I made a hat.

I haven't made anything in a long time, and it felt so good to be crocheting again. I started on the fall hats for the kiddos and decided this time to make myself one first. I don't have a green hat so...now I do! And I'm sure the kids will steal it a ton too. I made this pattern myself which means it was fun, has lots of mistakes, and I enjoyed not having to look at a printout or follow rows--except the ones that were in my head.

After taking these pictures I have decided that it would look better without a pompom. 

Oh, it made me so happy to create something! 

Summer Break Week 11

Next week is our last week of summer break and it feels surreal. Where did it all go? It seemed we started with potty training and then....Oh, I had a surprise pregnancy that ended in a surprise miscarriage that went on for over a month. That's where it went. I honestly thought about delaying school but I know the kids will want a full summer break next spring so, no delays are allowed! And we are all itching to get back into the swing of things. 

Everything we need to start school has been ordered and purchased, except for some play-dough for Esther which I may just skip, and the kids new math books. But they have a few weeks with their old math to finish up so I will wait on ordering those. 

Charlotte will be with us for the first two weeks of our school and the kids are super excited about that. Since I work one-on-one (after morning time) with each kid they will have someone to play with! 

We made these super cute felt wallets this week! What a fun craft.

The craziest thing that happened this week is Reuben fell while playing and on a rock no less and scratched the back of his head all up! It looked scarier then it was and he's okay...but boy did he frighten his mama! Also, heads are hard to put band-aids on. Who knew? He was pretty scared too when it happened but he's such a nice gentle boy, he was fine after resting.  But sadly he hasn't been able to swim all week due to his injury.

We were at a friends house and 45 minutes from home so after calming him down and stopping the bleeding I threw everyone in the car and drove all the way home. Thank goodness for rescue remedy, arnica and aconite! 

Here is to the last week of summer break, which starts...tomorrow. School, here we come!

Homeschooling Brain Dump: Becky

Becky is starting third grade this August. She loves crafts. Her least favorite subject is math. She will be doing felt creations for her hobby! 

I also have Becky taking over her breakfasts during most of the school week. Her favorite thing to make is sausage and eggs or eggy toast. She also loves yogurt and plain toast with butter.

I have gone back and forth about modifying Year 3 for Becky since she is doing 3-4 hours a week of the Barton Reading Program on top of all that is scheduled for Ambleside. I know Barton takes so much of her mental energy I don't want to overwhelm or unnecessarily burden her but I am not sure what to cut out. Every book is so amazing and good and I get excited about reading it and I don't want to regulate it to a free read or put it back on the shelf. I am thinking of cutting as we go--if a week is too overwhelming I'll simply add the readings to next week or take more time. We will see where we end up in January and I'll reassess if we need more weeks for Year 3, I'm fine with adding in another month or two of school if needed. 

My goal for Becky is to have her reading at the end of Year 3. That is her goal too--she loves reading and writing even though she struggles with it, she really wants to read and write stories. She tries to write everything and she asks me how to spell it! Other than reading I just hope we have a good time and I can get everyone fed and arrive on time. Becky will also be doing ballet this term for her extracurricular as well as piano. We will be busy busy! 

Becky is amazing at narrating. She's a natural narrator and she also loves to be read to. I'll be reading her all of Year 3, and I'm excited to revisit the books. I got some good maps for Marco Polo this year and I also ordered a book of Leonardo's pictures--with Reuben I would Google them but now we have the book to flip through. 

Becky is an introvert so finding time throughout the day to give her space and let her nest in her room is a must. She thrives when she has quiet to contemplate and alone time is a much needed respite for her solitary soul. She also loves crafts and keeping her supplied with felt, glue, stickers, yarn, tape and scissors is her love language. 

Becky, I hope you have a great year 3 and I can't wait to see you grow a little bit more this fall. 

Homeschooling Brain Dump: Reuben

Alright I don't even know where to start...

Reuben just turned 11. He's on week 21 of Year 5 of Ambleside Online. We school him January to January, so he will start year 6 sometime in the next 3 months. He is brilliant in math. He really struggles with writing and spelling. He started the Barton reading program last year and started in box three to help with spelling. He's currently in box four. He's amazing at memorizing and he loves science and facts.

Here is his writing (it's a dictation) at the beginning of Year 5. I make him write three words he spelled wrong 3x each so the first line of writing below his dictation is my handwriting.

This is after Barton reading program box 4 and also 3 months of Equipping Minds: 

He still needs help with writing and spelling. He's doing so well with reading, math and memorization. He's amazing! 

Going back into homeschooling: I plan to finish out Term 2 of Year 5--we cut out Plutarch and Shakespeare due to all the Barton work. I want to add back in Plutarch and Shakespeare when we start Term 3 of Year 5. I want to finish Year 5 in November, but that will only happen if there are minimal sick days. 

Ambleside Online is going well. I read all of Year 4 to him--in the last term of Year 4 I started having him do his Bible reading on his own, once a week. In Year 5 we have worked up to him doing one reading on his own per day--usually Bible, but he has read Lewis and Clark (Of Courage Undaunted) and Abraham Lincolns World on his own, as well as a few others. I want to get him doing two readings a day by himself and that would leave me reading him 3 scheduled readings (We usually try to do 5 a day) by the time he starts Year 6.

I also want to add in map drills. We did a few of these and have not started back up in quite awhile. We do look at maps and I pull them out at least once a day, but I have not done dedicated map drills in many months. 

Reuben will be doing karate for his exercise and hopefully getting plenty of play by being outside, running, jumping on the trampoline and playing with his sisters. We struggle with getting enough outside time between my chronic issues and our busy lives.

I can't believe that he's almost halfway through all his school.

I set up this second cooking area in our home so the kids can use butter and dairy (which I am currently allergic too, thanks Alpha Gal) and they have been making their own breakfasts this week. I hope to continue having them making breakfast Monday-Thursday and that will let me focus on school prep in the morning. 

Reuben is doing origami for his handicraft next term!

Reuben Turns 11

Reuben had a great birthday! It was glorious. He opened his presents after breakfast and he loved them. Then daddy took him out to a special lunch at buffalo wild wings--Reuben's choice--while I made frosting for his cake and prepped his birthday party food. He wanted egg salad sandwiches and watermelon which we were happy to provide! Reuben also made his own cake, a German chocolate cake. I only made the frosting due to time constraints. Everyone said it was amazing! 

Both of his close friends, Danny and William (and their families) came to celebrate at the pool and it was perfection. They played happily for two hours! 

This is how I found him the next morning when I rolled out of bed.

My little baby boy is eleven years old. Daddy got him a Hogwarts letter and that made us all laugh. I'm so proud of Reuben and so happy to be his mom. God is good. He starts 6th grade in January and he's just such a joy every day. Thank you God for Reuben!

Smog City and Healing: Summer Break Week 10

There is smog all over central Virginia and it's crazy! It is supposed to clear up today after some thunderstorms and I hope it does. It's from the Canada wildfires. It isn't terrible here--the air quality is in the 160s--but it's pretty bad. Up north I saw some of the numbers were in the 400s, which was in the purple range! Crazy. (The range goes from green-yellow-orange-red-purple) Our range for our city is yellow teetering on orange. 

This week was so hard on many levels. I am continuing to grieve, bleed, and heal over my miscarriage. I stopped bleeding on Thursday and I hope I am done. I am so ready to move on with my life and not worry I'm dying every time I use the bathroom. My good friend Julia brought me over two tinctures that might help speed up my healing process which was so sweet, and she even brought me some vegan cheese. The fact that my bleeding has been going on for over a month is just crazy. 

Also, Esther has been getting over hand-foot-mouth--she is still covered in sores! Poor kid. She's on the mend but still tells me her legs hurt a lot and I keep reminding her not to itch. Because of this we did not go swimming all week. Esther looks like she has the plague! 

I did Becky's hair again. It's fun doing buns and playing with her long hair. She added the flower!

All the kids are growing up so fast. It's crazy. Reuben will start middle school soon! 

I've made a new friend. Her name is Mya and she's been coming over every week which has been awesome. This week she came over and we water colored and talked about pregnancy. Mya is due with her second baby in August. Her little girl Thea is a great friend for Esther, and even Becky likes to play with her.

I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed most of the day trying to rest. Wednesday I was grumpy and stir crazy but Esther wasn't well enough to leave. Thursday I said...we are getting out of the house! It was 91 that day which is fine but everyone wanted air conditioning. Which we don't have in the car but...we went to the mall.

The kids enjoyed the bounce about. It was the perfect distraction to all the misery we were dealing with! They frolicked and played had an absolute blast bouncing and running on every surface they could.

I set there and realized that no one had brushed their hair and everyone was rumpled. Oh well, we made it out! In days of sadness perfection goes out the window. Well, perfection goes out the window anyway but I'm learning to give myself grace. 

It took Esther awhile to warm up to the bouncing but then she started to have a blast too! We ended the mall day by walking around and looking in all the stores and consuming Mexican food. I did not eat because alpha gal, but I enjoyed being out with all the kids and seeing them happily munching on junk food. Everyone needs junk food once in a while. Reuben got this huge burrito and I was shocked that he ate it all! Being an almost 11-year-old boy is wild. He's growing like a weed and has a stomach with a bottomless pit! 

The girls got kid meals and loved theirs too. And through it all I felt a little bit of the joy I had lost seeping back into my bones.

After that long day out we all went home and I cleaned the house while the kids rested with a movie. I've been letting them watch this show called Adventure Time and it's a kinda weird show. I know it came out in the 2010-somethings but I've never watched it. It's weird and trippy and the kids are like...no thanks. So then I let Reuben watch Invader Zim which is basically classic television now since it came out in 2001. He thought it was funny but was not impressed. Anyone know any good pre-teen shows for kids that aren't full of woke agenda? They just finished watching Infinity Train and they loved it. I saw snatches of it and it looked like a good show, I want to watch it sometime...

In other news I had to make all the font on my computer screen bigger today. Turning 40 really is wild. I'm old and I need naps.

Oh, and we went thrifting! Look at this amazing basket I found. I love it. It's a perfect home for my shoes and other by-the-door paraphernalia. 

Tomorrow I'll write up Reuben's 11th birthday post. It was glorious! Fun, cake and amazing adventures were had by all. And too many chicken wings. Happy Birthday sweet boy! I am so glad I get to be your mama.

Summer Break Week 9

I always bring a sweater to church because I tend to get cold, and last Sunday everyone but me enjoyed wearing the sweater! I just had to laugh.

I'm averaging 3 times a week doing math with the kids which I think is pretty good for the summer. Becky is 3/4th of the way through her math book and I hope to squish the rest of the lessons into the summer (by skipping lessons when I can) but I think it will take both July and August to get through it all, which is fine. Reuben is a little over halfway and since he doesn't start Year 6 until January he's actually ahead, but shhhh don't tell him since I want to keep doing math 3-4 times a week with him and keep him ahead! 

It has been 5 weeks since my miscarriage ended and 3 weeks since I quit bleeding (I quit bleeding for a week, then started again--I think I had retained tissue) anyway I was super shocked to find that I was bleeding all over my pants at the grocery store on Thursday...my favorite white pants. I wasn't ready to start my cycle back, and I am actually concerned that this is not my cycle. Several parts of it do not seem normal...and it's making me stressed. I'm hoping it is just my period. I know from previous miscarriages the first period after a loss is usually extra long and extra weird...but this does not seem like a period to me, it seems like I am bleeding my own blood not period blood. Also I usually get 5-8 week break from my cycle after a miscarriage. But every miscarriage is different...I took a pregnancy test to confirm that I have no hCG, and my test was negative which is good. But I can't shake the feeling that something is off and I don't know what to do about it. 

My bleeding was quite heavy on Friday and I took some homeopathy for cramps, hemorrhage and retained placenta (calophyllum 200, and Sabina 30) to see if it would help and it did seem to slow the bleeding...now I"m waiting to see if this acts like a period... I suppose I should call a doctor and get a follow up ultrasound like the ER suggested when I went last month. Bothersome and annoying, by all means. I have had 7 miscarriages before this and never had any issues after them and it would be this last one that keeps plaguing me! I'm also taking some vitamin C to help scrub out my uterus and I am praying a lot. 

I just want things to be normal.

Anyway, we had a huge answer to prayer this week with Becky being cured of alpha gal! We finished her 30 days on the alpha gal homeopathy and she's fine. No more stomach pain--she has had eggs, sour cream and milk in the last 48 hours and had no issues. We are going slow with reintroducing foods and she's had no issues (besides some stress over eating things that used to make her sick) and she's over the moon excited. I reminded her that she still has lactose intolerance and gluten sensitivities to worry about but that she can enjoy all the beef again. 

I still have alpha gal, the homeopathic did not work for me. I'm super bummed about that but it means I just have to keep on praying and trusting God in this area. His ways are good! I still don't know why this is happening to me but I am trying to count it all joy.

As you all know I started a gluten free diet last week. The gluten free diet seemed to make me feel better for the first few days but then my chronic fatigue hit and hasn't gone away. But I am going to keep going at least three months to see if it helps. It can take awhile for gluten to work out of your system, and if I am still having miscarriage issues that will skew the results. So far the only things I have noticed from being gluten free is reduced brain fog and reduced bloating, both of which are very good signs...

I need to find a good gluten free noodle. I miss my einkorn noodles...and we have like 20 boxes to work through with the kids...

Esther ended this week by coming down with hand-foot-mouth. Or something like--she is covered in, I don't know what to call it--a very awful rash that is painful to her and very itchy and looks like boils. As long as it's not the bubonic plague I'm sure she will be fine...(and it is definitely not the bubonic plague) but Esther is sick today and she had a fever for most of the day. I stayed home with her today while Brian did the shopping and the lawn mowing. I made bone broth and split pea soup which was actually quite delicious. I plan to make a large pot of split pea soup for freezing tomorrow.

We water-colored a lot this week, but only swam once. Charlotte was here all week and Phoenix was here on Monday and we all had a grand time. We only have three more weeks of Charlotte left before she goes back to school, and her dad also takes one week of vacation so we won't have her that week...so two weeks left! But the kids are sad--they (and I) have grown to love her so much and it will be hard to say goodbye! We hope to watch her next summer if her Dad thinks it is a good fit, and if she wants to come. But next summer is so far away--the kids are planning to be pen pals and I am secretly smiling at how much that will help their penmanship and spelling. 

It wasn't as hot this week as it was last--the doors were open many a day and outside play was had. I myself did not go out as much as I should. My body needs outside time too and I need sun. I will try to make that a priority next week. 

My eye bothered me a lot this week--and I also ended the week with a sickness of sorts, a headache. I hope it will go away soon, and it is probably being exasperated by the light of this computer screen. 

I had vegan ice cream today which felt quite naughty due to my type two diabetes. It was delicious and perhaps I will repeat the indulgence next week on Reuben's birthday.

Everyone's watercolors were so beautiful. I really do have a blessed life. Even with the headaches and the miscarriages, God is so good.

Summer Break Week 8

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

I was reading in Psalms tonight and Psalm 136 was really encouraging. I love how the psalmist repeats those lines! It is like a soothing balm to my soul.

Becky and I are experimenting with buns!

Anyway this week was not a good health week for me but that is normal in my life. I also was quite grumpy about my limitations and that was not normal and next week I plan to have a good attitude no matter what pain or malady I am dealing with. 

I have decided to put myself on a gluten free diet to see if it will help any of my symptoms. I rarely talk about my 'mortal sufferings' but sometimes it is really awful and I have three kids and home school, literally what was I thinking? But here I am and while I still can, I will. I know I am quite blessed in so many ways. I have two eyes that work. I can walk and talk. My hands work. God is wonderful, and I am thankful. There are things I can't do but I will accept the bad with the good and walk on and

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, and His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Luckily no one broke any bones or had any catastrophes this week. I am so so thankful for the lord's providence. 

I found this amazing allergy app called "Fig" where I can scan bar-codes and the app will tell me if there is any alpha gal in the food. It's been an amazing blessing in my life. We took the app grocery shopping yesterday and were able to just scan things and Fig would turn red or yellow if we couldn't eat it and green for a yes. It's perfect, I'm thrilled, Becky is thrilled and we were so happy to find many things she wanted to eat that she could eat (like Simple Mills cake boxes! And crackers! And ice cream!) that we didn't know about. And it's so easy to scan, Becky can do it herself. No longer am I googling "is alpha gal in ________" in the middle of a grocery isle, now I can just scan and go. 

This week I planned a very chill week. We basically did our regular things (piano, PEMF, milk pickups and swimming) and didn't do anything exciting besides the swimming. Though I do think my house is pretty exciting anyway, what with one wild toddler, one artistic eight year old and one adventurous ten year old and a Charlotte--all cooped up together in 1400sq feet. 

toddlers and clothes...hah

Oh my gosh it was so hot this week. We had three days where the temperature reached over 100f (38c). I tried to keep swimming only for afternoons to beat the heat and the UV index because when it's hot outside we all become sweaty tired people very quickly. I know summer is here and this is normal...and it's wonderful...but I wish we had air conditioning in our car, that would help so much! And I wish I could eat regular ice cream. The vegan stuff is okay but it just isn't the same.

This week we also switched rooms around in our house and we did lots of moving (and even some painting) and carrying (why do we have so much stuff!) and everything is still a bit haphazard as we find new homes for all of our things. With growing kids and shifting needs we wanted the girls to have the biggest room and we gave ourselves the smallest, and Reuben the middle room. We did this for a few reasons--Brian and I only hang out in 'our room' when we are going to bed (or if we are sick) and we no longer needed the big room since no one is bunking with us anymore (we co-slept with each of our kids) and with homeschooling the kids are here all day and they need the space more. 

Oh, I can't believe we are growing out the baby phase once again! We did it before when Becky turned four and I had a whole year before I became pregnant with Esther...and here Esther is such a big 3 year old who wants to be just like her brother and sister...and here we are again saying goodbye, probably forever, to little baby onesies, sleepy snuggles, baby cuddles and diapers all in one go. SO many precious memories to mull over as we transition. 

The room switching is just a tangible representation of how our family is changing and growing and entering a new stage. There are several practical reasons for switching rooms now too, from Becky's introverted needs to our growing-older and chronic health issues. 

I know "personal space" can be an American concept (or at least I think it is) but we stay home a lot and I wanted everyone to have space to create, study, read and relax--myself included--in our tiny home. The only problem we have run into is there is no capacity to fit a desk in our room for my computer, which is a bummer. I have a desktop computer, it's an apple computer and it's about 6 years old and I love it. I have done video editing on it, the kids do their typing lessons on it, I write blog posts on it (I'm using a Chromebook right now) and because my main desktop computer is a Mac it's easy to access all my apps and add pictures quickly and easily as I write. I can't do that on a Chromebook and thus I have decided to save up for an Apple laptop and get a lap desk for my bed. We will find a place for the computer in my husband's shed, or perhaps I will park it in Reuben's room for movie nights--but I won't be able to use it consistently like I can a laptop. 

Speaking of changes, Reuben turns 11 in under two weeks! The teenage years are right around the corner and I can't be more excited. Well, I think Reuben is the most excited. He's so wonderful and I can't wait to see him grow up.

Also! Another thing--there are only four more weeks of summer break left! I told the kids today and everyone looked glum. But it is all good things, good things...I am excited for our new school year in August and I am praying to Jesus my energy levels and overall health will allow a smooth transition. But whatever the Lord wills...I will try to accept with an open and happy heart.

Who remembered us in our low estate,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting,
And has rescued us from our adversaries,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting;
Who gives food to all flesh,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Give thanks to the God of heaven,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Esther napped next to me in my bed for almost all the writing of this post and her sweet little face and soft snores were the best background music.

Summer Break Week 7

I think this was the worst week of summer break. What could be worse than May's surprise miscarriage? My mom fell and thought she broke her foot. She waited a whole week to go to the hospital (because she's stubborn, on a retired income, and was sure it was just a sprain) but after not being able to put any weight on it all week she went. And was there basically the whole weekend laid up with her foot and other, more serious complications! I don't want to go into any more details of my mom's life without her permission (and I'm certainly not about to ask her for permission when she's in the middle of a crisis) but please remember her in your prayers this week. I trust God and I think she's going to be fine but I just got used to having her around more now that she's retired and I know we all will miss her so much since she most likely won't be able to visit with a hurt foot and health issues and with our extra babysitting kid in tow, I won't be making it out to her either. Change is hard and my kids are already asking when she is going to be coming over next! But she needs rest and clearly God thought so too since he allowed this to happen. His ways are good even when we don't understand it!

I had another family member texting me throughout this whole stressful process of mom-breaking-her-foot about how much a loser I was for not dropping off food or helping out. Granted this family member did not know I had a full time babysitting job this summer or had recently had a miscarriage. I'm also sure my mom would not want a toddler and a stranger in her house while she's hurt. I did make her soup and I froze it to bring it to her soon.

Everyone reacts differently to stress and trauma and it can bring out the worst in people. Remember that next time you are going through a hard time and let your every word be one of peace, mercy and kindness. 

Reuben is still doing PEMF and I am so thrilled about how he is progressing. He hasn't been sick and June was the first month in a long time he didn't catch something! I know it's summer but my poor Reuben catches the slightest cold and is sick for a week usually twice a month. So this is such a blessing. We have two more months of PEMF and I am hopeful to keep seeing improvements in his nose breathing and immunity. 

We had our regular piano lessons this week and also I had a cleaning day on Wednesday and I washed all the sheets! We did not make it out to any parks, I had one scheduled and no one wanted to go so I just skipped it. 

Here is what I cooked for dinners, all alpha gal free

• fish, veggies and rice
• basil pesto pasta salad
• nacho dip with corn chips and chicken
• chicken fried rice
• chickpea salads
• chicken chili

Charlotte is easily becoming a fixture into our day and both the kids love doing different things with her and they all play together wonderfully! This week they all ran outside and played in the rain (no thunder so it was safe) and they have some running/chasing game they play and it is wholesome to see them all the best of friends. We also love nature drawing and reading together and puzzles. 

One day this week Charlotte's dad, Jake, asked if I could watch her best friend Phoenix for the day and I said yes. It was fun to see Charlotte around someone she’s known for years and deeply loves and we all had a great time swimming and eating ramen and being silly. 

I hope everyone is making wonderful summer memories. 

I also finished crocheting my water bottle cover. I'm in a fiber art slump and I haven't started on any new projects since I finished my last sweater so it was nice to have something to make...I really don't know what to make next. Perhaps I should start working on the kids fall hats.

If you look at everything we did it was a great week but mostly I was worried about my mom and just trying to keep things normal for the kids. 

We ended the week with a weekend of painting, getting henna at the farmer's market (Esther did it too!) and swimming. Bonus picture of my salad because it was amazing. 

I am hoping next week does not hold any mystery illnesses, broken bones, surprise pregnancies or other catastrophes for any member of my close or extended family. Goodness, this summer is giving me a run for my bible in a way I probably needed in the mountains as well as the valleys...because God is my strength and I can't get through any of this without him. 

Today in church I was also sad to hear that Beth Bell's husband is in the hospital with a brain aneurism. Please pray for him too. Yes, I should know his name, but I don't and I will remedy that soon. I have seen the sweet Bell couple in my church, they are perhaps in their 50s or 60s--but I have exchanged maybe two or three words with the wife and none with the husband. 

They are lovely people though and sadly the prognosis does not look good. Everyone was glum about it. We prayed for them and got updates through the elders who were with them in the hospital on Saturday. 

No one is promised tomorrow. Remember that before you crab at your kids tomorrow! Remember that when you are angry about your husband's socks.

No one is promised tomorrow. 

Summer Break Week 6

I finally feel like maybe the physical ramifications of my miscarriage are over. Friday was day three of no bleeding and I'm hoping it won't start again and that all the tissue has passed. What a whirlwind May and June has been and I am excited to welcome in July soon and hopefully the only surprise July will bring is fresh cookies and rain for the garden. 

She would have made a great big sister...

I think I am getting a little burnt out from all the doctor appointments we have been going to. Reuben had two PEMF appointments this week and the kids both had a health check up with a nurse practitioner on Wednesday and we still had our regular two piano lessons and we went back to the creek...all while trying to emotionally navigate a miscarriage and cook alpha gal free for my family.  But some things will be lapsing soon--Reuben has piano lessons only for three more weeks then he has a long break because his teacher is getting married, which is adorable. He's like 23 and ah, young love is both ridiculous and endearing. But everything else stays on our schedule so I better just buck up. PEMF will be twice a week for Reuben until September, and then I might move it to once a week if it is still helping him and we can afford it. Becky's piano lessons are always and obviously school will start back sometime in August and the kids will have more Barton lessons and the pool closes in September...but I want to savor the summer and not be stressed or anxious about what I've chosen to fill it with.

The kids with Charlotte <3

This week was just plain hard. I need to create a new normal and see what I can cut out and maybe just add in more pool time. Some of those things are opposites but...oh, I feel so behind on everything! Since The Miscarriage I haven't been keeping up with cleaning, decluttering, planning, or honestly being much of a fun mom. I've been sad and down. And that makes sense. This baby deserves to be loved and mourned. We did inform Becky and Reuben and it was heartbreaking to see them sad but we wanted them to understand what we were going through and to have the why behind what was wrong with mommy. They desperately wanted me to have another baby and I know that they are also mourning in their own small ways even though they don't talk about it anymore. This whole thing was just so completely unexpected. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that I was pregnant and lost a baby in the span of 8 short weeks. Sweet little baby, I wish I knew if you were a boy and a girl and I wish I had gotten to hold you once before you went to be with God in heaven. 

We also haven't really budgeted since The Miscarriage. We will resume next pay period and see where we are in terms of...everything. That's okay, survival weeks are normal part of life sometimes. 

Today Becky had her piano recital and she did so amazingly. I did her hair and she played Allegretto 1 and Allegretto 2 and it was beautiful. Our neighbor came to see her--Becky invited her--and that was special and sweet. My little girl is growing up so fast and I can't wait to see her play in her next recital in early December. 

Here is to embracing the silliness, the long days, the tired mornings and figuring out what kind of alpha gal free breakfasts to make next week because that seems to be the hardest thing. Here are our go-to alpha gal breakfasts so far: yogurt with berries, waffles, raspberry crumble, muffins, beans with rice and guacamole, and smoothies. For dinner next week we plan to have fish, veggies and rice, basil pesto, nachos with corn chips, chicken fried rice, chickpea salads, and chicken chili. For lunches I am planning on curry, potato salad with deviled eggs, soup with vegan grilled cheese, greek salads with rice, and PBJs with veggies, vegan pizza and spaghetti. Everyone is tired of these meals...myself included. But with no mammal products allowed I really don't know what to do.

Our next big family event is Reuben's 11th birthday. I can't believe its been a whole year already...

Summer Break Week 5

Monday was a hard day. We had a slow morning and then took Reuben to his PEMF appointment. I told Becky we would try a local vegan-friendly restaurant while Reuben relaxed in the zero gravity chair at his doctors. It didn't work. We both got vegan smoothies but for some reason Becky got a severe stomach ache and then almost threw up so we had to leave. It was so disappointing. I did not have a reaction there but for Becky she did. We did get different smoothies...the restaurant used to be totally vegan but now they have milk and other alpha gal products so, there goes the one place I thought we could eat. Becky cried a lot. She really wanted somewhere we could go and get a treat once in a while. 

Becky has the stomach pain/throw up quickly/ diarrhea alpha gal problem while I have the anaphylaxis alpha gal allergy. Becky only throws up if she has a lot of alpha gal--for example, eating a hamburger. I don't know what was in the smoothie but whatever it was was a lot of alpha gal. 

The smoothie we ordered was totally vegan. We won't be back. 

For dinner we had another problem--I made spaghetti with ground turkey. Only for both Becky and I to have a reaction. Apparently ground turkey isn't only ground turkey. All the options I saw have either natural flavors (contain alpha gal) or rosemary extract which is processed, once again, with bone char and contains alpha gal. The world is laughing at me.

If I want to have ground turkey I will have to get a turkey and grind it myself. I am not adding anything to my plate of this nature as I grieve a miscarriage and battle a debilitating tick disease, among other issues...

This made the second meal of the day that gave Becky a severe stomach ache and even though I knew it was a mistake seeing her cry in pain and frustration made me so sad. She and I are trying so hard and here we are not able to eat anything...or so I felt. 

We also went to a laundromat for the first time in like, 10 years and let me tell you it was gross, dirty, and $4 a load to wash my whites. But our washer was broken and I needed to do at least one load. It took 22 minutes to cycle and we took it home to dry. Esther had to use the toilet while we were there and the sink didn't even work, there was no soap in the bathroom and the door didn't close. I was expecting, at the very least, a laundromat to be hygienic. I don't want to ever go back.

We did meet some very nice grandmas that smiled at Esther a lot as she ran laps around the washing machines and had the time of her life with the 25 cent bouncy ball I bought her from the very decrepit coin machine. I wish I had taken pictures, it was straight out of the 1990s...

We ended the day with a nice swim at our local pool. It was a good day, stomach pain aside. 

Tuesday Charlotte came--she was with friends Monday. Charlotte is the lovely 10 year old I am nannying this summer and this week has been a treat with her. Last week she was shy and unsure but this week I think she is learning we are fun, safe and it's fine to just be herself around us.

Tuesday we went to the creek after Reuben's piano lesson. We walked all the way to a little bridge and set up hammocks and just had a relaxing refreshing time by the stream. It was nice and cool in the shade, until the toddler fell into the water and cried. I need to remember to pack her extra clothes! What kind of mom am I? This is not my first rodeo. 

We will definitely be back to that spot though. 

We started a new free read this week too--we are reading Lad, A Dog. It is wonderful. Everyone is loving it.

Wednesday we went early to walk at Poplar Forest, Thomas Jefferson's house. You can walk around the grounds but not near the house without a ticket. It was hot but fun. We sat for awhile by a stream and the kids splashed until we found ticks and hightailed it out of there, stopping on the way to climb a tree.

Esther wanted to be carried the whole time and I was quite sweaty by the time we made it back to the car. By the time we made it home I was hot and sticky--we have no air conditioning in our car! It was a very warm day...and only going to get hotter! The highs for the next three days were in the mid-90s. 

After lunch of turkey sandwiches, my mom came over to watch Becky, Reuben and Esther and I took Charlotte to her house for a little over an hour so she could rest in her room. This also gave grandma a quiet two hours to do Barton Reading with Becky and Reuben and Esther ended up taking a nap. 

I was just checking the weather for next week and its going to be nice and cool--by nice and cool I mean in the low to mid 80s--this week has been crazy with numbers like 95f and 97f. This mama has been hot and I'm ready for some cooler weather. Next week we can have lots of outside creek time and not have to worry about the UV index.

Thursday Reuben had another appointment and Charlotte, Becky, Esther and I went to goodwill to comb through everyone's trash, I mean treasures. I ended up finding a really cute baking dish and a water bottle waist-belt type of pack for Reuben to use when hiking (he loved it!). I also found some shirts and clothes and a bag for Esther, and Charlotte found a backpack, two shirts and a pair of pants. Esther and Becky also found two baby-dolls they loved. In all we spent $54 and it was perfection. Sometimes you come to goodwill and find nothing and it's annoying combing through everyone's greasy cast-offs, but sometimes you come and find just what you need and it's wonderful. Esther has been hauling the backpack and the doll around everywhere. 

Thursday is also Becky's piano day and since the high was 95f, that was all we did. We stayed home the rest of the time and read Lad, A Dog, played video games, ate ice cream and other silly games. It was a blast. 

Friday we went early to Claytor Lake Nature Center. The high on Friday was 97f and so we went from 9-11 and left when it hit 90f, because that was hot enough. We did nature drawing by the stream, played in the nature zone kid playground and did multiple tick checks. Charlotte also found a beautiful book about wolves in the little free library and she was over the moon about it. I got the sweetest picture of her explaining the wolves to Esther and it melted my heart and I sent it to her family. 

Becky also found a baby frog. She also found a lot of tadpoles that she really wanted to bring home but we didn't. We don't have a place for them, or I would have let her. Becky is the kind of girl that wants to collect pets wherever we go.

We came home in the heat and had snack lunch (hummus and toast and leftover turkey, sourdough crackers I made...mostly various things in the fridge) and met up with Brian who went to the gym this morning, as it was his day off. We had rest time with video games through the heat and read another chapter of Lad and I took a nap on the couch while Brian worked on fun projects in the shed. 

Friday was hard for me because right before we left for Claytor I noticed I was bleeding again. Didn't I just have a miscarriage a little over a week ago? I literally stopped bleeding Monday, June 1 after bleeding (sometimes very heavily) for 11 days. I don't know why this is happening and it's been quietly freaking me out all afternoon. I keep praying I'm okay and wondering what I need to do next and also trying to be normal so I don't worry my kids but also I need space but oh, that's impossible right now with four children and a husband home. 

I would like to be normal, please.

Here is to some normal I am hoping....next week. 

Here are to some meals that hopefully don't hurt my daughter's stomach. 

Here is to Reuben learning to breathe through his nose! 

I'm ready to see God's miracles. 

Summer Break Week 4

We had our last karate classes for the term this week! I hope to come back in the fall if I can.

I'm still processing through the miscarriage of another baby I will have to wait to meet until heaven. I was invited to two baby showers this week and the first one I just said no to because I couldn't do it but the second one was a good friend and I was going to go until Esther threw up and I'm not risking the stomach bug around a mom in the third trimester, and she totally understood and was grateful. 

I need to figure out how to deal with this grief. I think maybe planting a flower garden for my little babies in heaven would be a start.

The highlight of the week was giving Esther her first hot dog (we really don't do junk food) and she ate it like this. So cute and she ate the whole thing!

Monday was the day after my miscarriage and hospital stay. I was exhausted after being up in the emergency room until 3am, but I got up and took Reuben to his dentist appointment where he got the next 12 weeks of his Invisalign. He's doing great with it. Then I took him to his PEMF appointment which was an hour. It's helping his breathing!! After all that I went home and took a three hour much needed nap while my kids watched a movie. 

I don't remember the rest of the day.

Anyway, Tuesday I wanted a healing rest day after all the craziness of the weekend. We had a slow breakfast and relax morning, then I decided to do a craft! We did tie dye. 

Crafting is a great distraction from sad life things and also an amazing healing mechanism, creating something new. We stayed home all day, made some pretty things, played video games, hung out together and had our last karate class.

Wednesday we started out by going to Fresh Market to look at their dairy free, vegan options. I ended up finding some yogurt I love, a vegan sour cream and other alpha-gal free items. Unfortunately Fresh Market is pretty expensive so we probably won't go back. I was mainly trying to shop for Becky who definitely has alpha gal just like me. Then we went to Little Givens where I picked up some restful toys for Reuben to use during his PEMF appointments since he has to sit there for an hour. After lunch Grandma came over for three hours of Barton and I did a round of our regular grocery shopping and raw milk pick-up. And we ended by going to the pool where Esther took the cutest summer nap on me. 

Thursday was Charlotte's first day with us. I'll be nannying her through the summer for 6 or 7 weeks. She's 10 so the phrase babysitting doesn't work. It's a long day as her dad drops her off at 7:30am and picks her up at 6 but she's working through it. I told her Thursday was our busy day. We had an PNEF appointment for Reuben at 10:10. I dropped him off and took all the girls to the park where they played for a bit then found some kids that had frogs and that was fascinating. We all trooped home for lunch (turkey sandwiches) after picking up Reuben and then we had Becky's piano class at 2, followed by swimming. A full and very busy day and everyone was exhausted at the end of it.

Friday was today. We were halfway to the creek and then Esther threw up everywhere. I turned around, took her home gave her a bath and veratrum 200 and she fell asleep for over two hours and she hasn't thrown up since. It was crazy. We all had a home day and did puzzles but it was kinda exhausting being home all the time with four kids. I also somehow ate something I shouldn't and am having some alpha gal symptoms and generally annoyed. 

I am hoping for a restful weekend, a healing weekend and a focused weekend.