Tuesday

Once again I'm sitting here listening to my children play, but instead of joy today I feel sad. Not for my children, nor for the weather--it's a gorgeous 60f outdoors right now--but for myself. I'm so tired of being chronically ill and fighting my body through the long homeschool days. We did a bit of homeschooling today and then I sat down and tried to see what I could do about some of my persistent symptoms. I always feel better with a plan.

For my chronic IBS-C I have decided to go down to two meals a day, and make sure one is blended. I'll eat a big lunch--I plan to have a salad daily with a carb side. Today it was potato salad. I love potato salad, and I also had a chickpea and chicken salad with delicious Greek dressing on it. Then for dinner I'll have something blended. Today it was a smoothie. Maybe this will get things moving and help me be less constipated. 

I also decided to take some aloe daily. I have George's Always Active Aloe and it didn't help me before but that doesn't mean I can't try it again. I'm going to take it around 3pm so it has a good long time to help my gut before my liquid dinner, and I'm going to start with 1/4 a cup daily. For dinners I could do a smoothie but I am thinking of doing blended bone broth soups. I could make sweet potato soup. I love soup, so this will be good, and good for my body hopefully. But also hard, because I will be making 2 separate meals some times. This way I can freeze the soup for me, and I can batch cook it on the weekends, but I'll have to make something for everyone else. Today I made Becky a bean and rice bowl and Reuben, Daddy (well, he isn't home yet but his food is done) and Esther had leftovers that included chicken (so Becky couldn't eat it). Our allergies are strange but here we are...

But, I know I've got to do something because living like this isn't sustainable. I just feel so downtrodden today. Will anything ever get better? What is wrong with me? Why can't I heal? What am I missing? Will these changes even help me or just torture me with food discipline... I wonder, and I pray. 

God healed me for one month in April and it was wonderful. Why could I heal then and now now? What am I doing wrong? I want to be well and have energy to enjoy a full life with my children. They are so fun and amazing and I wish I could take the hours I spend working on my health or lying in bed recuperating/resting and instead spend it with them. God is so good and I do what I can but one can always dream of more, right? I don't want it to be just dreams or wishful thinking. I want it to be reality, but I can't make it happen any more than I can make the moon rise.

But God can, and he is a God of beautiful miracles and if he wants me to live like this, I guess I will continue cobbling along and dreaming of the stars.  

I read Psalm 146 today. I'm almost through my read-through of psalms. Even though I've skipped some and also the entirety of that huge long psalm (I think it's 119)...I'll save those for another day. What book should I read next?

I love how when Esther gets "hurt" Becky makes a ambulance noise (neee-naaaah nee-nahhh) and pretends to doctor her all up. She just got knocked over on the trampoline (she's fine or she'd come get me) but she needed a big sister to patch her up for 20 seconds and now she's jumping in glee again. 

It's wonderful to watch her be 3.

Anyway, after all the sick yesterday Reuben noticed he'd lost his shoes. The ones I gave him. I was venting about it to three ladies at my church in a group chat because...those are my shoes. Yes, I gave them to him but also I wanted them back when he outgrew them and they were $200 leather barefoot shoes and now they are lost. One of the ladies said she thought they were at church and she would bring them to me after ladies bible study if so....isn't God's providence good? I was just mad but maybe his shoes are only at church. It's funny how things work out...

Do most 11 year old boys lose their shoes or is it just mine? 

Do most 11 year old boys wear their mothers shoe size? 

Reuben is going to be very tall, I think.

He started reading Black Beauty today, and though I know I read that book somewhere in elementary school I cannot remember a single thing about it. He says he knows it will be good because Charlotte told him it would be. 

Here is the only picture I've taken today--Esther this morning with her cowlick walking her pet yo-yo around the counter. 

I feel a little bit better. I think after I switch the laundry and remind Reuben to clean up his cookie-cooking mess, I'll play Stawdew Valley and hope my husband comes home soon...