Wednesday, August 29, 2018

on structure

I'm not a structured person. Is anyone by nature? But I have learned to thrive under it, especially as a mother of young children. Establishing a good morning and evening routine has really helped my day.

I eat breakfast right when I wake up, then I do yoga. I make the toddler his breakfast after that and nurse the baby while doing my morning devotions. By this point it is (usually) around 8:30, so I attempt to get dressed and shuffle everyone out of the house until lunch.

Lunch. I try to get Rebekah to nap, with some success, but often not (wah). So I make everyone food and baby-wear if I can't get her down (because cranky baby). We all eat and then I play with my toddler for an hour. After this I am confined to a chair nursing the baby for an unspecified amount of time. Cue lots of book reading either by myself if Reuben is content in his room, or with him if he wants to be with me. (Right now I am reading Rose in Bloom by L. Alcott) I also attempt to fit in some chores here if the baby is awake and having "floor time". Dishes. Laundry. And/or using my mom voice to tell Reuben to get off his sister/the table/my knitting. Sigh.

By 4:30 I try to start dinner, by 5 I try to eat it (and save some for my husband). We go on a walk at 6 after I clean the kitchen and dining room. I come home and everyone gets a bath or shower and then I sit down to nurse the baby (again) to sleep while Reuben watches television. My husband has been working really long hours, so he arrives home around this time to a refrigerated supper while Reuben is on his second show (or after he's fallen asleep on the couch). I miss him coming home on time! He either puts Reuben in his bed or lays down with him until he falls asleep--eats his supper--and we try to talk---and go to bed ourselves.

Two things I've been struggling with--

  1. Becky only likes to sleep on me, making me sit down or baby wear a lot during her naps. I would be able to get a lot more done if I could lay her down in the evenings! 
  2. Feeling inadequacy as a mom. I have this tension behind my heart that I am failing and not good enough. It's so hard.
But God is still good. 

Having structure and sticking to it really helps balance everything, too. I know what I am doing or what I am going to do next and don't have to think about it. I don't have to worry about what comes after such-and-such task or what we are doing this evening, because for the most part I have a plan. I try and prep as much food on the weekends as I can so we all have easy snacks and quick meals. I eat a salad almost every day for lunch, and Reuben has either a sandwich or chicken nuggets from Aldi's. We have the same breakfast as well every week. This week for me was two eggs and a bagel. For Reuben it's either toast with fruit or oatmeal with fruit. Simple.

I'm learning and growing as a person as well. I make little moments to knit here and there if I can, and am remembering to brush my teeth every night! I've even showered the past three days!! Consecutively

In short, feel like I'm in a good place, even if I am on my toes and exhausted.