September is the new July

I'm supposed to look forward to doing my devotions but sometimes it feels like a chore that I force myself to do. I've been reading through Psalms. Does anyone else feel like Psalms is super schizophrenic? Praising God in one verse and in the next the depths of despair. Uplifted on clouds of glory and two phrases later begging God for one sign. It's just like my life.

Obviously it's been a humbling read-through and much needed. I'm up to Psalm 46, which was a soothing balm to my motherhood burdened soul. God is my refuge and my strength and help in trouble! Just what I require in this stage of preteen strife and toddler woes. 

Yesterday it seemed like every time I finally sat down someone needed something. That's always how it works. Sit down for lunch? The toddler needs a cup of water or suddenly has to pee, or Becky forgot her fork or someone needs the ketchup from the fridge. Last night I was so worn out--woke up at 5, went to yoga, full day of cooking, cleaning, and took the kids to karate and ballet. I made myself a vegan, alpha gal free cheese toasty and had just sat down when Becky appeared, wet all over with the hair dryer and brush and a request for me to dry her hair and braid it for bed. Then she cried because I asked her to wait 15 minutes so I could eat my food before it got cold. But, when I went up to help her finish her hair 15 minutes later (already feeling guilty for telling her she had to wait) she was fine and we had a happy bedtime routine without strife. I however had some whiplash to deal with afterwards...I need to stop letting everyone's moods affect me!

one cool morning; I wore my handknit sweater!

Brian has been home all week working on the siding which is amazing. He's amazing, and I am so glad it is finally getting done. I mean, it's only been 5 years he's been trying to do it. The original siding is only falling off our house in rotten strips...I may have some resentment I need to work through this evening...

We haven't done school this week, besides piano and typing lessons. With daddy home we decided to take a break. I think my nervous system needed one... it has been a full summer of emergency after emergency and it's nice to just to play and support Brian as he hangs siding. I've been reading The Prime Minister and I think it's going to be my favorite Palliser novel. I'm hanging onto every delicious word! It's so well written and I love it. It really needs a modern adaptation...there is one from the 1980s and I haven't seen it but maybe I should give it a shot after I finish the series. I'd love to see Lady Eustace on screen in all her glittering narcissistic beauty.

It's been in the mid-80s and 90s this week which just feels weird for September but I know fall is coming and I am just trying to soak up these last weeks of summer. Although, I do wish we had air conditioning in our car. I finished Esther's and Reuben's fall crochet hats, and am working on Becky's. 

We tried to get our budget under control. Next pay period will show if we did a good job or not...

I have no idea what I am making for lunch or dinner but I am sure I will figure it out. It's been that kinda week. 

Even though Daddy is working 9-5 on our siding, we are still trying to do a few fun things as a family. Last night we went to our favorite ice cream joint and enjoyed frozen sugar rushes during the heat wave. It was great. Daddy has been reading through Genesis in the evenings too, it's been sweet family time.  And we are planning some park and library trips for later in the week. God is good, and I'm learning how to rest in the calm after the storm. 

August

I have had so many thoughts about so many things the last few weeks and no time or energy to write them down. So here is my attempt to order the disorder of my brain. 

For starters, I am loving our smaller room. If you missed the moving post, we gave the girls the big room and it's been an amazing change. It feels like the kids have so much more space and sharing is easier. My darling introvert is enjoying her space more even with the toddler and the atmosphere of our house just breathes differently. The same goes for our room, in what used to be the old girls bedroom--I love how cozy it is, everything feels much more organized and we've been finding ways to downsize even more which is my love language. The "big room" is about 400 square feet and the small room that we are in now is around 200. So it was a change, especially since the "big room" has its own bathroom.

It's September, and I'm still healing and dealing with everything that happened this summer. Over the break I worked full time for the first time in years--being a nanny/babysitter for a 10 year old girl named Charlotte. It was fun, I hope she had a great time. Reuben and Becky and Esther had an amazing time with her and have a greater appreciation for art, horses, and wolves just because of Charlotte. I'm feeling a lot of guilt though. I did not get to do half of what I planned for summer, and I mourn that. I spent a lot of the summer having a long extended miscarriage and grieving the loss of our 8th and very unexpected baby. I am glad that the kids, and Charlotte, did not notice. The kids told me they had an amazing summer and can Charlotte please come over again next year? And we also spent all that time at the pool... it was a wonderful summer in many ways. 

We have a consultation for the snippy-snip for hubby in November, which I strangely do not know how to feel about, even though I am the one who has asked him to do this. I think it's because I would love another baby. Actually I would love three more babies in my forties but my health and body do not feel strong enough to endure more losses. I am chronically ill, and instead of getting better after 10 years of researching and work, I am slowly getting worse. It is sad. And very hard to deal with, but true. So here I am ready physically to say goodbye to more babies but not emotionally ready. And yet I am not emotionally or physically ready to say hello to any more babies either. Alas, life is once again a conundrum. Good thing I have tea and sunsets.

Summer to me felt like one long struggle between the miscarriage and trying to give the kids some normalcy. I was so glad that summer was over when August hit and I thought I could put all that behind me and delve into homeschooling! And then we started school...and sadly, last Monday, our Pastor passed away suddenly. It was very unexpected news and our whole church is grieving. He was on a sabbatical for his health--he had cancer twice in the last 6 years--and was expected to return in two or three weeks to resume preaching, and now he is gone. Please pray for his wife and four grown children and of course their grandchildren. Sadness and misery reins in August too! 

And now September is here and fall is just around the corner, though of course that could be many weeks off. With Virginia weather, we still could have a month of 90f weather just like we are having this week. Today it was 94f or something crazy like that... But the pool is closed now, we are done with PEMF, and ballet and karate for the kids (and piano) are in full swing in our little homeschool household.

hanging out in the heat in the car before piano!

After over a full decade of being chronically ill I am feeling very burnt out and ready for some relief. I've been praying for healing, especially from alpha gal and hoping that I'll be able to enjoy beef and raw milk again soon. I've been praying for healing for my gut issues and severe sinus problems, for energy and good sleep--to wake feeling rested would be nice. I'm doing so many things that are supposed to help and nothing ever seems too. It's very disappointing. 

I'm reading the next book: The Prime Minister by Anthony Trollope. I like this one so much better than the last one...for some reason I couldn't get into that one at all. I'm knitting fall hats and dreaming of cooler weather. 

God is good, and I know he is working out everything to his glory.

Becky made a cake from scratch today and the kids said it was delicious! She used butter and flour, so I couldn't eat it but I was fine with that. It was a pretty cake and we had a little tea party lunch with sandwiches and fruit. 

I am hoping September holds rest, some cooler days, lots of reading with steaming cups of tea...but most of all for contentment in my own heart through the trials that I know are still yet to come.

Updates

Well, we had our first week of school last week and we survived! I got about 75% done, which is awesome for our first week. Charlotte is back in school and everyone misses her. It's time to buckle down and work hard and look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas break! 

So many first and lasts! Becky had her first dance class, she loved it, her only complaint was her shoes pinched. Piano started up again for Becky too, and Reuben's starts this coming week..and I also ordered the rest of the kids fall wardrobes, so much planning and fun shopping! I decided this year to wrap up each outfit and have them open them when it gets cold, one outfit a week. I might be more excited then the kids! Some of the outfits they picked themselves and some I picked as surprises...

I did all my shopping at goodwill and a few other local thrift stores first but was only able to find things for Becky, even through multiple weeks. The toddler and boy section just had nothing... I got the rest from the Carter's website which has very reasonably priced kids clothes! I also got Reuben a shirt from another website with One-One on it. (Are you my mum?) He's going to be stoked, Infinity Train is his current favorite show. 

Each kid gets 3 new fall outfits, except for Becky (since we went to goodwill) has six... so I may need to improvise a few other ones for the other two kids so it's even. Hopefully we can find some stuff over the next few weeks from Goodwill! 

We had our last swim at the pool. It's open one more week but I am not sure we can fit it into our super packed schedule. I made sourdough pizza to bring with us!

I have been keeping a food diary for Becky to find out her stomach issues--she has an allergy to chocolate and also to capsaicin (bell peppers) and to eggs. I'm hoping by omitting these ingredients her life will improve! She can't have paprika or any capsaicin products like chili powder...it's going to be an interesting transition. But if it helps her it will be so worth it. She gets stomach pain all the time and I have been having the worst time figuring it out. 

I still am gluten free and have alpha gal. Reuben is allergic to beans, avocados, bell peppers (but he can have them if cooked) bananas, kiwi and blueberries. We are a crazy household.  

I'm trying to make it to the gym and work on my chronic illness, figure out how to feed us all and homeschool everyone with a toddler in tow. No wonder I'm tired! 

I started on a new probiotic that will hopefully help me! I hope it does.

My miscarriage finally seems to be done and over with. God is good and I am so thankful...it's terrifying to be bleeding out of a part of your body you can't slap a band-aid on...and to feel helpless and unsure of what to do. I hope I never have to go through another miscarriage again for the rest of my life. I turn 40 this January so my menstruating days are officially numbered. 

I'm going to go reset the living room for school tomorrow. See you all later!

The Last Week

My mental health has been on a steadily downward trend this week. I mean, it's just life. But I know I've been struggling more than usual. And I want to give my kids the best parts of me, not the leftover bits! God is so good and I feel like a piece of mud an elephant stepped on. Which is not true, I am a beautiful creation of the Lord who deserves love, rest, and peace. 

We enjoyed our last week of vacation even with mommy's mental health issues. We went to the park--Esther got a splinter but I got it out when we got home. And I enjoyed a play date with my friend Mya and her little girl who is Esther's best friend. Her name is Thea and she's two! They are two peas in a pod.

I think my current issues are...recovering from my miscarriage. Not spending enough time outside or in my Bible. Being addicted to my phone and not having good boundaries with media. Not taking care of myself and instead living in an anxious stressed place where I just repeatedly clean my house and cry. 

In short, I need a break. I need a break from media and a few weeks without the internet. That, and going outside and sticking my toes in the dirt and reading my Bible will help. I need nourishment, not only of food (I want to make my delicious cabbage soup) but of the mind.

I've taken breaks before and they have been awesome! I'm going to take one now and I'll be back eventually, but I don't know how long I will need. I know this is the right choice! This summer was so hard and some detox from the internet should renew me. 

The kids made little clay creations this week and I did not take the best pictures. They were happy and their clay creatures were so cute! I need better camera skills.

One amazing thing that happen this week is I feel like we finally got Becky and Esther's new room organized in a way that makes sense. I love it and they are loving it too! Each of them has a desk, and each of them have little play areas and they each have their own closet. It's perfect and giving them the biggest room in the house has been a dream. I even love having the small room. It feels less chaotic and I love being close to Reuben. 

Becky's desk is under a window and since there are two windows in this room, Esther's little desk (which used to belong to Brian) is under the other.

Their room is so sweet and they are enjoying the space. I am hopeful Esther will spend an hour or two up here on her own during homeschooling. I've created a playlist for her that includes both Baby Shark and Jesus Loves Me. What more could she want? 

There are two more weeks until Charlotte starts school. She is still here 10 hours a day and we have really grown to love her. Esther asked today where she was. It's Saturday, silly, she's with her dad, and we will see her Monday. 

God is good and I'll make it through tomorrow--church always wears me out.

Here is to a few weeks of focusing on lifting my eyes to what really matters and maybe eating a lot of soup. 

I made a hat.

I haven't made anything in a long time, and it felt so good to be crocheting again. I started on the fall hats for the kiddos and decided this time to make myself one first. I don't have a green hat so...now I do! And I'm sure the kids will steal it a ton too. I made this pattern myself which means it was fun, has lots of mistakes, and I enjoyed not having to look at a printout or follow rows--except the ones that were in my head.

After taking these pictures I have decided that it would look better without a pompom. 

Oh, it made me so happy to create something! 

Summer Break Week 11

Next week is our last week of summer break and it feels surreal. Where did it all go? It seemed we started with potty training and then....Oh, I had a surprise pregnancy that ended in a surprise miscarriage that went on for over a month. That's where it went. I honestly thought about delaying school but I know the kids will want a full summer break next spring so, no delays are allowed! And we are all itching to get back into the swing of things. 

Everything we need to start school has been ordered and purchased, except for some play-dough for Esther which I may just skip, and the kids new math books. But they have a few weeks with their old math to finish up so I will wait on ordering those. 

Charlotte will be with us for the first two weeks of our school and the kids are super excited about that. Since I work one-on-one (after morning time) with each kid they will have someone to play with! 

We made these super cute felt wallets this week! What a fun craft.

The craziest thing that happened this week is Reuben fell while playing and on a rock no less and scratched the back of his head all up! It looked scarier then it was and he's okay...but boy did he frighten his mama! Also, heads are hard to put band-aids on. Who knew? He was pretty scared too when it happened but he's such a nice gentle boy, he was fine after resting.  But sadly he hasn't been able to swim all week due to his injury.

We were at a friends house and 45 minutes from home so after calming him down and stopping the bleeding I threw everyone in the car and drove all the way home. Thank goodness for rescue remedy, arnica and aconite! 

Here is to the last week of summer break, which starts...tomorrow. School, here we come!

Homeschooling Brain Dump: Becky

Becky is starting third grade this August. She loves crafts. Her least favorite subject is math. She will be doing felt creations for her hobby! 

I also have Becky taking over her breakfasts during most of the school week. Her favorite thing to make is sausage and eggs or eggy toast. She also loves yogurt and plain toast with butter.

I have gone back and forth about modifying Year 3 for Becky since she is doing 3-4 hours a week of the Barton Reading Program on top of all that is scheduled for Ambleside. I know Barton takes so much of her mental energy I don't want to overwhelm or unnecessarily burden her but I am not sure what to cut out. Every book is so amazing and good and I get excited about reading it and I don't want to regulate it to a free read or put it back on the shelf. I am thinking of cutting as we go--if a week is too overwhelming I'll simply add the readings to next week or take more time. We will see where we end up in January and I'll reassess if we need more weeks for Year 3, I'm fine with adding in another month or two of school if needed. 

My goal for Becky is to have her reading at the end of Year 3. That is her goal too--she loves reading and writing even though she struggles with it, she really wants to read and write stories. She tries to write everything and she asks me how to spell it! Other than reading I just hope we have a good time and I can get everyone fed and arrive on time. Becky will also be doing ballet this term for her extracurricular as well as piano. We will be busy busy! 

Becky is amazing at narrating. She's a natural narrator and she also loves to be read to. I'll be reading her all of Year 3, and I'm excited to revisit the books. I got some good maps for Marco Polo this year and I also ordered a book of Leonardo's pictures--with Reuben I would Google them but now we have the book to flip through. 

Becky is an introvert so finding time throughout the day to give her space and let her nest in her room is a must. She thrives when she has quiet to contemplate and alone time is a much needed respite for her solitary soul. She also loves crafts and keeping her supplied with felt, glue, stickers, yarn, tape and scissors is her love language. 

Becky, I hope you have a great year 3 and I can't wait to see you grow a little bit more this fall. 

Homeschooling Brain Dump: Reuben

Alright I don't even know where to start...

Reuben just turned 11. He's on week 21 of Year 5 of Ambleside Online. We school him January to January, so he will start year 6 sometime in the next 3 months. He is brilliant in math. He really struggles with writing and spelling. He started the Barton reading program last year and started in box three to help with spelling. He's currently in box four. He's amazing at memorizing and he loves science and facts.

Here is his writing (it's a dictation) at the beginning of Year 5. I make him write three words he spelled wrong 3x each so the first line of writing below his dictation is my handwriting.

This is after Barton reading program box 4 and also 3 months of Equipping Minds: 

He still needs help with writing and spelling. He's doing so well with reading, math and memorization. He's amazing! 

Going back into homeschooling: I plan to finish out Term 2 of Year 5--we cut out Plutarch and Shakespeare due to all the Barton work. I want to add back in Plutarch and Shakespeare when we start Term 3 of Year 5. I want to finish Year 5 in November, but that will only happen if there are minimal sick days. 

Ambleside Online is going well. I read all of Year 4 to him--in the last term of Year 4 I started having him do his Bible reading on his own, once a week. In Year 5 we have worked up to him doing one reading on his own per day--usually Bible, but he has read Lewis and Clark (Of Courage Undaunted) and Abraham Lincolns World on his own, as well as a few others. I want to get him doing two readings a day by himself and that would leave me reading him 3 scheduled readings (We usually try to do 5 a day) by the time he starts Year 6.

I also want to add in map drills. We did a few of these and have not started back up in quite awhile. We do look at maps and I pull them out at least once a day, but I have not done dedicated map drills in many months. 

Reuben will be doing karate for his exercise and hopefully getting plenty of play by being outside, running, jumping on the trampoline and playing with his sisters. We struggle with getting enough outside time between my chronic issues and our busy lives.

I can't believe that he's almost halfway through all his school.

I set up this second cooking area in our home so the kids can use butter and dairy (which I am currently allergic too, thanks Alpha Gal) and they have been making their own breakfasts this week. I hope to continue having them making breakfast Monday-Thursday and that will let me focus on school prep in the morning. 

Reuben is doing origami for his handicraft next term!

Reuben Turns 11

Reuben had a great birthday! It was glorious. He opened his presents after breakfast and he loved them. Then daddy took him out to a special lunch at buffalo wild wings--Reuben's choice--while I made frosting for his cake and prepped his birthday party food. He wanted egg salad sandwiches and watermelon which we were happy to provide! Reuben also made his own cake, a German chocolate cake. I only made the frosting due to time constraints. Everyone said it was amazing! 

Both of his close friends, Danny and William (and their families) came to celebrate at the pool and it was perfection. They played happily for two hours! 

This is how I found him the next morning when I rolled out of bed.

My little baby boy is eleven years old. Daddy got him a Hogwarts letter and that made us all laugh. I'm so proud of Reuben and so happy to be his mom. God is good. He starts 6th grade in January and he's just such a joy every day. Thank you God for Reuben!

Smog City and Healing: Summer Break Week 10

There is smog all over central Virginia and it's crazy! It is supposed to clear up today after some thunderstorms and I hope it does. It's from the Canada wildfires. It isn't terrible here--the air quality is in the 160s--but it's pretty bad. Up north I saw some of the numbers were in the 400s, which was in the purple range! Crazy. (The range goes from green-yellow-orange-red-purple) Our range for our city is yellow teetering on orange. 

This week was so hard on many levels. I am continuing to grieve, bleed, and heal over my miscarriage. I stopped bleeding on Thursday and I hope I am done. I am so ready to move on with my life and not worry I'm dying every time I use the bathroom. My good friend Julia brought me over two tinctures that might help speed up my healing process which was so sweet, and she even brought me some vegan cheese. The fact that my bleeding has been going on for over a month is just crazy. 

Also, Esther has been getting over hand-foot-mouth--she is still covered in sores! Poor kid. She's on the mend but still tells me her legs hurt a lot and I keep reminding her not to itch. Because of this we did not go swimming all week. Esther looks like she has the plague! 

I did Becky's hair again. It's fun doing buns and playing with her long hair. She added the flower!

All the kids are growing up so fast. It's crazy. Reuben will start middle school soon! 

I've made a new friend. Her name is Mya and she's been coming over every week which has been awesome. This week she came over and we water colored and talked about pregnancy. Mya is due with her second baby in August. Her little girl Thea is a great friend for Esther, and even Becky likes to play with her.

I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed most of the day trying to rest. Wednesday I was grumpy and stir crazy but Esther wasn't well enough to leave. Thursday I said...we are getting out of the house! It was 91 that day which is fine but everyone wanted air conditioning. Which we don't have in the car but...we went to the mall.

The kids enjoyed the bounce about. It was the perfect distraction to all the misery we were dealing with! They frolicked and played had an absolute blast bouncing and running on every surface they could.

I set there and realized that no one had brushed their hair and everyone was rumpled. Oh well, we made it out! In days of sadness perfection goes out the window. Well, perfection goes out the window anyway but I'm learning to give myself grace. 

It took Esther awhile to warm up to the bouncing but then she started to have a blast too! We ended the mall day by walking around and looking in all the stores and consuming Mexican food. I did not eat because alpha gal, but I enjoyed being out with all the kids and seeing them happily munching on junk food. Everyone needs junk food once in a while. Reuben got this huge burrito and I was shocked that he ate it all! Being an almost 11-year-old boy is wild. He's growing like a weed and has a stomach with a bottomless pit! 

The girls got kid meals and loved theirs too. And through it all I felt a little bit of the joy I had lost seeping back into my bones.

After that long day out we all went home and I cleaned the house while the kids rested with a movie. I've been letting them watch this show called Adventure Time and it's a kinda weird show. I know it came out in the 2010-somethings but I've never watched it. It's weird and trippy and the kids are like...no thanks. So then I let Reuben watch Invader Zim which is basically classic television now since it came out in 2001. He thought it was funny but was not impressed. Anyone know any good pre-teen shows for kids that aren't full of woke agenda? They just finished watching Infinity Train and they loved it. I saw snatches of it and it looked like a good show, I want to watch it sometime...

In other news I had to make all the font on my computer screen bigger today. Turning 40 really is wild. I'm old and I need naps.

Oh, and we went thrifting! Look at this amazing basket I found. I love it. It's a perfect home for my shoes and other by-the-door paraphernalia. 

Tomorrow I'll write up Reuben's 11th birthday post. It was glorious! Fun, cake and amazing adventures were had by all. And too many chicken wings. Happy Birthday sweet boy! I am so glad I get to be your mama.

Summer Break Week 9

I always bring a sweater to church because I tend to get cold, and last Sunday everyone but me enjoyed wearing the sweater! I just had to laugh.

I'm averaging 3 times a week doing math with the kids which I think is pretty good for the summer. Becky is 3/4th of the way through her math book and I hope to squish the rest of the lessons into the summer (by skipping lessons when I can) but I think it will take both July and August to get through it all, which is fine. Reuben is a little over halfway and since he doesn't start Year 6 until January he's actually ahead, but shhhh don't tell him since I want to keep doing math 3-4 times a week with him and keep him ahead! 

It has been 5 weeks since my miscarriage ended and 3 weeks since I quit bleeding (I quit bleeding for a week, then started again--I think I had retained tissue) anyway I was super shocked to find that I was bleeding all over my pants at the grocery store on Thursday...my favorite white pants. I wasn't ready to start my cycle back, and I am actually concerned that this is not my cycle. Several parts of it do not seem normal...and it's making me stressed. I'm hoping it is just my period. I know from previous miscarriages the first period after a loss is usually extra long and extra weird...but this does not seem like a period to me, it seems like I am bleeding my own blood not period blood. Also I usually get 5-8 week break from my cycle after a miscarriage. But every miscarriage is different...I took a pregnancy test to confirm that I have no hCG, and my test was negative which is good. But I can't shake the feeling that something is off and I don't know what to do about it. 

My bleeding was quite heavy on Friday and I took some homeopathy for cramps, hemorrhage and retained placenta (calophyllum 200, and Sabina 30) to see if it would help and it did seem to slow the bleeding...now I"m waiting to see if this acts like a period... I suppose I should call a doctor and get a follow up ultrasound like the ER suggested when I went last month. Bothersome and annoying, by all means. I have had 7 miscarriages before this and never had any issues after them and it would be this last one that keeps plaguing me! I'm also taking some vitamin C to help scrub out my uterus and I am praying a lot. 

I just want things to be normal.

Anyway, we had a huge answer to prayer this week with Becky being cured of alpha gal! We finished her 30 days on the alpha gal homeopathy and she's fine. No more stomach pain--she has had eggs, sour cream and milk in the last 48 hours and had no issues. We are going slow with reintroducing foods and she's had no issues (besides some stress over eating things that used to make her sick) and she's over the moon excited. I reminded her that she still has lactose intolerance and gluten sensitivities to worry about but that she can enjoy all the beef again. 

I still have alpha gal, the homeopathic did not work for me. I'm super bummed about that but it means I just have to keep on praying and trusting God in this area. His ways are good! I still don't know why this is happening to me but I am trying to count it all joy.

As you all know I started a gluten free diet last week. The gluten free diet seemed to make me feel better for the first few days but then my chronic fatigue hit and hasn't gone away. But I am going to keep going at least three months to see if it helps. It can take awhile for gluten to work out of your system, and if I am still having miscarriage issues that will skew the results. So far the only things I have noticed from being gluten free is reduced brain fog and reduced bloating, both of which are very good signs...

I need to find a good gluten free noodle. I miss my einkorn noodles...and we have like 20 boxes to work through with the kids...

Esther ended this week by coming down with hand-foot-mouth. Or something like--she is covered in, I don't know what to call it--a very awful rash that is painful to her and very itchy and looks like boils. As long as it's not the bubonic plague I'm sure she will be fine...(and it is definitely not the bubonic plague) but Esther is sick today and she had a fever for most of the day. I stayed home with her today while Brian did the shopping and the lawn mowing. I made bone broth and split pea soup which was actually quite delicious. I plan to make a large pot of split pea soup for freezing tomorrow.

We water-colored a lot this week, but only swam once. Charlotte was here all week and Phoenix was here on Monday and we all had a grand time. We only have three more weeks of Charlotte left before she goes back to school, and her dad also takes one week of vacation so we won't have her that week...so two weeks left! But the kids are sad--they (and I) have grown to love her so much and it will be hard to say goodbye! We hope to watch her next summer if her Dad thinks it is a good fit, and if she wants to come. But next summer is so far away--the kids are planning to be pen pals and I am secretly smiling at how much that will help their penmanship and spelling. 

It wasn't as hot this week as it was last--the doors were open many a day and outside play was had. I myself did not go out as much as I should. My body needs outside time too and I need sun. I will try to make that a priority next week. 

My eye bothered me a lot this week--and I also ended the week with a sickness of sorts, a headache. I hope it will go away soon, and it is probably being exasperated by the light of this computer screen. 

I had vegan ice cream today which felt quite naughty due to my type two diabetes. It was delicious and perhaps I will repeat the indulgence next week on Reuben's birthday.

Everyone's watercolors were so beautiful. I really do have a blessed life. Even with the headaches and the miscarriages, God is so good.

Summer Break Week 8

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

I was reading in Psalms tonight and Psalm 136 was really encouraging. I love how the psalmist repeats those lines! It is like a soothing balm to my soul.

Becky and I are experimenting with buns!

Anyway this week was not a good health week for me but that is normal in my life. I also was quite grumpy about my limitations and that was not normal and next week I plan to have a good attitude no matter what pain or malady I am dealing with. 

I have decided to put myself on a gluten free diet to see if it will help any of my symptoms. I rarely talk about my 'mortal sufferings' but sometimes it is really awful and I have three kids and home school, literally what was I thinking? But here I am and while I still can, I will. I know I am quite blessed in so many ways. I have two eyes that work. I can walk and talk. My hands work. God is wonderful, and I am thankful. There are things I can't do but I will accept the bad with the good and walk on and

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, and His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Luckily no one broke any bones or had any catastrophes this week. I am so so thankful for the lord's providence. 

I found this amazing allergy app called "Fig" where I can scan bar-codes and the app will tell me if there is any alpha gal in the food. It's been an amazing blessing in my life. We took the app grocery shopping yesterday and were able to just scan things and Fig would turn red or yellow if we couldn't eat it and green for a yes. It's perfect, I'm thrilled, Becky is thrilled and we were so happy to find many things she wanted to eat that she could eat (like Simple Mills cake boxes! And crackers! And ice cream!) that we didn't know about. And it's so easy to scan, Becky can do it herself. No longer am I googling "is alpha gal in ________" in the middle of a grocery isle, now I can just scan and go. 

This week I planned a very chill week. We basically did our regular things (piano, PEMF, milk pickups and swimming) and didn't do anything exciting besides the swimming. Though I do think my house is pretty exciting anyway, what with one wild toddler, one artistic eight year old and one adventurous ten year old and a Charlotte--all cooped up together in 1400sq feet. 

toddlers and clothes...hah

Oh my gosh it was so hot this week. We had three days where the temperature reached over 100f (38c). I tried to keep swimming only for afternoons to beat the heat and the UV index because when it's hot outside we all become sweaty tired people very quickly. I know summer is here and this is normal...and it's wonderful...but I wish we had air conditioning in our car, that would help so much! And I wish I could eat regular ice cream. The vegan stuff is okay but it just isn't the same.

This week we also switched rooms around in our house and we did lots of moving (and even some painting) and carrying (why do we have so much stuff!) and everything is still a bit haphazard as we find new homes for all of our things. With growing kids and shifting needs we wanted the girls to have the biggest room and we gave ourselves the smallest, and Reuben the middle room. We did this for a few reasons--Brian and I only hang out in 'our room' when we are going to bed (or if we are sick) and we no longer needed the big room since no one is bunking with us anymore (we co-slept with each of our kids) and with homeschooling the kids are here all day and they need the space more. 

Oh, I can't believe we are growing out the baby phase once again! We did it before when Becky turned four and I had a whole year before I became pregnant with Esther...and here Esther is such a big 3 year old who wants to be just like her brother and sister...and here we are again saying goodbye, probably forever, to little baby onesies, sleepy snuggles, baby cuddles and diapers all in one go. SO many precious memories to mull over as we transition. 

The room switching is just a tangible representation of how our family is changing and growing and entering a new stage. There are several practical reasons for switching rooms now too, from Becky's introverted needs to our growing-older and chronic health issues. 

I know "personal space" can be an American concept (or at least I think it is) but we stay home a lot and I wanted everyone to have space to create, study, read and relax--myself included--in our tiny home. The only problem we have run into is there is no capacity to fit a desk in our room for my computer, which is a bummer. I have a desktop computer, it's an apple computer and it's about 6 years old and I love it. I have done video editing on it, the kids do their typing lessons on it, I write blog posts on it (I'm using a Chromebook right now) and because my main desktop computer is a Mac it's easy to access all my apps and add pictures quickly and easily as I write. I can't do that on a Chromebook and thus I have decided to save up for an Apple laptop and get a lap desk for my bed. We will find a place for the computer in my husband's shed, or perhaps I will park it in Reuben's room for movie nights--but I won't be able to use it consistently like I can a laptop. 

Speaking of changes, Reuben turns 11 in under two weeks! The teenage years are right around the corner and I can't be more excited. Well, I think Reuben is the most excited. He's so wonderful and I can't wait to see him grow up.

Also! Another thing--there are only four more weeks of summer break left! I told the kids today and everyone looked glum. But it is all good things, good things...I am excited for our new school year in August and I am praying to Jesus my energy levels and overall health will allow a smooth transition. But whatever the Lord wills...I will try to accept with an open and happy heart.

Who remembered us in our low estate,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting,
And has rescued us from our adversaries,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting;
Who gives food to all flesh,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Give thanks to the God of heaven,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Esther napped next to me in my bed for almost all the writing of this post and her sweet little face and soft snores were the best background music.

Summer Break Week 7

I think this was the worst week of summer break. What could be worse than May's surprise miscarriage? My mom fell and thought she broke her foot. She waited a whole week to go to the hospital (because she's stubborn, on a retired income, and was sure it was just a sprain) but after not being able to put any weight on it all week she went. And was there basically the whole weekend laid up with her foot and other, more serious complications! I don't want to go into any more details of my mom's life without her permission (and I'm certainly not about to ask her for permission when she's in the middle of a crisis) but please remember her in your prayers this week. I trust God and I think she's going to be fine but I just got used to having her around more now that she's retired and I know we all will miss her so much since she most likely won't be able to visit with a hurt foot and health issues and with our extra babysitting kid in tow, I won't be making it out to her either. Change is hard and my kids are already asking when she is going to be coming over next! But she needs rest and clearly God thought so too since he allowed this to happen. His ways are good even when we don't understand it!

I had another family member texting me throughout this whole stressful process of mom-breaking-her-foot about how much a loser I was for not dropping off food or helping out. Granted this family member did not know I had a full time babysitting job this summer or had recently had a miscarriage. I'm also sure my mom would not want a toddler and a stranger in her house while she's hurt. I did make her soup and I froze it to bring it to her soon.

Everyone reacts differently to stress and trauma and it can bring out the worst in people. Remember that next time you are going through a hard time and let your every word be one of peace, mercy and kindness. 

Reuben is still doing PEMF and I am so thrilled about how he is progressing. He hasn't been sick and June was the first month in a long time he didn't catch something! I know it's summer but my poor Reuben catches the slightest cold and is sick for a week usually twice a month. So this is such a blessing. We have two more months of PEMF and I am hopeful to keep seeing improvements in his nose breathing and immunity. 

We had our regular piano lessons this week and also I had a cleaning day on Wednesday and I washed all the sheets! We did not make it out to any parks, I had one scheduled and no one wanted to go so I just skipped it. 

Here is what I cooked for dinners, all alpha gal free

• fish, veggies and rice
• basil pesto pasta salad
• nacho dip with corn chips and chicken
• chicken fried rice
• chickpea salads
• chicken chili

Charlotte is easily becoming a fixture into our day and both the kids love doing different things with her and they all play together wonderfully! This week they all ran outside and played in the rain (no thunder so it was safe) and they have some running/chasing game they play and it is wholesome to see them all the best of friends. We also love nature drawing and reading together and puzzles. 

One day this week Charlotte's dad, Jake, asked if I could watch her best friend Phoenix for the day and I said yes. It was fun to see Charlotte around someone she’s known for years and deeply loves and we all had a great time swimming and eating ramen and being silly. 

I hope everyone is making wonderful summer memories. 

I also finished crocheting my water bottle cover. I'm in a fiber art slump and I haven't started on any new projects since I finished my last sweater so it was nice to have something to make...I really don't know what to make next. Perhaps I should start working on the kids fall hats.

If you look at everything we did it was a great week but mostly I was worried about my mom and just trying to keep things normal for the kids. 

We ended the week with a weekend of painting, getting henna at the farmer's market (Esther did it too!) and swimming. Bonus picture of my salad because it was amazing. 

I am hoping next week does not hold any mystery illnesses, broken bones, surprise pregnancies or other catastrophes for any member of my close or extended family. Goodness, this summer is giving me a run for my bible in a way I probably needed in the mountains as well as the valleys...because God is my strength and I can't get through any of this without him. 

Today in church I was also sad to hear that Beth Bell's husband is in the hospital with a brain aneurism. Please pray for him too. Yes, I should know his name, but I don't and I will remedy that soon. I have seen the sweet Bell couple in my church, they are perhaps in their 50s or 60s--but I have exchanged maybe two or three words with the wife and none with the husband. 

They are lovely people though and sadly the prognosis does not look good. Everyone was glum about it. We prayed for them and got updates through the elders who were with them in the hospital on Saturday. 

No one is promised tomorrow. Remember that before you crab at your kids tomorrow! Remember that when you are angry about your husband's socks.

No one is promised tomorrow. 

Summer Break Week 6

I finally feel like maybe the physical ramifications of my miscarriage are over. Friday was day three of no bleeding and I'm hoping it won't start again and that all the tissue has passed. What a whirlwind May and June has been and I am excited to welcome in July soon and hopefully the only surprise July will bring is fresh cookies and rain for the garden. 

She would have made a great big sister...

I think I am getting a little burnt out from all the doctor appointments we have been going to. Reuben had two PEMF appointments this week and the kids both had a health check up with a nurse practitioner on Wednesday and we still had our regular two piano lessons and we went back to the creek...all while trying to emotionally navigate a miscarriage and cook alpha gal free for my family.  But some things will be lapsing soon--Reuben has piano lessons only for three more weeks then he has a long break because his teacher is getting married, which is adorable. He's like 23 and ah, young love is both ridiculous and endearing. But everything else stays on our schedule so I better just buck up. PEMF will be twice a week for Reuben until September, and then I might move it to once a week if it is still helping him and we can afford it. Becky's piano lessons are always and obviously school will start back sometime in August and the kids will have more Barton lessons and the pool closes in September...but I want to savor the summer and not be stressed or anxious about what I've chosen to fill it with.

The kids with Charlotte <3

This week was just plain hard. I need to create a new normal and see what I can cut out and maybe just add in more pool time. Some of those things are opposites but...oh, I feel so behind on everything! Since The Miscarriage I haven't been keeping up with cleaning, decluttering, planning, or honestly being much of a fun mom. I've been sad and down. And that makes sense. This baby deserves to be loved and mourned. We did inform Becky and Reuben and it was heartbreaking to see them sad but we wanted them to understand what we were going through and to have the why behind what was wrong with mommy. They desperately wanted me to have another baby and I know that they are also mourning in their own small ways even though they don't talk about it anymore. This whole thing was just so completely unexpected. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that I was pregnant and lost a baby in the span of 8 short weeks. Sweet little baby, I wish I knew if you were a boy and a girl and I wish I had gotten to hold you once before you went to be with God in heaven. 

We also haven't really budgeted since The Miscarriage. We will resume next pay period and see where we are in terms of...everything. That's okay, survival weeks are normal part of life sometimes. 

Today Becky had her piano recital and she did so amazingly. I did her hair and she played Allegretto 1 and Allegretto 2 and it was beautiful. Our neighbor came to see her--Becky invited her--and that was special and sweet. My little girl is growing up so fast and I can't wait to see her play in her next recital in early December. 

Here is to embracing the silliness, the long days, the tired mornings and figuring out what kind of alpha gal free breakfasts to make next week because that seems to be the hardest thing. Here are our go-to alpha gal breakfasts so far: yogurt with berries, waffles, raspberry crumble, muffins, beans with rice and guacamole, and smoothies. For dinner next week we plan to have fish, veggies and rice, basil pesto, nachos with corn chips, chicken fried rice, chickpea salads, and chicken chili. For lunches I am planning on curry, potato salad with deviled eggs, soup with vegan grilled cheese, greek salads with rice, and PBJs with veggies, vegan pizza and spaghetti. Everyone is tired of these meals...myself included. But with no mammal products allowed I really don't know what to do.

Our next big family event is Reuben's 11th birthday. I can't believe its been a whole year already...