he would want to be alone and I should help supply that. Turns out I was all wrong and my sacrifice was for naught! He misses his family while he is at work and wants to spend the weekends actively engaged with us. Whereas I spend the week more or less actively engaged with the kids and crave time away.
He also has come to slowly comprehend my need for space. He used to plan all these exciting adventures for the weekends, dragging us here and there in search of “fun” and wearing me out. I need space, not treks through Target! At first my desire for alone time hurt his feelings. He didn't understand why I wanted to be by myself. Of course I love spending time with my husband, but after a solid week with two kids climbing all over me and badgering me for attention and expending all my focus I need time to recharge and calm myself. It isn't that I want to be away from my family, it's that I need time to fill up my empty fuel tanks to be with my family!
I would say this is the biggest thing Brian and I have realized in our marriage in 2018. He has learned to give me space and I am learning to draw near to him, and thus our marriage grows. I wonder what 2019 will bring? Maybe a new baby? Hopefully more sleep.