Seasonal Changes

Well, the United States Government is open again, after the longest shutdown ever...but the bill that was passed only funds through January so we will see what happens next...this is going to be interesting. 

Does anyone else think Trump is acting really really weird? First he didn't release the Epstein files after that was one of the things he promised transparency on...second, he straight up dissed Americans saying we need H1B visas because we just don't have talent here...uhhhh what? I quite agreed with Brett Cooper's podcast thoughts about this. 

Is Trump being blackmailed? Because he sure is acting weird. And NO we do NOT NEED 50 year mortgages. Thats another terrible idea, Trump. Please put Dave Ramsey in charge of the budget. Seriously. 

I will be honest, as a fully homeschooling, cooking from scratch mama of three with a full time job, I mean, chronic illness (hah) I rarely have time to pay attention to politics with the two brain cells I have left at an end of the long day, but sometimes things seep through. I wish I had more time because as I age I find I care and also my BS meter waaayy shorter. I went from "pulling a republican lever" in my 20s to begrudgingly voting republican while internally angry about how corrupt democrats and republicans are. Where are all the good men? Oh, they are working hard for their families, aren't they, not manipulating budgets and dabbling in power plays. I know there are some good guys out there in politics but it seems like for every two there are thirty dirty players. 

Who has time for politics when I can watch my baby sleep? Cuteness over stress, definitely recommend. 

I was not impacted from the shutdown. 

My sister lost her food stamps for two weeks.

My mom brought her food.

Anyway, we did school today and made it a lite day because it's Friday and mama is tired. Reuben starts 5th grade next week! How crazy. He's growing up so fast. Becky is on Year 2, Term 2 starting next week and Esther is alternating between crying and playing with play dough and getting into All The Things while I read. 

I made homemade donuts and have been cleaning and organizing all morning. I am decluttering because Christmas. Actually, when am I not decluttering? I really need to get rid of way more stuff.

Life is good. If only I wasn't chronically ill. 

Life can be good with a chronic illness, God is good...I know, but this is hard. I have had times where my chronic illness was in remission for a little bit, even long stretches and it's so much nicer. Maybe one day I will get there again.

Anyway, two weeks ago when I was getting colonics, I found out one of the names for whatever it is I deal with. I already know I struggle with type two diabetes, but now I know I have IBS-C. Apparently something called a low fodmap diet helps. I don't know if I can do another diet. We will see. I also have dyslexia and that isn't a chronic illness, it does make daily life interesting sometimes! 

I'm a walking conundrum. My other issues are I get heart palpitations and I have blood clots sometimes. I also feel tired all the time but that can be from the IBS-C I have read. 

There is no cure for IBS. It's a good thing I was made by a God is works miracles. 

How are you all? 

What's Next?

The USA government still doesn't have a federal budget. People have stopped rolling their eyes and frankly...we are embarrassed. Congress is supposed to pass the budget and they can't. Well, they have tried. They can't agree. I think, obviously, that they need remedial counseling. Like marriage counseling. Trump and Congress can attend and they should be made to keep attending until they reach an agreement, 

Sssheeesssh.

October wore me out. I have been having severe chronic issues and I finally reached out to my naturopath and she recommended a colonic. Which I vehemently denied. No thanks, not me. I don't need it.

I had my first one last week, and two others in the next coming days are scheduled and... it is not fun. I am not thrilled. 

I hope it works. I pray it works. I don't know if there are any other options after this. 

Maybe I should try a bone broth cleanse for a week? Will that help reset my colon and get everything working properly? Should I try a low fodmap diet? The Gaps diet (again? I did it once a few years ago...) I really don't know where to go from here. I would appreciate prayers as I figure it all out.

On top of my annoying health issues I have been dealing with a host of educational difficulties. It has come to my attention that both my (oldest) kids have varying levels of dyslexia and I Need Help navigating this and figuring out how to best teach them to read. Reuben is 10 and reading on a third grade reading level. He does not like reading and gets tired quickly and...just like me, when he sees an unfamiliar word, he guesses. Becky is learning how to read and struggling so much. I am trying to find help. I tried to meet with two local barton reading specialists and they both canceled on me and have not texted me back. I think they have too many clients already! And kind hearts that want to help people but poor boundaries. Our piano teacher told us about this cognitive brain development thing that we decided not to do because it's just too expensive and too much work (an hour a day) I don't think I can do that with the health issues I am going through right now. 

My kids are great and so intelligent and seeing them struggling is hard! I just don't know what next step to take. Barton? Another program? Nothing? Wait? Ugh. I feel like I'm in limbo. We did buy Becky these dyslexia workbooks that just arrived yesterday and she started on them today. I hope she likes them! They help dyslexia through art, which Becky loves art. Maybe that will be all she needs.

Esther is also in the throes of the terrible twos. I love my little baby girl so much. She's also so smart! And wonderful! This is just a stage, but right now on top of everything else, it's been a bit much. Teaching a currious two year old the slow processes of emotional regulation is not for the faint of heart. God is teaching me so much as I parent her. Because, adults throw tantrums too. Just ask my Heavenly Father. He knows! 

Our van is fixed! Brian installed a new-to-us door from the local pick and save and I'm back driving it. Which is great because the van has heat (but no air con) and the other car we have has air con (but no heat) so now we have something for each kind of weather. Hah.

Thanksgiving and Christmas is right around the corner. How have we arrived here so quickly? God has been so good to our family and I am so grateful to all this year and brought us. It didn't bring me the much desired baby, but thats okay. God knows what I need, and my family is beautiful, even without babies and healing.

It didn't bring us a new house, because they are all expensive. We have not been able to work on any of the renovations I want to do to our current house, because we have all been doing the best we can just to get through our day.

But, this year did bring me...more time with my mom. I'm so glad she's retired now and she usually visits once a week. It's been life changing to have her here and the kids have absolutely grown to adore her. 

I've done yoga at least twice a week this year, when I haven't been sick. I've homeschooled my two beautiful school-aged kids. I've adored my cute, bumbling crazy toddler. I've done the dishes twice a day. I've done 600 loads of laundry. That's how it feels, anyway. 

I've watched Totoro at least 18 times. And it's still my favorite movie. 

It has been a good year, and I look forward to the next one.

Brian already told me our medical insurance will go up significantly...so it should be an interesting year. I feel that price increases are coming across the board. Hopefully I will feel well enough to garden this spring! 

Meandering Thoughts around the Internet

I feel like the western world is quietly burning to death while I sit here and eat chocolate covered almonds. I don't know if its nearing 40, coming out of "the baby years" again or that I'm just paying more attention to the news, but does anyone else think the world is going crazy? I am shocked every time I load a webpage. The federal government is still shut down (no one really cares...) ICE is arresting everyone, Charlie Kirk was murdered, there was a mass shooting in NC, an NBA gambling scandal and everywhere I look everyone's text messages and tweets are being used against them.

Is this what we have to look forward too? I mean, great-grandma's letters were something to blush at, but now I have 602 Facebook posts and 7,000 text messages that some forward-thinker in 3062 is going to publish when they write their book on 2020. May it never be. 

We already love to read old letters from the 1900s. Yes, I'm talking about you. And me. Realize right now that someone in a self driving, possibly flying car is going to get all nostalgic about your Facebook posts you wrote when you were drunk and 17... and judge an entire era by it. 

Look, I deleted my Facebook but I bet if I hadn't I also would blush from the mere stupidity of things I posted in 2011. Has anyone forgotten that people grow? I don't get how people brandish tweets from 15 years ago like it's a smoking gun. People change. Or maybe we all need a PR company to manage our social media empires now. I bet Blake Lively is regretting many things when she wakes up in the morning. Because all this stuff exists forever. I can't imagine how many books there will be 600 years from now deconstructing our era from television shows, tweets, blogs, Facebook posts and news articles. I hope they don't read Reddit or craigslist. Or, worse. What if all that survives is Reddit and craigslist?

Be careful what you share online guys. The government is watching. Jay Jones is also learning this lesson. Virginia is in hot water right now, right on the cusp of an election and the democrats are ahead! Abigail Spanburger is running on the Liberal ticket and she promises to reform Virginia by bringing all levels of abortion back. She is also for raising taxes and instituting gun laws. She also wants to reform homeschooling. 

In VA right now you can only have an abortion up to 26 weeks, apparently that is just not enough time? I'm not a democrat and the thought of this lady being voted in gives me mental hives. Oh well. I firmly believe that it is one's citizens that make the nation. I try not to blame public figures or those holding political seats for every social faux pas or problem. Every person makes this nation either better or worse and I hope to raise kids that contribute to the good of society by spreading truth, goodness, and beauty. And I know I can do that in a state where the governor is either democrat or republican. 

It's our country, after all, so we have only ourselves to blame for the deplorable state it is in.

But I really don't need any more home-school paperwork. I'm tired enough. I hope she doesn't win. It would make my life easier. 

But perhaps that isn't the point.

Anyway, I digress. The internet is a scary and overwhelming place at times, and I am not even someone who checks the news daily. But here I am sharing my diary on the internet. I mean, I'm not a public figure, just a tired homeschooling mom but sometimes even I have doubts. And there are many things I do not share. Not because of the government, but mainly because some things are just too personal. 

I would love to talk about the following topics because I have many thoughts to share, but I haven't. I'd love to talk about my friend who I miss. I'd love to talk about my sex life. And my mother in law. And my sister. And share about my struggles with _________. But I know all that isn't important and what is important is that I keep looking forward and keeping my eyes on God and celebrating the wins in life. Everyone has contention. I have amazing kids...a house, a husband who loves me. I am breathing and God has given me this day. This is enough! 

One day this blog will fall silent and while I hope my kids will write, all of it will be left behind as I go where God calls me. 

And that is what I think on when I'm falling asleep with the dishes not all the way done and two piles of laundry to put away and realizing I forgot to brush the baby's hair. God is all around and in between, especially when I'm not enough. And I'm never enough. 

And that's enough philosophy for today. I'm going to read more about Emma M. Lion and eat another handful of chocolate almonds.