Summer Break Week 5

This week was Reuben's camp week! He went to Randolph College Tech Cats Kid's Coding Camp. He enjoyed camp so much! There was one problem we had to deal with: a kid who cussed non stop and wouldn't stop talking, loudly, about sex. According to Reuben he was a 9 year old going into 4th grade, so hopefully he did not actually know anything about sex? To me it sounded like this kid was watching, or had been shown pornography, which is so sad. Brian and I didn't know if we should talk to the staff, and Reuben really didn't want us to create any problems so we decided to just pray about it and give him some tools to deal with it himself the next day.

The second day of camp this kid ended up being sent home because he wasn't obeying, and then he was sick the rest of the camp, which was a relief. I'm praying for him and his family. Sounds like he might have a rough home life. 

But poor Reuben heard some really detailed descriptions about a few sexual acts that honesty he didn't need to know about until he was an adult! I guess it's just the world we live in, but my heart was grieved. 

As to what Reuben did at camp: they did scratch, python and Minecraft coding, went rock climbing, ate ice cream, did some tug of war outside and listened to some local engineers and scientists give short talks. They were also coding little cars to run mazes and complete tasks. I bet he did a million other things too, but as his mother I only get to hear bits and bobs of his day's narration. He had fun. I missed him. 

picking Reuben up from camp...

Becky, Esther and I had the best girls week. I tried to do something special each day before lunch. Monday we went out for coffee, grocery shopped and went to two thrift stores! Tuesday we got bubble tea and went to the park. Wednesday we picked up our raw milk, went to the library and got bubble tea again! Thursday we went downtown, walked, shopped and ate chocolate brownies and had hot chocolate and finished up the day by visiting a friend. Friday we did our regular swim day. It was a special time even though we really missed Reuben. In the afternoons we played a lot outside on the slip and slide, read books together and did chores. 

Monday and Tuesday Esther refused to nap. Wednesday and Thursday we did contact naps since I really needed her to sleep, and it was hard to go back when she had been laying down in her own bed for naps for weeks! I wanted to clean things and knit and crochet and she wanted to use me as a pillow. I had to let it go and be a pillow.

I've been having a hard week. My house feels cluttered and everything was a little overwhelming with all the driving to drop Reuben off and pick him up at specific times! I don't know how moms do this weekly! Chores have not been getting done on time and camp week is just abnormal. That's okay. I only made it to the gym once this week and that is bothering me too. I don't like to feel behind. Oh, well, I'll try again next week! The kids had a fun week and we got a lot done outside of the house. Here is to next week being more productive inside the house!

I'm still dealing with mourning the loneliness of motherhood and trying to love my past self who desperately needed some help when I had two toddlers and didn't have anyone to help. A lady at my church is due with her fourth and it's so exciting, but she has a mother in law who helps once a week and a neighbor who watches all three of her kids once a week. I had a mother in law who yelled at me for breastfeeding and didn't even bring me a meal. And no neighbors who ever helped but only got us in trouble for having a car parked on our property that was out of inspection (apparently you have to have a car cover for it--why couldn't they just tell us rather than sending the government? sheeesh) and neighbors who complained about our grass never being mowed. It makes me feel sad for myself who had to do that all alone, I wish I had help like that when I needed it with two small toddlers! 

I'm so glad I am in a better space now! I don't need childcare anymore, but I hope I can deal with the negative emotions that keep coming up and move on. It's not jealously. It's like I see them thriving but behind that picture I see myself crying and alone and wish I hadn't had to go through that. It's like I wish I could go back and give myself a hug and tell myself it's going to be okay. Well, it wasn't okay. And maybe that is what I need to realize.

But often when I see someone in a good headspace with babies/toddlers I have to grieve for myself all over again. 

Big deep breaths. I'm okay. I survived. God was with me, and that will have to be enough, until he can comfort me in heaven.

Brian also was able to work from home part of this week since the air conditioner was broken at his office! Hopefully it will be fixed next week. It was nice to see him for lunch, we all miss him terribly due to him working such long hours for us. 

Next week is the halfway week in our summer vacation!!

Summer Break Week 4 Day 6 and 7

Saturday we ran to the farmers market and I helped a church friend move which was good exercise. Brian mowed the lawn and did the grocery shopping. So much necessary chores going on.

I've had a bit of a sweet tooth recently and ate a donut after lunch! It was so delicious. I plan to have at least one or two more donuts this summer! 

I have just been feeling down lately and stressed over Reuben's summer camp. He leaves tomorrow for summer camp all week and I will miss him! It's not an overnight camp, but a day camp...He's so excited and I know he will have a blast! It will be weird to be without him... I can't wait to hear how much fun he has. He's growing up so quickly and he reaches my shoulder now! In two or three years I think he will be as tall as me. He is one shoe size away from being able to wear my shoes! 

Becky and Esther and I have a lot of fun things planned for just us girls. I'm going to keep things low key and relaxed.

Sunday, today--we went to church and I was tired. I did chores. Really, so exciting. Um, I'm going to crochet some. 

We spent the afternoon watching the kids have a blast on their slip and slide. 

I need another vacation. But since that isn't in the cards for us, I think I'll go have another donut instead. 

Behold, Our New Dishwasher! (Week 4, Day 5)

Let's just throw day 5 in the trash can, shall we? Either I tried to do too much, or everyone slept wrong, but it was a struggle. I made homemade buttermilk biscuits for breakfast and they were the highlight of the morning. At 10 we did go swimming, but one of my children cried almost all day before that. Then another one started up. It was like they took turns. My sanity was severely taxed. 

By lunch I was just done. We had leftover meatballs for lunch with homemade mac and cheese. I put the baby down for a nap and after a few chores, thought to myself, oh, now I can sit down and finally read some of my book. I kid you not, the last few times I have sat down to read I have only been able to read a few pages to maybe a chapter before getting interrupted by someone. Yesterday it was my husband who had the audacity to come home on time. Which was 5:30pm. It only happens 2-3 times a year because he is an electrical and computer engineer and usually works 1-3 hours overtime daily. Then there are the kids. I won't count the interruptions of the kids because I don't have enough fingers. We are working on asking mama to pause her reading before blurting out questions because I need a second to pull myself out of the 1700s and into the modern age before settling disputes and handling snacks. It causes me severe whiplash to hear constantly "Where is my _______? I need help with ________." Or my favorite, "I'm hungry can I have a snack?" Esther will literally come up to me and bang on me and go MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY until I give her attention. Then she smiles the biggest smile and shows me a book or a block or asks to nurse. Which is adorable, but also distracting. 

But there I was. Esther was sleeping. My older kids were having screen time. The world was my oyster! Uninterrupted reading, here I come!

I literally looked at the clock and it was hours before my husband was expected home. I remember thinking oh, now I can really relax!

I curled up on the couch and had my book and made myself a little bowl of ice cream when...my husband walked through the door. It was 2:30pm.

I stared at him in utter disbelief. God does not want me to read this book. Or relax. What was going on?

"I'm not fired," He said. (Always my first question when he gets home early, which has happened about 3-4 times since I've known him.) "I decided to take a half day to spend time with you all." 

Ya'll, I almost cried! Not from happiness, but from vexation. I love him coming home on time but he immediately wanted me to put down my book and give him my undivided attention and ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS READ. I got mad. I said, I just want to read my book! And he got upset because here he was all ready to spend time with me. It was not my best moment. Anyway we ended up compromising and he went out and played video games for an hour in his home office with Reuben and I read my book and felt like scum. Even my ice cream tasted like disappointment. 

Then, when Esther woke up we all spent time together while I still felt like I had ruined his gift...and then I got tired and grouchy and was sharp with the kids and had to apologize and it was just not the best day. I asked my husband to please not to surprise me with random days off but to text me in advance so I can pivot my plans for the day. He said he would try. Anyway it's fine now. By that I mean I am going to try to think about what is best for our family not about what I want in a given moment. But really, what a crazy day it was.

I'm not the best with surprises.

At least our new dishwasher is amazing, and runs so quiet I forget it's on and try to open it.

It just goes to show you that even when you have the best laid plans God's plans might be different and learning to love interruptions should be the 11th commandment.